How To Strike Up A Conversation With The Man In Your Room At Night

Need a hand chatting up that silent shadowy man in your room at night? Follow these easy steps to make that spine-chilling fiend turn to a jaw-flapping friend.

Introduce Yourself

Pull the covers off from over your head, smile, and tell the looming stranger your name. This step should be a breeze, since the man has been standing over you all night. He knows you.

Ask Questions

People love talking about themselves, so questions like “Who are you?,” “Are you alive or dead?,” and “What are you going to do with that ice pick?,” are all great ways to get the man in your room chatting. If the man just keeps breathing and staring, don’t fret! Some folks need time to get comfortable in front of strangers.

Respond to Awkward Silence

For example, gently chide the man into doing anything but watch you with dark unwavering eyes. “You sure are a chatty Cathy!” should at least make him chuckle.

Be Aware of Your Internal Monologue, and Keep It Positive!

Don’t tell yourself “I’m a bore,” or “I’m wasting my time,” or “I’m about to fall victim to unspeakable horrors.” Know that no matter what, you’re making a connection. Even if that connection involves an ice pick.

Possible Conversation Topics:

The Weather

How about that windstorm? Sound like my walls are shrieking!

Pop Culture

I’d really like to live to see how Game of Thrones ends.

Upcoming Events

You’re going to murder me, aren’t you?

-MG ’14