Adam Holt
Chapel Service April 9, 2009
I first of want to appreciate that we have this space on Thursdays to share a part of our faith practice with each other. One way that I like to define spirituality and religion is simply this, as a way in which to approach the unknown. Unknowns in our lives can evoke fear and stress and we sometimes feel like we are on our own in uncharted territory. Groups like this and our other religious communities provide ways to have faith and confidence when faced with the unknown and not only move through our own struggles, but share that experience meaningful way with people. \
This term's theme for chapel is love.
This week, which is Passover and the Christian Holy Week, I want to talk about forgiveness, which is a crucial element of love.
The parable of the unforgiving servant speaks about the prison cell that we fall into when we don't forgive those who have debts against us. It can be so difficult to forgive those who have hurt us, but I have found that forgiveness is a crucial element of getting to a place of self-awareness and self-awareness. As in this parable, forgiveness of others starts with a realization that we are forgiven. In our lives it starts really by accepting that forgiveness, which in the Christian tradition is understood to be given freely to all who turn to God, and realizing that the ways that we have hurt creation and the intended order of things are forgiven, erased like this debt. Then we have the room, the spiritual cash if you will, the mental and emotional capacity to forgive others. But if we don't, we are held to account again for all of our past abuses. This is a quite prevalent concept in scripture, "Do not judge lest ye be judged," and for me it is really an important spiritual practice, one that is crucial for my day-to-day functioning
Now, let me make it clear that I am not necessarily a saint of forgiveness at all. I can get really frustrated with people, just talk to my parents, who I love dearly but sometimes get a little heated with.
I also have some old relationships that I am still trying to reconcile and figure out how to move past some of the ways that I have been hurt and hurt other people.
As a gay man who has connections to the church, I certainly have some frustration with the misinformation and hurtful things I hear some church leaders preach and I have issues with the air of heteronormativity that I find in a lot of communities of faith.
But not to leave space for those I get frustrated with or hurt by or disagree with would actually be to limit myself. I hurt other people just as much as I am hurt. I frustrate other people to no end, too-just talk to my roommates when I leave dishes in the sink. I spread misinformation and hurtful viewpoints and ideologies as well. I am not justifying the wrongs that people commit. But if we demonize those people, if we do not treat them as God's creatures just like us, if we don't recognize that they are hurting others because they themselves have been hurt or are being guided by misinformation or lies, we miss out on recognizing and processing through our own shortcomings.
Last week, Kurt shared a passage from Corinthians 13 where it is written that love is a virtue greater than faith and hope. What is love, though? Certainly this virtue is more than the emotional state which is extolled in song and story. This love is indeed rooted in concrete acts. Kings used to use the word love in their treaties in days of old. Love is like protecting someone's borders, making sure they have good exchanges with others, and not attacking or stealing from them. Corinthians ends with an exhortation for maturity, for growing in love, and this is what it says, "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." What a mysterious passage, right? What does that really mean?
I guess that I have found that every time I want to criticize someone else and am really convinced of how right and righteous I am, that criticism is really something that I have to learn from.
Usually what I have to criticize someone else about is in some way true about me. Realizing this has really been a gift, and I consider it a source of divine inspiration which can be handled well or mishandled. If you have are given a truth about the way that people should act, you can either use that abusively or constructively. You can use it in a way that degrades someone or puts into question their God-given worth, or you can share it in a way that builds everyone up.
I get frustrated with the way that my parents are, but then I become them and do the same things that annoy me so much about them, and I have learned that if I don't make peace with them, I will not be at peace with myself. The commandment to honor your parents is the only one of the Ten Commandments with a promise, and that is for a life long and prosperous. I would certainly be pretty uncomfortable getting older and turning into my parents more and more that this promise is starting to make more and more sense.
Also, if I don't first apologize to my friend for the ways that I have hurt them, there's no way that they are going to forgive me. In fact I find that those conversations have to start with someone asking for forgiveness to be at all productive.
I can criticize churches for not being gay-friendly, but then I find myself in my own community making space that may not feel safe to many people, and especially people of faith. One thing that I deeply regret is how complicit I have been in framing my story in a way that criticizes and demonizes the church. I have had such wonderful experiences in the church. Evangelical Christian fellowships have been some of the best communities I have ever been a part of. I have learned so much about intentional community, supportive relationships and embracing a moral code that is not damning but constructive from so-called "main-line" Christian churches. And I have brought a lot of that into my work with the queer community. I really have to give these churches credit for being really wonderful faith communities in so many ways, and not let my frustration and hurt get in the way of that appreciation.
What I hear a lot from my queer friends and have probably contributed to in some way is what I like to call "religi-phobia," this belief that religion is causing many of the ills and abuses in our society. What this view ignores is the good intention and the capacity for self-reflection that is really a part of many churches, or at least an ideal that many Christians hold and are striving towards. I just hope that having found a space for ourselves as queer people in this world, we are not held back in our self-reflection by criticizing others. Sometimes the tenor of the criticisms shared is so similar it's shocking.
Being willing to accept criticism is difficult, but it is more difficult to live a life in ignorance of your shortcomings and not open yourself up to change and transformation.
It's Holy Week, and in many churches stories of the way that Christ was misunderstood, abused and killed are being told. Christ was trying to call forward the best in people, and clear away the things that get in the way of us living in the best way and was wiped out by people unwilling to give up what they were used to.
What my prayer is that we all become committed to the truth, which sets us free. That we aren't silencing and killing off the little prophets in each of us who have some truth and love to share. These little lovers might be covered over by earthly bodies and minds filled with all sorts of stresses and strains and bad, dumb habits. But if we try to deal with those things without connecting with that divine spark in each of us, that God-given goodness, we've lost.
