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Knock Knock Joke 2

*Knock knock* Who’s there? Who do you think it is? Open up! Do you have a warrant?   Like I need a warrant. Do you know how many calls we…

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Top 10 Buttholes on Campus

10. Jamie P. Jamie P has definitely been working on his butthole. It is so much rounder than last year.   9. Laura F. Laura F.’s butthole is looking real…

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4 Times you Wished Bob Saget From Full House was Your Dad

That one time your dad forgot you at Walmart for 45 minutes. When your dad showed up drunk to your parent-teacher conference. When you came down stairs on Christmas morning…

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Op Ed: Don’t Ban Branding

Recently, AD has come under fire in the national media for a branding scandal, after one new member got an infection after being branded on his buttocks.  The college has…

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10 Things Only Math Majors Will Understand

Yeah, you probably won’t get these.   1.That feeling of invincibility you get every time you turn in a problem set before the deadline. 2. That feeling of hopelessness that…

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Acceptance Speech

I’m proud to accept the Marketing Professional of the Year Award and there are so many people that I would like to thank. My boss for pushing me to succeed,…

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Dear Samantha

  -BP ’16

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‘18 Enters TDX Basement in Search of Lifelong Friendship

Sources close to Mike Peters ’18 confirmed that the freshman entered TDX last Saturday night in hopes of forming close relationships with fellow partygoers in the fraternity’s crowded basement. “Everyone…

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Wifi Outage Impedes Learning

The Dartmouth Secure server, the main source of wifi for campus, unexpectedly went down at midmorning yesterday. The unexplained outage lasted from approximately 11:05-12:43. Economics 10: Statistical Methods, taught by…

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Hey Man, What Band Is This?

“Hey man, what band is this?” “Oh this? This is, ‘The Travelling Merchant Came Upon A House And Looked Inside But There Was No One Home So He Kept Walking…