Ramblin’ Joe Biden

From the Desk of the Press Secretary:

In an effort to reach out to America’s Country/Western community, the Vice President is proud to announce the release of his new album Biden My Time, out Tuesday on Longhorn Records. Featuring appearances by your favorite country legends, Biden My Time promises to be an instant American classic. Ramblin’ Joe, as the Vice President is known in more low-falutin’ circles, is fired up to be touring in promotion of the new album. The tour will culminate in a nationwide simulcast performance at the Grand Ole Opry House on the eve of Election Day.

Ramblin’ Joe is fixing to put on some granny-slappin’ performances for y’all, featuring songs spanning his entire catalogue. These include tracks off his lesser-known but beloved EPs Ridin’ With Biden and A’Biden By His Word (his Tobacco Monthly-acclaimed foray into acoustic Christian folk-rock). Fans are sure to be riled up to hear favorites such as “Sometimes Cowboys Love Cowboys” and “My Woman’s Got A Right To Her Itty-Bitty Body.” The shows are free and open to true-blooded Americans.

In the relaxed and intimate settings of this nation’s state fairs and sports bars, Ramblin’ Joe will tell the tales that inspired the tunes, including the time he lost it all but his rickety ol’ Air Force Two and his dog, Alben Barkley. Make no mistake, Joe’s had a rough road to travel. Along the way, he’s seen compadres go to their desert graves without getting fair shakes at citizenship. He’s emptied guitar cases half-full of nickels and dimes into Pell Grants. He’s had to throw a mean knuckle or two at Yankee insurance fellers fixing to scheme his little girl out of easy access to prenatal screenin’. It was the power of song, as well as an understanding of an individual’s inherent dependence on community and infrastructure, that helped him through his most trying of times.

Ramblin’ Joe would like to assure you that he ain’t just another Washington bigwig blowin’ smoke up your rears. He is a Grade A authentic down-home good ol’ boy. Just ask his new friends and tourmates Tim McGraw, Toby Keith, Brad Paisley, and Reba McEntire, who each changed their minds about education reform, health care reform, and the War in Afghanistan once they got a gander of Ramblin’ Joe’s chute-doggin’ skills. Joe and his team of world champion chute-doggers will be showcasing their chops at the Bud Light Great American Tailgate® tents directly before the show. “Ain’t Nobody Dog A Chute Like Ramblin’ Joe!” as his new campaign slogan goes. In comparison, the opponents’ track records show a total of zero chutes dogged while those yeller-bellied sissies have held office. Be one of the first fifty at the tailgate and you’ll be sporting the slogan on a spanking-new Bud Light tee!

Mosey out back after the show and pick up some genuine American-made Ramblin’ Joe merch, straight off the back of Joe’s own ’72 C-10 Cheyenne. Money from your purchases will go into the campaign, as well as the Joe Biden Pack O’ Smokes Fund. Joe will be there signing belt buckles, breasts, and babies. But if he’s taking a smoke and sending a lonesome stare out into the sky over distant hills, leave him be. He often gets lost in times long gone.