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Summer 2005 - Spring 2006 |
Jewsletter
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
We just had the last meeting of the term tonight, and something in the
Thai food must have been a sedative, because the elections were rather
calm and orderly. Despite wondering why there was no debate*, we elected
the following positions for summer term:
President: Jeremy Warburg
VP Programming: Tatyana Liskovich
VP Religion: Meredith Druss
*the reason for no debate is that the elections were for the summer term,
when the 08s have to fend for themselves, and 08s tend to be more mature
than 06s.
*** The Roth Center will be open during finals week----it's a great study
space, and it will be continuously stocked with snacks. ***
Jews and Java - Wednesday from 2-4 pm at the Dartmouth Bookstore. Free
Starbucks, free chat, free fun, free study break. But the books will cost
you.
Friday night services and dinner. Service: 6:30 pm / Dinner: 7:30 pm.
Delicious, religious, and a nice study break.
Thanks for a great term, and 08s, get ready for the chillest Hillel ever
this summer.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Chase Hogle, for his leadership and organization this
past term as President.
Goy of the Week: Juggernaut, who, when asked who he is, reportedly always
replies with "I'm the Juggernaut, b&#ch!"
Joke of the Week:
Manny and his wife Ethel go to the Farnborough Air Display every year.
Every year, Manny says, "Ethel, I'd like to take a ride in a plane," and
every year she replies, "I know, but a ride in a plane is expensive."
At this year's Air Display, as Manny and Ethel are walking past the plane
ride, Manny says, "Ethel, I'm getting old. If I don't go up in that plane
today, I'll never get another chance."
Ethel replies, "But Manny, that ride costs $50 and $50 is $50 you know."
The pilot hears their conversation, "Hey you two, I'll make a deal with
you. I'll take you both up for a ride and if you can both stay absolutely
silent for the entire trip, I won't charge you a thing. But if I hear just
one sound, I'll charge you $50."
Manny and Ethel talk it over and agree to the offer. So up they go.
The pilot tries very hard to get them to shout out in fear - he puts the
plane in a series of dives; he twists and turns the plane at speed; he
even rolls the plane on its back, but he doesn't hear a sound from his
elderly passengers.
When they land, the pilot turns to Manny and says, "You're very brave, I
tried everything to make you shout out aloud, but you didn't utter a
word."
Manny replies, "Thanks, but to be honest, I was going to say something
when Ethel fell out, but $50 is $50 you know."
Jewsletter
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Well, nothing along the lines of Florida happened at the elections,
and despite heated discussion, nothing turned into what scholars
would call a "debate." That said, here are the positions we
peacefully elected for next fall:
Presidente - Jeremy Warburg
VP Membership - Andrew Kaminski
VP Programming - Meredith Druss
VP Religion - Brian Meyers
FYSH - Freshmen of Hillel Meeting
Thursday at 6 pm at the Roth Center. One of the last meetings this
year, decide how YOU will determine Hillel's future.
Trembling Before G-d
We'll be watching the movie this Thursday at 8 pm at the Roth
Center. It's a great film about the challenge of being gay in an
Orthodox Jewish community. Come watch, chat, snack, and learn.
For more info on the movie, check out:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0278102/
http://www.nytimes.com/2001/10/24/movies/24TREM.html?ex=1148529600&en=bdd9aa522ebd3aa2&ei=5070
Friday Night Services/Dinner
Services: 6:30 pm
Dinner: 7:30 pm
Good services, good dinner, good way to start your weekend. And chef
Stein always makes something delicious.
Havdallah in the Woods
Havdallizing in a cabin, hanging out with other Jews, eating some
dinner, and driving back. We're meeting at the Roth Center Saturday
at 5 pm, and we'll get back to campus before 8:00 pm. Also, we'll
send a van back early if people need to come back earlier than 8.
If you wanna go, RSVP to Andrew Kaminski.
Bagel Brunch
Sunday at 1 pm. Bagels, Schmear, Lox, oh my.
Elections Next Week for Summer Positions
At next Tuesday's meeting, we'll be electing the following positions
for the summer:
President - run Hillel
VP Programming - coordinate the events
VP Religion - coordinate services and religious events
Complete job descriptions at the bottom....
If you're an 08, and you've wanted to be on the Hillel board, this
is the time to do it. Summer Hillel is guaranteed relaxing and
awesome.
Good luck on those final papers, rejuvenate with some Starbucks, and
get some sleep--you look tired.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Larry David, for coming up with the Puffy Shirt
episode of Seinfeld. Who else could get Jerry to dress like a
pirate?
Goy of the Week: Batman. He uses criminals' fear against them, and
has a large assortment of gadgetry.
Joke of the Week:
Issy the millionaire goes to Synagogue one shabbes and at the end of
the service stops to shake Rabbi Levy's hand.
"Rabbi," says Issy, "that was a G-d-damned fine sermon you gave
today."
Rabbi Levy replies, "Why thank you Issy, but I'd rather you didn't
use that kind of language in the Lord's House."
But Issy continues, "In fact I was so G-d-damned impressed with your
sermon that I've decided to send you $10,000 for the synagogue
rebuilding fund."
Rabbi Levy replies, "No sh*t?"
ELECTION positions for Summer term
1. President:
" To be aware of and monitor the planning and execution of events
and activities involving Hillel.
" To prepare, direct, and moderate Hillel General Meetings.
" To have the final vote in committee appointments, special interest
leaders, directors of fundraising and delegates to other
organizations.
" To assist other officers in their endeavors as needed.
" To conduct Hillel as a body representing all Jewish students with
special attention to Hillel's purpose and the diversity of Judaism
at Dartmouth.
" To serve as a visible and responsible figurehead for Hillel.
" To be familiar with the details of the Hillel budget as well as
the Hillel calendar of events.
" To be in constant communication with other Board members.
" To distribute the Hillel electronic newsletter.
" To sit as a voting member on the Joint Planning and Building
Committee.
" To sit on the Board of the Foundation for Jewish Life at
Dartmouth.
" To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel
Executive Board.
" To sit on the executive board as a non-voting member from the date
of election until the beginning of the term, and again for the
entire quarter after the completion of the term, if in residence.
2. Executive Vice President/Programming Chair:
" To be aware of and to direct the planning of all Hillel
activities.
" To operate in the capacity of President in his/her absence. In the
case of prolonged absence, the Executive Vice President may choose
to retain his/her position and hold new presidential elections.
" To be familiar with the details of the Hillel budget and the
Hillel calendar of events.
" To keep a detailed record of programming that will be used to aid
future Programming Chairs.
" To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel
Executive Board.
Vice President of Religious Affairs and Education:
" To find and schedule leaders for all Hillel services.
" To lead services if no leader can be found.
" To be responsible for the setting up of the sanctuary or
appropriate venue for every Hillel service.
" To plan all student services and to be aware of all services in
the Roth Center.
" To help the Rabbi ensure that Hillel remains a place where as many
students as possible feel comfortable worshipping, in accordance
with the organization's purpose.
" To hear and respond to the needs of all segments of the student
population and to help establish building policies with regard to
Shabbat, Kashrut and religious observance.
" To lead and/or organize regular study sessions and discussions if
interest is present.
" To organize and promote educational presentations, lectures, and
opportunities on and around the Dartmouth College campus.
" To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel
Executive Board.
" To sit as a voting member on the Religious Affairs Committee.
" Vice President of Religious Affairs and Education is a two term
position.
Jewsletter
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Green Key is coming up, and that means you might need to do a lot of
praying on Friday to make up for the weekend. But hey, that's what
Shabbat's for, right?
Jews and Java
Wednesday 2-4 pm @ Dartmouth Bookstore
Free coffee, chat with other Jews, possibly meet the cutest dog
ever.
FYSH - Freshmen of Hillel
Meeting Thurs, 6:00 pm @ Roth Center
As always, the freshmen of Hillel decide the future, every Thursday
night.
Friday Night Services and Dinner
Service: 6:30 pm
Dinner: 7:30 pm
Dinner will be cheese tortellini with a selection of alfredo, pesto,
and tomato sauces.
*** If you want to help lead services Friday Night, blitz Hillel.
***
Study Hebrew
Check out the attachment, and think about it.
NO Bagel Brunch this Sunday
You'll just have to cure your hangover some other way. I recommend
raw egg and turnips. Yeah, it might not take away the headache, but
it will taste so disgusting you'll forget you ever had a hangover.
TOY - Taste of Yisrael Returns
Monday Night, 9pm @ Location TBA
Experience Israeli snacks (hummus, pita) and if you want, Israeli
tobacco/hookah, but as always, hookah is not necessary to have a
good time.
Keep in Mind - Shabbat in the Woods
Saturday May 27th, hang out in a cabin and celebrate Shabbat, just
like the Jews of yore. When was yore anyway? What does yore even
mean?
That's it for now... enjoy Green Key!
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Stan Lee (born Stanley Martin Lieber), creator of
all the famous Marvel comic superheroes, including the X-Men. The
third X-Men movie opens next week. Awesome.
Goy of the Week: Wolverine. He kicks ass.
Joke of the Week:
One day whilst out walking in Golders Green, Max sees a sign in
front of a house, "Talking Dog for Sale." He's curious so he rings
the bell. The owner tells Max the dog's name is Cindy. He then takes
Max into the back garden where a cavalier King Charles spaniel is
just sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" Max asks Cindy.
"Yes, of course I do," Cindy replies.
"So what can you tell me about yourself."
Cindy looks up at Max and says, "I discovered this special gift of
speech when I was young and as I've always wanted to help my
country, I told MI5 about it. In next to no time, they had me flying
all over the world, sitting in rooms not only with royalty and world
leaders but also with spies. No one figured a dog could be
eavesdropping, so I was their most valuable spy. But all the jetting
around really tired me out. I wasn't getting any younger and I
wanted to settle down. So I resigned and signed up for a job at
Heathrow airport to do some undercover security work, mostly
wandering near suspicious people and listening in to their
conversations. As a result, I uncovered some incredible plots and
deals and received seven doggie awards. I had a husband and many
puppies. Now, I'm retired."
Max is amazed and asks the owner how much he wants for Cindy.
The owner says, "£20."
Max says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling her so
cheap?"
The owner replies, "Because Cindy is a liar - she didn't do any of
the things she told you."
Jewsletter
Thursday, May 11, 2006
One more week until Green Key. One more week of caring about classes. One
more week of remembering the weekend. One more week of brain cells.
Friday Night Dinner + Services
Service: 6:30 pm
Dinner: 7:30 pm
Dinner is guaranteed delicious, cooked by yours truly and Lydia Gensheimer.
Tilapia with mango and strawberry salsa, rice pilaf, salad, and pudding
pie.
At the Services, Dr. Stephen Spielberg from DHMC will give the Dvar, and
then there will be dinner with him as well at 7:30 in the library (while
the main dinner is happening). If you would like to attend the dinner with
Spielberg, please RSVP to Hillel. He may not be the one who directed
Munich, but he knows the difference between ketoconazole and triamcinolone
acetonide.
**********************
Saturday Night - Claudallah
Havdallah at Claudia's house. Dinner, great times. RSVP to Claudia Palmer
by Friday at 4 pm if you want to go. You might even be able to see her new
backflipping gerbil.
**********************
Volunteers Needed Saturday
A summer camp for children who need mental help needs to gear up for this
summer, and they need help setting up picnic tables and such. We're
meeting at Tucker on Saturday at 10 am, driving to the camp, eating lunch,
helping out, and getting back to campus around 5 pm.
If you want to help out, RSVP to Allison W. Caffrey ASAP.
**********************
Bagel Brunch Sunday
1 pm, Roth Center, bagels, schmear, good times, great hangover recovery
rate.
**********************
MTVU Puts you in Darfur
Play this flash game to "experience" just how horrible life is for
Darfurian refugees.
http://darfurisdying.com/
And go here to sign up for continuing info on stopping the genocide in
Darfur:
http://www.genocideintervention.net
**********************
Paper Clips Movie
A documentary about a school whose students collected one paper clip for
every Holocaust victim. It's playing on DTV at 9pm on Monday, and we'll be
watching it at the Roth Center in the TV lounge, with snacks. Great way to
watch a great movie.
Have fun this weekend, try not to step on any gerbils, and keep it real in
Dizartmouth.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Jeremy Warburg, for cooking the delicious hamburgers and
Hebrew franks we ate tonight at the religion discussion at the Roth
Center. Cooked to perfection!
Goy(s) of the Week: From the New York Times today: "A group of Nukak-Makú
tribespeople left the Amazon rainforest in Colombia and declared
themselves ready to join the modern world." They went from
hunting-gathering to wanting to join the modern world.
Secondary Goys of the Week: Kelley Durkin and all the other non-Jews who
attended the BBQ tonight. It was a great discussion, and it wouldn't have
been possible without you. And thanks for co-leading Kelley!
Joke of the Week:
Leah phones her husband at work, "Issy, do you have time for a chat?"
"Sorry, darling, this is not a good time - I'm about to go into a board
meeting."
"But this won't take long," Leah says, "I just want to tell you some good
news and some bad news."
"I really haven't the time," says Issy, "so just quickly tell me the good
news."
"Oh all right then. The air bag on your new Lexus works very well."
Jewsletter
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
Hope y'all got enough falafel tonight, learning about Israel in
Tindle lounge. I for one learned that if given the option, people
will volunteer to eat Pavilion cookies.
Events:
---------------
Friday night services and dinner
Service: 6:30 pm
Dinner: 7:30 pm
At the Roth Center. Get your God on.
---------------
Bagel Brunch, Sunday, 1 pm, Roth Center. Free bagels + schmear.
Recover from Saturday night, struggle to remember it with a bagel.
----------------
Male Minyans are needed for the following times/dates for Dan
Kurtzer:
Monday May 8
Shacharit 8am @ Chabad house, breakfast served afterward
Tuesday May 9
Shacharit 8am @ Chabad, breakfast served after.
Mincha 4pm @ Ambassador Yalowitz's office
Mariv 9pm @ the Hanover inn after the dinner.
If you can help out, that would be awesome, and please RSVP to the
Hillel account. Chabad is located at 22A School Street.
---------------------------------------
Award winning movie screening at 6:30 PM, Thursday May 4th - Maxwell
- Kade Center (a Germania event). The movie "Sophie Scholl - The
Final Days" (Marc Rothemund, 2005, German with English subtitles).
Pizza and Refreshments will be served. A film about the student
resistance to Nazis in WWII, how one female protestor was captured,
and her struggles in captivity. Trailer and clips are available at:
http://movies.go.com/movies/media?name=sophie-scholl-the-last-days_2006
---------------
AQ BBQ - next Thurs, May 11 @ 6:30 @ RC. Free BBQ food, great
Judeo-Christian discussion.
