Posts by BMooney:
Once upon a time, there was a frog and a polar bear. No, they didn’t live in the jungle or near a temperate pond; a polar bear could never survive there. No, they didn’t live in the arctic; a frog could never survive there either. They lived on the high plains of the American (Mid?)West. They would roam the plains, the polar bear eating bison, deer, and the occasional (Mid?)Westerner and the frog munching on whatever frogs munch on.
One day, the two creatures approached the edge of a farm, and the polar bear spotted a worker out in the field. The polar bear was extremely hungry, and the lone worker out under the sun looked like a French fry roasting under a heat lamp (which, depending on your mood, can look very appetizing). The bear could not help himself. He charged at the worker. But he did not know that the farmer who owned the land was just coming out of his house at the same moment. When the farmer saw the bear, he rushed inside, got his gun, and started to shoot at the bear.
The creatures ran while the farmer pursued. They came across a tire abandoned by the side of the road, and the frog hopped inside the tire. It was a wonderful hiding spot. The polar bear, desperate to escape the farmer, climbed into the center of the tire, crushing the frog’s back legs. It was not a wonderful hiding spot. The bear could fit very little of his body into the tire. The farmer caught up with them, shot the bear many times, and then killed the frog.
The moral of the story is that fat people ruin everything with their insatiable appetites, not to mention that they have trouble hiding when they need to, and that could get all of their friends killed. In fact, one should not befriend creatures of different physical appearance at all. Also, polar bears are worthless creatures that deserve no sympathy. These are the morals.
(Editor’s note: But seriously, obesity is a real issue not to be made fun of or discriminated against. Bear in mind that obesity affects 5 out of every 3 Americans even today.)