A Guide to Starting an Online Chat

“Hello. I am a man.” The Internet can be a terrifying place. With all the pictures of cats and silly captions in broken English – see what I mean, TERRIFYING!!!…

How to Read Your Physiology Textbook

by Alex Procton ’15 1. Try to actually read the words This step is really only a formality. Don’t pretend that any of the words make sense. “Homeostasis” isn’t a…

Joke Pirate #2

by Julie Fiveash ’13

What Your Names For Your Grandparents Say About You

Answers to the question “What do you call your grandparents?” Nana and Papa – You like things straightforward. Nonna and Nonno – You are Italian. Nannelli etti Peppacine – You…

I Manage the War Horse

by Cecil R. Oswalt ’12 I Manage the War Horse Coming out of War Horse, one of the finest classic Hollywood epics ever, I was almost unnaturally excited about the…

Celebs: Exposed!

by Charlie Laud ’14

My New Year’s Resolution

by Matt Garczynski ’14 This is the year I will touch my toes. I know I have made this resolution before – seven years in a row, to be exact…

Joke Pirate

Impractical Animal Clothing

by Alex Procton ’15 Sweaters for centipedes Pants for octopuses Fingerless gloves for parakeets Pantsuits for iguanas Sweatbands for caribou Legwarmers for army ants Ski masks for rhinoceroses Cardigans for…

Neverheards

Things that you will NEVER hear around campus! by Matt Garczynski ’14 ’13 Psi U: “Fuck the gender binary, bro!” Philosophy Professor: “I encourage you all to pursue the exact…