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Fall 2004 - Spring 2005 |
Jewsletter
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Last Jewsletter of the term. Remember: study hard, party moderately,
and uh, beware of the penguins.
Jews / Java
Wednesday [tomorrow] from 1 to 4 pm @ Dartmouth Bookstore
Come for coffee, good times, Ben Rosenbleet, caffeine, latte,
espresso, frappuccino, and double mocha café latte with skim milk
and just a little whipped cream [just a little].
Friday night services and dinner
Friday at 7 pm and 8 pm, respectively
Come for some Shabbat, some grub, and some good times.
So good luck with finals, and uh, beware of the penguins.
Shalom Aleichem
Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: David Kerem, for a successfully-run Spring term
Presidency. Good job, champ!
Goy of the Week: W. Mark Felt, aka "Deep Throat," the once
Number-Two man of the FBI, for giving the secret information during
Watergate to Woodward and Bernstein. He just revealed his identity.
Deep Throat helped Tricky Dick go down.
Joke of the Week
(Special thanks goes to Alex Stein for this joke):
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now
living in the United States, and said, "Once again,
the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I
see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark
and save two of every living thing along with a few
good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six
months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard .... but no ark.
"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where
is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have
changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing
with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler
system.
My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the
Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond
be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage
for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea
would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of
it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on
cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an
animal rights group. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. As well,
they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a
confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed
to hire for my building crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark
building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten
years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're
not going to destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
So we had elections tonight, and after much debate, discussion,
controversy, scandals, interviews, and blackmail, we finally arrived
at the following new people in the following old positions:
President - Summer Only: Evan Michals
President - Fall/Winter: Libby Sherman
VP Membership - Summer/Fall: Danny Ellman
VP Religious Affairs - Summer Only: Open [yes, it's still up for
grabs]
VP Religious Affairs - Fall/Winter: Chase Hogle
Executive VP - Fall/Winter: Victoria Fener
So this summer will be sweet.... You 07s, expect the Hillel blitzes
to have more... [fill in the adjective].
Jews/Java
Tomorrow [Wednesday] from 1-4 pm at Starbucks at the Dartmouth
Bookstore
Once again, join Ben Rosenbleet for one of the best chill and chat
sessions you could ever have in your Dartmouth career. Really. Just
ask his pet kangaroo.
Shabbat in the woods
This Friday night, overnight.
If you want to hang out in a cabin and have fun celebrating Shabbat
with the one and only Jeremy Warburg, you need to RSVP by Wednesday
[tomorrow] night at midnight.
It's fine if you don't stay the whole night, too. You can just come
for the celebrations and then leave. Otherwise, we'll be staying
overnight and enjoying a nice post-Shabbat breakfast.
Bonus points if you have a car.
Clauvdallah
7 o'clock this Saturday night, at Claudia's new house
Hang out at Claudia's newly renovated new house, and enjoy a
havdallah [celebration of the closing of Shabbat] like none other.
RSVP to Hillel in the next few days. Last time there was hot cider
and chili, and burning furniture. Who knows what wonderful things
will happen this time.
Bagel brunch this Sunday with lox. 1 pm at the Roth Center. Wake up,
stumble over, and have a great breakfast. Rumor has it that lox
helps break a hangover!
And of course, a big thanks to those who helped out with Hillel's
Relay for Life team [or any other Relay for Life team, for that
matter]. Hillel was third overall, raising over $4,100 for the
American Cancer Society! Well done, cancer fighting Jews!
As the term comes to a close, there are obviously fewer events, but,
as you may have realized, they are just as awesome, equally fun, and
comparably enjoyable. So have a great end of the term, party
responsibly, and to all, a grand and mighty l'chayim.
Shalom, l'chayim, and adios
-Evan Michals
Jew of the week: Rabbi Boraz, the birthday boy that everyone loves.
It's tough to be liked by so many, but this handsome man managed to
pull it off.
Goy of the Week: Jay Leno, for defending the gloved one. I bet he
made a lot of money by doing that. But what the heck could he have
said? "I stayed overnight with Michael Jackson, but he did nothing
to *me*..." Yeah, it's because you're not 11.
Joke of the Week:
Issy drives his friend Hyman to the shops in Golders Green. As they
get out of the car, Issy locks the doors in such a hurry that he
forgets to remove the ignition key first.
"Oy vay," says Issy.
"Why don't we get a coat hanger to open the door," says Hyman.
"No, I don't think that'll work," replies Issy, "because passers-by
will think we're breaking into the car."
"OK," suggests Hyman. We can use a penknife to cut the rubber seal
around the driver's door, then I can stick in a finger and pull out
the key."
"No, absolutely not." replies Issy. "Passers-by will think we're
stupid for not using a coat hanger,."
"OK," says Hyman, "you'd better think of something else and quick.
It's starting to rain and your sun roof's still open."
Jewsletter Tuesday, May 17, 2005
So the term is nearing its end (only 3 weeks left) and thus Hillel is running
out of time to do stuff. So, with that said, we, Hillel, indeed, do welcome,
you, the people, to do, stuff, as it is written, in this Jewsletter, that which
you are reading, whilst in New Hampshire, and notst in California, though it be
nice there, despite risk of fire, earth quake and electricity crisis, that which
thou has enjoyed lack of here, be it by Hillel, that thoust haveth enjoyest
thine weeks here upon the mighty banks of the Connecticut, that being said,
enjoy this week, having been the week that thou hath begun thus far, indeed,
yesterday.
Yeah, so, enjoy the rest of the events. And ignore the first paragraph. Also,
ignore the random species of animals in between event description. My Word was
acting up and adding random animals here and there. Walrus.
------ Elections ------
Next meeting, we'll be electing the following positions for the terms listed
next to them. Positions listed twice mean we'll elect someone for the summer,
and also elect someone for the fall/winter terms (it can be the same person). So
if you want to be involved over the summer or fall, come on down to the Roth
Center next week and run for something.
President - Summer Only
President - Fall/Winter
VP Membership - Summer/Fall
VP Religious Affairs - Summer Only
VP Religious Affairs - Fall/Winter
Check out the end of the Jewsletter for a description of each position.
Giant Anaconda from the Amazon
------ Shabbat Services 101: Intro to Friday Night Services at Hillel ------
Friday, May 20th at 7:00 pm @ Roth Center
Ever want to go to a Friday night Shabbat service, but not know what's going on,
or intimidated by all the regulars? Come to the service designed to teach you
about our Shabbat service. This term our learners service is a new format, it's
more interactive, it's more accessible, and it's shorter. If you have questions,
or you want to help teach any part of the service, blitz Hiram Shaish. We need
people to help lead, and no experience is necessary.
Sunbathing penguin, playing hop-scotch with a martini and a piece of pie.
------ Jews and Java ------
Wednesday [tomorrow] from 1 - 4 pm @ Starbucks in Dartmouth Bookstore
Meet with fellow Jews, discuss anything, and relax with a nice cup of Starbucks
Coffee. It's caffeine, without all the cost. It's coffee, without all the
biscuits. It's Ben, without the cute puppy. Run by our JCSC fellow, Ben
Rosenbleet.
Aardvark.
------ AQ Mass Explained ------
This Thursday at 10 PM at Aquinas House
Students at Aquinas House will hold a "Mass Explained." During the course of the
evening, we will attempt to cast a light of clarification on the words and
rituals of the Catholic Mass.
The Mass is the pinnacle of Catholic life and the storehouse of almost 2,000
years of religious tradition. On Thursday, we hope that you will join us as we
attempt to answer some of these questions. Conversation and snacks to follow.
Platypus.
Donkey.
------ Bagel Brunch ------
Sunday 1 pm @ Roth Center
Eat some bagels, have some schmear, and chill with Jews. 1 pm at the Roth
Center, Sunday. It's late enough to wake up from the night before, and early
enough to call it brunch.
Gazelle. With a quail feather on its nostril.
------ Shabbat in the Woods ------
May 27-28
Wanna spend Shabbat in a cabin, hanging out with fellow Jews and enjoying
nature/prayer/God/Shabbat/Jeremy Warburg? Blitz Jeremy Warburg if you want to
go. We're still taking RSVPs.
A horse, jumping on a trampoline, ridden by a three-toed sloth, wearing a
sombrero.
------ Claudallah - Havdallah at Claudia's House ------
May 28 at night
Come to the Hillel Mom's newly renovated house for a fun havdallah and some
great food. Blitz Claudia Palmer with questions
Onward, yonder Jews, to Jews and Java, and Mass Explained, followed by the
Learner's Service this Friday. Onward, indeed.
Gefilte Fish
-Evan Michals
Jew(s) of the Week: All the people on Hillel's Relay for Life team, for some
great fundraising, beating Fishballoon, and leading the teams toward a victory
of fighting cancer.
Goy(s) of the Week: Whoever is already camping out in front of the Nugget to see
Star Wars. Those people are devoted fans, and obviously have nothing better to
do. [Really, there were 2 tents set up already tonight].
Second Goy of the Week: George Lucas, for figuring out how to milk as much money
from the aforementioned fans as possible, and somehow being really good at it,
despite sub-par directing.
Joke of the Week:
It's 3am in the morning in Golders Green and Maurice and Golda are woken up by a
loud banging on their front door. Maurice gets up and opens the door to a
drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain.
"Can I have a push?" says the drunk.
"No you can't," says Maurice, "it's three o'clock in the morning. Please go
away, you'll wake the children."
Maurice shuts the door and goes back to bed.
"Who was that?" asks Golda.
"Just some drunk, dear, asking for a push," Maurice replies.
"So did you help him?" Golda asks.
"No I didn't. It's 3am and it's pouring with rain," replies Maurice.
Golda says, "Shame on you, Maurice. Have you already forgotten when our car
broke down about six months ago in Bournemouth and those two men helped us? I
think you should help the man outside."
So Maurice reluctantly does as he is told. He gets dressed, goes out into the
pouring rain and calls out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" Maurice shouts.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"So where are you?" asks Maurice.
"Over here on the swing," replies the drunk
-------------------------Elected Positions--------------------------
1. President:
" To be aware of and monitor the planning and execution of events and activities
involving Hillel.
" To prepare, direct, and moderate Hillel General Meetings.
" To have the final vote in committee appointments, special interest leaders,
directors of fundraising and delegates to other organizations.
" To assist other officers in their endeavors as needed.
" To conduct Hillel as a body representing all Jewish students with special
attention to Hillel's purpose and the diversity of Judaism at Dartmouth.
" To serve as a visible and responsible figurehead for Hillel.
" To be familiar with the details of the Hillel budget as well as the Hillel
calendar of events.
" To be in constant communication with other Board members.
" To distribute the Hillel electronic newsletter.
" To sit as a voting member on the Joint Planning and Building Committee.
" To sit on the Board of the Foundation for Jewish Life at Dartmouth.
" To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
" To sit on the executive board as a non-voting member from the date of election
until the beginning of the term, and again for the entire quarter after the
completion of the term, if in residence.
" President is a two term position.
---------
3. Vice President of Membership:
" To direct and plan specific programs targeted at first-year students.