---------------
Paper Clips - a documentary about a teacher who gets her class to
collect paper clips, each clip representing a victim of the
Holocaust. It's playing on DTV throughout the term, and we'll be
watching it at the Roth Center on Monday, May 15th at 9 pm. It'll be
on a projector, and there will be food and discussion.
----------------
Keep a look out for Shabbat in the Woods on May 27th.
----------------
Have a great week. Relay for Life this Friday, and some great events
coming up. And keep your chin up, it will get warmer. Eventually.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Ben Rosenbleet, for being awesome and driving our
Washington DC trip down and back, 10 hours each way. He's a trooper!
Goy of the Week: George Clooney, for his big part in bringing the
Darfur genocide to light. Plus he's very handsome.
Joke of the Week:
One evening, as Ruth was tucking her son Sam into bed, a flash of
lightening lit up the room and a loud clap of thunder soon followed.
She hoped Sam wouldn't react to the storm and was about to turn off
the light when Sam asked, in a frightened voice, "Mummy, can you
sleep with me tonight?"
Ruth smiled and gave Sam a big comforting hug. "I can't bubbeleh,"
she said, "I have to sleep in daddy's room."
After a few seconds of silence, Sam said, in a shaky voice, "The big
sissy."
Jewsletter
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Another week, another flurry of questions, like
"why midterms?"
"won't DDS get some new food?"
and
"why is the weather only perfect when the prospies are here?"
To answer these questions and more, we turn to Talmud. It may not answer
all our questions, but at least we'll get lost in the writings so we
forget it's still not sunny and warm outside.
Signup for Relay for Life!
Help raise money to fight cancer! Join the Hillel team with the following
link:
http://www.acsevents.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=152565&lis=1&kntae152565=
09B339972E2B462ABDBDD7FBD8588427&team=1277079&tlteam=0
----
Gulf Coast Relief Auction
The 1st Annual Dartmouth Black Business Association Silent Auction for
Hands on USA's relief effort in the Gulf Coast, with raffles,
refreshments, and a good cause, will be Thursday, April 27th, 6-8pm in
Collis Commonground. Cash/Dash donations or bids can be made at the
auction or by blitz. Blitz DBBA for more information.
----
Friday Night Shabbat
As always, start your weekend of debauchery off right, with Shabbat
services and a nice free home-cooked Hillel dinner. At the Roth Center.
Services: 6:30
Dinner: 7:30
----
Bagel Brunch
Sunday, 1 pm, bagels, schmear, cure for hangovers.
Unfortunately, Mr. Rosenbleet won't be there with (his) puppy. You had to
be at Jews and Java today to see the dog, and if you didn't, you missed
quite possibly the cutest thing in the world. Next to a squirrel doing a
backflip.
----
Yom Hazikaron
On Wednesday, May 3rd, from 6 to 9 pm in Tindle Lounge, come learn about
Israel with great food and other stuff. More information coming soon.
----
Environmental Policy in Israel, Jordan, and Palestine
Phil Warburg is coming to speak about just that on Sunday April 30 at 7:00
PM at the Roth Center. He's the President of the Conservation Law
Foundation and Former Executive Director of the Israel Union for
Environmental Defense. There will also be a dinner with him beforehand (5
o'clock), and if you would like to attend the dinner, RSVP to Claudia
Palmer (space is limited).
----
Jewish Studies Classes This Summer
Looks like some cool classes. If you're around this summer, you should
consider taking...
JWST11/HIST94.9 History and Culture of the Jews II: The Modern Period. A
survey of Jewish history and culture from the European enlightenment to
the establishment of the State of Israel.
JWST56/WGST44.2/REL19 Women in Islam and Judaism. (new course - pending
approval) Exploring the ways in which Muslim and Jewish women exercise
different forms of agency both in opposition to as well as from within
socio-religious prescriptions.
----
Financial Support for Jewish Projects
The Jewish Studies Department offers summer financial support for students
engaged in research on topics related to courses offered in the Jewish
Studies Program. Grants range up to $1,000. Letters describing the nature
of the research, plus a budget, are due by May 25, 2006 and should be
directed to Professor Annelise Orleck. Blitz Prof Orleck with questions.
Well, that about wraps up the Jewsletter for this week. Tune in next week
to find out why Ben Rosenbleet always seems to have a puppy with him
(hint: it's not just to pick up girls). And next week he might have his
backflipping squirrel with him too.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Melvin, the backflipping squirrel.
Goy of the Week: Koda the dog. Not as cute as a squirrel doing a backflip,
but close.
Joke of the Week:
As usual, Sidney arrives home at 6.30pm, takes off his coat, turns on the
TV and sits down in his favorite chair. This time, however, he turns to
Leah and says, "Make me a cup of tea straight away before it starts."
Leah is surprised by this but makes him his cup of tea anyway. Sidney
finishes his tea then turns to Leah and says, " Make me another cup of tea
straight away. I think it's going to start very soon."
This time Leah is quite angry, but still makes him another cup of tea.
Sidney empties his cup then again turns to Leah and says, "Quickly,
another cup before it starts."
At this, Leah loses her cool. "That's the last straw, you rude,
inconsiderate pig," she shouts, "you come home, don't say one word to me,
put your fat toches in your armchair and then expect me to act like your
servant. Does it ever occur to you that I might be tired, with all the
cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping and cooking I do to keep this house
of ours spotlessly clean? I don't think you ever give me a thought.
Selfish, that's what you are. You don't need a wife, you need a slave, you
need someone to ........"
Sidney sighs, "Oh dear, its started."
Jewsletter
Friday, April 21, 2006
Midterms are horrible. And so is the fact that every Professor seems
to think they are the only Professor you have. So why not take the
edge off with a little Manischewitz and some salmon this Friday?
A fun competition to try this weekend: see who can herd the prospies
like lemmings for the longest time.
Roth Center Open House
Bring your prospie, eat some cookies, get to know the Roth Center.
Friday at 1:30 pm.
NOTE: Not a good way to meet girls.
Friday Night Shabbat
Free Services, Free Dinner, and a great way to kick off your
weekend. Services: 6:30 pm, Dinner: 7:30 pm.
PLUS! Professor Orleck of the history department will be in the Roth
Center library at dinner to have a wonderfully engaging
conversation, and will also be giving the D'var during services.
Fun drinking game: do a shot every time you see a prospie without a
Co-Op bag or Dartmouth clothing. Actually, maybe that's a bad
idea... you'd never drink.
Community service survey
Let us know what kinds of community service initiatives you'd like
to see at Hillel by taking this online survey:
http://FreeOnlineSurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid=dh8k3g5moish2l0182273
Godsquad softball
Want to play this weekend in our IM softball game? Blitz Kelly
Hackett.
Save a Life... It's a Mitzvah
Every year, more than 30,000 people are diagnosed with leukemia,
lymphoma, and other bone marrow-treatable diseases. Established in
1991, Gift of Life Bone Marrow Foundation maintains a registry of
more than 100,000 Jews and has already helped save hundreds of lives
by facilitating patient-donor matches.
Come to the Roth Center on Sunday, April 23, 1-4pm to give the gift
of life and join the registry. All it takes is a swab of your cheek.
Please email any questions to the event coordinator at
John.Tepperman@Dartmouth.edu
Relay for Life
Help us fight cancer! Join Hillel's Relay for Life team and raise
money for the American Cancer Society, which then culminates in an
all-night event on May 5-6. Go here to join our team:
http://www.acsevents.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=152565&lis=1&kntae152565=09B339972E2B462ABDBDD7FBD8588427&team=1277079&tlteam=0
Religion, America, and International Law
A lecture by Mark Janis, on Thursday, April 27. The lecture will be
at 4:30 PM in Rockefeller 3. It is sponsored by the Tucker
Foundation. Mark Janis is the William F. Starr Professor of Law at
the University of Connecticut Law School. He has written widely on
the topics of International Law and Human Rights Law. You can read
his bio, if you wish, at http://www.law.uconn.edu/faculty/mjanis.
Things to keep in mind:
May 8th - Ambassador Dan Kurtzer speaks at RC at 7
May 3rd- Israeli Independence Day
April 30th- Phil Warburg speaks on environmental policy in Israel at
7.
April 25th- Yom Hashoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day
---------
Well, that's it. Have a great weekend, and show those prospies a
good Dartmouth time.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Optimus Prime, for transforming his talis when
entering the synagogue.
Goy of the Week: Tom and Katie's new daughter, Suri, which means
"princess" in Hebrew. What's the only thing better than Hollywood
goyem wanting to be Jewish? Crazy Hollywood goyem wanting to be
Jewish.
Joke of the Week:
Maurice wakes up one morning feeling lousy. "Becky, he shouts, "I'm
feeling terrible, I'm sore all over, what should I do?
"So go see Doctor Myers," she replies.
After a thorough examination Doctor Myers says, "I am sorry to have
to tell you this Maurice, but I have bad news for you. You're very
ill and in my opinion you don't have very long to live - anything
from a few days to 3 months. I suggest you go home and make the
necessary arrangements."
Maurice is devastated.
Later that evening, after the crying is over, Maurice tells Becky
that as he is a devoted golfer, he would like to be buried with his
golf clubs. If there's a golf course in heaven, he would then have
his clubs to play with."
But Becky says, "Maurice, as neither of us knows if there is a golf
club up in heaven, I think you should go see Rabbi Levy and ask for
his opinion."
Maurice goes to see Rabbi Levy. "Rabbi, is there a golf course in
heaven?"
Rabbi Levy says, "I'll speak to God for you. Come back in a few days
time."
Two days later, Maurice returns. "Rabbi, have you any news?"
Rabbi Levy says, "Yes, Maurice, I have spoken to God and I have some
good news and some bad news for you. The good news is that God says
there is the most wonderful golf course you could imagine in heaven.
The sun shines every day, 365 days a year and you can play golf to
your heart's content."
Maurice says, "That's wonderful news, Rabbi, but what's the bad
news?"
Rabbi Levy replies, "Tomorrow morning 8 o'clock - you tee off."
Tonight
Shabbat
6:30PM: Meredith and Michelle lead services. Best Shabbat ever!
7:30PM: A brilliant KFP meal.
Now..... your:
Jewsletter
Friday, April 14, 2006
Thanks to everyone who came to Hillel's first night Passover Seder. It was
a lot of fun, and like every year, people had a great time drinking the
grape juice. Here's some stuff to keep in mind this upcoming week.
<< Munich and a Discussion >>
You saw Dan Alon. Now watch the movie: Saturday, April 15 @ 7:00pm, see
"Munich" at the Hop. Then go to the Hillel discussion immediately
afterward (location TBA) and we'll reimburse you.
Yes, fellow Jews, I said Hillel will reimburse you. Your mother would be
proud.
<< Shabbat at Hillel >>
Services Friday at 6:30 pm, followed by a delicious kosher for Passover
dinner at 7:30 pm. Get God on your side before doing something you'll
forget later...
<< Save a Life... It's a Mitzvah >>
Every year, more than 30,000 people are diagnosed with leukemia, lymphoma,
and other bone marrow-treatable diseases. Established in 1991, Gift of
Life Bone Marrow Foundation maintains a registry of more than 100,000 Jews
and has already helped save hundreds of lives by facilitating
patient-donor matches.
Come to the Roth Center on Sunday, April 23, 1-4pm to give the gift of
life and join the registry. All it takes is a swab of your cheek. Please
email any questions to the event coordinator at John.Tepperman@Dartmouth.edu
<< Pavilion Passover Hours >>
The Pavilion will be open: April 13, 14, 17, 18, 19, 20 - with Passover
meals. Lunch 11:30 to 2:00pm. Dinner 5pm to 7:30pm
The Pavilion will return to its normal menus on Friday lunch, April 21.
<< More Services Than You Can Handle >>
There will be services at 7:45 am on Thursday, April 13 and 7:45 am on
Wednesday, April 19 at the Roth Center. There will also be a Yizkor
service at 7:00 pm on Tuesday, April 18.
Who will be hardcore Jew enough to go to all three?
<< Wanna Play Softball? >>
Represent Hillel and AQ on our God Squad IM softball team. If you want to
play, blitz Kelly Hackett. Make Sandy Koufax proud! Or at least it'll be a
great way to meet shiksas.
<< Oy vey, a survey >>
Take a survey to and tell us what long-term volunteer programs you would
like Hillel to do.
http://FreeOnlineSurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid=dh8k3g5moish2l0182273
Well, that's it. Enjoy the rest of Passover. Chance of rain Saturday, but
sunny/partly sunny for a few days after that.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan
Jew of the Week: Dave Nachman, for taking the reigns in kashering the
kitchen. We were able to eat because of him.
2nd Jews of the Week: Jake Goldberg and Brian Meyers, for leading the side
Seder and making the night complete for people who otherwise wouldn't have
had a place to sit.
Goy of the Week: Claudia Palmer, for the massive coordination it took to
run the Seder behind the scenes.
2nd Goy of the Week: Robert Lester, for the immense coordination required
to make sure everyone got something to eat for the Seder.
Joke of the Week:
Carrot Top walks up to Chuck Norris and tries to hit him over the head
with a payphone. Chuck sidesteps the attack, opens his mouth, and breathes
fire at Carrot Top, setting his hair on fire.
Come on. You know that would be hilarious to watch.
Jewsletter
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
Welcome back to school. It's a new term, the fresh warm air of spring
stuck around for a little while before leaving us with the cold, and us
Jews are having fun praying, rallying in DC, Sederizing, and playing
basketball.
If you were at Jews and Java today, you would have been amazed at the
puppy eating Ben Rosenbleet's beard, you would have been shocked by the
turnout to the weekly event, and you would have marveled at Alex Gelman's
enthusiasm and dedication to losing at speed chess.
<< Friday Night Shabbat Services and Dinner >>
Start your weekend off right----with God. Services start at 6:30 pm,
followed by dinner at 7:30 pm, at the Roth Center.
Services will be led by Meredith Raucher, with a D'var torah given by Jake
Goldberg. And Chef David Freeman will top of the night with a delicious
dinner.
It may not earn you forgiveness for what you do on the weekend nights, but
at least you might get God on your side when you need Him most.
<< Bagel Brunch >>
Same time, same great bagels. 1 pm Sunday.
It's late enough to wake up from the night before, and early enough to
call it brunch. And early enough for Steve Orbuch.
<< Rally in Washington >>
You don't have to be a hippy to rally in DC. Just look at Chase. He's
going.
If you are interested in attending the Rally for Darfur in Washington DC
on April 28-30, RSVP by blitz to Hillel by this Friday. Dartmouth Hillel
will be taking a trip down there, and it should be a lot of fun.
But seriously, if you are a hippy, you can go too. We don't discriminate.
I'll sit in between you and Chase.
<< Seder for Women >>
I am Seder, hear me roar. If you are interested in hosting a women's Seder
at your sorority sometime during the week of Passover, blitz Hillel, and
we'll set you up with all the resources you need.
