None Like You

I’ve been with a lot of women before, but none like you. You’re the smartest, funniest, most charming and beautiful person I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen so many. Trust me. I’ve been with a lot of women.

So many girls come and go in my life, I can’t even keep track of them, but you I want to stay with forever. None of the crazy many females I’ve known could make me as happy as you do now. Believe me when I say it’s been crazy many. Call my friend Tyler. Tyler can vouch.

If someone told me ten years ago I’d have to be with all the women in the world before finding my one true love, I would do it. Because that’s pretty much what I’ve done the past ten years—is slay women left and right I swear to God you had to be there. And I’d do it all again. For you.

I could have settled down with any of the infinite women I’ve known, they were so amazing and so many, but none of them were The One. So I kept moving, from woman to woman, night after night, to find her. And I finally have. Call me a romantic, but I never stayed more than a single night.

Oh my one and only love, among like a bajillion potential loves, I’ve waited for you every moment of my life that I wasn’t with someone else. I never felt so alone as on that night in the Sao Paulo youth hostel, when no matter how many women’s water polo players piled on top of me I couldn’t shake the emptiness I felt inside. With you that emptiness is gone, replaced with a love so true and pure no team of supremely gorgeous Swedes could replicate. There’s an insane amount of other women who couldn’t do that either. I’m serious. Insane.

I’ve never said this to any woman before, mostly because I barely even have to talk to the unquantifiable shitload of women I meet, but I love you. You’re special. You’re the most special of them all, and I mean them all. All forty of the women I’ve hugged.

Hugs count, right?