" To coordinate the Jewish Undergraduate Advisor (JUGA) program.
" To encourage first-year students not only to participate in Hillel events, but
to be involved in the planning of said events as well.
" To participate in a wide variety of Hillel events and to serve as a vocal
supporter of Hillel in the community.
" To work with the Executive Vice President to encourage less active members to
collaborate on programming projects.
" To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
" To rule on the eligibility of voters present at an election.
" Vice President of Membership is a two term position.
---------
4. Vice President of Religious Affairs and Education:
" To find and schedule leaders for all Hillel services.
" To lead services if no leader can be found.
" To be responsible for the setting up of the sanctuary or appropriate venue for
every Hillel service.
" To plan all student services and to be aware of all services in the Roth
Center.
" To help the Rabbi ensure that Hillel remains a place where as many students as
possible feel comfortable worshipping, in accordance with the organization's
purpose.
" To hear and respond to the needs of all segments of the student population and
to help establish building policies with regard to Shabbat, Kashrut and
religious observance.
" To lead and/or organize regular study sessions and discussions if interest is
present.
" To organize and promote educational presentations, lectures, and opportunities
on and around the Dartmouth College campus.
" To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
" To sit as a voting member on the Religious Affairs Committee.
" Vice President of Religious Affairs and Education is a two term position.
Jewsletter
Tues. May 10, 2005
The weather is finally what it should be, and for once you actually feel warmer
when you leave the library. But get those lacrosse sticks and large metal
objects ready, we might get thunderstorms tomorrow. Nothing better than a nice
game of lacrosse or hold-the-large-metal-rod-as-high-as-you-can on the green
when it's raining and thundering. Try it, it's fun.
In ancient times, people would move in circles around the metal poles, dancing,
trying to convince the storm to go away, and demonstrating their bravery by
swinging the metal pole. Nowadays this ancient ritual has become a commodity in
bars all across the nation. I think the ancients called it "pole dancing," but
that might not translate to today's language.
***** RED WHITE AND JEW *****
Collis Commonground from 6 to 9 pm Wednesday [tomorrow]
Free Jewish food, an Ellis Island simulation, raffles for DVDs and CDs every
half an hour, Chinese food, performances by Rightly Guided Thieves (6-7), DJ
Vixen (7-8), Anthony Shears (8-9), and various fun games like Am I a Jew?,
Jewpardy, and Toss the Kippah on the Manischewitz.
Definitely stop by, and definitely bring your friends. It'll be fun*, I
guarantee it.
*Even more fun than playing hold-the-large-metal-rod-as-high-as-you-can during a
thunderstorm. Really.
No Jews / Java this week.
Ben will be helping coordinate the Red White and Jew program for tomorrow
evening. You'll just have to wait until next week for the free coffee. Until
then, you're stuck with DDS coffee. What fun, so delicious.
"Judaism & The Messianic Question"
A Panel-led discussion featuring Rabbi Boraz, Rabbi Moshe Gray, and Prof. Ehud
Benor. 7:00 pm, Thursday, May 12. Rocky 1.
This forum endeavors to not only provide a broad overview of Jewish messianism,
but also the contrasting views held by two sects within the faith. 15-minute
presentation times, followed by 30 minutes of Q-&-A. Drinks and light
refreshments will be served.
This will be really informative, and interesting to attend. Good way to learn
something before you forget other stuff this weekend.
Services/Dinner this Friday
As always, come to the Shabbat services this Friday at the Roth Center at 7 pm,
followed by the *free* *catered* *fun* *delicious* *dinner* at 8pm.
Shabbat, the *Hillel* way. New, shorter, service that's more interactive.
The perfect way to give your Green Key weekend a morally-sound beginning.
Bagel Brunch
This Sunday, 1 pm. Early enough to call it brunch, late enough to wake up
post-Saturday night.
Kosher Meet Market
We're looking at May 18th as the date for our human auction and speed dating
program. Want to auction yourself off to the highest bidder? Want to
participate? Blitz Ben Rosenbleet with questions or if you want to participate.
Let us know how many people are interested. All proceeds go to charity.
Shabbat Services 101: Intro to Friday Night Services at Hillel
Friday, May 20th at 7:00 pm @ Roth Center
Want to learn how the new and improved Shabbat services are run? Are you a
newcomer to Hillel's Shabbat program? Then come and find out how it works.
Also, if you want to help lead the learner's service, blitz Hiram Shaish. No
experience necessary.
Golf Outing - A Golf Course That Allows Jews
Sunday, May 22nd at 2:30 pm. Meet @ Roth Center
At 2:30 pm on Sunday, May 22nd, Hillel will be having it's Golf Tournament at
the Hanover Country Club. It's "first come, first slice," so RSVP to Ethan
Levine by May 15th if you want to go. There are only 16 slots.
Here's the deal: There will be 4 teams of 4 (golf carts included, but I don't
think they allow golf cart racing, but we could try...). It will be a scramble
tournament, where the teams are made of people who are good [like Tiger Woods]
and... not so good [like Rosie O'Donnell].
Here's the best part: everyone teas off, and then everyone hits their ball from
the location of the team's best ball. So even if you stink at golf, you still
get to have good shots, and you'll have an awesome time. No experience or
equipment necessary, and you don't even have to own a polo shirt and pearl
earrings.
As our Hillel President put it, "Even the [crappy] players don't have to lose."
So come play golf in probably the only tournament you can win even if you hit
the ball like a walrus playing ping pong.
Shabbat in the Woods
May 27-28
Wanna spend Shabbat in a cabin, hanging out with fellow Jews and having a fun
Shabbatizing night? Blitz Jeremy Warburg if you want to go. We need a head count
to reserve a cabin, so RSVP by the 20th.
Claudallah - Havdallah at Claudia's House
May 28 at night
Come to the Hillel Mom's newly renovated house for a fun havdallah and some
great food. You might even be able to cook, too! Blitz Claudia Palmer with
questions/RSVPs.
Fiddler on the Roof
Want to watch the Broadway show in New York City at some point, either during
this term, during interim, or during the summer? Blitz Hillel if you want to go.
We need to gauge interest.
Well, that about wraps it up. So go grab your metal Shredder [from the Ninja
Turtles] costume, and run around on the green tomorrow. What's best, even if you
don't get zapped or it doesn't rain, you'll still have a fun time because you'll
actually know for sure that *everyone* on the green will be looking at you.
Laughing.
S to the halom, A to the leichem.
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Libby Sherman and everyone else who has been working their
butts off to run the Red White and Jew event. It should be a great one. Everyone
should bring their friends to it.
Goy of the Week: Nancy Kerrigan, for despite being clubbed in the knee, going on
to win the silver medal at the Olympics. Tonya Harding lost, because people who
club knees always lose.
Joke of the Week:
Benjamin and Sarah, who were both in their 80's, invited their grandson Morris
to dinner one evening. Morris was impressed by the way Benjamin preceded every
request to Sarah with endearing terms - Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart,
Sugar Plum, etc. The couple had been married over 50 years and clearly they were
still very much in love. While Sarah was in the kitchen, Morris said to
Benjamin, "Grandpa. I think it's wonderful that after all these years you still
call grandma those loving pet names."
Benjamin hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, Benjy," he said, "I
forgot her name about 10 years ago."
Joke #2
Cyril had just retired and was having a discussion with his wife Ethel on what
the future might hold for them.
"What will you do if I die before you?" Cyril asks.
After some thought, Ethel replies, "Oh, I'll probably look to share a house with
three other single or widowed women. As I'm still quite active, the other three
could be a little younger than me."
Then Ethel asks Cyril, "What will you do if I die first?"
Cyril replies, "Probably the same thing."
Jewsletter
05 / 03 / 05
Hey everybody! Isn't it nice how the one day the weather was supposed to be
good, it ended up being kinda rainy and windy? My Bar-Mitzvah was similar; the
weather report said it would be sunny, and instead we got a foot of snow. It
really challenged my super-conservative Christian relatives in their 4 hour
journey to see me Bar-Mitvatize. But they came. Moral of the story? Just because
it's rainy and windy, doesn't mean you have to order EBA's.
:::::Yom Hashoah - Holocaust Remembrance Ceremony
This Thursday at 6:30 pm outside behind the Roth Center. There will be personal
memories, poems, and readings shared by students and members of the community.
If you would like to share some thoughts or help out, blitz Elana Bannerman.
:::::Wine and Cheese Reception in Honor of Fred Lerner
This Friday from 6 to 7 pm at the Roth Center, come for some wine and cheese at
the Roth Center library. We'll be honoring Fred Lerner. No, he didn't invent the
Learner's service, but he has completed something amazingly remarkable: he has
reorganized and catalogued every single book in the library, over the past 3 or
so years.
So come thank him for an amazingly incredible job well done. An RSVP to Claudia
Palmer would be helpful for planning purposes.
:::::Wanna cook this Friday for the dinner?
You don't even have to cook all of it, just help out as much as you can. Blitz
Hillel.
:::::Jews / Java
1-4 this Wednesday at the Dartmouth Bookstore's Starbucks. Free coffee, free
caffeine, free Ben conversation.
:::::TOY Is Back!
Taste of Yisrael returns with Israeli food and music, it's quite enjoyable.
Monday at 9 pm outside of the Roth Center.
:::::Red, White, & Jew
Wednesday, May 11th, from 6 - 9 pm in Collis Commonground. Explore and celebrate
350 years of Jews in this country with games, live music, an Ellis Island
experience, and more! Anthony Shears, DJ Vixen, and Rightly Guided Thieves, too!
If you want to help out in the setup or running of this event, blitz Libby
Sherman.
:::::"Judaism & The Messianic Question"
A Panel-led discussion featuring Rabbi Boraz, Rabbi Moshe Gray, and Prof. Ehud
Benor. 7:00-8:15 pm, Thursday, May 12. [Prospective room is Rocky 2 or Rocky 3].
This forum endeavors to not only provide a broad overview of Jewish messianism,
but also the contrasting views held by two sects within the faith. 15-minute
presentation times, followed by 30 minutes of Q-&-A. Drinks and light
refreshments will be served.
:::::BBQ on Wheels
The roaming BBQ on wheels is back, this Saturday night around 10:30 near Rocky
and on Webster Ave. Bring friends, parents, cash or dash. Proceeds go to Relay
for Life.
And the meat is Kosher, too, with hot dogs and veggie burgers, so for once on
campus you actual know what's in the meat you're eating!
:::::Relay for Life
Blitz Dan Belkin if you want to join the already-pioneering Hillel team, to help
raise money to fight cancer. Or you could just help out with the BBQ on wheels.
:::::Kosher Meet Market - Hooking Up Jews Since 1856
We're looking at May 18th as the date for our human auction and speed dating
program. Want to auction yourself off to the highest bidder? Want to
participate? Blitz Ben Rosenbleet with questions or if you want to participate.
Let us know how many people are interested.
All proceeds go to charity.