<< The Yisrael is so strong you can Taste it >>
Taste of Yisrael makes its triumphant return this Monday at 9pm, location
TBA. Enjoy snacks, chat, and Israeli hookahs. And you don't have to smoke
to have a great time. It's okay to pass at Hillel.
<< Hillel Basketball Tourney 2006 >>
Surprisingly, there are Jews who are good at basketball, so the tournament
ends up being quite fun. If you want to take a trip to MIT to represent
Hillel in the MIT Hillel Basketball Tournament, RSVP to the Hillel blitz
account by Tuesday. The tournament is all day on April 30 at MIT.
<< Know a Good Matza Brie Recipe? >>
Meredith Druss is looking for a Matza Brie recipe, so if you happen to
have your family's secret recipe with you, Meredith would love for you to
blitz it to her. You'll have to work out the reward with her.
PASSOVER INFO
The Dartmouth Hillel Staff would like to invite you to attend the First
Night Seder on Wednesday, April 12 at 7:00 PM at the Roth Center. The
charge to your DBA will be $20. Please RSVP by blitz with your ID number
to Claudia Palmer (Claudia.Palmer@Dartmouth.edu) by Friday, April 7.
"Seder in a Box"
If you're interested in making your own Seder, either at the Roth Center
or elsewhere, on the first or second night, we'd love to help you.
However, you must blitz Claudia Palmer by April 7.
Selling of Chametz
If you're interested in partaking in the ritual of selling Dartmouth
Hillel's chametz, blitz Rabbi Boraz (Rabbi@Dartmouth.edu).
Pavilion Passover Hours
The Pavilion will be closed April, 6,7,10,11 for Passover preparations.
The Pavilion will be open: April, 13,14,17,18,19,20 - with Passover meals.
The Pavilion will return to it's normal menus on Friday lunch, April 21.
Services
There will be services at 7:45 am on Thursday, April 13 and 7:45 am on
Wednesday, April 19 at the Roth Center. There will also be a Yizkor
service at 7:00 pm on Tuesday, April 18.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Well, there it is. The first Jewsletter of the term. Enjoy it for what
it's worth, and email me with comments/suggestions/jokes/job offers.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Andrew Kaminski, for his unrestricted outgoing nature and
ambitions for greatness. Go for your dreams kid!
Goy of the Week: Bruce Willis. What a diehard.
Joke of the Week:
Ruth's baby boy is born with only one eyelid. "Oy veh! What am I going to
do?" she says to her doctor.
"Don't worry," he replies, "after the bris, we will take the little bit of
skin from down there and make him a nice new eyelid."
"But if you do that," says Ruth, "won't it will make him cockeyed?"
"On the contrary," says the doctor, "it will give him good foresight."
JEWSLETTER
Tuesday, March 7th
*******************************
This is my last Jewsletter....
Please don't cry. It's going to be okay, really....there, there ....oh
geez, not the sweater! As they say, all good things must come to an
end.....like the Cosby Show, Dawson's Creek, the Cold War, the Neverending
Story (more proof that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover), Nick and
Jessica's marriage, and even Final Destination 3 (Will they EVER just get
there?!?!).
On another note, best of luck with your finals, try to stay optimistic: if
you should die before you wake, that's one less test you'll have to take.
(Remember also that the Roth Center will be open 24 hours a day during
this time so that you can study, nosh, and try to stay sane enough to
enjoy spring break when it finally comes.)
*******************************
G-D SQUAD
Basketball against the Med Students:
They can give a shot, but can they shoot?
Wednesday, 9 pm, Leede Arena
PURIM BALL
In my mind, Purim, is one of the most joyous, guilt-free, holidays in the
Jewish tradition.
It commemorate the day that a young Jewish Girl named Esther won a Persian
Beauty Contest,
became the queen, and after a three-day fast used her new power to destroy
a man
that would have otherwise destroyed all of the Jews. This story teaches
young girls everywhere
that being pretty isn't enough...one also has to be very thin, in order to
make a difference.
Thursday, March 9th, 8-11 pm
Open Bar for 21+, Hanover Inn (dress up, it's a costume party!)
THE LAST SHABBAT
No caption necessary.
Services 6 pm, Dinner 7 pm
BOOK CLUB
The book has been ordered...if you signed up to participate
stay by your blitz for notice on picking it up!
seriously, do NOT get up.
KIPPAH THE DATES OPEN:
well not dates exactly.......but watch out for these things in the Spring
(just in case they hit you in the face)
* Kiddush Cup Basketball @ MIT
* Passover
* Bone Marrow Registry
Lachaim,
Tatyana "dress to impress" Liskovich
*******************************
Jew of the Week: Jon Stewart, born Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz, for hosting
the Oscars. Seeing Steven Spielberg in the audience and remembering his
two films Munich and Schindler's List, Stewart remarked that "I think I
speak for all Jews when I say: 'I can't wait to see what happens to us
next.'"
Goy of the Week: Sally Coxe of the Bonobo Conservation Initiative. She's
working to save the disappearing "hippie chimp" who is famous for
resolving fights with sex instead of violence. Unfortunately, people in
the Congo are eating them. Isn't that how it always goes?
Quote of the week:
"Anyone meshugge enough to call himself a Jew, IS a Jew." -- David
Ben-Gurion (first Prime Minister of Israel)
Joke of the Week (with a side of comments):
According to Wikipedia, the source of all-truth, Jewish humor is
necessarily self-deprecating. You don't know how comforting this piece of
information is......I have been bitter for years, but now know that I was
just being funny.
Interestingly enough, Sigmund Freud believed that the self-deprecation was
a front, that "only a people sure of its superiority could create a humor
so mercilessly self-critical." This is of course less comforting. It
suggests that for years I have was being not funny, but vain.
*******************************
#1.
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday the
Catholics go crazy because, while they're morosely eating fish, the Jew is
outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert
him. Finally, by threats and pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take
the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and intones:
"Born a Jew .... Raised a Jew....Now a Catholic."
The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every
Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts
through the neighborhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to
remind him of his new diet. They see him standing over the cooking steak.
He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying:
"Born a cow .... Raised a cow....Now a fish."
#2.
Harry Goldberg has been elected the next president of the United
States--the first Jewish boy to reach the Whitehouse. He is very proud and
phones his mother in New York to invite her to the inauguration.
Harry: Momma, guess what! I've just been elected president; won't you come
to my inauguration?
Mother: Harry! You know I hate trains. I can't face the journey all the
way to Washington. Maybe next time.
Harry: Momma! You will take no train. Air Force One will collect you. The
journey will be over in 30 minutes. Come to my inauguration, please...
Mother: Harry, I hate hotels. The non-kosher food! Nahh, maybe next time.
Harry: Momma!! You will stay in the White House, a kosher chef to
yourself. PLEASE come.
Mother: Harry! I have nothing to wear!
Harry: I have someone on his way to take you to Macy's and Bloomingdale's
to make you look perfect. You must come!!!
Mother: Okay, okay, I suppose I will come.
Inauguration day comes. Mother is on the front row, next to the Secretary
of State. Harry is called up to become the next president. Mother digs the
Secretary of State in the ribs and says, "Hey, you see that boy Harry? His
brother's a doctor!"
JEWSLETTER
Tuesday, February 28th
*******************************
Facebook, you can love it, you can hate it, but either way you can't deny
that I spend countless hours reading the interest section of people I've
never met. After some searching, I've found over 14 Dartmouth Facebook
Groups dedicated to Jews. Here are my 3 favorites:
3. Jewish Geography is the Best Game Ever Created: "Where are you from?
What temple did you go to? Do you know...? It's the basic formula for
Jewish Geography. Ever met somebody from Long Island, Westchester county,
New Jersey, etc.? Then you've probably played Jewish Geography. Ever find
out later that you hooked up with somebody who went to temple with your
best friend's neighbor? Then this is the group for you."
So far it's a group of one, which just goes to show a very important
truth: Jews don't play games.
2. Jewish By Heritage, Gangsta By Locution: "Do you start every sentence
with yo? Were you Bat Mitzvahed? Is wack your favorite word? Are Snoop
Dogg and Golda Meir your heroes? We are the Chosen Ones."
Jewish Thugs: Scary Movie 4, It's definitely going to happen, I just don't
know who the target audience will be?
1. Jews Who Wish Hillel Would Just Leave Them The F*** Alone: "Sure, we're
technically Jewish - our mothers were Jewish, we had our bar/bat-mitzvahs,
and we feel guilty when we have a bacon cheeseburger on Yom Kippur. But,
really, like much of modern American Jewry, we actually don't care all
that much. But in spite of the fact that we haven't been to the Roth
Center since first-year orientation, Hillel still sends us, like, a
million Blitzes every week. Of course, we can't tell them to stop, because
our parents, well, they wouldn't be angry, just disappointed. But,
seriously, Hillel people, if you're reading this, just leave us alone. We
swear to God, one more Blitz, and we're joining Jews for Jesus. We mean
it."
If either of this group's two members is reading (which I doubt): I wonder
if this Blitz will be the one to push you over the edge?
*******************************
BOOK CLUB
Remember reading for fun?
Remind yourself of those good ol' days, with this first pick:
"Everything is Illuminated" by Jonathan Safran Foer.
Hillel will purchase the books to distribute before Spring Break
(and we'll be having a discussion sometime in the spring)
Blitz "Tat" ASAP to reserve your copy!
JEWS AND JAVA
Hit the 'ground' running? Come 'espresso' yourself?
Whatever, just show up to keep Ben Rosenbleet company-
just because he's old, doesn't mean he's not relevant.
Wednesday, Dartmouth Bookstore, 2-4 pm
STATE OF THE STATE
"The State of the State of Israel" will be presented by Rabbi Edward
Rettig-
on the current political landscape in the Middle East and our relationship
with Israel.
Discussion will follow the lecture
RSVP to Claudia Palmer to have dinner with Rabbi Rettig before the
lecture.
Wednesday, 7 pm, Roth Center
G-D SQUAD
So far only Team Christian has been showing up.
Despite this imbalance (or perhaps because of?), "we" have made it to the
playoffs.
For better or worse, this may be the time to make a difference.
Wednesday, 9 pm, Leede Arena
FRIDAY
Professor Jody Diamond presents the Indonesian Muslim Orchestra
performing L'cha Dodi at services.
Tradition with an Indonesian twist, that's what Hillel's all about.
Service 6 pm, Dinner 7 pm
ONE NIGHT STAND
Us: Jewish and hungry
You: Like to feed hungry Jews
Can we make it work?
Someone is needed to cook this Friday's dinner. It's a great deal.
Hillel buys the groceries, and you put them together.
Blitz Meredith Druss or Sarah Lawson if you can help out.
CLAUDALAH
Claudia and Havdalah are awesome...but together?
English just doesn't have enough positive adjectives.
I hear Dinner itself is a force to be reckoned with.
Bring your thanksgiving pants...you know, the ones with the elastic.
Blitz Claudia Palmer to RSVP
Saturday, 6pm, driver's needed AND rides provided
(you see the challenge, don't be shy, volunteer)
BAGEL BRUNCH
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Come become a lean, mean, carbohydrate eating machine.
(Jody Diamond and the Indonesian Muslim Orchestra will also be
accompanying your chewing)
Sunday, 1 pm, Roth Center
TOY (Taste of Yisrael)
Pita is spreading hummus about hookah. Oy vey, what a scandal!
Monday, 9 pm, Sigma Nu
MEETING
It's the last meeting of the term!
Relive the memories, wallow in nostalgia, and get somethin' somethin'
special from Libby
(who guarantees a fun time or a refund of your wasted time).
Tuesday, 6 pm, Roth Center
*******************************
Sometimes I sit on a couch, sipping coffee (pinkie curled up), reading the
paper, and shaking my head condescendingly at the section on world news.
Fighting breaking out at the polls, street rallies turning bloody,
candidate's posters destroyed....election day violence NEVER made any
sense.
Until today.
Luckily I have an overactive imagination and Dartmouth College Hillel
elections were nothing more than merely loud and tense....but if someone
had a heart condition, or was depending on today's youth to diplomatically
mold the peace of the future, then they would've walked (or been carried)
away very disturbed.
Congratulations to the winners of today's elections. I hope we can all
step into the Spring Term with energy, creativity, and most of all
kindness. "Why can't we all just get along?" are words that come to mind,
and then I remember that Rodney King screamed them.
*******************************
ELECTIONS
President-Chase Hogle
VP Programming-- Andrew Kaminski
VP Religion-- Alex Consky
House Man-David Nachman
Treasurer-- Dave Freeman
Communications-- Evan Michals
KIPPAH THE DATES OPEN:
Purim Ball - March 9th
Costume Shopping (for the above) - March 8th
Staying awake all night in anticipation - March 7th
Lachaim,
Tatyana "I want to have sled dogs, so that I can use 'mush' as a command"
Liskovich
*******************************
Jew of the Week: Chase and Evan for putting up a good fight and being
wonderful presidential candidates. (Runners up: Zach and the Russian girl
from the new Real World...two jews out of the seven crazies this season!)
Goy of the Week: Steve Martin for finally being honest and confirming my
worst fears....men fear wrinkles as much as women do, this soda jerk uses
"an alpha-hydroxy cream every night and my skin has never looked better."
Quote of the week (sponsored by David Glovsky):
"The Jewish vision became the prototype for many similar grand designs for
humanity, both divine and man made. The Jews, therefore, stand at the
center of the perennial attempt to give human life the dignity of a
purpose."
--Paul Johnson, American Historian
Joke of the Week: Jewish Personal Ads...I think that about says it all,
enjoy.
Jewish Princess, 28, seeks successful businessman of any major Jewish
denomination: hundreds, fifties, twenties. POB 27.
---------
Single, attractive, successful, self-absorbed woman, 34, seeks to save
money by spending yours. POB 29.
---------
Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman. POB
43.
---------
Israeli woman, 28, works behind falafel counter in pizza shop, looking for
Jewish man with sense of humus. POB 789.
---------
You're probably wondering why an accomplished PhD, LLB, MBA, DDS, MD, and
Rhodes Scholar like me isn't married yet. I'm a meeskate. POB 766.
---------
Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write. POB 74.
---------
Are you the girl I spoke with at the kiddush after shul last week? You
excused yourself to get more horseradish for your gefilte fish, but you
never returned. How can I contact you again? (I was the one with the
cholent stain on my tie). POB 766.
---------
Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for
born American woman who good speaks English. POB 99
---------
Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking
for girl whose father will employ me. POB 53.
JEWSLETTER: Bigger, longer, and still cut.
