By Your History Professor
Well, you see, there is academic consensus that Kennedy was killed by a man named Lee Harvey Oswald. Did he really do it? Was it someone else? These questions are rather beside the point. The history textbooks say Oswald did it, so he did. Kennedy could have been president for eight years and died a natural death for all you know. But you don’t. So, you see, it was we, the historians. We write the history books. We control Wikipedia. We control the History Channel. We control the government – haha, you weren’t supposed to know that last part.
In any case, you’re getting my point, right? America could have been founded in 1776 by George Washington, or it could have been created in 1976 by some dude named Gerald Forsyth and he called it Happy-Land. For your information, he did. Or then again, maybe he didn’t. It doesn’t matter. No one cares. Kennedy could still be alive somewhere in the Caribbean. Maybe we could bring you to him if you ask nicely enough for once. But you can’t. Because he’s dead. Okay, I’ve told you too much already. Would you mind stepping into this Time Machine with me?