:::::Learner's Service - Shabbat 101
Friday, May 20th at 7 o'clock, come to the service that teaches you all about
the service. Conflict with Relay for Life? No problem. There will be plenty of
Jews at the Relay trained in the Jewish Arts, so either you are at Relay or at
services---- both ways you can learn about Judaism.
Services are shorter, more interactive, and more energy-efficient.
::::A Country Club Jews Can Go To
At 2:30 pm on Sunday, May 22nd, Hillel will be having it's Golf Tournament at
the Hanover Country Club. As Hiram says, it's "first come, first tee," so RSVP
to Ethan Levine by May 15th if you want to go. There are only 16 slots.
Here's the deal: There will be 4 teams of 4 (golf carts included, Van Wilder
style). It will be a scramble tournament, where the teams are made of people who
are good and... not so good.
Here's the best part: everyone teas off, and then everyone hits their ball from
the location of the team's best ball. So even if you stink at golf, you still
get to have good shots, and you'll have an awesome time. No experience or
equipment necessary.
As our Hillel President put it, "Even the [crappy] players don't have to lose."
:::::Shabbat in the Forest, Sherwood Style
Shabbat in the woods. May 27th, stay over night in one of Dartmouth's cabins for
Shabbat and fun times. Or you can come for Shabbat and leave, without staying
over. We're taking 20, so you need to RSVP to Jeremy Warburg.
:::::Claudallah - Havdallah at Claudia's
Saturday, May 28 at night. Come to the Hillel Mom's newly renovated house for a
fun havdallah and some great food. Blitz Claudia Palmer with questions.
:::::Hebrew Teachers Needed, Experience Optional
Pay is $20/hour. Looking for Hebrew teachers and Judaic studies teachers (no
Hebrew knowledge necessary). Email saraharonson@verizon.net.
:::::Jewish Music, Jewish Audio, Get Paid
A student employee/job intern is wanted for the Dartmouth Jewish Sound Archive.
Looking for someone with a genuine interest, but no experience is needed, in
audio engineering, sound technology, and Jewish music. Contact Prof Lewis
Glinert or Alex Hartov. Check out www.dartmouth.edu/~djsa.
So this is it, and that is that, and BBQ on Wheels plus TOY is back. Have some
fun, with stuff to do, and don't forget----stay a Jew.
L'Chayim, Shalom Aleichem, Mazon,
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Fred Lerner, for cataloguing and organizing the Roth Center
Library. After 3 or so years, he is finally done! Good work!
Goy of the Week: The inventor of the stapler. Countless accountants have made
good use of his invention. Thanks!
Joke of the Week:
[Thanks again to Alex Stein for this one. She's got some good jokes.]
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to leave Italy.
There was, of course, a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope
offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish
community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be permitted to
stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave.
The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe, to represent them in
the debate. Rabbi Moishe, however, could not speak Latin and the Pope could not
speak Yiddish. So it was decided that this would be a "silent" debate.
On the day of the great debate, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each
other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three
fingers.
Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and chalice of wine.
Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and said, "I concede the debate. This man has
bested me. The Jews can stay."
Later, the Cardinals gathered around the Pope, asking him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He
responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God
common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that
God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God
was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that
God absolves us of our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original
sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community crowded around Rabbi Moishe, asking what
happened.
"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me, 'You Jews have three days to get out
of here.'
So I said to him, 'Up yours'. Then he tells me the whole city would be cleared
of Jews.
So I said to him, 'Listen here Mr. Pope, the Jews ... we stay right here!"
"And then?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Rabbi Moishe. "We broke for lunch."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
The rain is still lingering, the air is still trying to be warm, and the sun
shines the brightest when it is really windy and cold out. What fun what fun,
this Dartmouth spring is. You might have noticed that your ability to digest
leavened bread has gone, and will only return this Sunday, just in time for
Hillel's Break the Fast Pizza and Pasta Bash.
Oh, and pasta is *not* kosher for Passover. Don't make the delicious mistake I
did.
JEWISH KIDS NEED TEACHING, YOU GET MONEY
Pay is $20/hour, and you get to teach Hebrew and Judaic studies to UVJC kids.
It's fun, it's entertaining, it's rewarding, and no Hebrew knowledge is
necessary! Email saraharonson@verizon.net if interested.
NO JEWS / JAVA THIS WEEK
Another thing that isn't kosher for Passover is the coffee at Starbucks. Who
would have thought? Anyway, we won't be running Jews and Java this week as a
result. It'll be back next week.
PROFS, SERVICES, SHABBAT, OH MY
Prof Ehud Benor & Susannah Heschel, plus members of Al-Nur and AQ, will be
joining us for Shabbat dinner this Friday. Come give 'em a good show, and let
them know how awesome Hillel services are.
NO BAGEL BRUNCH THIS WEEK
Another thing that's not kosher for Passover----bagels! I actually knew that
one, so I'm not surprised there's no bagel brunch this week. I wonder what bagel
companies do for this one week a year in which they get absolutely no
business...
BRING ON THE LEAVENING
Sunday May 1st, we'll have a Passover Break the Fast Pizza and Pasta Bash at
8:30 pm with plenty of pizza, pasta, and leavening to go around. Fun, with bread
too!
SAVED!
Monday May 2nd, watch Saved! With AQ and Al-Nur in a joint program you won't
find in a frat basement. 8:30 pm in Midmass Basement lounge. Saved!, by the way,
is a great funny movie. 5 out of 6 points on the Star of David.
YOM HASHOAH
Thursday, May 5th at 6:30 pm, come to the Yom Hashoah Holocaust Memorial
Service, to be held outside behind the Roth Center. Contact Elana Bannerman for
more info or if you would like to participate in helping run it.
BBQ ON WHEELS IS BACK, WITH MORE TORQUE
Saturday night, May 7th, watch out for the moving barbecue on wheels, raising
money for Relay for Life (cancer fighting fundraiser), with hot dogs and Veggie
burgers. Wanna help? Blitz Jeremy Warburg.
Wanna join Hillel's Relay for Life team, and raise money to fight cancer? Blitz
Jeremy Warburg. We need two more people to meet our recruitment goal. And nobody
likes cancer.
LEAD SHABBAT?
Want to help lead the Friday night Shabbat services? No experience is necessary,
and you can lead as much or as little as you want. It's an easier service, it's
shorter, and there's more English. Contact Hiram if interested, and don't worry.
He'll have your back through the whole thing and help you lead.
Leading a Hillel Shabbat service, "a lot easier than joining the Israeli
military."
How's that for a tagline?
RED WHITE AND JEW
Help celebrate the 350th anniversary of Jews in this country. Want to help plan
the celebration? Blitz Libby Sherman.
It'll be in Collis Commonground on Wednesday, May 11th from 6 to 9 pm.
CLAUDALLAH ---- HAVDALLAH AT CLAUDIA'S HOUSE
Saturday, May 28 at night. Come to the Hillel Mom's newly renovated house for a
fun havdallah and some great food. Blitz Claudia Palmer with questions.
She makes a great chili. Come and find out!
So, what did we learn today? Pasta, bagels, and Starbucks are not kosher for
Passover. It's easier to lead a service than join the Israeli military. Claudia
makes good chili. And it is possible for a barbecue on wheels to fight cancer,
one hot dog or veggie burger at a time. Good thing the BBQ is after Passover is
over. Everybody likes good buns.
Peace, Shalom, Adios, and TTYL*
-Evan Michals
*I am personally not a fan of the "ttyl," but so many of you AIMers out there
probably respond better to that than "Shalom Aleichem," so I try to appeal to
all demographics.
Jew(s) of the Week: Rabbi and the rest of everyone who helped lead Seders last
week, whether they were at the Roth Center or in your own places. Kudos to all
of you, because leading a Seder is tough, but really fun. I suggest you all try
it.
Goy(s) of the Week: Robert Lester, the man behind the magic of the Pavilion, for
the coordination of the huge feeding frenzy we all like to call "The Big Seder"
last Saturday.
Also, Claudia Palmer, for coordinating the huge Seder last week as well, in an
equally-as-stressful way.
Furthermore, all the staff who cleaned, arranged, cooked, and cleaned for the
Roth Center to have a truly successful first night of Passover, you guys rock.
If any of you are Jewish, consider yourself a Jew of the Week. If not, then
consider yourself a Goy of the Week. If you aren't sure which category you fall
under, blitz Hillel or Rabbi, and we can figure things out.
Kudos to everyone.
Joke(s) of the Week:
Flight companion
Lionel is flying back to London. He boards his plane and sits next to the
window. A few minutes later, a heavy, mean-looking, giant of a man sits next to
him and promptly falls asleep.
During the flight, Lionel begins to feel quite sick and wants to go to the
toilet, but he's afraid to wake the giant and it would be impossible to climb
over him. So Lionel has to sit there trying to decide the best course of action.
Suddenly, the plane hits some air turbulence and lurches around for a few
seconds. A wave of nausea overcomes Lionel and he throws up all over the giant.
Some time later, the giant awakes and sees the vomit over him.
"So," says Lionel, "are you feeling better now?"
Quick ones:
1. Moshe was talking to his friend. "I had it all, Hymie - money, a beautiful
house and the love of a beautiful woman. Then pow! It was all gone."
"What happened?" asked Hymie.
"My wife found out about the beautiful woman."
2. Sharon says to Leah, "Aren't you wearing your ring on the wrong finger?"
Leah replies, "Yes - I married the wrong man."
3. Freda says to her husband, "Let's go out tonight and have some fun."
Max replies, "OK, but if you get home before me, leave the porch light on."
4. Harry said to his friend, "I married Miss right, but I just didn't know her
first name was Always."
5. Moshe muttered a few words in the synagogue and found himself married. A year
later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
Jewsletter
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
-----------------------------
The Green is finally green, the trees no longer look dead, and people are
filling up the green like ants on an apple pie, just to take in the warmth
before it leaves, because as we all know, it would be perfectly normal to have
snow this weekend. Well, we will at least be having rain this weekend, so enjoy
the warmth while you can, even though it doesn't come close to Southern
California. At least here we don't have any earthquakes or burning bushes. And
our breasts are real.
And eat as much leavened bread as you can while you still can.
Oh SEDER,
The deadline for RSVPing for the Hillel first-night-of-Passover Seder is tonight
at midnight. After tonight, you are still welcome to attend the Seder, but it'll
cost you 24 DBA dollars (if you make the RSVP deadline, it's only 18 DBA
dollars).
* *In order to RSVP please blitz Claudia Palmer with your DBA number, which is
located on your Dartmouth ID to the right of your birth date on the card, just
under your Bb One number.
* The first-night Seders start on Saturday, April 23rd at 8:00pm. Please arrive
at the Roth Center by 7:45pm, so we can begin on time. Pretty please.
On the first night, there will be a few different Seders happening throughout
the Roth Center. The Big One is, because of its size, a basic service with both
English and Hebrew, while there will be some smaller Seders of varying degrees
of conservatism happening as well, such as one led by Elana Bannerman and one
led by Libby Sherman. Plus, there will be a Learner's Seder run by Ariel
Dowling, for those of you who want to learn about how a Seder works. Everyone is
welcome to go to any one of them, but if you want to go to a small one, you
should come sooner rather than later because space is limited.
