A Conversation Between: DDS Employees

(A long, long silence, as Angelo and Brumhilda hover over vast trays of mashed potatoes and turkey. No students are in sight, despite the fact that it is 6:30. Angelo grows anxious)

Angelo: What’s goin’ on? Where’s the Dinner Rush?
Brumhilda: It’s happened.
Angelo: Oh, is today the day of the FoCo boycott? It looks like the students are really trying to tell us something.
Brumhilda: No.
Angelo: It isn’t? Well, why else would there be nobody in FoCo during Dinner Rush?
Brumhilda: It’s the Rapture!

(Brumhilda raises two fistfuls of mashed potatoes into the air)

Brumhilda: The Rapture cometh! The world is coming to an end!
Angelo: Broomie, calm down! The world isn’t ending! The students are just boycotting FoCo today. They’re upset at the new dining plan!
Brumhilda: THE SINNERS SHALL BE TAKEN FIRST! Notice there are none in our midst!
Angelo: What are you saying? The students are all sinners?
Brumhilda: They partake in the forbidden fruit!
Angelo: What? Drinking beer? Well, yes, they do that.
Brumhilda: They must be punished!

(Brumhilda shoves the two fistfuls of mashed potatoes into her mouth and chews violently)

Angelo: Calm down, Broomie! Yes, drinking beer is a sin, but so is gluttony!

(Brumhilda responds by shoving two more fistfuls of mashed potatoes in her mouth)

Angelo: Be careful you don’t choke! Then the world really would end!

(Just then, a lone, confused 14 hobbles past the cash registers, completely unaware of the pending apocalypse)

Brumhilda: JUFFF FAHHHGONNAA BMMMBLAAGGGHHH!!!

(Brumhilda leaps over the counter and whips mashed potatoes at the 14. He immediately cries and runs away)

(Angelo leaps over the counter behind Brumhilda and holds her down)

Angelo: Brumhilda, stop it! Take it easy! The world isn’t going to end! I keep telling you!! The students are just boycotting FoCo!

(Just then, a voice comes from behind the counter)

Jesus: Not so fast, Angelo.
Angelo: Jesus?! Is that You??!
Jesus: Brumhilda might not be quite as foolish as you may think.
Angelo: Jesus, I don’t know what to say. I–
Jesus: Would you like the special for here or to go?
Angelo: Hmm… I…
Jesus: This is an incredibly important decision.