Tuesday, February 21
---------------------
By definition of "midterms" they should only happen once in a term, at the
very center between the start of classes and the final exam. But instead,
through dark forces unknown to mainstream mankind, the Dartmouth
Professors have figured out how to squeeze in at least two "midterms" per
class, per term, without changing the name. I don't know if it's a legal
case of false advertising, but I plan to pursue justice as soon as this
hell-week is over.
On an unrelated note, my parents called last week for Valentine's Day (ah,
behold the joys of unconditional love) and from them I was able to glean
some take-at-your-own-risk pearls of wisdom:
Dad told me that women are vicious hunters and that men are, too often,
their poor game. He explained that the only way he was able to stay alive
for so long was that he was extra wily and conveniently made of Kevlar.
The take-away message: do not use a gun to attract the object of your
affection.
Mom just told me to smile and eat less ice cream, because whenever I do,
my nose turns an unattractive shade of blue. A color often associated with
frustration. I was shocked by her apparent worldliness.
Both took the time to remind me that they planned to achieve immortality
through their grandchildren. Guilt may be a two-way street, but obviously
an art they have mastered.
---------------------
JEWS AND JAVA
Well we couldn't get Linda Richman to come,
but we still talk about coffee, New York,
dawters, dawgs, you know, no big whoop, just Coffee Talk!
2:30-4 pm, Dartmouth Bookstore, hosted by the original yentas, Lydia and
Libby
JEWS PLAY SPORTS?
Thanks to the amazing efforts of the people that played last Monday, we've
advanced in the playoffs. Our next game is tomorrow (Wednesday) night at
10:30 PM. Meet at AQ at 9:45 if you want a ride, or else meet us at
Thompson.
SHABBAT SHALOM
Professor Orleck in the History department is coming to talk about Soviet
Jewish Immigration
Please blitz Chase Hogle if you'd like to be a part of this discussion.
Services - 6 pm, Dinner - 7pm
HAVDALAH
Get bygones gone and greet the new week in style
Saturday, February 25th, Dinner 6pm, services 7pm
Performance by the Chords Acapella group, 7:30 pm
Come for any or all parts of this fabulous evening!
BAGEL BRUNCH
Want some carbs?
Come to the bagel brunch.
Want to increase your status as a sweet campus icon?
Come naked.
Sunday, 1 pm, Roth Center
TOY (Taste of Yisrael) NIGHT
Smoke hookah, eat hummus,
Enjoy all things big, small, and Jewish.
Monday, 9 pm, Sigma Nu fraternity
DYSH ON FYSH
At first they were afraid, they were petrified
But even with the cancelled Ski-Shabbaton, they will survive
Fun starts with planning a trip to Sugarbush this weekend
6 pm, Thursday, Roth Center
VOTE OR DIE
Elections for the spring and summer terms are being held at the next
meeting.
Drama is guaranteed, popcorn not included.
Blitz Libby Sherman with your interest in running for any of the important
and awe-inspiring below positions.
I mean, who wouldn't want to lead the chosen people?
President
VP Religious Affairs
Treasurer
Community Service Coordinator
Communications Chair
House Man
JPBC Rep
Cooking Coordinator
MEET AND GREET
Rabbi Edward Rettig, director of the Jerusalem Office of the American
Jewish Committee
is coming to Dartmouth to give a lecture on American Jewish Israeli
Relations and the Gaza Elections.
Hillel students will have the opportunity to have dinner with Rabbi Rettig
at the Hanover Inn beforehand.
Wednesday March 1st, 5:30 pm Dinner, 7 pm Talk
BIRTHRIGHT
Having already been born right, how could you possibly choose wrong?
Hurry and sign up for this summer's free trip to Israel by this Friday
(24th)!
Blitz Ben Rosenbleet for more information.
BOOKCLUB
We're reading "Everything is Illuminated" by Jonathan Safran Foer.
The Washington Post says that we'll feel:
"Altered, chastened-seared in the fire of something new."
Which logically will only help with our tans.
Hillel will buy and distribute copies of the book before Spring Break
Please blitz "Tat" if you'd like to reserve a copy.
Beware: you are also committing yourself to a luncheon discussion in the
spring.
KIPPAH THE DATES OPEN:
Purim Ball- March 9th
Claudalah: Havdalah @ Claudia's, March 4th
Lachaim,
Tatyana "should have been a cowboy" Liskovich
*****************************************
Jews of the Week: Kimmie Meissner, Sasha Cohen and Emily Hughes---all
three women on the US skating team.
Goys of the Week: K-Fed....AKA Kevin Federline, Britney's hubby, for
milking his 15 seconds for all they're worth by releasing his new
mysteriously titled single "PopoZão", which is Brazilian slang for "big
butt". Thank you Kevin, for not only bring culture back into our lives but
proving that what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. My ears are
still bleeding.
Quote of the week (sponsored by David Glovsky):
"The Jew gave us the Outside and the Inside - our outlook and our inner
life. We can hardly get up in the morning or cross the street without
being Jewish. We dream Jewish dreams and hope Jewish hopes. Most of our
best words, in fact - new, adventure surprise, unique, individual, person,
vocation, time, history, future, freedom, progress, spirit, faith, hope,
justice - are the gifts of the Jews."
--Thomas Cahill, Irish Author
Jokes of the Week:
Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
----------
Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes".
----------
Q. How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a
nuisance to anybody.
----------
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a
part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a
speaking part."
Sorry for the delay!
Libby's fault, not Tatayana. Happy Thursday!
JEWSLETTER
Tuesday, February 14
---------------------
The short and sweet, just the facts M'am, truncated, anorexic
version of the Jewsletter. Depending on the outcome of the national
preference poll, we may be returning to the previously
wordy-attempt-at-humor version next week.
---------------------
BAGEL BRUNCH
Sunday, 1 pm, Roth Center
TOY (Taste of Yisrael) NIGHT
Monday February 20th, 9 pm, Sigma Nu fraternity
FRIDAY
6 pm, Learner's Service
7 pm, Dinner
FYSH
6 pm, Thursday, Roth Center
SKI SHABBATON
First 35 people to register get 50% off of their lift tickets which
are $50 for one day, $75 for two. Also discounted rates if you
volunteer to host visiting students...blitz "JCrew" if you're
interested.
February 24th-26th
BAT MITZVAH
Pam Wendel '06 is celebrating hers and everyone is invited!
February 18th, 9:30 am services, 7-9 pm for dancing and games, Roth
Center
DARFUR ACTIVISM
Hillel is getting more involved with helping to raise campus and
nationwide awareness of the genocide in Darfur. Watch for
opportunities you can help at next week's meeting!
KIPPAH THE DATES OPEN:
Learner's Service- February 17th
Purim Ball- March 9th
Birthright Signups - happening right now, Blitz Ben Rosenbleet for
more info
JEWSLETTER
Tuesday, February 8
---------------------
Winter Carnival is coming, and I can't wait. Jews and Gentiles alike, come
together as Hedonists to celebrate the magic that is....winter...or
something. Regardless, ours is not to wonder why, it's tradition and you
don't monkey with that.
This weekend, while you're with your Goblet of Fire, drinking some
Voldemort, here are some questions to consider:
1. Will the snow sculpture melt? If so, will it flood my basement? Would
you be able to say that your water broke?
2. Will the alumni of class 'graduated-before-you-were-born' EVER stop
being sketchy? Is this your future? Is there a sketch rating you can
acquire? Is it just called "getting tested"?
3. A friend of mine once told me that it wasn't shameful to try to appeal
to the opposite sex with carefully planned outfits...it was just "good
marketing". To what extent is this true?
4. Can you ever party as hard as Leonard Nimoy? Are you brave enough to try?
---------------------
JEWS AND JAVA
Hosted by our very own Ben Rosenbleet...
Folks, we've waited a long time to get one,
So let's take advantage of him while we can!
(Do NOT read into that! "Java" is not a metaphor!)
2-4 pm in the Dartmouth Bookstore
NO BAGEL BRUNCH
Don't kvetch! It'll be back next week,
It just plans to sleep in on this particular Sunday...
As do you.
TOY (Taste of Yisrael) NIGHT
Have you tried the hookah? Have had the hummus?
Have you discovered the joy that only Jeremy Warburg can bring?
Kill three birds with one puff, puff, pass...
Monday February 13th, 9 pm, Sigma Nu fraternity
TU B'SHVAT SEDER
Another guilt-free Jewish Holiday?
Hurrah! It's a new year for the trees,
So don't carry a chip on your shoulder,
Or wood in your.....ummm...just don't.
But DO come to Seder (co-hosted by the friendly, crunchy students of ECO)
Monday February 13th, 6 pm, Roth Center
SHABBAT
No professor.
No discussion.
It's back to the basics week with:
Service at 6 pm, dinner at 7.
Be there, or be....somewhere else.
BOOKS AND JEWS
Because Jooks and Jews was taken.
But seriously, the book club is coming.
Start suggesting ideas for our first selection!
DYSH ON FYSH
They're not getting any younger, but then again...
Neither are we.
6 pm, Thursday, in the library (B.Y.O. Funk)
DEBATE ON ISRAEL
This event is not sponsored by Hillel, but it's certainly relevant to our
interests...
Go, listen, and ask tough questions... (In that order)
Former undercover IDF soldier Ram Sedi and Harvard Professor Robert Pape
Debate whether or not Israel has the right to exist and why there are
Palestinian terrorists.
Friday, February 10th, 4 pm, Filene Auditorium
SKI SHABBATON
It's all downhill from there...
HB invites are going out today; the first 35 people to register get 50%
off of their lift tickets which are $50 for one day, $75 for two. Also
discounted rates if you volunteer to host a Jew or two or three...blitz "JCrew"
if you're interested.
February 24th-26th
BAT MITZVAH
Come relive the glory days of junk food, bad music, corny games and the
electric slide.
Congratulations to Pam Wendel '06 who's finally, in the words of my
grandma, "becoming a real woman".
February 18th, 7-9 pm, Roth Center (ah the joys of the "multipurpose
room")
KIPPAH THE DATES OPEN:
Learner's Service- February 17th
Purim Ball- March 9th
Birthright Signups for summer '06 begin TODAY! February 8th
Lachaim,
Tatyana "Rage on" Liskovich
Jew of the Week: Ben Rosenbleet, for having his birthday this Thursday!
Make sure that if you see him out, congratulate him for living this long,
buy him a drink (something with antioxidants) and give up your seat on the
bus. Curiously, my invitation to the celebration must have been lost in
the mail....
Goys of the Week: Ben AND Jerry. Or should I call them the "flavor of the
week" (not funny no matter how sleep deprived you are). Can someone
volunteer to let them know the good news?
Quote of the week (overheard and passed on by David Glovsky):
"Some people like the Jews, and some do not. But no thoughtful man can
deny the fact that they are, beyond any question, the most formidable
and the most remarkable race which has appeared in the world."
-- Winston Churchill
Joke of the Week:
WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND:
Definitely not!
WIFE:
Why not - don't you like being married?
HUSBAND:
Of course I do.
WIFE:
Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND:
Okay, I'd get married again.
WIFE:
You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND:
(makes audible groan).
WIFE:
Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND:
Sure, it's a great house.
WIFE:
Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND:
Where else would we sleep?
WIFE:
Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND:
Probably, it is almost new.
WIFE:
Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND:
That would seem like the proper thing to do..
WIFE:
Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND:
No, she's left-handed.
That's where the joke ends, but personally I think it's the wife who
becomes a young widow)
JEWSLETTER
Tuesday, January 31 (sorry, I'm sending it out a little late)
---------------------
Being sick certainly makes one appreciate the good things in life.
Like what? Well....just off the top of my head:
1. Breathing out of both nostrils
2. Not having to pretend that cherry-flavored Dayquil is dessert
3. Saving your favorite elephant-mating-call impersonations for a
more private time
4. Not being able to cook eggs on your feverish skin, or at least
thinking you can
5. Coughing to clears one's throat instead of hacking up a lung and
causing a small earthquake in parts of Eastern Europe
Am I sick? Just a little. I feel that at any moment, I'm going to be
recruited to serve as a cheap, but effective instrument of
biological warfare. They call it Cold....Common Cold....and it's
coming to a dorm-hall near you. So eat healthy, sleep well, and
disinfect all your friends before greeting them.
---------------------
JEWS AND JAVA
Java and Jews. Any way you put it together, it's a perfect
combination. Was it a match made in heaven or are they just really
good friends? Get the daily grind...
Wednesday 1-4 Dartmouth Bookstore, hosted by: Ben Rosenbleet IV
G-D SQUAD
So yeah, Godsquad vs. DCAD, Leede Arena, 10:15 PM.
VOLUNTEERING....it's not just for others, anymore!
Hillel is teaming up with Students Fighting Hunger to cook a meal
for those in need this Friday from 4-6 pm at the Edge House on
School Street. Blitz Lydia Gensheimer if you can help!
SHABBAT SHALOM
Did you ever think the lyrics to the Beatles song "Come Together"
was about Shabbat? Seriously, the song encodes subliminal messages
about your Jew-Jew eyeballs being holy rollers this Friday night
(just leave the mojo filter at home)....
Ken Yalowitz, former US ambassador to Belarus and director of the
Dickey Center will be leading a discussion on Global Health Issues,
blitz Chase Hogle if you'd like to participate.
The menu looks amazing, Dave is cooking fresh macaroni and cheese
(with crust), salad, and brownie sundaes for dessert!
Services-6 pm, Dinner-7 pm
BAGEL BRUNCH
Bread with a hole in the middle, undoubtedly a business goldmine any
way you slice it. Started a trend of products with holes including:
the donut (glazed bagel), the jean (boot-cut bagel), and the
hula-hoop (before this, people were attempting to twirl slabs of
plastic around their waists) Bagels were first invented by Jews in
Krakow, Poland in 1610...and you wonder how we get a reputation?
Forecast says it'll be cloudy with a good chance of LOX!
Sunday 1 pm, Roth Center
(There will also be a representative from the Jewish Leadership
Experience program discussing opportunities to go to Israel at this
week's brunch)
TOY (Taste of Yisrael) NIGHT
Imagine a world where you could partake in smoking hookahs and
eating pita and hummus on a weekly basis....wow...it's so
beautiful....if only dreams came true....
Monday February 6th, 9 pm, Sigma Nu fraternity
DYSH ON FYSH
They're still young and virile. Okay, at least they're young.
President Kaminski is still looking for someone to make snow-angels
with him, if you're interested in babysitting, please contact him
soon. Also blitz JCrew or Shabbaton if you can house students
February 24-26, discounts for skiing will be provided (and swapping
is encouraged)
6 pm, Thursday, in the library, with the candlestick
IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS*CONFUSE YOUR ENEMIES
Music Professor Jody Diamond is looking for students who are
interested in learning to play the Javanese gamelan for a Jewish
musical performance in March. Blitz Chase Hogle to learn more about
this unique opportunity.
AS ALWAYS?