ROAMING BBQ
The BBQ on Wheels, serving Hebrew National Hot Dogs + Veggie Burgers will be
roaming around the area of Rocky and along Webster Ave.
Wednesday [tomorrow] night from 10:30 pm. Bring your friends, bring your
prospective students. It's great food for a great cause----the Relay for Life.
And since the meat is Kosher and/or not meat at all, you won't be getting
cancer, while you're fighting cancer. Sweet deal, eh?
Anyone interested in helping out with BBQ on wheels should blitz Dan Belkin and
Jeremy Warburg. If you want to help, show up at the Roth Center at 9:30. And,
you don't need to know how to cook, you'd just need to help Dan and Jeremy wheel
the beast along frat row.
CHOATESEDER
On the 2nd night of Passover (Sunday), come to Brittle lounge in the Choates (in
between Little and Brown dorms) for a second night Seder you won't forget. And
you won't forget it for more than just because it's a Seder in the Choates. I
mean, how often does that happen? Blitz Jeremy Warburg or Dan Belkin to RSVP or
if you want to help cook.
----------------
Prospie Stuff
----------------
JEWS AND THEIR FREE COFFEE, PROSPIE STYLE
Jews and Java returns this THURSDAY from 1 - 4 at the Dartmouth Bookstore. Bring
your prospies, enjoy a free cup of coffee, chat with Ben Rosenbleet, and have a
grand ol' Jewy time. Caffeine Free!
ROTH CENTER, PROSPIE STYLE
Thursday at 4:30 at Roth Center, come to help chat with prospective students
about Jewish life at Dartmouth. It's the Roth Center open house, and we need you
to help out.
ACTIVITY FAIR, PROSPIE STYLE
Friday afternoon, come help out at the activity fair for prospective Dartmouth
undergrads. It's 1:30 to 3:00 at Alumni hall. Help represent Hillel to prospies.
You want them to know Jews exist here.
FRIDAY NIGHT SERVICES, STYLED PROSPIE
Friday Shabbat services begin at 7, followed by the world famous* free dinner at
8. Bring your prospie, show them how Challah is really supposed to taste. Just
don't go fratting afterward, because that gives them a different kind of
taste... the taste left in their mouths when they lose their acceptance...
*By "world famous," I mean pretty darn good. And by "darn" I mean another word.
----------------
ALUMNISEDER
A local Dartmouth alumnus has space open at his home for his Seder. Blitz Hillel
for his phone number if you want to get in contact with him: David Siegal. Not
related to Steven Segal, but probably a better cook.
NO LEAVENED BAGELS, NO PROBLEM
Despite concerns raised by many, a Matzah Brunch is indeed possible, fun,
delicious, and Kosher for Passover. Come this Sunday at 1 at the Roth Center for
a Matzah brunch.
MOVIES WITH 3 DIFFERENT RELIGIONS
On Monday May 2nd, come watch a movie w/ Al-Nur, AQ, and Hillel in the Midmass
basement. It's at 8:30 pm, and the movie is one of McCauley Culkin's and Mandy
Moore's finest collaborative works ever----Saved!. It's a hilarious movie about
religions. Well, mainly Christianity.
YOM HASHOAH
If you would like to sit on the Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day) service
planning committee and help plan a small commemorative service to be held on
either Thursday May 5 or Friday May 6, please blitz Elana Bannerman. Not a big
time commitment involved--she is especially looking for people who would like to
participate by either reading a short reading or poem and people with ideas or
suggestions on how to make this program meaningful for their personal selves as
well as the Dartmouth and Upper Valley community.
RED WHITE AND JEW
Wednesday, May 11 is the Red White and Jew festival, a celebration of American
Jewry in America. It's at Collis Commonground 5-9, and will feature music,
games, and social explorations into American Judaism. Oh, and food. If you want
to help out, blitz Libby Sherman.
JEWISH GOLF. JOLF. or GOLWISH.
Hillel golf outing, if interested blitz Ethan Levine. May 22nd. After bagel
brunch. Nuff said. Well, and you better not pop your collars while golfing. Or
wear a sweater tied around your shoulders.
----------------
Man, a lot of stuff to keep track of. Good thing elephants have great memories.
That's why Hillel's most recent investment is in a Dartmouth Hillel Elephant. He
always remembers his Hillel events. He's like a data bank, just for Hillel.
Plus, we can paint him green and ride him to football games. So the next time
you forget a Hillel event, just ask the Dartmouth Hillel Elephant to fill you
in. His name is gumdrop.
Shalomy my Homie(s)
Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Lydia Gensheimer, for devoting so much time and effort into the
Belarus trip and being one cool person.
Goy of the Week: Pedro. Because he's President.
Joke of the Week,
Thanks to Alex Stein for this one:
Four novice nuns were about to take their vows. Dressed in their white gowns,
they came into the chapel with the Mother Superior, and were about to undergo
the ceremony to marry them to Jesus, making them "brides of Christ."
Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews with yarmulkes, long
sideburns and long beards came in and sat in the front row.
The Mother Superior said to them, "I am honored that you would want to share
this experience with us, but do you mind if I ask you why you came?"
One of the Jews replied, "We're from the groom's family."
~~ KEY INFORMATION ON UPCOMING EVENTS ~~
------
* LEARNER'S SERVICE -- This Friday Night (April 15th) @ the Roth Center @ 7pm
(To Be Followed By Shabbat Dinner)
A New and More Accessible Format -- Ideal Opportunity for First-Timers to come,
participate, and learn!
------
*YOM HA'SHOAH (Holocaust Remembrance Day) --- Hillel is planning a Yom HaShoah
program for Thursday May 5. In order to make this program personal we would like
students who feel a strong connection to the Holocaust through relationships
with survivors to share their thoughts and/or stories that have been passed down
to them. We hope to have a number of speakers each speak for a couple of
minutes. As this day is primarily about remembering those who were victims of
the Holocaust we really would appreciate you sharing your stories.
If you are interested, please blitz "Elana" for more information.
-------
* DIMENSIONS Week Is Coming Up!
-April 20th -23rd
-The Dartmouth Admissions, in general, is looking for student hosts;
Sign up right now to be a host! Click on:
https://www.dartmouth.edu/apply/visiting/dhosting/
Login: hosting
Password: hosting
Questions?! Blitz 'hosting'.
Also....
-Hillel is looking for volunteers to host students particularly interested in
learning about Jewish life at the College AND attending a Passover Seder
-Blitz "Jeremy Warburg" if you'd like to help Hillel reach its critical goal of
meeting its hosting needs
------
*SHABBAT IN THE WOODS -- A DOC Cabin has already been rented for Friday MAY 27th
-through -midday Saturday MAY 28th
-RSVP ASAP to "Jeremy Warburg" if interested in attending; Space Is Limited &
Several Drivers Are Needed As Well
------
Finally...For 05s Only....
BACCALAUREATE SERVICE
With Class Day and Commencement Around the Corner, The College Chaplain is
looking for a member of the Class of 2005 -- willing to share a brief 2-3
minute, meaningful prayer, reading selection, etc. -- to represent Hillel in
this year's service held the afternoon of Sat. June 11th
Please Blitz the Hillel account ASAP if interested!
-----
Enjoy the rest of your week,
-The Executive Board --
Jewsletter
Tuesday, April 5, 2005
A new term is in full swing, and Hillel is still hip and Jewish, and contrary to
popular belief, not from Long Island. And, despite what may be written in the
Jewsletter about how awesome So Cal is and whatnot, the Jewsletter is also
indeed not from California. I just really wish I could say I was from
California, you know, where there are more fake chests than a Pier 1 store
(thank John Leguizamo for that comparison). Then again, if I was from
California, then I'd have to take crap for having the Total Junior Kindergarten
Terminator Twin Cop Recall as governor. But then again, it'd be warm there.
--------
NEW POSITIONS ELECTED
House Manager - Justin Brownstone
Treasurer - Victoria Fener
Communications - Me
Community Service - Dan Belkin
Cooking Coordinators - Libby Sherman and Lydia Gensheimer
Rep to the JPBC - Elana Bannerman
SA Rep - Tatyana Liskovich
Green Key Rep - Arielle Ring
Israeli Affairs - David Rothenberg
Looks to be a solid exec board this term.
:::::::Events::::::
JEWS / JAVA
Wednesday [tomorrow] from 12 - 2:15p
Come to the Dartmouth Bookstore for some free Starbucks and a chat with none
other than Ben Rosenbleet. Come and you might find out about his strange run-in
with a six-foot tall bunny. Wait, never mind, don't ask him that. But he will
tell you about his deep-sea explorations in the Marianas Trench and about his
in-depth research of tidal pools in Madagascar.
--------
SEDER TUTORIAL
Thursday, April 7th at 6 p
Come to the Roth Center for some dinner and find out how to lead a Seder. This
meeting is for all people who would like to lead a Seder this upcoming Passover,
and will go over what you need to know to lead either the big Seder or a smaller
one of your own.
--------
FRIDAY NIGHT SERVICE / DINNER
Friday, April 8th. Service: 7p, Dinner: 8p
A Shabbat celebration for everyone. Come, enjoy, be merry, and eat as much
challah as you can, because challah is awesome, and it's fun eating awesome
stuff. Especially if "awesome" means cheese pizza; but in this case it doesn't.
--------
HE'S NOT A BEASTIE BOY
Friday, April 8th at 10:30 pm at Sigma Nu
Our very own Anthony Shears will be performing this Friday at Sig Nu. For those
of you who don't know, he has produced his own awesome Hip-Hop / Rap records and
you'll finally be able to hear him perform live. Also, I'm willing to bet he has
a better sense of beat than all of us other Jews... combined.
--------
BAGEL BRUNCH
Sunday, April 10th at 1p
Come to the Roth Center for bagels, schmear, Jews, Raz-ma-tazz, and anything
else that helps beat hangovers. I mean, anything else that helps wake you up on
a Sunday after fratting Saturday night. I mean, bagels taste good.
--------
LEARNER'S SERVICE: SHABBAT 101
Friday, April 15th at 7p
This term, the introduction to Friday night services will be on April 15th, and
it is going to go places you never thought a learner's service could. It's a new
format, it's interactive, it's more accessible, it's shorter, and it's still
followed by the wonderful and free Friday night dinner.
--------
YOM HA' SHOAH
Thursday, May 5th
If you would like to sit on the Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day) service
planning committee and help plan a small commemorative service to be held on
either Thursday May 5 or Friday May 6, please blitz Elana Bannerman. Not a big
time commitment involved--she is especially looking for people who would like to
participate by either reading a short reading or poem and people with ideas or
suggestions on how to make this program meaningful for their personal selves as
well as the Dartmouth and Upper Valley community. As always, people who haven't
yet participated in Hillel events are welcome and encouraged to help plan.
--------
AMERICAN JEWRY FESTIVAL
Wednesday, May 11th in Collis Commonground from 5 - 9p
Wanna help plan a celebration of the 350th year Jews have been in this country?
Blitz Libby Sherman.
