All Frackets Found

Archaeologists excavating an ancient Mayan pyramid in the remote Nicaraguan jungle have found what they believe to be 8,743 frackets taken from Dartmouth College fraternities.   The treasure trove also…


That Cute Girl From Your Geography Class Is Stealing Your Ribs

I’m just kidding.  But what if she was?   Hi, my name is Dick Crispit, and I’m here to look after your ribs.  Ever glance down at your chest and…


How I Enjoyed Valentine’s Day as a Single Person Who Won the Lottery

I’ve been single for the last eight months, and it’s been pretty up and down. I love the freedom I’ve had to meet new people, but I was still a…


I’m in love with a ghost, but it’s okay because I’m also a ghost

Sometimes it can be really hard to be in love with a ghost. They’re ectoplasmic, they’re transient and they’re also long since dead. That being said, it’s not so hard…


Tips for your Hottest Valentine’ Day Ever!

Leave boring flowers and vanilla lace behind and give your man a super hot V-Day he’ll never forget ;)   1)   Invest in new underwear! Sidestep the typical pastels and…


Bernie Sanders Resuscitated My Asthmatic Child, But I’m Still Voting for Hillary Clinton

   With the critical New Hampshire primary tomorrow, you can’t spend 5 minutes on the internet without stumbling into a passionate argument about whether Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders would…

Without exclamation points

Diary of a Wimpy Colonizer

– AO ’19 & DZ ’16


New Records from Rauner Reveal School Motto Actually Just Something a Sad Daniel Webster Wrote When His Girlfriend Dumped Him

Newly-discovered writings of Daniel Webster suggest that he penned the Dartmouth motto while desperately trying to win back his girlfriend.   Letters and telegrams sent by the Dartmouth-educated statesman were…


Remote Control Tackling Dummy Checks into Rehab after fall from Stardom

It was a brisk morning when a new patient was wheeled into the drug rehabilitation clinic at the upper valley wellness center and to any fans of Big Green football…


It Is I, the Movie Man Here to Talk About Movies

Hello again, it is I the movie man here again on your tv screen to tell you about movies. Local news, entertainment news, talk show with multi cultural group of…