Fake Professor Wonders How Much Longer He Can Keep Up The Charade

John Réalguy, Professor of Philosophy, has been teaching at Dartmouth for over 5 years now. While addressing a class last Monday, Réalguy could be heard saying, “You all know I’m…

The Six Aliens You Meet in College

The Sorority Alien This alien, normally a parasitic , Omega Centaurian shapeshifter just loves her sisterhood. She’s always either talking about the next mixer she’ll attend or which Sigma Nu’s…

New Art Installation So Much More Than Just A Pile of Dead Fetuses

The Hood Museum’s newest art installation, on the surface a run-of-the-mill pile of dead fetuses, has sent the art world into a frenzy surmising its full emotional and intellectual weight….

What’s Under My Bed

One sock. A monster!! DA…I mean…MOM!! Nope, sorry, that was a sweater. I forgot about this one, I used to wear it when it was cold on the boat. My…

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❧ Read the New Issue

Check out our latest issue Pumpkin Face Fun Magazine * Available now on Novack newsstands *  — Featuring I Can’t Believe You Ate The Whole Jar of Pickles by Drew Zwetchkenbaum Survey…

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8 Things You’d Be Surprised You Can Find In A Library

Most folks these days think they can get all they need at the touch of a button, but these eight things would convince any Google gaga there’s nothing like stepping…

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Our Halloween Decorations Are Super Lifelike!

Mom, I can’t find our Halloween decorations. Oh, never mind, here they are. We got a lot of neat stuff down here: lights, lamps and there’s a scary skeleton. Whoa!…

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This Fertilizer Is Shit

Dear FertilizeMe Lawn Care Company, When I first saw your bag of extra-strength fertilizer sitting on my local Home Depot’s shelf, I was ecstatic. I had just picked up some…

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I Would Totally Be Decent At Figure Skating

Dude, I would totally be like a decent figure skater. Not like a really good figure skater, but totally better than average. No, I don’t want to be a figure…

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The Best Sam

While some may accept being good, he strives to be the best. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHOOzjy_vvM