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How Do I Ask for Consent?
Respect the response...
Kissing. Angel reaches for Camille's pants and looks up at Camille.
Angel: "Can I?"
Camille: "No, I want to keep my pants on."
Angel: "Ok."
Angel pulls back and continues kissing Camille.
Check-in with your partner before moving to something new, wait for their response, and respect it.
Communicate for Consent
Consent requires good communication. You should:
- Be direct by naming or describing the act clearly - "Can I kiss you?"
- Ask your partner(s) what they prefer: "What do you want to do?"
- Ask open-ended questions as a way of starting an ongoing dialogue about what you each want.
- Create space for your partner(s) to respond.
- Talk about boundaries beforehand, including wants and limits.
- Frequently check in with your partner(s) to ensure you are on the same page.
- Set clear expectations and boundaries. Note: These can change at any time during a sexual act or encounter.
- No means No. If you do get a "no," accept it the first time. Don't proceed or pressure your partner(s).
Examples of Questions to Ask
- "Do you want to have sex?"
- "Are you comfortable with...?"
- "Do you want me to...?"
- "Will you do... to me?"
- "It turns me on when we... How do you feel about that?"
- "What fantasy can we enact?"
- "What word would you like for me to use to describe this part of your body?"
*Adapted from Princeton UMatter