The Fruits of my Labor

Or, What I’ve learned in the first ten days of my second year of college

by Scott O'Brien

Here’s a brief breakdown of the important things my classes have taught me so far this year. I’ll keep you posted:

CLST 6: Introduction to Classical Archaeology

• As an archaeologist, it doesn’t matter so much that you’re correct about your findings. Just that you’re rich and British.

• There are things in the world less interesting than establishing chronologies by studying ancient pollen grains; I just have yet to find them.

• When your professor tells you to “meet me at Eleazer Wheelock’s tomb tomorrow at noon” it’s not, in fact, an invitation to duel. She’s actually going to assign a massive project about gravestone analysis. Good thing I brought a second.

ANTH 42: Primate Societies

• Monkeys are cute AND funny. This principle is absolutely inflexible.

• Much like in our society, it sucks to be the only monkey in the group not getting laid.

• I really need to get myself a harem.

• I should change my major to Anthro and marry into money like everyone else in the class.

Hi Mom and Dad! Keep sending checks.