A Tinderer’s Log

tinderDay 1: Just got Tinder. All my friends have been telling me to get it.  Seems sort of dumb, but I guess it could be fun.

Day 2: Got my first match! I take back what I said earlier, this is actually sort of neat.

Day 4: I got a bunch more matches today after lowering my standards just a little.  I figure, who am I to judge other people, right? Still, nobody’s responded to my chats yet.

Day 5: I might as well just say “yes” to everyone.  Then I can see all the people who like me. I don’t have to respond if I don’t like them.

Day 6: Why aren’t they liking me back?  It’s fine. I’ll wait. I can wait.

Day 8: I have officially exhausted all users in a 50 mile radius. But I can’t stop. No, not now. 100 mile radius it is.

Day 9: Haven’t left my apartment in who knows how long… But there’s so many  matches left to find… Pretty pretty girls! I’m coming for you!

Day 10: No. This can’t be right, it says I’ve gone through everybody in a 100 mile radius. A glitch. Yes. A glitch. I will press forth. Reload… Reload… Reload… I’m sure it’s just warming up.

Day 11: I made a new Tinder of myself as a girl, I will find myself and like myself and we will have a wonderful conversation, yes I’m so lovely. Lovely, yes yes yes.

Day 12: like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like.

Day 16: Light of the tableau, be no more, what do the the fates have in store. Round and round, we weave our path, where-be love, whence be wrath. Matches… I must find more matches…

Day 18: Woke up in the hospital today. Doctors said my roommate found me passed out on the toilet.  They say I was malnourished and dehydrated. I think I’m going to be okay now.

Day 19: Made small talk with a nurse.  She’s cute and very funny.  We connected really well after some deeper talk. I like her.

I wonder if she’s on Tinder…

-Charlie Laud ’14