--------
PASSOVER AT HILLEL
Saturday, April 23rd
Come to the Roth Center to celebrate Passover in any of the Seders that will be
going on during the first night of the holiday.
Attending a Seder will cost $18 dollars - but it's DBA, so really don't worry
about it. You'd spend close to that on a dinner at food court anyway, and plus,
Hillel is paying for half the meal already.
So if you and any friends want to go to a Seder at Hillel, you must RSVP to
Claudia Palmer by April 19th. In your RSVP, you need to provide Claudia with
your DBA number, which is located on your student ID right next to your birth
date on the card, just under your Bb One number.
Hillel Seders are awesome, so definitely get your friends to go to one with you.
--------
SHABBAT IN THE WOODS
May 27-28
Wanna spend Shabbat in a cabin, hanging out with fellow Jews and enjoying God's
majesty? And by "majesty" I mean nature. Blitz Jeremy Warburg if you want to go.
We need a head count to reserve a cabin.
--------
GOD SQUAD SOFTBALL
Want to play with fellow God-lovers in IM softball? Blitz Jeremy Warburg.
--------
BIRTHRIGHT ISRAEL
Want to take a free and safe trip to Israel through the Birthright Israel
program? It's 10 days long and leaves June 18th. Blitz Ben Rosenbleet about it,
or go to Jews and Java Wednesday to talk with him about it first-hand. He has
some great stories.
--------
MONEY AND LEARNING GO WELL TOGETHER
The UVJC is looking for Dartmouth students who will be on campus next year
(Fall, Winter, and Spring) who would like to tutor the upcoming B'nai Mitzvah
kids. Pay is great (around $25/hour) and the relationship which you develop with
the kids is priceless. We will train you; you need only to be comfortable
reading Hebrew. Tutors meet once a week for an hour with the kids. Interested?
Email Jan Salzman at jansalz@sover.net for further info.
--------
Well, that about wraps it up. The Green is dryer, the air is warmer, and
students no longer smell bad after rolling around on the Green. Enjoy this
term's evens, and especially try not to miss So Cal so much, because the summer
is coming, and soon it will be less like Long Island.
Shalom Aleichem
Evan Michals
--------
Jew of the Week: Stephen Spielberg, because he is the man.
Goy of the Week: The inventor of pizza, whoever he is, for making Hillel
meetings tasty.
Quote of the Week: Hiram said 'bip', imitating the beep a card scanner makes. It
was a very accurate imitation.
Joke of the Week:
Sadie is dying. As she lay in her bed, she says, "Shlomo, are you here?"
"Sadie, can't you see I'm standing right next to you?" replies Shlomo.
"Well that's a change," says Sadie, "I'm not used to having you at home."
"Oh now come on darling," says Shlomo, "you didn't really expect me to be out of
the house when you're dying?"
"Well it wouldn't have surprised me," says Sadie.
"Please let's not argue," says Shlomo.
"OK," says Sadie, "but I want you to promise me something. How many cars have
you ordered to go to the cemetery?"
"Four," replies Shlomo.
"Does that include the hearse?" asks Sadie.
"Yes," replies Shlomo, "but this is not the time to talk about it."
"Shlomo, it's my funeral, remember," says Sadie. "Four cars are too many. If
people want to come, let them find their own way there. Cancel one of the cars."
"OK," says Shlomo.
"And I want you to promise me something else," says Sadie.
"Anything darling," says Shlomo.
"I want you and my mother to travel together in the same car," says Sadie.
"But darling," says Shlomo, "you know we've not spoken to one another for at
least ten years."
"I know," says Sadie, "but I don't care. It's what I want. Promise me you'll do
it."
"Well, OK," replies Shlomo, "I'll do it, but let me tell you now, it will ruin
the day for me."
JEWSletter
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Welcome back to Dartmouth, home of Keggy, cold air, a smelly Green,
Harvard rejects, and the last pulp-like remains of a giant snow
pirate ship. Ah, classes have begun, books have been bought at
horribly non-competitive prices, and DBA is refilled. It's the smell
of a new term; it's the smell of a new beginning, a new spring, a
new mud stain, a new course load, and a new reason why we miss So
Cal-because So Cal is fun, warm, and sunny. That only happens here
during Jews and Java.
JEWS/JAVA
Wednesday from 1-4pm @ Dartmouth Bookstore
The Crazy Caffeinated Kid is back, and he's ready to chat, give out
free Starbucks, and give your afternoon that little shimmer of light
that keeps you going through classes. Meet Ben Rosenbleet at the
Starbucks in the Dartmouth Bookstore, and enjoy a free cup of
coffee, courtesy of Hillel. Sugar is free too.
FRIDAY NIGHT SERVICES/DINNER
Fridays this term, Shabbat services are at 7pm, followed by a FREE
home-cooked dinner at 8pm, all at the beautiful Roth Center. Free
food, free wine, free challah. What more could a Dartmouth Jew want?
[No, we don't have kegs].
BAGEL BRUNCH
This Sunday at 1pm @ Roth Center
Enjoy some bagels, schmear, and another one of those shimmers of
light that keep you going through the weekend: Jeremy Warburg. It's
late enough to wake up from the night before, and early enough to
call it brunch.
AMERICAN JEWS AND ISRAEL
Monday, April 4 at 6 @ Rocky 1.
"Roles, Responsibilities and Relationships of American Jews with
Israel." A solid discussion with knowledgeable panelists. Light
Refreshments Served; Panelists: Prof. Lewis Glinert, Prof. Meir
Kohn, Prof. Ehud Benor. The moderator is none other than our very
own Rabbi Edward Boraz.
Discussion? Argument? Come find out.
JEWS BEEN HERE A LONG TIME
350 or so years, to be exact. We're celebrating the 350th
anniversary of Jews in America on May 11th from 5-9pm with a
festival at the Collis Commonground. Wanna help out? Blitz Hillel.
Was your
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great
grandfather the first Jew here? Come find out!
DON'T PASS OVER THIS SEDER
April 23rd is the first day of Passover this year, and so
accordingly, we're celebrating our tuchus off. The Roth Center will
be filled with all sorts of Seders led by different people in
different rooms.
* Wanna lead your very own Passover Seder? It can be anything from a
conservative Seder to a no-holds-barred chocolate Seder. All food
and wine would be provided for your Seder. Blitz Hiram with where
you want the Seder to be and what type you'll do.
* There will be a meeting for anyone who wants to learn how to lead
a Seder on Thursday, April 7th at 6 @ The Roth Center, and dinner
will be included, so talk to your friends and figure out how your
Seder's gonna be. If you want to attend the meeting, RSVP to Hillel.
* Wanna help shape how this year's main Seder will look like or help
lead it? Blitz Hiram to help brainstorm.
HOST SOME JEWS
Unfortunately, God scheduled Passover during dimensions weekend, so
some Jewish 09s will be sticking around for the first night of
Passover and will need a place to stay. If you would like to not
only host a prospective student but also take them to a Seder, blitz
Jeremy Warburg.
And no, this is not a way to meet future freshmen girls. Talk to Chi
Gam if you're interested in that.
HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST MEAT AND CHEESE?
Do you want to help Kashrut our kitchen? It involves cleaning
utensils and plates to make sure everything's Kosher. Blitz Hillel
if you wanna help.
SHABBAT 101: SERVICES FOR NEWBIES
This term's learner's service is on Friday, April 15th. It's a new
format, which will be much more accessible to more people. If you
want to help lead as little or as much as you like, blitz Hiram.
JEALOUS OF BAR-MITZVAHS?
Never had a bar/bat mitzvah before? Jealous of your neighbor Sammy
who had a Bar-Mitzvah party in the Hamptons and got a yacht for
turning 13? Well, we won't take you to the Hamptons, but we might
give you a yacht*, during the new beni-mitzvah program. No prior
Jewish knowledge necessary. Think about this rare opportunity to
stick it to Sammy, and look for more info to come. Blitz Hillel if
curious.
*By "yacht" I mean "pumpkin carving." Stress the word "might."
NEW POSITIONS TO ELECT NEXT WEEK
At next week's meeting, we'll be electing a new...
Cooking Coordinator
House Manager
Treasurer
Community Service Chair
Communications Chair (well, hopefully this position won't be a new
person...)
Israel Affairs Rep.
SA Rep
Green Key Rep
Rep to the Joint Planning and Building Committee (JPBC)
Wow, lot's of stuff, lots of events, lot's of Jewy fun. Hopefully
the mud will dry, the Green will smell better, and one day Tom
Cruise will shake Rabbi's hand.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: David Kerem, el nuevo presidente, for successfully
running his first meeting. Good going!
Goy of the Week: Kelley Durkin, for being quite the energetic
presence at AQ, and for pledging to help coordinate events between
Hillel and AQ this term. Good going!
Survey of the Week: What should we do now that Panda House is
closing?
Joke of the Week:
Moshe worked in an upmarket men's clothes shop in London. One day,
his boss Avrahom returned from lunch and noticed Moshe's hand was
bandaged. Before he could ask what happened, Moshe told him that he
had some good news to report, "I finally sold that ridiculous suit
we've had in stock for such a long time."
"Do you mean that repulsive bright orange-and-blue double-breasted
thing?" said Avrahom."
"That's the one!" said Moshe.
"Mazeltov," Avrahom shouted, "I really thought we'd never get rid it
- it had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had. But tell me, Moshe,
why is your hand bandaged?"
"Simple," Moshe replied, "as soon as I sold the suit to the
gentleman, his guide dog bit me."
((((( Jewsletter )))))
((((( Tuesday, March 01, 2005 )))))
So the last couple weeks are upon us, which means less Hillel and more finals
and papers. But alas, our weekly events are still strong, our Jews will have
Java, our Bagels will Brunch [with crępes!], our Movies will be at Night, our
Joseph will wear his Coat, and our Purim will be a Ball. Enjoy, fine Jewry of
Hanover. Be merry, be well, and for heaven's sake, don't drink too much
Manischewitz.
((((( Movie Night )))))
Come this Wednesday [tomorrow] for a showing of The Producers, a hilarious Mel
Brooks film. There will be snacks, humor, good times, a donkey, traveling
jesters, an elephant that plays the piano, carnies, a bearded lady with a fish
tail for legs, and clowns that are actually funny.
Wait, sorry, wrong movie. There will just be snacks, humor, and good times.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
((((( Jews / Java )))))
Wednesday [tomorrow] afternoon, from 1 - 4 pm @ Starbucks in Dartmouth
Bookstore. Chat with the infamous Ben Rosenbleet, and he might tell you his
stories of yore, or of his safari adventures in Africa, the Yukon, and Istanbul.
Just ask him. Though I warn you, he might pretend not to know what you're
talking about...
((((( Bagel and Crępe Brunch )))))
This Sunday at 1 pm @ Roth Center. Classic Seinfeld episodes, bagels, schmear,
and Jews. And there will be crępes, too, with all your favorite toppings,
freshly baked by Jeremy Warburg and Co. So come for bagels and crępes!
Delicious, indeed.
"It's late enough to wake up from the night before, and early enough to call it
brunch."
