An Interview with the Man Who Can Only Speak in Questions


Me: How are you today, sir?

Him: Fine. How are you?

Me: Ha. I just made you not say a question.

Him: Ok.

Me: That wasn’t a question either.

Him: I don’t understand what you are talking about.

Me: You said that you could only speak in questions.


Him: No I didn’t.

Me: Yes you did. We were at that bar and you were all like “I can only speak in questions”

Him: But that’s not a question.

Me: Is it? See, now you have me doing it too.

Him: Sir, I have never met you in my life.

Me: Yeah you did. I met you at that bar the other night.

Him: Which bar?

Me: Ayyyy. Here we go again with the questions. You know, the Dan’s Tavern.

Him: I’ve never been there.

Me: Then who was I talking to the other night?

Him: I don’t know. I wasn’t there.

Me: Don’t try to deflect my question with another question.

Him: That wasn’t a question.

Me: You really think you can pull this game the whole time? I’m going to try to stump you.

Him: There is nothing to stump. I’ve spoken mostly in sentences. I have never met you or ever said that I can only talk in questions.

Me: Of course you never said it. You asked it, because you can only talk in questions.

Him: Can you please leave?

Me: Wow. Another question. Real original.

Him: Sir, if you keep pestering me, I am going to call the cops.

Me: What are you going to say?

Him: I’ll probably ask that them to make you stop harassing me.

Me: You’ll ASK them. I get it. That’s all you ever do.

Him: I’m still not completely sure how you got this idea in your head that I only speak in questions.

Me: I triple dog dare you to not ask a question.

Him: I’m not playing this game.

Me: But I triple dog dared you.

Him: And I’m not in elementary school. I also have now said three non-question sentences.

Me: This is a nice house.

Him: Thank you, please leave.

Me: Who’s the architect?

Him: I don’t know.

Me: Hot shot question man can’t even answer a question.

Him: Once again, if you do not leave now, I am going to call the cops and have them forcibly escort you from my property.

Me: I’m not on your property.

Him: Yes you are, you are on my lawn.

Me: What about now?

Him: You’re now further away from me on my lawn.

Me: What about now?

Him: Now you’re closer to me again and still on my lawn.

Me: What about now?

Him: Now you’re just lying in the grass and eating a dandelion.

Me: Whaaa boug meow?

Him: Please put your shirt back on.

Me: That wasn’t a question. Tricked you.

Him: Are you drunk?

Me: Are you drunk? Two can play at this game.

Him: Please don’t take off your pants.

Me: Who’s gonna stop me?

Him: That’s it. I’m calling the cops.

Me: That wasn’t a question. Got him. Over and out. Gangnam style. Opa gangnam style!

-DZ ’16