By Baron von Honeymoore, a deranged beekeeper
Dear readers, I bring you distressing news: this is for the people who demand the truth at WHATEVER COST. I have dedicated the past FORTY AND A HALF YEARS to uncover what the CIA, FBI and various sweetener conglomerates have tried to keep hidden.
John Francis Kennedy, our GLORIOUS LEADER was mercilessly CUT DOWN by Africanized Killer Bees, yes the same bees that produce honey for your BLUEBERRY PANCAKES, watch over your CHILDREN at school and fly around in your head making that FUCKING BUZZING NOISE you hear when you try to sleep.
The bees have stonewalled my research and ignored every letter I sent them WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?! THE TRUTH!! Who pulled the trigger on the grassy knoll in the first ever sting operation? BEES! Who framed Lee Harvey Oswald? BEES! Who faked Elvis’ death? ME, but that’s unrelated! Africanized Bees eliminated the only politician brave enough to stand up to the OMNIPOTENT HONEY LOBBY and replaced him with their AFRICANIZED PUPPET-QUEEN, the only native-born Kenyan, Islamic president: LYNDON “B” JOHNSON.