Martha Stewart’s Inner Haiku Pre-Christmas Party

Time to rock this bitch

Bird in the oven
Table set with many forks
Time to rock this bitch

Guests are on the way
Rejecting Ina Garten
They want my cookies

Mastered phony smile
And the empty heartless laugh
Make them think I care

No record of jail
But the golden carving shanks
From my friend Large Marge

Michelle Obama
Will bring special homemade pie
Feed it to the dogs

Duck pate for all
Plus a chicken nugget meal
For that Bieber kid

Manilow carols
Annoyingly every year
Forgets he’s a Jew

Oprah and Tyra
Try to show each other up
My ego must win

Goody bags at exit
But just give fruitcakes to tools
Who don’t use coasters

I’m changing the world
Rescuing souls from Chili’s
True Christmas savior