And what's best, the floor is clean, so if you drop your bagel on the floor, you
can dust it off and still eat it. As long as it lands face-up. I know from
experience. Just ask Hiram Shaish. He saw me.
((((( Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat )))))
This Saturday, March 5th at 7 pm @ Collis Commonground.
Starring the children of the Upper Valley Jewish Community, directed and
choreographed by Rachel Karpf '07 & Frank Glaser '08, musical direction by
Stephen Secules '07, and set and lighting design by Jeremy Warburg '08.
Tickets available at the door and donations gladly accepted; all proceeds
benefit the UVJC.
Those kids are so darn cute. Come see!
((((( Purim Ball )))))
Tuesday, March 8 from 8 to 11 pm @ Hanover Inn.
DJ, dancing, costume contests, prize raffles, free hamentashen, hors d'oeuvres
and an open bar [bring ID] at the Daniel Webster room of the Hanover Inn.
Costumes highly encouraged. We'll crown a Queen Esther and Uncle Mordechai
[forget for the moment that they were related].
It's about time that I can finally break out the pimp costume I've been saving.
I've been looking for the right excuse to wear it, since a pimp in Hanover
stands out like I do at Tri-Kap.
((((( Relay for Life )))))
Hillel is forming a team to raise money to fight cancer. Once you join, you try
to raise money for the Hillel team, so the sooner you join, the sooner you can
start raising that dough. Blitz Dan Belkin if you want to join.
((((( Darfur Discussion )))))
The William Jewett Tucker Foundation presents.....
Genocide And Gender In Darfur: A Noon Discussion
Join Human Rights Advocate Mamie Mutchler for lunch and discussion about the
recent events in the Darfur region of Sudan.
Wednesday, March 2 At Noon At The Tucker Foudnation.
((((( Sex Talk )))))
The Office of Religious and Spiritual Life - Tucker Foundation presents:
A panel discussion about "Sex and Religion: What Does God Think About Sex... And
What Does That Mean For You?" Featuring the top minds of the United Campus
Ministry: Rabbi Moshe Gray, Chabad; Nancyrose Logan, Quaker - Society Of
Friends; Erik Turnberg, Episcopal Campus Ministry; Nicole Leonard, Provision
Christian Fellowship; Moderator: Kent Dahlberg, Campus Crusade.
3 P.M. Friday, March 4, Carson L02.
((((( Interested? )))))
Interested in journalism? How about Jews? Interested in Jewish journalism? Check
out www.CampusJ.com
((((( Something for the relatives )))))
Do your parents and grandparents nag you about what you do on campus? Would they
like to know more about Jewish life and Hillel at Dartmouth? Sign them up for
the Kol Koreh, Hillel's newsletter.
If you think they'd enjoy receiving this publication (it's free!), please blitz
back the Hillel account with their address(es).
Give back to the parents who have given you so much. And help spread the word
about Hillel. Maybe you can get them to give us money. Send all money to Hillel,
c/o Evan's pocket.
Well, that about wraps it up. While watching The Producers, having your Java,
eating your Bagels, enjoying your crępes, and watching Joseph strut his stuff,
be thinking about your costumes for Purim Ball. And remember, the more you stand
out, the better. Also, try to color coordinate with the hamentashen. It'll look
better that way, when you have the crumbs on your clothing from spending all
night next to the food in the back of the room. Oh, wait, that's just me. Never
mind. I'm just kidding, I have a date. Really. I do. Yeah.
Have a great week.
Shalom Aleichem
Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Blitz Evan07 with comments or free offers.
Blitz Hillel with hamentashen recipes.
Jew of the Week: Michelle Schwartz, for putting in a great term of Presidency
where lots of great events were held that drew many new faces to Hillel, and
communication and coordination between various student groups on campus was
made, most recently being a co-effort with Al-Nur that you guys will hear more
of in the spring term.
Second Jew of the Week: Ezra (Azi) Tzfadya, for despite having a busy schedule,
still putting in effort to make Dartmouth's Jewish community strong, and for
keepin' it real.
Third Jew of the Week: Mrs. Israel, Sima Bakhar, who is now Mrs. World as of
Friday the 25th. So for 2005, Israel has the hottest woman in the world. Woo!
Goy of the Week: Dale Correa, for coordinating with Hillel on a new project, a
co-effort between us two groups for speakers and discussions, that you guys will
see come to fruition in the spring term.
Survey of Last Week: The Dartmouth youth were asked which was better: teriyaki
or barbecue sauce, and the results are in... Teriyaki won by a large margin,
followed by barbecue sauce, and in what has become a recent tradition, ketchup
got third, even though it wasn't a choice. A+.
Survey of This Week: Should Social Security be modified the way Bush wants, by
allowing some of it to be put into the stock market?
First Joke of the Week:
Things your computer would do if it was Jewish:
- The cursor moves from right to left.
- Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, the PC gets a
"Verklempt" error.
- Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
- Your "start" button would be replaced with a "let's go! I'm not getting any
younger!" button.
- "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already - you're
killing me. You vant I should try again? I didn't hear that!"
- When disconnecting external devices from the back of the PC, it instructs you
to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."
- When running "scandisk," it prompts with a "You want I should fix this?"
message.
- Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo ball chicken soup.
- If you decide not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the
following message appears "You should be ashamed of yourself."
- When spell-check finds an error it prompts "Is this the best you can do?"
Second Joke of the Week:
Moshe was a bragger and loved to out-do his friends whenever he could and now it
was coming up to the time of his son Isaac's bar mitzvah. He gave it a lot of
thought and then, after studying many brochures and maps, he hit upon a perfect,
unique way to celebrate - a safari.
So Moshe went ahead with the detailed arrangements. He started off by hiring a
special flight to Africa to accommodate all the invited family and friends. Then
he chose a guide and his bearers. He phoned the guide long distance and told him
what he wanted.
"I want my entourage to be able to hear jungle chants; I want to be able to
shoot some wild animals, on film of course; I need a clearing to be found where
my Rabbi can hold the service; and I want my son to be able to recite his
prayers in Hebrew whilst standing on the body of an anaesthetized lion."
"OK," said the guide, "no problem."
The guests were ecstatic when they received details of the weekend and all
accepted their invite. Come the day of departure, they were all flown to Africa.
On arrival, the guide and bearers were waiting for them, together with 30
elephants. Off they went with the guide leading the way and directing the
elephants along the narrow trails through the rain forest. But then, just 5
hours into the journey, the column of elephants came to a sudden halt and the
guide shouted, "There will now be a delay of 2 hours."
Moshe was angry at this. "Why the delay?" he asked his guide.
"There's nothing I can do," said the guide, "there's another two bar mitzvah
safaris ahead of us."
Third Joke of the Week:
One day, Benny the psychiatrist was coming home from work on the subway when he
saw an elderly gentleman talking to himself and then laughing aloud. Every so
often, the man would put up his hand, stop talking then start all over again.
Benny had to find out more.
"Excuse me, I hope you don't mind me asking, but is there anything I can do to
help?"
"Thank you but no. To keep me awake, I tell myself jokes when I'm traveling."
"But why do you keep raising your hand?" asked Benny.
"Oh, that's to stop me telling a joke I've heard before."
{ Jewsletter }
{ Tuesday, February 22, 2005 }
This week started off with a bang. I'm not sure what that
means, or why this week did that, but it sounds good. This week started with a
bang. It banged when it started. The first thing it did was bang. Well,
tonight's meeting had some bangs of its own. Like all good meetings of Jews,
there was much debate and chatter over the elected officials, but we finally
arrived at a democratic solution. We voted.
We elected the following new positions:
VP of Religious Programming: Hiram Shaish
Executive VP: Jeremy Warburg
President: David Kerem
Should be a great spring term. But for now, on to the
upcoming events this term...
Events::Jews/Java
Once again, Ben Rosenbleet is at it again, distributing
caffeine to Jews. Come to the Dartmouth Bookstore's Starbucks Café and enjoy a
FREE cup of coffee. No cake, pies, or cookies. Only coffee. You want cookie, you
pay for cookie.
And it's from 2 - 4 tomorrow [Wednesday], starting an hour
later this time, because Ben is off saving the world for a little while. Really.
You should ask him about it. Ask him about his sidekick, Dan Villone. They have
really good stories. Really.
No Event::Movie Night
There will be no movie night this week, due to the
performance of Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad. Come back next week for The
Producers.
Event::Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
[Tomorrow] Wednesday, February 23rd at 7 pm @ Collis
Commonground
It's a traveling female comedy troupe that has been featured
on Def Comedy Jam. They defy the stereotypes through comedy and entertainment.
Really funny. Funnier than catapulting a squirrel on a trampoline.
And right after Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad, see Hotel Rwanda
at the Hop, in preparation for...
Event::Paul Rusesabagina
Man who Inspired Hotel Rwanda Visits.... This Thursday,
February 24th at 7 pm @ Alumni Hall
He is the man who saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocide in
the country, and is the inspiration for the movie Hotel Rwanda. See the movie,
meet the man.
Event::Volunteer at David's House
On Sunday, February 27, we'll be going to David's House, and
cooking dinner for families of child patients at DHMC in the afternoon [2 hour
time commitment]. Blitz Yardena if you want to help. It's a good thing.
Events::Bagel Brunch
This Sunday, come to the Roth Center at 1 o'clock to watch
Seinfeld episodes, eat bagels, have schmear, and be merry. Why merry, you ask?
Because lox tastes good in cream cheese, which tastes good with Newman's Own
Raz-ma-tazz.
Event::Purim Ball
Tuesday, March 8 from 8 to 11 pm @ Hanover Inn
Open bar, dj, dancing, prize raffles, costume contests, free hamentashen, and
more fun than a barrel of monkeys fighting with a barrel of gofers over a piece
of cheese.
Fundraiser::Relay for Life
Wanna be on the Hillel team for Relay for Life? Blitz Hillel
or Daniel Belkin.
Stuff::CampusJ
Interested in Jewish journalism? Check out www.CampusJ.com
Stuff::Win Points With Grandparents
Do your parents and grandparents nag you about what you do on
campus? Would they like to know more about Jewish life and Hillel at Dartmouth?
Sign them up for the Kol Koreh, Hillel's newsletter. If you think they'd enjoy
receiving this free publication, blitz back the Hillel account with their
address(es).
It's a good way to get a care package, and to let the
grandmother know you're still Jewish...
Well, another week ends, and we are another week closer to
the end of the term. We've got some great events coming up [this week is a big
one], so enjoy yourselves, and try not to have too much lox cream cheese. Unless
of course you have some Raz-ma-tazz to wash it down with.
Shalom Aleichem
Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Jake Anderson, for picking a fight with the ski mountain and
winning. Tough guy.
Goy of the Week: Gwen Rudie, for devoting so much of her time to being a great
UGA for her floor.
Survey of Last Week: When asked which pizza restaurant was better, the Jews of
Dartmouth chose Ramuntos [which won by far], followed by EBA's in second, and
Panda House in last place, since once again, some people can't read.
Survey of the Week: Barbecue sauce or Teriyaki sauce? This goes for any food
you'd put them on. Blitz Evan07 with your responses.
