I Would Totally Be Decent At Figure Skating

Dude, I would totally be like a decent figure skater. Not like a really good figure skater, but totally better than average.

No, I don’t want to be a figure skater. Are you kidding dude? Totally not my style. I’m just like stating a fact here. If I were to try figure skating (which I wont) I would surprise the people who may be watching me try figure skating. They’ll be like: he is totally better than I expected him to be. Like not good, but better than average.

Dude, have you seen my calves? Look at them. Seriously. Look. They’re like pretty big. When you look at me do you expect the calves to be that big? I doubt it.

I’m just saying. I have the build. I didn’t ask for this build. I didn’t ask to look good in a glittery unitard, but goddam it I do. Or I would. If I were to try that kinda thing.

So like whatever. That’s that. It isn’t a huge deal.

But I would be fuckin’ awesome at dressage.

-AS ’17