As the Green Turns

Professor Ruiz motioned to the board sensuously with his pointer. His thick Mexican accent cut through the dense Calculus jargon like a warm knife through a ripe mango. “Class, can…

Nursery Crimes

“Jack and Jill” Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water Jack fell down and broke his crown And Jill came tumbling after Now Jack…

Mixed Drinks for Your Mixed-Up Lives

Rocks on the Rocks on the Rocks on the Rocks Ingredients: 1 member of the Rockapellas ice Instructions: 1. Invite a member of the Rockapellas on a date to the…

Chocolate Bar Names by Genre

Female Porn Stars: Baby Ruth KitKat Peppermint Pattie Mounds Snickers Male Porn Stars: Mr. Goodbar 3 Musketeers Almond Joy Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Sex Techniques: the Milky Way the Butterfinger…

Five Things: Homecoming Edition

Five Adorable Things to do During Homecoming 1. Complete the Dartmouth High-Fiving Decade (high-five a member of ten consecutive class years) 2. Caress the Fire. Like an infant. 3. Just…

holmes

The Case of the Bomp in the Bomp Bah-Bomp

by Matt Garczynski ’14 It was nights like this.  When I’d tell myself I’m never working this beat again.  But as I’d quickly find out, tonight wasn’t any other night. …

The Sated Gourmand: Parts II and III

Part II: Two Weeks Later Doug Feltz, food critic, sits in the dining room of La Vida, a Mexican-Armenian gourmet bistro, visibly shaken. He is wiping copious amount of his flopsweat…

Keggy’s Blog, 10/11

Hello loyal Keggy supporters, We are pleased to say that Keggy, in a fit of political rage, decided to announce his candidacy for President. We’re not exactly sure if that…

An Ode to My Penis

by Floyd Gibbons ’15 A few days ago, as many of you know, I lost my best friend in the whole wide world. I speak of course, of My Penis….