Tuesday meetings with dinner are at 6 pm
We all took a vote and decided that you should come.
Do Democracies really work? Results will be in by next week....
But only if you come. The fate of the free world depends on it.
Lachaim,
Tatyana "I need a Kleenex" Liskovich
KIPPAH THE DATES OPEN:
Ski Shabbaton - February 24th-26th
Birthright Signups for summer '06 begin February 8th
Jew of the Week: Magneto- after surviving Auschwitz you should have
some leeway to be an evil mega-villain every once in a while.
Goy of the Week: Chuck Norris. His tears cure cancer. Too bad he has
never cried.
Joke of the Week: (I laughed, but then again...I was born in Minsk)
The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The
people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from
Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being
frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.
The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and
the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a
bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they
would never have to worry about the milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move
away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move
away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what
to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. "Whenever the bull
approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back,
she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach
from the side and she just walks away to the other side."
The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy
this cow from Minsk?"
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where
they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"
The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
JEWSLETTER
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Superstitions are terrible things to have. I should know since I am bound
to more than my fair share of them. My family is an unholy alliance of
Russians, Jews, and Psychotic Riverats, so you may well understand how
I've inherited quirks from every direction. Sometimes I roam through the
sewers, craving borsch and gnawing on my tail, a part of which was cut off
at birth...but that's a different story.
JEWS AND JAVA
There may not be funny, there might not even be witty, but by gosh, there
shall be Coffee!
Wednesday, 1-4 pm, Dartmouth Bookstore
BAGEL BRUNCH
This may be one of the most popular events in Hillel history...could its
cool rub off on you? Would you be a bagel-by-association? The answer
awaits you at....
Sunday 1 pm, Roth Center
(Possible sledding may follow this week's bagel brunch, if the polar ice
caps don't melt before Sunday, and we all become stuck in the Hell that
is: Kevin Costner's "Water World")
FRIDAY...it stands alone
That night...6 pm services
The freshmen are leading services and surely their youth will help you
remember the good "old" days 1, 2 or 3 (gasp!) years ago, when you were
their age.
Later that night....7 pm Dinner
Alex Stein, Lauren Breach and I are cooking. It's going to be
out-of-this-world delicious. This may be self-promotion, but I think we
deserve it, and I think you owe it to yourself to be there and try it
yourself.
GREEK SHABBAT
If you're not an '09, then you're invited to an alternative dinner at KDE
sorority (also at 7 pm Friday night). Surprised? Don't be! This event
continues the historic tradition of Greeks incorporating Jewish culture
into their lives. Organized by Lydia Gensheimer, Maya Ilowite, and Rebecca
Houck.
DYSH ON FYSH
They're planning the Ski Shabbaton, they're leading services, and they're
going to David's house later this month. Though they're not yet a viable
alternative to paper money, my intuition tells me that it's the logical
next step.
Freshmen
They're everywhere you want to be.
(Or you can find them 6 pm, Thursdays, "in the library"_
TOY (Taste of Yisrael) NIGHT
Hookahs and Hummus, a devastatingly good-looking combination
Monday January 30th, 9 pm, Sigma Nu fraternity
HAVEN YOU HEARD?
Come volunteer with middle school kids at this Emergency Shelter every
Monday....blitz Lydia Gensheimer for more information and to be part of
this wonderful project.
TZEDAKAH BOX
You may not be a rich man, but you've still got time to change (which is
what we're looking for) Watch for it going around at our next meeting!
(Does anyone remember the words to that song: "All day long I'd biddy
biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man." How does one "biddy biddy bum"? Suggestions are
welcome. Answers will be printed in the next Jewsletter Edition.)
HE GOT GAME
Or at least he used to? Yesterday's "G-d Squad" (Aquinas House + Hillel)
basketball game was a glorious victory, however, none of the chosen people
showed up.... There's another b-ball game this Thursday and a Hockey match
Monday at 5 pm. Blitz Kaminski for more information.
AS ALWAYS
Tuesday meetings are at 6 pm
The women are handsome, the men are good looking, and everyone else is
above average.
KIPPAH THE DATES OPEN:
Ski Shabbaton - February 24th-26th
If you want to generously volunteer to house some of the visiting students
(and get a discount on your ski pass) blitz Shabbaton or JCrew. (See? And
you say Hillel isn't a dating service!?!?)
Cheers, Lachaim or as in the Russian tradition....actually not much is
said (though the glass is never half, or any kind of full),
Tatyana
Jew of the Week: (for the first time of the term, this Jew is 100% Kosher)
Rabbi Boraz, for sharing his wisdom and reflections at the meeting about
the days when he was, and I quote directly, "on the market".
Goy of the Week: Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito who, despite your
party affiliation, has lasted through some brutal confirmation hearings
(These hearings are the outcomes of off-shore experimentation with
crossing Q&A session with middle school Dodgeball games and an angry
monkey: Someone always cries, and there's a lot of shit flung around)
Joke of the Week:
A Grandmother's Plea
A Jewish lady's grandson is playing in the water while she is standing on
the beach not wanting to get her feet wet when all of a sudden a huge wave
appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is
wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He simply
vanished. She holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries, "Lord, how
could you?
Have I not been a wonderful grandmother?
Have I not been a wonderful mother?
Have I not given to Bnai Brith?
Have I not given to Hadassah?
Have I not lit candles every Friday night at sunset?
Have I not tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?"
A loud voice booms from the sky, "OKAY, OKAY!" A few minutes later another
huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water
recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if
nothing had ever happened.
The loud voice booms again "I HAVE RETURNED YOUR GRANDSON. ARE YOU
SATISFIED NOW?
She responds, "He had a hat."
JEWSLETTER
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
I had this GREAT multi-million dollar Jewish Superhero idea,
complete with Menorah Man (He fights for 8 days and always gets the
miracle he asks for...which is usually to win and/or get the candle
wax out of his crevices), Latke Girl (Think '50's housewife with
access to a lot of potatoes. In my version of history, she ends the
Irish Famine), and Dreidel Boy (who spins really fast, his back
story was to include untreated ADHD in a household with a lot of
glass vases). Unfortunately most of these things have already been
thought of, http://www.jewishsuperhero.com/ I guess it's back to the
drawing board.
PARADISE WHEN?
Now! This powerful film about two Palestinian suicide bombers is
playing at the HOP through the film society series, today
(Wednesday) at 7 pm, meet afterwards at the front of the building to
go get some coffee at Border's and discuss the movie. (If you can't
go to this screening, some J-Crew is also meeting at the hop at 8:45
for the 9 pm showing) According to Chase, this is a bad place
to pick up girls...some see this as a problem, others as a
challenge...how do you want to be remembered?
JEWS AND JAVA
Come caffeinate yourself with Ben Rosenbleet....
Wednesday, 1-4 pm, Dartmouth Bookstore
GOT CHALLAH?
If not, then you really "knead" it!
Thursday Jan 19th at 7 pm come prepare the dough!
And in the wise words of Meredith Druss, "get baked"
Friday Jan 20th 3 pm
Best Challah braiding WINS PRIZES!
The braiding should take all of about 30-45 minutes, if people are
on time.
The challah will be baked in the afternoon, and they will be ready
for dinnertime. Those who made the challah should come back for
Hillel friday night dinner to claim prizes.
(Which may include our famous, multi-colored, for sale debut of the
"Challah Back" shirts!)
LOVE TO COOK?
Maybe just like it? Don't mind doing it? Could be cajoled into
volunteering?
Blitz Meredith Druss or Sarah Lawson! Make anything you want as long
as it is kosher. Hillel will fund your creative efforts
BAGEL BRUNCH
Same old story, (Sunday 1 pm at the Roth Center), different bagels.
And then come to:
JEWS ON ICE
Following this week's bagel brunch, come skate on Occum Pond.
Hillel will generously pay half of your $5 rental costs! 2 pm Sunday
SHABBAT...Uh whoaaaaaaaah, living on a prayer....
6 pm services
7 pm Dinner, Manischewitz will be there, will you?
Married English Professors Ivy Schweitzer and Tom Luxon will hold a
dinner discussion on "Interfaith Marriage and Raising Jewish
Children" at 7 pm in the library. Blitz Hogle to participate!
DYSH ON FYSH
During the last meeting, everyone in the current "Kaminski
administration" was re-elected to their posts for another term. Vice
President Lauren Breach expressed considerable joy at this
"unsurprising" turn of events. Opposition has been brutally
oppressed and is recovering at Dick's House. Meetings will continue
at 6 pm every Thursday in the library. Stay tuned here, for your
latest up-to-date political squabbling.
MUSIC FOR YOUR SOUL
Visiting Professor and Israeli classic pianist Sally Pinkas will be
performing and lecturing at the Roth Center with her husband on
Monday January 23, 8 pm. Follow this wonderful event up with.....
TOY (Taste of Yisrael) NIGHT
Hookahs and Hummus and Sally Pinkas!
Monday January 23rd, 9 pm, Sigma Nu fraternity
(Brian Meyers voiced all of our thoughts with, "How can we get a
bunch of toy soldiers to do Sally Pinkas?" If you don't understand
the reference you should come to Tuesday meetings!)
HAVE YOU HAVEN LATELY?
Come volunteer working with kids at this Emergency Shelter every
week....blitz Lydia Gensheimer for more information!
TZEDAKAH BOX
It's coming to a Hillel meeting near you
Step one: Bring Money
Step two: Part with it
For some, practice may be necessary.
HE GOT GAME
IM sports message from IM chair, Andrew Kaminski:
We lost basketball
We lost hockey
They were both fun.
We definitely need more basketball players. Monday, January 23rd, 8
pm, is the next basketball game, in leede arena. Bring an extra pair
of shoes so you don't get the court wet. (No hockey game for the
next 2 weeks)
AS ALWAYS?
Tuesday meetings are at 6 pm
Food? Free
Fun? Priceless
KIPPAH THE DATES OPEN:
Ski Shabbaton - February 24th-26th
Jew of the Week: Laura Little for planning such a fun meeting!
Goy of the Week: Golden globe winning director, Ang Lee, "Brokeback
Mountain"
Joke of the Week:
An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate
to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man
says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like
heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of
this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man,
"You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get
there. I'm calling my brother back! , and we'll both be there
tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs
up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he
says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares."
JEWSLETTER
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
This is my first Jewsletter. I am now following in the proud
tradition of the authors who came before me and hope to fill those
big shoes by wearing thick socks. You know what they say about girls
in thick socks?
Warm Feet....which is always a good thing during Winter Term in
Hanover, no matter how much progress Global Warming has made. It's
going to be nearly 40 degrees this weekend and I am glad to know
that my efforts to pollute the world may finally be paying off.
Anyway, there's a lot going on this term and this week. All the cool
kids are at least skimming through the following events, and that's
a bandwagon you should definitely get on!
----------------------------
ELECTION RESULTS
The only election during which there was almost no voting, offices
seemed to be filled through the clever alternating between Jewish
guilt and peer pressure. There were loud sighs of relief after the
cooking position was filled and everyone left smiling.
Congratulations to all of you!
Cooking Coordinators: Sarah Lawson and Meredith Druss
IM Sports Chair: Andrew Kaminski
SA Rep: Josh Jacobson
PROJECT PRESERVATION
Do you want to go to Belarus this summer and help to restore a
Jewish cemetery? Or do you want to miss out on an experience of a
lifetime? Those are your only two options in this case, come find
out more about this amazing project.
Thursday, January 12th, 7pm Carson L01
SHABBAT
This Friday's sermon is dedicated to Darfur and the dinner will be
Sudanese inspired food. Professor Nelson Kasfir will be leading an
informal dinner and discussion with students on the subject of
Darfur, space is limited so blitz Chase Hogle if you'd like to RSVP.
Otherwise dinner will be open to all at 7 pm as usual, services are
at 6 pm, and this week there will also be Wine and Cheese at 5:30
pm. Come and get some Cucumber Salad and Fava Beans for the Soul.
ALSO (best heading ever!)
This Thursday (2-6pm) go to Manchester with Darfur Action Group to
help lobby Senator Gregg for more funds to the African Union Troops
in Darfur, Contact Chase Hogle if interested
BAGEL BRUNCH
Come for the shmear, stay for the schmooze
Sunday 1 pm at the Roth Center
JEWS AND JAVA
The coffee is hot, Ben Rosenbleet is cool, and the combination of
the two can give meaning to one's life and otherwise empty
existence.
1-4 pm, Dartmouth Bookstore
HERE IN HAVEN
Hillel will be volunteering at the Haven, an emergency shelter for
displaced families. We'll be working to organize programs with
middle-school aged students every other week starting Monday,
January 16th, 3:30-5:30
Contact Lydia Gensheimer, if interested or have any ideas for
possible activities.
TOY (Taste of Yisrael) NIGHT
Hookahs and Hummus, Come hang out, tell, and puff legally
Monday January 16th, 9 pm, in the cryptically named "Elk Room" of
Sigma Nu fraternity
DISH ON FYSH (First Years Students of Hillel)
'09's have collectivized, they're considered armed with good
intentions, positive attitudes, and should be considered dangerous.
Bowling this Wednesday, meet at 7 pm in the Roth Center if
interested in going.
Meetings are weekly 6 pm, Thursdays, Blitz Ben Rosenbleet for more
information
SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE
President of Hillel Libby Sherman loves to take long walks on the
beach, hold hands while looking at sunsets, and gaze adoringly into
the eyes of tall, dark and handsome Jewish future professionals.
Please contact her if you'd like more information or are ready to
provide a resume.
Jewish Acapella Group: Contact Jordana Beeber, if interested
Kosher Iron Chef: Contact Laura Little, if interested
KIPPAH THE DATES OPEN:
Ski Shabbaton - February 24th-26th
Challah Baking - January 19th and 20th
Ice Skating- January 22nd (after Bagel Brunch)
----------------------------
That's all folks...Good Night, and Good Luck. (I spent a good five
minutes trying to figure out whether or not this was more
appropriate than "Stay Classy Hillel". In the end, I flipped a coin)
-Tat "I hate my last name"
Jew of the Week: Lauren Breach for being "outspoken"
Goy of the Week: JK Rowling for making us hate the fact that we're
mere Muggles.
Quotes:
#1. Seinfeld
JERRY: Elaine, the guy's Jewish two days, he's already making Jewish
jokes.
ELAINE: So what? When someone turns twenty-one, they usually get
drunk the first night.
JERRY: Booze is not a religion.
ELAINE: Tell that to my father.
#2. Hebrew Hammer
Mordechai Jefferson Carver: [talking on the phone] I need you to get
in contact with the world-wide Jewish media conspiracy and mass
produce every holiday movie that has a Jewish protagonist who is
depicted in a positive light.
