INT. Banquet Hall
JESUS, 32, and the APOSTLES sit eating along one side of a long table. Jesus stands. The disciples silence to listen.
Friends. I tell you now the truth. One of you will betray me.
The apostles gasp.
Who is your betrayer, my lord?
May he be banished from this banquet hall at once!
I may not reveal my betrayer. Such is my fate.
Then we shall figure out ourselves.
Like a game?
Yes…like a game. A party game.
Brilliant, my lord! We shall drink of this wine and merrily bond over your murder mystery game.
This is no game! One of you will send me to my death!
Ah, of course, Judas! Our lord is role playing! The game has begun!
What fun! Let us look under our place settings! One of us must bear the mark of the betrayer.
No, that’s not how this works!
The apostles check under their plates. Judas follows suit, grinning at Jesus. Jesus can do nothing but seethe with anger.
The apostles put their plates down and playfully make suspicious eye contact with one another.
Everyone got it? Okay. Now we each give our alibis. Going this way. John.
I could not betray our lord to the Romans. I speak not their tongue.
Hey, no one said anything about the Romans! John did it!
Why are you so quick to judge, Matthew? You are not without sin yourself, betrayer!
Yes, let us not get worked up over a game. Remember we are having fun.
We are not having fun, and we are not playing a game! I am going to die for your sins!
This pita dip must be a sin, because it’s to die for!
The apostles laugh in agreement and help themselves to pita dip.
THADDEUS enters the hall wearing a full Sherlock Holmes getup.
That’s Detective Thaddeus! I heard about the awesome murder mystery Seder going on here. You schmucks start without me?
Sure did, doucheface!
Mark, you cocksucker! I bet it’s you! I fucking bet it’s you!
The apostles laugh.
Okay, shut up, shut up. It’s Judas’s turn. Judas, go.
Uhh, it’s not me.
Yeah, too obvious. That’s no fun. Philip?
This is ridiculous! I didn’t call you here to play a murder mystery game! I am going to die! You will break bread with me no more! This is the last meal of my tragically short life, and Judas is going to kill me!
Two ROMAN SOLDIERS enter.
Jesus of Nazareth?
The soldiers whisk him away.
-Matt Garczynski ’14