Dreams I Have Actually Had

by Laura Michet '11


Let it be known that I have actually dreamed every dream listed below and at the ages at which I claim to have dreamed them. This article is rated F for FACT.

ATTACKED BY TRICERATOPS

Age: About seven
Recurring Motifs: Giant animals, being chased, fight for survival
Dream: I imagine that I am standing in my kitchen when a gigantic triceratops, standing at least forty feet high, rips the ceiling off in his mighty claws and attempts to eat me. I flee through my house, which the triceratops destroys with his vast muscular arms and his cruel, hooked beak. Barely escaping, I jump on a skateboard and hurry off down the street in a panic while the ruins of my house shudder to the earth in a column of smoke and a splash of debris. The triceratops pursues me on his own giant skateboard. Glancing over my shoulder, I see that the triceratops is now dressed in a colorful Hawaiian shirt and stylish aviators. He is skating like a champ. I challenge him to a duel on skateboards, and we fight to the death. I awake before the final result is known.

ATTACKED BY THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON

Age: About ten
Recurring Motifs: Famous persons, being chased, fight for survival
Dream: My friends and I are hanging out in school when the Reverend Al Sharpton charges in through the front doors with his giant army of angry followers. He rounds up all the members of my grade and takes us to the seashore in giant tumbrels. There he barracks us all in stadium-sized sheds near Mystic, Connecticut, dresses us in identical yellow raincoats, and forces us to build him a fleet of enormous war-triremes in his great shipyards. I and my friends hijack a trireme and attempt to escape; he pursues us on a jet-ski. We race to get away, but his jet-ski skills are truly extreme and it is ultimately an exercise in futility. He leaps from the jet-ski onto the deck of the boat and engages me in hand-to-hand combat with his bare fists. I awake when he punches me in the face.

FLEA BOMB

Age: About ten
Recurring Motifs: Being chased, fight for survival
Dream: My school librarian rings my doorbell after dark and informs my entire family that she has arrived with the flea-bomb squad to sanitize my house, which has been inexplicably infested with fleas. She forces us all to leave, then rigs and fires the flea bomb; I realize at the last moment that I have forgotten my collection of rocks inside, and hurry in the get them. I am pursued by the librarian; we do battle in the thickening clouds of anti-flea smoke. I shove her into the fireplace and she shoots out of the top of the chimney like a rocket into orbit. The house explodes; I die.

ATTACKED BY A BOA CONSTRICTOR

Age: About eleven
Recurring Motifs: Giant animals, being chased
Dream: I am the owner of a tiny duckling. The Hamburgler desires it for his own. He employs an anaconda of titanic size. It pursues me across hill and dale; I seek sanctuary in the local Y.M.C.A. womens' locker room. It follows me in there despite the fact that it is a male anaconda and should not be allowed inside. I hide in a shower, and there is a scene of horrible tension as it slithers back and forth, tongue flicking in and out. The duckling and I hold our breaths. My mother arrives on the scene and does battle with the Hamburgler; the world dissolves into paper, and I fall forever. I awake screaming.

CHASED ON WATERSLIDE BY ANGRY PIGS

Age: About twelve
Recurring Motifs: Surreal environment, giant animals, being chased
Dream: I trespass on the property of a crotchety old farmer. He pursues me across hill and dale. I seek refuge in his private farmers-only water-park; he becomes furious and commands his brute squad of three thirty-foot-tall pigs to chase me. We race down the waterslides. The pigs attempt to run me down, but I use my extensive knowledge of luge-racing to speed ahead and ultimately escape. The pigs shake their hooves in the air and tell me that I haven't seen the last of them yet.

FROGS IN BUCKETS

Age: About fourteen
Recurring Motifs: Surreal environment, being chaste
Dream: I am forced to wander the grounds of my school at night. Ropes are strung from tree to tree on pulleys. There are buckets tied on this rope every three feet; in each bucket is a frog. I am filled with a terrible dread.

CHASED BY TOM BAKER WIELDING AXE

Age: Seventeen
Recurring Motifs: Famous persons, being chased
Dream: I am in a nebulous, undefined environment. Suddenly I am being chased by Tom Baker, venerable British actor most famous for playing the iconic science-fiction character Doctor Who in the late seventies and early eighties, and most recently famous for providing the narration for the British sketch humor show Little Britain. He is dressed in his Doctor Who costume, complete with long multicolored scarf and comical floppy hat, and he has an axe. He pursues me across hill and dale; I barely survive.

MAN EATS BABY

Age: Seventeen
Recurring Motifs: Surreal environment, famous persons, fight for survival, babies, other people being chased
Dream: I am attending a performance of the play A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry. I am part of the stage crew. Also attending the play is the nation's entire population of African-American political leaders; I am somehow hosting them. They all greet me and congratulate me on a wonderful play production. The Reverend Al Sharpton is there; he expresses woe that I cannot build him such neat and tidy war-triremes any longer, now that I am a distinguished producer of plays. Also present is Jesse Jackson, who accepts hors d'oeuvres from the plate I am carrying. My mother is in attendance; she is having a conversation with the Democratic congresswoman from Georgia, Cynthia McKinney, who had been in the news for punching a policeman in the chest. They are in amiable discussion about whether or not to send my sister to German-language summer camp. I notice a baby sitting on the floor, all by itself. No one knows whose it is. A man steals the baby; I chase him through the crowd. Everyone cheers me on. I catch the man and fight him with my bare fists; I force him into a headlock and demand to know what he has done with the baby. He tells me that he ate it, and that it was tasty. I wake up furious.