Chief Bloomenbergansteinthal: So you want me to mass produce "Yentl,"
"Fiddler on the Roof" and Chaim Potok's "The Chosen?"
Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Right.
Last Jewsletter of the Term
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
The term is just about done, and finals are poking their evil heads
up out of the scum from which they come, but never fear, free food,
free coffee, and a free dance with free food will be coming your way
to help battle the horrible monster that is finals week.
FYI, the Roth Center will be open 24/7 during finals. It's a great,
quiet place to study, and it will be fully stocked with drinks and
snacks. What more could a Dartmouth student want during finals?
(sorry, no beer).
Jews and Java - Wednesday from 2 to 4 pm at the Dartmouth
Bookstore's Starbucks
Free coffee, and a great study break. Plus, a free buzz for your
essay writing!
FYSH Meeting - Thursday at 5:30 at the Roth Center
Last meeting of the term for Hillel freshmen. Free dinner!
Chanukah Ball - Thursday from 8 to 11 pm at the Hanover Inn (Daniel
Webster Room).
A formal dance, free food, an open bar, and a great way to begin
reading period.
Friday Night Service and Dinner - Friday at 6:30 / 7:30 at the Roth
Center
Get your God on before the weekend. A great way to relax from the
stress of finals.
No Bagel Brunch Sunday
Too many finals.
God Squad Hockey either Winter or Spring Term
Keep a lookout for our Hillel/AQ co-ed IM hockey team. It'll be fun.
Good luck slaying the finals beast, and have a great winter break--
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Tatyana Liskovich, for coordinating the Chanukah
Ball and working behind the scenes to make sure it is awesome.
Second Jew of the Week: Libby Sherman, for a great job as fall Prez.
Good work!
Goy of the Week: The turkey I ate last Thursday.
Jokes of the Week:
#1:
Benjamin and Morris are sitting in a wonderful Kosher restaurant in
Boston.
They are talking among themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes
up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is
okay, can he get them anything, and so forth. Benjamin and Morris
are dumbfounded.
"My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think.
After they pay the bill they ask the manager, an old friend of
theirs, also fluent in Yiddish, "Where did your waiter learn such
fabulous Yiddish?"
The owner looks around and leans over to them so no one will hear
and says, "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."
#2
"I'm getting operated on tomorrow"
"Oh? What are they going to do?"
"Circumcise me!"
"I had that done when I was just a few days old."
"Did it hurt?"
"I couldn't walk for a year."
#3
For months, Leah had been nagging her husband to go with her to the
séance parlor of Madame Sadie.
"Cyril, Madame Sadie is a real gypsy and she brings the voices of
the dead from the other world. We all talk to them. Last week, I
talked with my mother, may she rest in peace. Cyril, for only $50
you can talk to your zaida who you miss so much."
Cyril could not resist and at the next séance, there was Cyril
sitting under the colored light at the green table, holding hands
with the person on each side of him. All were humming.
Madame Sadie, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a
crystal ball. "My medium Vashtri, who is that with you? Mr
Himmelfarb? Cyril's zaida?"
Cyril swallowed the lump in his throat and called, "Grandpa? zaida?"
"Ah, Cyril?" a thin voice quavered.
"Yes, yes," cried Cyril, "this is your Cyril, zaida, are you happy
in the other world?"
"Cyril, I am in bliss. I'm with your bubba. We laugh, we sing, we
gaze upon the shining face of the Lord."
Cyril asks his zaida many questions and his zaida answers each,
until -
"So now, Cyril, I have to go. The angels are calling. Just one more
question I can answer. Ask. Ask."
"Zaida," sighed Cyril, "when did you learn to speak English?"
Jewsletter
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
The term is beginning to start the process of eventually winding
down, and I for one am ready to engulf a flightless bird in gravy
and down it with potatoes and squash. I'm also ready for
Thanksgiving. Go Pilgrims! ... Were any of them Jewish? Probably
not, since the Pilgrims were escaping persecution, and everyone
knows Jews never get persecuted.
ELECTION RESULTS-------
After vicious fights to the death, only a few brave gladiators stood
among the carnage and claimed their spot on the Hillel board. Jeremy
even had to fight a lion, after the lion claimed he stole its
giraffe carcass. Jeremy quickly silenced the lion, permanently, and
denies its allegations.
VP Programming - Jeremy Warburg
VP Membership - Laura Little
Treasurer - Daria Red Earth
Communications - Tatyana Liskovich
House Man - David Nachman
JPBC Rep - Alex Gelman
EVENTS
Jews and Java - Wednesday 2 to 4 pm @ Dartmouth Bookstore Starbucks
Fun chat, cool time, great study break. And, maybe this time Ben
Rosenbleet will bring his gnome collection for display. If he does,
I might have to bring my Liza Minelli stamp collection.
-------------
Thunder in Guyana [Film] - Wednesday 7pm @ Dartmouth 105
"Thunder in Guyana," a film by Suzanne Wasserman, will show Wed.,
Nov. 16 at 7pm in Dartmouth 105, followed by a Q&A with the
filmmaker. This is the story of how Janet Rosenberg from Chicago
ended up being elected President of Guyana in 1997. The film, filled
with passion, politics, and revolution, tells dramatic story of
Janet and her husband, and their desire to change Guyana.
-------------
GSA Meets at the Roth Center - Wednesday 8 pm @ Roth Center
The Gay-Straight Alliance is meeting at the Roth Center to discuss
[among other things] religion and homosexuality, and food will be
provided. Got something you'd like them to discuss? Come out to the
meeting!
-------------
First Year Students of Hillel Meeting - Thursday 5:30 @ Roth Center
Electing next year's positions, plus dinner and other freshmen
planning. It's a great way to meet freshmen that isn't a frat
basement.
-------------
Friday Night Services and Dinner - Friday 6:30 and 7:30 pm @ Roth
Center
Start your weekend off right, with Manishewitz and Challah. If you
haven't been before, this would be a good time to go, to get more in
touch with your Jewish side.
Pregame with God!
-------------
Wanna cook this Friday's Shabbat dinner? Blitz Hillel.
You get free reign to cook anything Kosher you want, as long as it's
not bacon.
-------------
Chanukah Ball - December 1st, 8 to 11 pm @ Hanover Inn
Dancing, DJ, Free Food, Open Bar, awesome time. Dancing... you know
what that means... us Jews have some practicing to do before the big
night. But then again, who cares? Because the dance will be all
Jews!
-------------
Well, that about wraps it up for this week. Be sure to tune in next
time for the last Jewsletter of the term, and of my job as
communications chair.
As a side note, I really like gravy, and can't wait to eat a turkey.
But that has to be pretty embarrassing for the turkey, being stuffed
with bread and spreading its legs out on display for all to see,
before its limbs are individually ripped off. Fun.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Sacha Baron Cohen, the comedian behind "Da Ali G
Show," is not only a hilarious, controversy-starting Jew, but also
is being sued by the foreign ministry of Kazakhstan, for saying that
the country is full of drunks who enjoy cow-punching. They deny that
allegation.
Goy of the Week: Claudia and family, for making a delicious meal and
a great night for us Havdallizers last Saturday night. Burning
furniture is fun!
Joke of the Week:
The Hebrew people were sitting around Mt. Sinai. You could hear only
a subdued murmur among them, but you could feel the tension in the
air. For hours now, Moses had been on top of the mountain, hidden
from their gaze by clouds wafting around its top. Sometimes the
clouds became dark and you could hear thunder rolling down. In spite
of the warm weather this always caused a shudder among the waiting
mass.
The end of day was approaching and dusk was beginning to set in when
suddenly a figure came through the clouds and walked down the steep
mountainside carrying a heavy load. It was Moses.
Moses set down his load and raised his hands. "Friends," he said,
"friends, it was hard work and I have done my best. I have
negotiated with Him. I used every possible argument, every trick I
could think of--and I think I was successful. The good news is: I
brought him down from fifteen to ten. The bad news is: Adultery is
still in."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
This term is going fast, and that means your professors are
going to be giving more tests, there will be more work to do
with less time to do it, and before you know it you'll be
stuffing a greasy disemboweled bird down your esophagus. And
then later there's Thanksgiving.
Events:
------
Jews and Java - Wednesday from 2 to 4 pm @ Dartmouth Bookstore
Free Starbucks, a nice study break in the middle of the week,
and an awesomely delicious coffee. Want a buzz before getting in
a discussion with Jews? Then this event is for you!
---------------
Lesbian Rabbi Lecture and Dessert - Wednesday afternoon and
night
Rabbi Kleinbaum is from one of the first gay-lesbian synagogues
in the country, and will be giving a lecture tomorrow at 4:00 PM
in 105 Dartmouth Hall.
Wednesday night, there will be a dessert discussion with Rabbi
Kleinbaum at 8 pm at the Hanover Inn McFate Room 116. RSVP to
Hillel if you would like to attend the dessert.
---------------
FYSH Meeting - Jew Crew - Freshmen - Thursday at 5:30 pm @ Roth
Center
Food and planning for the first-years. Are you an 09? Want to
help plan Hillel's future? Come to the meeting!
---------------
Freshmen Bowling - Thursday night after the FYSH meeting. Meet @
Roth Center
The 09s are going bowling! Wanna go this Thursday night to the
bowling alley with other freshmen Jews? Have questions? Blitz
Ben Rosenbleet. Space is limited.
---------------
Introduction to Shabbat Services at Hillel - This Friday at 6:30
pm @ Roth Center
Ever wonder what Hillel's Friday night Shabbat services are all
about? Come find out! Bring a friend! Bring a Goy! Bring a
Goyfriend!
---------------
Claudallah - Saturday at 6pm @ Claudia's House
We're having havdallah at Claudia's house! Claudia is the
administrative assistant for the Rabbi, and one of the nicest
people alive. We'll be having a great time at her house, doing
havdallah, eating some dinner, and burning furniture.
RSVP to Claudia Palmer by this Friday at noon if you want to go.
---------------
Movie Night with AQ - Saturday at 9 pm @ Aquinas House
We're watching a good ol' Jew meets Goy movie, appropriate for
any Hillel/AQ venture. It's the Frisco Kid, Gene Wilder meets
Harrison Ford, and it will be lots of fun.
---------------
Bagel Brunch - Sunday at 1 pm @ Roth Center
Free bagels, schmear, lox, and a tasty way to cure that
hangover.
---------------
Taste of Yisrael - Monday at 9 pm @ Roth Center
[weather-dependant]
Enjoy some snacks [pitas, hummus, chips, salsa, soda], chat [you
know, a Jewish chat], and hookahs [entirely optional]. A
relaxing way to start the week and cure your case of the
Mondays.
---------------
Elections Next Tuesday - Tuesday at 6 pm @ Roth Center
During our general meeting, we'll be electing positions for the
winter term exec board. The positions of VP Membership, VP
Communications, and VP Programming will be up for grabs.
Want to run for something? Want to be the future writer of the
Jewsletter? Come next week!
I'm sad.
---------------
GSA Meeting at the Roth Center - Wednesday Nov. 16th at 8 pm @
Roth Center
The Gay-Straight Alliance is meeting at the Roth Center to
discuss [among other things] religion and homosexuality, and
food will be provided. Got something you'd like them to discuss?
Come out to the meeting!
---------------
Chanukah Ball - December 1 from 8 to 11 pm @ Hanover Inn
A formal dance, a DJ, an open bar, free food, and a grand ol'
Jewish time. It shall be a great night, and if you can't dance,
don't worry, there will be free food, so everyone's happy!
---------------
So keep in mind these events, have a great week, and watch out
for the possibility of snow on Friday.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Lydia Gensheimer, for although not being
President, she ran tonight's meeting with a fluid effervescence
that goes far beyond what a real President would need in order
to speak publicly.
Goy of the Week: Lauren Breach, for although not being Jewish,
she's on the freshmen exec board and working really hard in a
questionably Jewish kind of way.
Joke of the Week:
Solomon is out in the woods when he comes across a bear.
Frightened for his life, Solomon runs as fast as he can to
escape the bear and manages to hide in a cave. But he is
horrified to find that the bear has run after him into the cave
and now Solomon is trapped. He closes his eyes and begins to
recite "Sh'ma Yisrael" in anticipation of his final moments.
When he is finished, he opens his eyes and is surprised to see
the bear in front of him with his eyes closed--also praying in
Hebrew. Solomon thinks to himself "How lucky am I to be cornered
by what must be the only Jewish bear in the area! We're
mishpocheh--I'm saved!" And then he listens more carefully to
the bear's prayer: "...HAMOTZI LECHEM MIN HA'ARETZ."
a little late this week, but better than never,
right?
Jewsletter
For Tuesday, November 1, 2005
As we move forward from Halloween, we think about the wonderful time
we had, perhaps dancing in costume, perhaps going from door to door
demanding candy like a child, or perhaps we don't remember what
happened. Whatever the experience, many of us now wish we just had
one more funpack of M&Ms, or just one more Bite Sized Snickers. I
for one have way too much taffy, and it is very disgusting.
Events->
Codename JewCrew [fysh meeting]
Thursday at 5:30 pm @ Roth Center
Planning some great events with the fresh ideas of the 09s. Are you
a freshman? Want to help plan some cool Hillel activities? Come to
the meeting! Free dinner. Woohoo.
Shabbat Service + Dinner -Friday at 6:30 + 7:30 @ Roth Center
Earn some good karma before you go out Friday and Saturday night
DINNER with PROFESSOR SMOLIN
This Friday at 7:30 @ Roth Center
New and popular Professor Jon Smolin will be at the Roth Center
during the Friday night dinner for a small discussion and dinner
with students about the politics of Moroccan literature. This
informal talk is separate from the main dinner and will be in the
Roth Center library. It's limited to 12 students, so if you'd like
to attend, RSVP to Charles Hogle.
Bagel Brunch - Sunday at 1pm @ Roth Center
Late enough to wake up from the night before, and early enough to
call it brunch.
TOY is BACK
Monday at 9 pm @ Roth Center
Hookahs, hummus, snacks, and a very relaxing chat with fellow Jews.
And you don't even have to like hookahs to enjoy yourself----I go, I
don't smoke, and I still have a great time.
DESSERT with VISITING RABBI KLEINBAUM
November 9 at 8 pm @ Hanover Inn McFate Room 116
A visiting gay Rabbi will be at the Hanover Inn for a discussion and
dessert with students. If you want to attend, RSVP to Hillel.
You can finally get that cheesecake that Justin Brownstone has
always been talking about at the Hanover Inn. Or the apple pie Evan
Michals loves.
MOVIE NIGHT with AQ!
Saturday night Nov 12 at AQ we'll be watching The Frisco Kid,
starring Harrison Ford and Gene Wilder. A funny movie about a Rabbi
and a Christian.
It's Jew meets Christian, in the movie AND in real life!
