Extree! Extree! New Issue Completed!

No One Wins In Actual Landslide! Dr. Seuss Still Dead! Kim Last Seen Jumping Train Westward With Briefcase Full Of Gold! These stories and more to come in our long-overdue…

Six Flags

My Advertising Campaign

Dear Six Flags Advertising Executives, You are likely already familiar with my work from prior portfolio submissions (I hope they weren’t lost in the mail) so I won’t waste time…

Competitive Leisure

In this dog-eat-dog, rat-racing world, there’s no time for not giving a shit. Let your blood pressure drop below 150/100 and you’re dead. There are people better than you. And…

On His Deathbed, the CEO of Vlasic Demands to Be Pickled

Anthony, Peter, comes closer. We’ve had a good run my boys, haven’t we? But it seems my time has come to its end. I don’t begrudge the Lord for taking…

Exclamations For The 21st Century

Great Steve Job’s Ghost! iCaramba! HuRay! Oy BluVay! Shiver Me Twitters! Dislike! My BabysitterBot Has Broken The First Fundamental Law Of Robotics And Is Smothering My Child! Fuck 2.0!

Celebrities & Their Birth Names

Robert Redford – Reuben Rosenfeld Jay-Z – Jason Zimmerman Chevy Chase – Chaim Chaimowitz Jackie Chan – Yaakov Chansky Shirley Temple – Shprintzel Synagogue Whoopi Goldberg – Whoopi Goldbergsteinowitz Mel…

Happy Fourth of July!

Great Springsteen’s Ghost, it’s the Fourth of July! Independence Day! The day America finally shook off its tea-drinking, wizard-worshipping past and punched King George III so hard in the royal…

John Hancock Overcompensates

“The size of your signature conveys the size of your Hancock conveys the size of your FREEDOM!” shouted John from the floor of the Second Continental Congress. The rest of…

How to Fix America

If we’re going to cut back on anything this recession, make it the “-ion” so that we’re in a “recess.” Sounds more fun, boosts productivity, fixes the economy. Everyone could use a…

What the Founding Fathers Really Would Have Wanted

Benjamin Franklin To declare every Wednesday “Whet Your Whistle* Wednesday” and make sure all children get equal opportunity to stick their fingers in outlets and wear lightning rods on their…