Category Archives: Online

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14F Essential Bucket List

The Ice Bucket: Never throw a lame pre-game again! Invite guests over to your pad to cool off with a chilly iced beverage, served with fresh ice cubes from your classy…

Hogwarts Hillel

Hogwarts Hillel

An Open Letter to Dumbledore and the Hogwarts Community: Dear Dumbledore, Hogwarts needs a Hillel House. A Hillel House would provide space for Jewish witches and wizards to engage with,…

Fake Professor Wonders How Much Longer He Can Keep Up The Charade

John Réalguy, Professor of Philosophy, has been teaching at Dartmouth for over 5 years now. While addressing a class last Monday, Réalguy could be heard saying, “You all know I’m…

The Six Aliens You Meet in College

The Sorority Alien This alien, normally a parasitic , Omega Centaurian shapeshifter just loves her sisterhood. She’s always either talking about the next mixer she’ll attend or which Sigma Nu’s…

New Art Installation So Much More Than Just A Pile of Dead Fetuses

The Hood Museum’s newest art installation, on the surface a run-of-the-mill pile of dead fetuses, has sent the art world into a frenzy surmising its full emotional and intellectual weight….

What’s Under My Bed

One sock. A monster!! DA…I mean…MOM!! Nope, sorry, that was a sweater. I forgot about this one, I used to wear it when it was cold on the boat. My…

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❧ Read the New Issue

Check out our latest issue Pumpkin Face Fun Magazine * Available now on Novack newsstands *  — Featuring I Can’t Believe You Ate The Whole Jar of Pickles by Drew Zwetchkenbaum Survey…

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8 Things You’d Be Surprised You Can Find In A Library

Most folks these days think they can get all they need at the touch of a button, but these eight things would convince any Google gaga there’s nothing like stepping…

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Our Halloween Decorations Are Super Lifelike!

Mom, I can’t find our Halloween decorations. Oh, never mind, here they are. We got a lot of neat stuff down here: lights, lamps and there’s a scary skeleton. Whoa!…

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This Fertilizer Is Shit

Dear FertilizeMe Lawn Care Company, When I first saw your bag of extra-strength fertilizer sitting on my local Home Depot’s shelf, I was ecstatic. I had just picked up some…