CHANUKAH BALL
December 1st from 8 to 11 pm @ Hanover Inn
Dancing, free food, open bar, DJ, and pure awesomeness.
So finish those leftover Snickers bars, go to some great events and
dinners, and if you happen to actually like Taffy, let me know.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Michael Bar-Zohar, the visiting lecturer who talked
about Bulgaria's amazing role in saving all 50,000 of its Jews
during WWII.
Goy of the Week: Rosa Parks, for making history and sparking the
civil rights movement.
Joke of the Week:
Three sons left England and went to live in the USA, where they
prospered. One day, they met and discussed the gifts they were able
to give their old mother.
David said, "I built a big house for mum."
Henry said, "I sent her a Lexus - with a driver."
Alan said, "You remember how mum enjoys reading the bible. Because
she now can't see very well, I sent her a remarkable parrot that
recites the whole bible. All mum has to do is name the chapter and
verse."
Soon afterwards, a letter of thanks came from their mother.
"David, the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but
I have to clean the whole house. Henry, I am too old to travel. I
stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Lexus. And that
driver has shpilkas--he's a pain in the tuchas. But Alan, the
chicken was delicious."
Jewsletter
Tuesday October 25, 2005
This is an abridged Jewsletter, to use the length of this blitz
optimally. It won't be funny.
Really. Not funny.
JEWS AND JAVA - Wednesday at the Dartmouth Bookstore from 2-4pm
Free coffee, fun chat. Could be funny.
FIRST YEAR STUDENTS OF HILLEL [FYSH] MEETING - Thursday at 5:30 at
the Roth Center
Freshmen planning awesome stuff and impressing upperclassmen. Might
be funny.
FRIDAY NIGHT SHABBAT SERVICES AND DINNER - Friday at the Roth Center
Service - 6:30 pm, Free Dinner - 7:30 pm. Really fun.
DINNER WITH PROF. JON SMOLIN - Friday Nov 4th @ 7:30 at the Roth
Center [during the normal Shabbat dinner]
Professor Jon Smolin of the Asian and Middle Eastern Languages
Department will be at the Roth Center for the Friday night Shabbat
dinner on November 4th. RSVP to Hillel. Space is limited. It'll be
fun.
LEARNER'S SERVICE - Friday, November 11th at 6:30 pm at the Roth
Center
Wonder what our Shabbat services are all about? Come find out! Bring
a friend who's never been before. It won't be funny, but it'll be
fun.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan
Jew of the Week: Alan Greenspan-he did a fine job!
Goy of the Week: Elmer "Len" Dresslar Jr, the voice of the Jolly
Green Giant, who passed away recently. He made vegetables fun.
Joke of the Week:
As you know, in a slalom race the skier must pass through about 20
"gates" in as little time as possible. Well, it happened that Israel
had the fastest slalom-skier in the world, and the country had great
expectations for an Olympic gold medal.
The day of the final came, and the crowd waited in anticipation. The
French champion sped down the course in 38 seconds. The Swiss was
clocked at 38.7 seconds, the German at 37.8 seconds, and the Italian
at 38.1 seconds. Then came the turn of the Israeli. The crowd
waited, and waited...SIX MINUTES!
"What happened to you?" screamed his trainer when the Israeli
finally arrived. Replied the exhausted Israeli: "Which of those
bastards fixed a mezuzah to each gate?"
Jewsletter
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
A brand new year, a new list of resolutions, a bunch of forgiveness
forgiven, and yet Manischewitz tastes exactly the same as it always
does. Ahh, good ol' Manischewitz.
Events:
------
JEWS and JAVA
Wednesday from 2 to 4 at the Dartmouth Bookstore
Free Starbucks, fun chatting with other Jews, and the highlight of
my week. I recommend y'all go and have some excellent Hillel-funded
coffee. Plus a chat with Ben Rosenbleet can lighten your day, much
better than heroin.
------
DISCUSSION ABOUT RELIGION AT DARTMOUTH
Wednesday [tomorrow] @ 8 at the Poetry Room of Sanborn
Palaeopitus will be running a discussion about religion here at
Dartmouth in which our very own Rabbi will be speaking. Come
represent the Jewish people!
------
FYSH MEETING
Thursday @ 5:30 at the Roth Center
Are you a First Year Student at Hillel? Want to make a difference in
the Jewish community here at Dartmouth? Want to help plan some
totally sweet, awesome, and bodacious activities at Hillel?
Come to the organizational meeting of FYSH this Thursday, where
you'll plan out the future of FYSH. You'll be meeting with our JCSC
Fellow, Ben Rosenbleet, to help organize the structure of the FYSH
fellowship. There may not be a Ring to destroy, but this fellow has
a ring, and it's from Cracker Jack.
------
LSA TO JERUSALEM. Vot did you say?
Info Session: Thursday October 20th @ 6:30 in 107 Dartmouth Hall
Want to go to Jerusalem on an LSA? Have you heard of Jerusalem but
don't know what country it's in? Well, if you answered yes to either
question, you either A) should go to the info session, or B) should
reevaluate your admission to this school [that's if you answered yes
to the second one, silly].*
*I know, I know. Calling someone 'silly' is not cool, and in fact
it's quite lame. However, it is not commonly used at all, and thus I
aimed to remind everyone of the time when silly was actually used.
Those were the days. I believe the Ninja Turtles had not been made
into a movie yet.
------
HOOKAH IN THE SUKKAH
Monday, Oct 24 @ 9pm behind the Roth Center
Celebrate the great holiday of Sukkot by chilling, relaxing, and
chatting with other Jews in our Sukkah. Plus hummus, chips, and
tasty snacks. Also, enjoy some fine Israeli tobacco [which is
completely optional, by the way-I go and don't smoke, yet I still
have a lot of fun hanging out].
Don't worry, we'll be careful not to burn the Sukkah down. Well,
Jeremy Warburg will be careful not to burn it down. If it does catch
on fire, I blame him. He's House Manager.
------
No general meeting next Tuesday, because of the....
SIMCHAT TORAH CELEBRATION
Next Tuesday, Oct 25 @ 5 at the Roth Center.
A free dinner, klezmer band, a good ol' Jewish time. Come celebrate
finishing reading the Torah, and party like it's 1999 BCE.
------
DINNER WITH PROF. JON SMOLIN
Friday Nov 4th @ 7:30 at the Roth Center [during the normal Shabbat
dinner]
Professor Jon Smolin of the Asian and Middle Eastern Languages
Department will be at the Roth Center for the Friday night Shabbat
dinner on November 4th, and if you would like to have dinner with
him (which will be a separate, more intimate dinner than the main
one), RSVP to Hillel. Space is limited.
------
CHALLAH BACK T-SHIRTS ARE A-COMING
Keep an eye out for them. They hot.
------
Free coffee tomorrow! It's our mid-week pre-homecoming free buzz!
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Boris Vabson '09, for showing dedication to his
Jewish roots and participation in Hillel.
Goy of the Week: Wolverine. He's just awesome.
Joke of the Week:
Bernie decided he wanted to be an aeronautical engineer and build
airplanes. He studied hard, went to the best schools, and finally
got his degree. It didn't take long before he gained a reputation as
the finest aeronautical engineer in all the land, so he decided to
start his own company to build jets.
His company was such a hit that the President of Israel called
Bernie into his office. "I want to commission your company to build
an advanced Israeli jet fighter.
Needless to say, Bernie was tremendously excited at this prospect.
The entire resources of his company went into building the most
advanced jet fighter in history. Everything looked terrific on
paper, but when they held the first test flight of the new jet,
disaster struck. The wings couldn't take the strain--they broke
clean off of the fuselage. (The test pilot parachuted to safety)
Bernie was devastated; his company redesigned the jet fighter, but
the same thing happened at the next test flight--the wings broke
off. Very worried, Bernie went to his shul to pray, to ask God where
he had gone wrong. The rabbi saw Bernie's sadness, and asked him
what was wrong. Bernie decided to pour his heart out to the rabbi.
After hearing the problem, the rabbi put his hand on Bernie's
shoulder and told him, "Listen, I know how to solve your problem.
All you have to do is drill a row of holes directly above and below
where the wing meets the fuselage. If you do this, I absolutely
guarantee the wings won't fall off."
Bernie smiled and thanked the rabbi for his advice...but the more he
thought about it, the more he realised he had nothing to lose. So
Bernie did exactly what the rabbi told him to do. On the next design
of the jet fighter, they drilled a row of holes directly above and
below where the wings met the fuselage. And it worked! The next test
flight went perfectly!
Brimming with joy, Bernie went to tell the rabbi that his advice had
worked. "Naturally," said the rabbi, "I never doubted it would."
"But Rabbi, how did you know that drilling the holes would prevent
the wings from falling off?"
"Bernie," the rabbi intoned, "I'm an old man. I've lived for many,
many years and I've celebrated Passover many, many times. And in all
those years, not once--NOT ONCE--has the matzah broken on the
perforation."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Yes, I know it's a day late. Yes, I should have written this
yesterday. But the great thing is, while I am asking you to forgive
me, it's Yom Kippur, and my slate is clean. Onto to the Hillel
activities...
-
Not sure what to do during Yom Kippur? Come hang out at the Roth
Center and chill with other Jews in between services. Play games,
have fun, but no eating! This means you, Jeremy Warburg!
-
Fasting tomorrow? Feel like helping other people? Buy canned and
other non-perishable goods tomorrow with your DBA, and donate them
to the Haven, a local food shelter. Bring them to the Roth Center's
food collection area. It's a great mitzvah that will keep your mind
off of the fact that you're fasting. Wait, buying food will keep
your mind off of the fact that you can't eat? Just trust me, it
will.
-
Wanna help lead some Shabbat prayers during Friday night services?
Have a great tune for Adon Olam? Blitz Hillel. No experience is
necessary, and you don't have to do that much-only as much as you
want to.
-
Hookah in the Sukkah, on Monday Oct 24th, will be making its
triumphant return. Celebrate Sukkot, and if you feel like it, enjoy
some Israeli hookahs. But the hookahs are completely optional and
not necessary to have a great time. There will be food and fun as
well. I personally do not smoke hookah and still have fun at these
events. While at a frat, I might be called various names and
adjectives, but at Hillel, we don't discriminate.
-
Interested in an LSA or FSP to Jerusalem, in the summer, fall, or
winter? Come to the information session, Thursday October 20th at
6:30 in 107 Dartmouth Hall.
-
Interested in a free trip to Israel via Birthright? It's a free,
fun, safe trip run at various times during the year. Talk to Ben
Rosenbleet, and do it quickly, because on Friday at 9 am, the
registration ends for the next upcoming trip.
-
Come to FYSH - First Year Students of Hillel. Are you an 09 with
some ideas for Hillel programming? Want to help plan this term's
Chanukah Ball? Then be a part of FYSH. Blitz Ben Rosenbleet if
you're interested. And rumor has it, FYSH is a great way to meet
girls. Or guys. Or both.
-
Those hot shirts that say "Challah Back" on the back will be coming
back, and keep your eyes open for your chance to buy them. It's
things like this that make being Jewish so much fun. No, I don't
mean catchy phrases, I mean buying things.
-
Awesome. I wish you all an easy fast, and remember, break the fast
Thursday night at the Roth Center at 7:15. Yummy.
Shalom Aleichem,
-Evan "El Communicator" Michals
Jews of the Week: Susan Gordon and Jacqueline Loeb, for volunteering
their time to run the Reform services on Thursday. Thanks!
Goy of the Week: Boy George, who was recently arrested for making a
false police report and being in possession of 13 bags of cocaine.
That's a good one for VH1's "Where Are They Now?"
Joke of the Week:
Morris gets a new dog and can't wait to show him off to Shlomo. So
when Shlomo arrives, Morris calls the dog into the house, bragging
about how smart he is. The dog quickly comes running and stands
looking up at his master, tail wagging furiously, mouth open, tongue
hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation.
Morris points to the newspaper on the couch and commands, "FETCH!"
Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits down. His tail
wagging stops and the doggie-smile disappears.
Looking balefully up at his master, the dog says in a whiny voice,
"You think this is easy wagging my tail all the time? Oy vay. It
hurts from so much wagging. And do you think that expensive organic
dog food you're feeding me is tasty? You try it. It's dreck - much
too salty. And you just don't seem to care about me anymore. You
just push me out the door to take a leak three times a day. I can't
remember the last time you took me out for a walk."
Shlomo is amazed. "What the hell is that? Your dog is sitting there
talking."
"Oh, I know", explains Morris, "He's young and I'm still training
him. He thought I said KVETCH."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
What's longer than a line at food court? What's funnier than 09
girls ogling hockey players in frat basements? What's more memorable
than that night you can't remember?
The Jewsletter, of course!
Gather 'round, and you shall here stories of yore, sarcasm of new,
and bad introductions that leave you dumber from having read them.
But the joke at the end is good.
----
Comedian Steve Hofstetter
He's the head writer for CollegeHumor.com, he's a writer for ESPN
and Maxim, and has been featured on many TV shows. And he's a funny
Jew. 8pm at Collis Commonground Wednesday.
----
This Friday - Shabbat Service @ 6:30 // Free Dinner @ 7:30
Start your weekend off right-with God and Food.
This Sunday - Bagel Brunch @ 1pm
End your weekend off right-with Food.
No General Meeting Next week-b/c of Rosh Hashanah
----
Free Trip to Israel
Interested in the winter Birthright Trip to Israel? It's free if
you've never been to Israel, and the only criterion is you have to
be Jewish. It's completely safe and far away from any possibility of
terrorism. Blitz Ben Rosenbleet for more info. Spots are filling up
fast, so sign up now!
----
Jewish Senator Visits
Senator Russ Feingold (Minnesota) will be speaking on Sat, Oct 1
from 9:30 - 10:30. Ask him some tough questions, like if Wolverine's
adamantium claws could cut Superman. Well, the answer is yes... if
they're dipped in kryptonite.
----
Pro-Gay Rabbi visits
Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum from Congregation Beth Simchat Torah in NYC,
one of the country's oldest gay-lesbian synagogues, will be here to
give the Jewish Studies' Barnet lecture on Nov. 9. There will be
dessert with her at 8pm on that day.
----
GodSquad Soccer
Are you down with the G-O-D? We Jews and the Catholics from AQ are
joining forces to fight evil in the form of IM soccer opponents. So
be righteous, join our team, and have a lot of fun playing soccer in
a relaxed atmosphere.
If you wanna play, blitz our new IM sports chair, Jesse Victor
----
FYSH (First Year Students at Hillel)
Are you a freshman? Want to run your very own program at Hillel,
with other freshmen (like the Chanukah Ball)?
Blitz Hillel. We'd love to see a bunch of 09s give back to the
community, in the form of planning a big party.
----
Friday Nights
Wanna lead Shabbat services? Blitz Hillel. No experience necessary.
You just have to like Shabbat.
