What God Did On The Seventh Day

9:00 AM


10:00 AM


11:00 AM

Remembered the concept of time He just created and thought He should get up soon.

11:01 AM


11:30 AM

Had some manna from the heavenly fridge. It was less than a week old, as was everything, and He saw that it was still good.

12:00 PM

Checked up on the Garden of Eden. Spent hours watching kittens trying to figure out their adorable widdle paws and consciousnesses.

3:15 PM

Finally adorned the heavenly garments.

3:30 PM

Tried calling up the Divine Council to hang out, only to realize that he was the only supreme deity in the universe. Thought about how much monotheism sucks.

4:00 PM

Thought up a great way to make friends. Created death.

5:00 PM

Took another peek in the heavenly fridge. Had some manna spread on manna with a side of manna milk. It wasn’t that good. Thought one day he should just dump this stuff.

6:00 PM

Wondered why they couldn’t hurry up and make some new episodes of Breaking Bad already.

9:00 PM

Tried drafting up His book. Without a Divine Council to workshop it, he just wrote blandly about His week. Grinned like an idiot at how omnisciently brilliant He was.

10:00 PM

Checked back on the Garden of Eden to see if that guy in His own image was getting any action. But the guy was just sitting alone trying to suck his own flesh sceptre. God saw the guy had too many ribs for that. Made note.

10:01 PM

Noticed the monkeys were getting it on, though.

10:02 PM

Created masturbation.

10:04 PM

It was good.