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In theory, it is a good idea to refrain from initiating physical contact
when you are at work if that contact is not related to job function. Job
related contact includes (but is not limited to) things like spotting a
co-worker on a ladder, assisting others as they enter a bus, any contact
related to medical service provision, and a wide range of actions related to
simulations and role-play activities in classrooms and during training
programs. In practice, as we all know, physical expressions of friendship and
affection among co-workers happen all the time at work. How to know what is
okay and what is not? One important thing to remember is that we should always
seek explicit consent before we touch others’ bodies.
When we assume that because we have a friendly relationship with a co-worker
we can touch that person, we risk setting precedent for others whose similar
gestures may not be welcome. We may also be assuming that because someone has
never said they do not want to be touched they are comfortable with physical
contact. However, for many different reasons, we are not always able or willing
to let others know that they have crossed a boundary. Again, it is important
that we seek explicit consent from others before we touch them – even a
congratulatory pat on the back can be unwelcome or create discomfort for some
of us.
Boundaries Vary
People’s personal space boundaries vary a great deal. Even when we do
not make contact, if we get very close to someone, especially in the context of
differences of opinion, that person may feel intimidated. The relationship
between intention and impact can be very helpful to consider in such
circumstances. Our intention may be to signal connection, interest, or
enthusiasm. The other person may feel uncomfortable, invaded, or trapped.
It is certainly also true that some cultures and some individuals value
physical closeness and touching. The cheek kissing traditions of some
Europeans, the camaraderie expressed by hugging and other contact among sport
team members, hugging as a form of greeting, and the familiarity and
affection shared by platonic hand-holding are all examples of more relaxed
personal boundaries around physical space and contact. Some international folks
on campus have told us that the American tendency to keep one's distance has
left them feeling lonely and confused about how to connect with others
appropriately. Given the fact that there is such a wide range of expectations
and comfort zones, it is crucial that we communicate effectively about our
own needs and ask about those of others.
Some Examples
Some of the most common examples of inappropriate or unwelcome touching that
our office hears about on campus are: Black or bi-racial people’s hair being
touched; international people’s clothing being felt or handled without their
consent; people with physical disabilities being assisted without their
requesting help; and pregnant women’s bellies being touched. Sometimes it’s the
failure to ask for an “okay” to touch us that feels inappropriate. Other times,
we are uncomfortable even being asked for permission to be touched – we may
feel singled out, exoticized, on display, or disrespected by the impulse
itself.
It may be helpful to understand the examples above in terms of the group
histories that can rest behind individual experiences.
- Pregnant women may be sensitive to being touched because they experience
such gestures in the context of women having been controlled legally and
socially and treated as property. Because men do not experience a parallel
phenomenon, for some women the (mostly well-intentioned) touching of pregnant
bellies is a reminder of past and/or current sexism. Besides, some of us do not
like being touched anywhere at any time outside of our personal relationships –
pregnancy does not render a woman's body publicly accessible.
- People with physical disabilities can be frustrated by assumptions about
their abilities because others so often assume them to be incapable of
everything simply because they are unable to do one thing. (Additionally,
jumping in to help without asking if it’s needed can throw people with certain
disabilities off balance.)
- Immigrants and others from outside the U.S. may be uncomfortable with
physical attention to non-Western clothing or accessories because of fears
related to the ways that “foreigners” have been targeted for violence or
discrimination on the basis of their appearance. Also the history of “spectacle
ethnography” – observing people regarded as racially and/or culturally inferior
in order to affirm the superiority of one’s own race, culture, or both – can
make some immigrants or others from outside the U.S. wary of undue
attention.
- And, perhaps most common of all, African-Americans may feel angered or
overwhelmed by having their hair touched (something non-black people tend to do
out of naïve curiosity about this very visible difference) because they recall
the ways that Africans in America were examined and handled during the period
of enslavement (not to mention many other historical and ongoing forms of
oppressive physical violation or invasion).
While no one can learn enough about all groups of people to know every
history around the ways physical aspects of self and group have been used to
exclude or degrade, we can make efforts to recognize that physical contact of
various kinds do have meaning and history beyond our intentions. The examples
here are meant to suggest that we all bring with us a rich and varied range of
experiences and perspectives that create the context within which others’
physical gestures will have meaning for us.
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