Joke of the Week:
Hyman is 25 and leads the most over-examined life you can
imagine. Each day, he spends his time thinking about those he met that day,
worrying about everything said to him, wondering about every look, gesture and
expression made, and hoping he came across OK. Even when he goes to bed, he has
to write at least two pages in his diary about his conclusions and how he will
improve his actions the following day to make people like him more.
One day, Hyman goes to Max, one of his few friends, in a very
agitated state. "What's wrong?" asks Max.
"Well," replied Hyman, "my father and I never had much of a
relationship while I was growing up. He's always ignored me and he's never
encouraged me to succeed. I've been trying to get him to talk to me for some
time now, but without success. Then last night, out of the blue, he rings me and
invites me out to dinner. I was shocked. I tried to work out - why now, why
dinner, why ...."
"But did you go?" said Max.
"Yes, but during dinner, I said the wrong thing. It was just
a slip of the tongue really and I didn't mean it the way it sounded."
"Well, so what did you say?" asked Max.
Hyman replies, "I meant to say, 'please pass the salt', but
it came out as, 'you miserable old sod, you've ruined my life'."
******Jewsletter********
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Well, I have to write this Jewsletter quickly, because I have tickets for the
Lebanon Traveling Circus for later tonight. It's where we college students can
see what local life is like, but without carnies, and with popcorn and clowns
[or townies]. I'm looking forward to the internationally renowned dancing
ferret. His name is Jerry, and he does a nice jig considering all his fur.
Should be quite the show.
[Please accept my humblest apologies. I couldn't think of an introduction.]
>>BOWLING THIS SATURDAY?
Hillel has reserved two lanes to go bowling this Saturday from 7 to 9 pm in
White River Junction. We need to get numbers for who wants to go, so if you want
to go, RSVP to Hillel no later than NOON on THURSDAY. Remember, it's late enough
to eat a good dinner, and early enough to enjoy your extracurricular activities.
>>JEWS / JAVA
Come to the Dartmouth bookstore from 1 to 4 pm Wednesday [tomorrow], get a free
cup of Starbucks coffee, some chatting with Ben Rosenbleet, and if you so
desire, a chocolate. Yes, you can even get free chocolate. Want to get a free
book? Come and find out if you can.
>>MOVIE NIGHT
7 pm at the Roth Center Wednesday [tomorrow], come see Adam Sandler in his
post-Happy Gilmore years. The Wedding Singer is the movie, and they'll be plenty
of snacks to enjoy while watching him sing. Ever wonder how to train a sea-lion?
Come and find out!*
*Probably not, unless the sea-lion trainer actually shows this time...
>>ELECTIONS NEXT WEEK
We'll be electing the President, the Vice President, and the Vice President of
Religious Affairs. You wanna run? Come to the meeting. I will be....
>>RELAY FOR LIFE
Hillel is putting together a team to raise money for this year's Relay for Life.
We already have people volunteering to help out, so if you want to help, blitz
Hillel.
>>NICE JEWISH GIRLS GONE BAD
Wednesday, February 23rd at 7 pm @ Collis Commonground. Traveling female comedy
troupe who have been featured on Def Comedy Jam. They defy the stereotypes
through comedy. And they're funny. They talk about stuff you don't learn in
Women and Gender Studies.
"Bark! Bark-bark! Bark!"
"What is it, Lassie?"
"Bark! Bark-bark-bark! Bark-bark!"
"What, Timmy's fallen in the well?"
>>MAN WHO INSPIRED HOTEL RWANDA VISITS
Thursday, February 24th at 7 pm @ Alumni Hall. Paul Rusesabagina will be coming
to speak. He is the man who saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocide in the
country, and is the inspiration for the movie Hotel Rwanda, which will be
playing at the Hop the night before [at 7 and 9:15 pm]. See the movie, meet the
man.
Although a classic joke, Timmy never once fell into a well. He did get trapped
in a mine, trapped in a badger hole, carried off in a balloon so he had to
survive in the wilderness and almost drowned, trapped in a pipe, caught in
quicksand, locked in a shed with an armed robber, and many more. But never once
a well. Lassie fell in a well, though.
Okay, I was bored on Google.
>>VOLUNTEER AT DAVID'S HOUSE
On Sunday, February 27, we'll be going to David's House, and cooking dinner for
families of child patients at DHMC. Volunteer; it's a good thing.
>>PURIM BALL
Tuesday, March 8 from 8 to 11 pm @ Hanover Inn. Open bar, dj, dancing, costume
contests, raffles, free hamentashen, and awesomeness. What more could a hungry,
partying, costume-wearing Jew want?
Stay classy, San Diego.
Shalom Aleichem,
Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Blitz Evan07 with comments or humor. Blitz Hillel with questions or complaints.
Jew(s) of the Week: Margot L. Langsdorf and her friend Nina Edelman, for being
best of friends throughout their college days, and occasionally devoting their
time to Hillel.
Goy of the Week: Luz Lomeli, for devoting her time to get Hillel to have a Relay
for Life team, for wanting to go bowling with Hillel before any of the Jews did,
and for being awesome.
Survey of Last Week: Coke won, by a close margin, and third place goes to Root
Beer, since one of you fine readers didn't understand what picking "Pepsi or
Coke" meant...
Survey of the Week: EBA's, Ramunto's, or Domino's pizza? Blitz Evan07 with which
is better.
Joke of the Week:
One night, Nathan overhears his son Benny saying his prayers. "God bless mummy
and daddy and grandma. Goodbye, grandpa."
Nathan thinks this a bit strange. The next day, the grandfather dies.
About a month or two later, Nathan hears Benny saying his prayers. Once again,
"God bless mummy. God bless daddy. Goodbye, grandma."
The next day the grandmother dies. Nathan gets more than a little worried about
the whole situation.
Two weeks later, Nathan once again overhears Benny's prayers. "God bless mummy.
Goodbye, daddy."
This nearly gives Nathan a heart attack. He doesn't say anything, but gets up
early next morning to go to work to avoid the traffic. He stays out all through
lunch and dinner and finally, after midnight, leaves his office. He's still
alive!
When he gets home, he apologizes to his wife, Sarah. "I'm sorry, darling. I had
a very bad day at the office."
"You think you had a bad day?" Sarah says, "The postman dropped dead on our
doorstep this morning."
oooooo Jewsletter oooooo
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Hey you! Yes, you, the fine member of the Dartmouth community that's currently
reading the Jewsletter! In last week's episode, we were wondering if Yeti is
kosher. Many people responded saying it probably is not, and after extensive
research, we at the Jewsletter Exploration Workshop Station (JEWS) found out
that Addax, Antelope, Bison, Cow, Deer, Gazelle, Goat, Ibex, Sheep, and
questionably Giraffe are all kosher.* That's if you don't put cheese on them.
Fortunate for us, gazelle don't run around with cheese on their backs, like some
amphibians do. But I don't think a safari shotgun is a kosher way of killing a
gazelle, unless maybe a rabbi takes the shot... Is amphibian kosher?
* Special thanks to lead researcher Jeremy Warburg. He wins a free set of lab
goggles, or a poodle. We'll flip a coin for it next week. Whichever he doesn't
win, we'll give to the Yeti.
JEWS / JAVA
Come to the Dartmouth Bookstore and get a free cup of Starbucks coffee, tomorrow
[Wednesday] from 1 to 4 pm. What better way to relieve midterm stress than
caffeine! And Jews! No Yeti. But maybe a gazelle (without cheese).
BOWLING / BROOMBALL
Want to go bowling with Hillel? Or want to be on a broomball team to compete in
the Programming Board tournament on the 26th? Blitz Jeremy Warburg for either,
if you want to help out. Maybe he'll let you wear his goggles, or walk his
poodle.
HILLEL T-SHIRTS
They say "Dartmouth" in phonetic Hebrew, and they're awesome. I was already
approached by one guy at the gym who liked the shirt. Really. You should buy one
for yourself. They're really cool. Blitz Hillel if you want one. All the ladies,
they love them, from the bleachers, they're screamin'.
MOVIE NIGHT
This Wednesday we're watching Life of Brian, a funny comedy about religion and
friends. Free food, free fun, free Jews, cheese-free gazelle. 7 pm at the Roth
Center.
SEINFELD SUNDAYS / BAGEL BRUNCH
This Sunday, since football is over, come to the Roth Center at 1 pm and eat
some bagels with some schmear, and watch Seinfeld. Remember, it's late enough to
wake up from the night before, and early enough to call it brunch.
TOY WILL BE BACK
On Monday, March 7th, TOY will make it's triumphant return when the weather is
nice, the birds are chirping, and love is in the air. That's before mud is on
the ground and smell is in the air. Even though we're getting some of that right
now. Gotta love global warming.
JOSEPH AND HIS COLORED JACKET
Joseph, the guy with the Technicolor Dreamcoat, will be performed by cute little
kids on March 5th. Come watch them be cute and Jewish, and it's brought to life
by Dartmouth students!
VOLUNTEER FOR CANCER PATIENTS
On Sunday, February 27, we'll be going to David's House, and cooking dinner for
families of child cancer patients at DHMC. It's a good thing. We won't be
cooking gazelle.
PURIM BALL
Dance the night away, in costume, with a dj, and an open bar. The date has been
set. Tuesday, March 8th from 8 to 11 pm at the Hanover Inn. Sorry, no kegs, but
you can certainly dress as one. You could also dress as a cheese-covered
gazelle, but a Yeti has a better chance of being let in.
NICE JEWISH GIRLS GONE BAD
Wednesday, February 23rd, at 7 pm at the Collis Commonground, come watch funny
Jewish girls in their comedy show that has been featured on Def Comedy Jam.
They're Jewish, they used to be nice, but now they're bad. And they might be
single. Come find out!
HOTEL RWANDA INSPIRATION
Paul Rusesabagina is the man who saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocides in
their country. See Hotel Rwanda at the Hop on February 23rd (at 9:15, so you can
see Nice Jewish Girls beforehand...) then meet the man who inspired the movie on
February 24th at 7 at Alumni Hall.
Well, that about wraps it up. I feel like eating ice cream. I also feel like
taking a transatlantic flight to eastern Spain to throw tomatoes at people in
Valencia. But neither will happen soon. Ah, well. At least we have midterms to
keep us company. And at least we can put soy cheese on our gazelle meat.
Peace out
Shalomy my homey
-Evan Michals
Blitz Evan07 with comments, questions, concerns, or smoothie recipes.
Jew of the Week: Anthony Shears. He's an 06 who has released several hip hop
records, and he's modest, friendly, and one of the coolest Jews I know. And he
was featured in the D.
Goy of the Week: Jose Conseco, for helping people realize that drugs are the
answer to a successful career.
Survey of the Week: Pepsi or Coke? Blitz Evan07 with your responses, and I'll
post the percentages next week.
Joke of the Week:
#1
Jacob from Russia had just completed a training course titled, 'Improve your
English' and was taking an oral exam. The examiner asked him to spell
"cultivate."
Jacob spelled it correctly.
Then the examiner asked Jacob to use the word 'cultivate' in a sentence.