----
Wanna cook this Friday for the after-Shabbat dinner? You can cook
whatever you want, as long as it's kosher, and the best part is you
*don't* have to clean up! Just cook in the kitchen and then eat.
What fun!
----
Election Results
After heated, intense gladiator battles to the death, the following
victors stood among the defeated as the best of the best of the
adequate.
[Please note: The battle for the Treasurer position was a brutal
battle between Justin and a lion. Justin won, and stole the lion's
wife].
Communications Chair - Evan Michals
Treasurer - Justin Zalkin
Community Service - Lydia Gensheimer
Cooking Coordinators -Laura Little and Dave Glovsky
S.A. Rep - Josh Jacobson
IM Sports - Jesse Victor
JPBC Rep - Alex Gelman
Israeli Affairs -Yardena Beeber
----
Retreat for Freshmen
Want to hang out with Jews your own age? Tired of older frat guys
hitting on the girls in your class? Tired of the guys in your class
playing too much pong? Tired of lions stealing your first-born?
Blitz Hillel if you're interested in going on a retreat with other
freshmen. It's a great way to meet everyone in your class and get to
know the other Jews you'll be seeing around campus for the next 4
years. And learn how to fend off the lions.
----
Rosh Hashanah Schedule - More info to come soon
Monday, Oct 3
5pm Rosh Hashannah Dinner Roth Center
7pm Erev Rosh Hashannah Service Rollins
Tuesday, Oct 4
9am Services Rollins
10am Reform Services Hanover Inn
5pm Tashlich Roth Center (Walk to Occum Pond)
Wednesday, Oct 5
9am Services Rollins
----
Well, that at last wraps up the first Jewsletter. What have we
learned? Catholics and Jews can work together to fight evil.
Elections are better solved with gladiator battles to the death.
Retreating helps keep lions from stealing your first-born. Whew!
Peace out!
-Evan "El Communicator" Michals
Jews of the Week: Jesse Victor and Josh Jacobson for their excellent
gladiator/ninja hybrid fighting skills to win the positions they
did.
Goy of the Week: Bruce Willis, for being invited to and actually
going to the wedding between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. What a
good guy. Stay strong, Bruce!
Joke of the Week:
Henry goes to the doctor's surgery to collect his wife Sarah's test
results.
The receptionist tells him, "I'm sorry, but there has been a bit of
a mix-up. When we sent your wife's samples to the lab, they got
mixed up with samples from another Mrs Cohen and we don't know which
one is your wife's. The bottom line is that the situation is either
bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" says Henry.
"Well," says the receptionist, "one Mrs Cohen has tested positive
for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is
which."
"That's terrible," says Henry, "can you do the test again?"
"Normally, yes. But your private medical insurance policy won't pay
for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do?" says Henry.
The receptionist replies, "The doctor recommends that you drop your
wife off in the middle of Oxford Street. If she finds her way home,
don't sleep with her."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
It seems like whenever the weather warms up, it gets too warm and
humid, and then when it cools down, it just rains. What fun this
weather be.
Hopefully there won't be a thunderstorm during Tubestock, because if
there is, there would certainly be that guy who thinks it's cool to
hold a lacrosse stick in the air as high as he can, while surrounded
by water [and lightning]. That guy is braver than I. Or at least
more drunk than I.
--------------------------------
Do you want Shabbat in the Woods [where we have an awesome time
chilling in a cabin and celebrating Shabbat]?
Want to canoe or kayak to Gilman Island [1.3 mi upriver, where we
would picnic or BBQ]?
RSVP to Hillel if you're interested in either event. If not enough
people respond, these events won't happen. And I'll be deeply
saddened, and will have to shut my door, watch Oprah, and eat ice
cream. For days.
--------------------------------
Want to lead services this Friday?
Want to cook this Friday?
Blitz Hillel. Again, if no one wants to, I'll be so sad I'll have to
watch Oprah----reruns of Oprah.
--------------------------------
Jews and Java this Wednesday [tomorrow] from 2-4p @ Dartmouth
Bookstore. Free Starbucks, free conversation, great time. Beat the
heat with a caramel macchiato, or something else that's refreshing
and cool, like Ben.
Bagel Brunch this Sunday at 1p @ the Roth Center. Free bagels, free
schmear, free lox, free juice and milk, and a grand ol' tyme had by
all.
Believe me, after Tubestock, these bagels will taste amazing. And
lox is a great cure for alcohol-induced dehydration and
post-dehydration headaches. That's what my Jewish mother says.
...No, wait, that's not right...
Hookahs and Hummus, aka Taste of Yisrael, Monday at 9 pm @ Roth
Center. Come hang out with some great-tasting pitas, hummus, some
good Jewish discussion, and of course, some hookahs will be present.
If you're early, you can even pick what flavor we put in the hookah.
--------------------------------
Christian-Jewish Relations in Post-Holocaust Germany - Wednesday,
July 20, at 4:30 pm in Moore Hall, Room B-03. The Jewish Studies
Program presents a lecture by The Rev. Siegfried Virgils, Protestant
Theologian from Bonn, Germany. Followed by a response by Rabbi Alan
Fuchs.
Like music? Like kids? The UVJC School is looking for a song leader
to run assemblies on Sunday mornings for students in grades
Preschool-3. Songbooks and back up singer/helper provided! Please
call Sarah at 6435896 or email saraharonson@verizon.net.
--------------------------------
Well, that about wraps it up. Don't forget... free caramel
macchiatos tomorrow, followed by free services and dinner Friday,
followed by freewheeling drunken swimming sophomores Saturday,
followed by free bagels Sunday, followed by free hookahs and hummus
Monday. Sounds like an excellent week!
Peace-
Evan Michals
Summer Term Hillel President and Communications Officer
Expert in Freewheeling
Jew of the Week: Alex Stein, for making a delicious dinner last
Friday that included the best lemon cheesecake that I've ever eaten.
Really.
Goy of the Week: The inventor of the tubes we use to float in water.
We are forever grateful.
Joke of the Week:
Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see
whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. His own car was off
the road being serviced.
"Sure," said Morry, "I'll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just
outside."
As they're driving along, Moshe says, "Morry, what's that thing on
the dashboard ticking all the time?"
"That's my digital clock."
A few minutes later, Moshe asks, "And what's that thing on the
dashboard moving up and down?"
"That's my tachometer," says Morry.
Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, "But what's
that...."
"Hold on a minute, Moshe," says Morry, "I can see you've never been
in a Rolls Royce before."
"Never in the front seat." says Moshe.
Jewsletter
For Tuesday, July 12, 2005
After numerous interpretations of spectral analyses of various
nebulae, variations in gravitational pull relative to distance and
mass, limitations in telescopes regarding x-ray transmission, and a
question about how the story of King Kong develops, my two midterms
turned out... okay. Such is the life of a film major getting a lab
credit.
As for Hillel, we've got some stuff to do.
WANNA COOK THIS FRIDAY? Free access to our wonderful kitchen, free
access to the Co-Op to buy whatever (Kosher) food you want. It's
fun, it's free, and the best part, you DON'T HAVE TO CLEAN UP
afterward!! Blitz Hillel.
Are you interested in the following?
A kayak and/or canoe trip to Gilman Island, roughly 1.3 mi up the
river?
An AQ/Hillel discussion about our two religions, where you can ask
them all the questions you've ever dreamed of asking a Catholic.
If you're interested, blitz Hillel.
--------------------------------------
Events:
Jews/Java Wednesday from 2-4 @Dartmouth Bookstore. Free coffee, free
fun.
Bagel Brunch Sunday 1pm @ Roth Center. Free bagels, free fun.
Taste of Yisrael, aka "Hookahs and Hummus," Monday night at 9 pm,
location TBA. Free hummus, free hookahs, free fun.
--------------------------------------
The Jewish Studies Program presents a lecture by The Rev. Siegfried
Virgils, Protestant Theologian from Bonn, Germany on:
"Christian-Jewish Relations in Post-Holocaust Germany," followed by
a response by Rabbi Alan Fuchs.
Wednesday, July 20, at 4:30 pm in Moore Hall, Room B-03
--------------------------------------
Like music? Like kids? The UVJC School is looking for a song leader
to run assemblies on Sunday mornings for students in grades
Preschool-3. Songbooks and back up singer/helper provided! Please
call Sarah at 6435896 or email saraharonson@verizon.net.
--------------------------------------
That about wraps it up, so until next time, stay Jewish, kids.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jews of the Week: Yana Rozental and Julia Bernstein, for cooking an
awesome meal last Friday. Good work! It was tasty.
Goy of the Week: The omelet lady at Collis. Without her, breakfast
just wouldn't be the same.
Joke of the Week:
On his way to work one morning, Nathan arrives at Mill Hill station
a bit early. While he's waiting for his train, he notices a new
machine on the platform - the sign on it says it's a
state-of-the-art talking weighing machine. So Nathan stands on it,
puts in a £1 coin and the machine says, "You weigh 160 pounds and
you are Jewish."
Nathan can't believe what he's just heard. So he gets on it again
and inserts another £1 coin. "You weigh 160 pounds, you are Jewish
and you're waiting for the 7.35am train to take you to your job at
Rothschild's Bank."
He is totally shocked, but he's determined to beat the machine. He
goes into the Gents bathroom, ruffles up his hair, puts on a pair of
dark sunglasses, removes his tie, takes off his jacket and drapes it
over his arm, and puts a first aid plaster on his chin. He then goes
back outside, steps on the machine and puts in another £1 coin. The
machine instantly says, "You're still Jewish and weigh 160 pounds.
You're also a shmuck. While you've been testing me out, you've just
missed your train."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
A quick and to-the-point Jewsletter, because some of us have tests
to study for. Others of us laugh at those people.
Events:
Ben and Jerry's Night! This Thursday at 9 pm, come to Ben and
Jerry's for a Hillel-sponsored ice cream cone, or even a Vermonster!
If you haven't had enough BJ's lately, this is the event to go to!
TOY (Taste of Yisrael) This Monday! Enjoy Israeli culture, food,
discussion, and the finest Israeli hookahs in New Hampshire.
Wanna Go to Six Flags? Hillel might be organizing a trip there this
summer. Interested? Blitz Hillel and let us know if you want to go!
Want Shabbat in the Woods? Blitz Hillel and let us know when would
be best to do Shabbat in the Woods. It's Shabbat, but in a cabin, in
the woods, and it's lot's of fun.
Want to help lead services this Friday, or better yet, want to COOK
this Friday? Free reign of the Roth Center kitchen and everybody's
undying respect will be yours if you cook this Friday. Really. Blitz
Hillel.
Bagel Brunch this Sunday at 1 pm. Late enough to wake up from the
night before, early enough to call it brunch, and filled with
delicious bagels, cream cheese, lox, Razz-Ma-Tazz, OJ, and wonderful
Jewish bagel-eatin' fun.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Jake "Kitchen Pro" Goldberg, for helping prepare
some of the finest fruit salad and BBQ dinner components Hillel has
ever seen.
Second Jew of the Week: Jeremy "Stalwart" Warburg for braving the
downpour and cooking on our grill all the delicious BBQ food we had
for the SEAD kids today.
Goy of the Week: Claudia "Fruit Salad Czar" Palmer, for getting a
fruit salad in order when there was none.
Joke of the Week:
Issy, a reform Jew, is invited to his nephew's barmitzvah. The
invitation also says that they would like him to do an aliyah. Not
being a regular shul goer, he learns how to do it. Everyday he
practices, "barachu et hashem hamevorach... baruch hashem hamevorach
leolam vaed."
On the day before the barmitzvah, he practices it one more time and
when he went to sleep that night, he was confident that he knew it
well.
The day of the barmitzvah arrives and soon it was his turn in the
shul. He goes up and says, "barachu et hashem hamevorach."
Everyone behind him then said, "barachu hashem hamevorach leolam
vaed."
"SHUT UP," he shouts, "I can do it myself!"
Jewsletter
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Hey 07s! We're the only ones on campus, but that didn't stop Hillel
from having the first meeting tonight. Not even a pack of rampaging
rhinoceroses could have prevented this ship from sailing. If that
makes sense.
Anyway, we filled our exec board in record time, and the following
people will be helping Hillel kick butt this summer:
VP Religious Affairs: Brian Meyers
House Manager: Jake Anderson
Treasurer: Justin Zalkin
Community Service/Bagel Autocrat: Michelle Schwartz
Cooking Coordinators: Arielle Ring and Alex Stein
As for events this week, we've only got a couple, because it's a lot
easier if you focus on one thing at a time. That and we didn't have
any meetings during which we could come up with ideas, until
tonight.
Have event ideas? Want to go tubing, play some sports, have some
dinners, or do some BBQs? Blitz Hillel with event suggestions.
Shabbat Dinner / Services
This Friday, Services at 7, followed by the free, awesome, tasty,
home-cooked dinner at 8 pm. It'll be sweet.
Bagel Brunch
This Sunday at 1 pm at the Roth Center. Come for bagels and a great
way to kill a hangover. Razz-Ma-Tazz!
BBQ with SEAD kids
Next week's Tuesday meeting will be a barbecue with kids from
Tucker's SEAD program, starting at 5:30 at the Roth Center. So come
and hang out with some cool kids and eat some great Kosher BBQ food!
And no, it's not a way to meet girls.
Yep, that's it for this week, but tune in next week when we'll have
more to do, more to say, and more sarcastic ways to keep clowns
crying. Don't ask.
Shalom to the Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Alex Stein, for despite not being an 07, she's
still sticking around and kindly accepting the job of cooking
coordinator for Friday night dinners. What a champ!
Second Jew of the Week: Arielle Ring, for despite having a heavy
course load, she also stepped up to the plate and will be this
summer's co- cooking coordinator. What a sport!
Where would we be without you two?
Goy of the Week: Emilio Estevez: what happened to you?
Joke of the Week:
One night, Moshe and Sadie, both in their eighties, go to Blooms
Restaurant. Moshe orders just one plate of salt beef, latkes and new
green cucumbers. Then, when it arrives, he tucks into his favourite
food. Sadie just sits there watching him enjoy himself.
Shlomo, sitting at a table nearby, notices that Sadie hasn't got a
meal. He then gets quite upset when, with plenty of food still left
on his plate, Moshe puts down his knife and fork, removes his napkin
and puts it on the table.
"How mean," thought Shlomo, "the elderly lady is just sitting there
without any food. Maybe they can't afford two meals?"
So Shlomo goes over to Sadie and says, "I hope you won't be offended
but I see you don't have anything to eat. Could I please treat you
to a meal? It would really make me happy if you said yes."
Sadie replies, "That's very kind of you but there is no need to
worry about me. My husband Moshe and I share everything 50/50 and
now that he's eaten his half, it will soon be my turn."
"So what are you waiting for?" asks Shlomo.
"The teeth."