Jacob thought about it for a while, then replied, "Last vinter, on a very cold
day, I vas vaiting for de bus but it vas too cultivate so I took an underground
train home."
#2
Melvyn goes to his girlfriend's house for the first time. Sharon shows him into
the living room and then excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few
drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a colorful little vase on the
mantelpiece and picks it up. As he's looking at it, Sharon walks back in.
Melvyn says, "What's this?"
Sharon says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
Melvyn is suddenly lost for words. He says, "Jeez...oooh....I..."
Sharon then says, "Yes, he's too lazy to get up off the couch and go to the
kitchen to get an ashtray."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
A great Jewish thinker* once said, "each man has his dreams and aspirations, and
to some, all that is thought is naught but each dream. And that's okay, unless
that dream is to eat bacon." Fortunate for us, Bacon-Bits are kosher, from
vegetable extract. Now here's a question: Is Yeti kosher? Does anyone know if it
chews its cud? Anyone?
*Evan Michals [me]
_____Hot Hebrew T-Shirts!
They say Dartmouth in phonetic Hebrew, and we have them in both
green-shirt-white-text and grey-shirt-green-text. Man, they are so hot, even I
can find girls wearing them.
They're $10, and proceeds go to Magen David Adom. We will be selling them
tomorrow [Wednesday] in the Roth Center at 4 PM, and if you're not cool enough
to get them then, we'll be selling the rest Thursday in Thayer Lobby. Get them
before we sell them to non-Jews. Not that that's bad or anything....
_____Jews/Java
Coffee, free, and deeeelish. 1-4 Wednesday, at the Dartmouth bookstore. Ever
heard a Jewish argument when coffee is introduced? Ever see two grizzly bears
fighting over a fish? Similar, but different... in a Jewish way.
_____Movie Night
Wednesday, at 7pm, at Roth Center, watch Snatch. It's not made by Jews, it's not
starring Jews, but it has some great performances by gentiles pretending to be
Jews, including robbing diamonds. And it's really funny too. And Brad Pitt is
hotter than ever, as always. But not Jewish. I hear his agent is, though...
_____Joint UVJC Service this Friday
Come to the Roth Center for a 5:30 wine and cheese Kiddush, followed by services
and dinner co-organized by the Upper Valley Jewish Community at 6 and 7 pm,
respectively. Also deeeelish. And it's one of the few joint services you won't
find at a frat!
_____Superbowl Sunday
This Sunday, February 6th, come to the Roth Center at 4:30 pm to help teens of
the UVJC cook humus and falafel, snacks for the game, then watch the game at 6
on the nice tv. Jews and pigskin, a solid combination. It's okay [kosher] as
long as we don't eat the football.
_____Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
Jewish female comediennes, performing at Collis Commonground at 7 on February
23rd. Funny, Jewish, and cute too.
_____Hotel Rwanda Inspiration
Paul Rusesabagina will be coming to speak the day after Hotel Rwanda is shown at
the Hop. He's the man who saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocides in their
country, and you can listen to him speak on Thursday, February 24th.
_____TOY is forthcoming
Keep an eye open for the next installment of the smash hookah hit, Taste of
Yisrael. With food, Israeli tobacco, and fun, I bet you can't wait til we have
it again. Wondering how it became a smash hit? Ask Claudia.
_____Youngens and Joseph's Multi-Color Coat
On March 5th, the young folk of the local Jewish population will be performing
Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat. With music and direction by Dartmouth
students! Who cares if Joseph couldn't match socks or coordinate colors?!? He
used color-safe bleach.
End. Fin. Fine. Wawa.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Wolf Blitzer, who I recently found out was Jewish. He's got the
best name for field reporting in war time, and he helped out with AIPAC at one
point in his career. Wolf! Blitzer!
Goy of the Week: Rembrandt, the artist. He made a big impact on art and
depiction of spatial relationships.
Survey of the Week: Is Yeti kosher? Blitz "Evan07" with your response.
Jokes of the Week:
#1
Hymie is telling his friends about his recent divorce. "Yes, it's true. Sylvie
divorced me for religious reasons. She worshipped money and I didn't have any."
#2
Avrahom walks into John Lewis department store and goes straight to the
perfumery department. He says to an assistant, "Today is my wife Sharon's
birthday and I would like to buy her a nice bottle of French perfume.
The assistant says, "That will be a nice surprise for her."
Avrahom replies, "It sure will - she's expecting a diamond necklace."
#3
Benny was talking to his best friend Harry. "You know Harry, I can't understand
why you failed in business. You had such good ideas."
"Too much advertising was the main reason for my failure," replied Harry.
"But I can't remember you spending a penny on advertising all your life," said
Benny.
"You're correct there," said Harry, "but all my competitors did."
----------------------Jewsletter
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
So EBA's pasta might not be the best of foods to eat. But their
mozzarella sticks were awesome, and put a little ranch on the bread
sticks, and you get instant heaven. Or at least instant mouth
heaven.
There are many ways to get instant mouth heaven, and not
surprisingly, none involve brussel sprouts or cow dung. But many do
involve ice cream, chocolate, cheese, and cider, though not
necessarily mixed together. Read on for more!
Jews/Java:::::Wednesday from 1 to 4 pm
Come to the Dartmouth Bookstore for hot chocolate or coffee, FREE
and Jewish. FREE CAFFEINE for midterms!
Movie Night:::::Wednesday night at 7
We're watching Keeping the Faith, eating some snacks, and being
Jewish, just like Ben Stiller in Meet the Fockers. Actually, more
like Ben Stiller in Keeping the Faith. Edward Norton too! Woo dog!
Shabbat 101: Learner's service:::::This Friday, January 28th at 6
If you want to learn how Friday night services work, come this
Friday and learn in a relaxed atmosphere. It's fun, it's Friday, and
it's cool yo. Come all ye inexperienced.
Bagel Brunch:::::This Sunday at 11 am
It's bagels, it's schmear, and it's all for you. This week it's
pushed two hours ahead for the food outing departure, so come early
to the Roth Center, eat some bagels, then leave for some ice cream.
And what's best, you can sleep on the bus after waking up from the
night before to eat some bagels! Hot dog!
Food Outing:::::12 to 6 this Sunday, January 30th
What better way to enjoy Vermont than to eat cow byproducts! We're
going to eat ice cream (Ben and Jerry's), cheese (Cabot), chocolate
(not made by cows), and cider (cows questionably aid in the
production), all at different food factories/stores. Look in your
HBs for your invitations, and RSVP to Hillel if you wanna go.
Royce Clifford::::: Tuesday, February 1
After the weekly meeting, Commander Royce Clifford of the United
States Navy, who served in Iraq [Fallujah and Bagdad, for example]
will be coming to speak. Should be very interesting. And she knows
the Rabbi! Personally!
Joint UVJC Shabbat Service:::::Friday, February 4th
It's a joint service, but not the kind you find in frats. Come and
enjoy the local Jewish youth group's cooking and a service 4
Dartmouth and Hanover students.
Hotel Rwanda Inspiration:::::February 24th
Paul Rusesabagina-the inspiration for the movie Hotel Rwanda-will be
coming to Dartmouth to speak the day after the film is shown at the
Hop on February 24th. He saved 1200 Rwandans during the country's
genocide.
Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad:::::February 23rd
They're funny, they can sing, and their performing to break the
stereotypes. Entertain your Jewish side.
Now that you know how to make pudding with rice and egg fondue, it's
on to the desserts! And remember kids, stop, drop, and roll. Or eat,
chew, and swallow, depending on context and whether there is an
immediate threat of fire. And eat that ice cream!
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Andy Rand, for devoting so much time in the Special
Olympics and being an all-around cool guy. Go Andy Go!
Goy of the Week: The stars of Break, who performed an awesome show
tonight to a nearly sold-out crowd. Oh, yeah!
Survey of the Week: [Blitz Evan07 with your response]. Is EBA's
pasta good, and if so, is it better than EBA's pizza? If not, did
you have digestive problems with the pasta?
Joke of the Week:
A Rabbi dies and is waiting in line to enter heaven. In front of him
is a guy dressed in a loud shirt, leather jacket, jeans and
sunglasses.
Gabriel addresses this guy, "I need to know who you are so that I
can determine whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Moishe Levy, taxi driver, of London."
Gabriel consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi driver, "OK.
Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of
Heaven."
Now it's the Rabbi's turn. He stands upright and says, "I am
Benjamin Himmelfarb and I had been Rabbi of Neasden for forty
years."
Gabriel looks at his list and says to the Rabbi, "OK. Take this
cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Hold on a minute," says Rabbi Himmelfarb, "that man before me was a
taxi driver - why did he get a silken robe and golden staff?"
"Up here, we only work by results," says Gabriel. "While you
preached, people slept - but while he drove, people prayed."
__Jewsletter__
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Man, this is a long Jewsletter, and I have a test tomorrow. I apologize if this
intro is not that funny. In case it isn't, try to picture a squirrel water
skiing, or a dog skate boarding. That should be funny. Or a walrus eating a
burrito.
:::::Food Outing Trip
:On Sunday, January 30th, from 12-6 PM, we'll be chartering a bus and traveling
to the Ben & Jerry's factory in Vermont, then going to the Cabot Cheese and Lake
Champlain Chocolate stores, followed by the Cold Hollow Cider Mill. There will
be free samples of food everywhere, and we can buy all the goodness we want. I
can taste the chocolate cheese ice cream cider right now, and it is delish.
Blitz an RSVP to Hillel if you want to go.
:::::Jews / Java
:The Jews will meet, the coffee will be served, and the discussion will be had.
Nothing better than getting 10 Jews in a room, having a nice discussion possibly
turn into an argument, then giving them coffee [caffeine].
:::::HillelWear
:The Hillel shirts that say "Dartmouth" in phonetic Hebrew are makin' a
comeback! Both of the favorite classic styles are back, gray shirt with green
letters and green shirt with white letters, and you can be one of the first to
bring this hot fad into the mainstream popular culture that is... Hanover.
:::::Movie Night
:This week, we'll be watching either The Birdcage, starring Robin Williams, or
Keeping the Faith, starring Ben Stiller and Edward Norton. 7 PM this Wednesday
at the Roth Center. Food, movies, and Jews.
:::::Bagel Brunch
:It's now a weekly event! Roll out of bed after a night of fun this Sunday, and
come to the Roth Center at 1 pm for some bagels, schmear, and other Jewish
hangover remedies. Your Jewish mother would be proud.
:::::Tu B'Shevat Seder
:Celebrate one of the more hippie of Jewish holidays. At 6.30 PM next Monday,
January 24, at the Roth Center, come for a night of food, fun, drinking, and
celebration in honor of trees and other plants. It's gonna be one rockin' party,
and it's celebrated with the Dartmouth Greens! And we'll be eating more than
just Collis food!
:::::TOY
:Next Monday night, hookahs galore, Israeli food and more, at Panarchy at 9 PM,
fun is in store.
:::::Shabbat Services 101
:Friday, January 28 at 6 PM, come to the Roth Center for Friday night services
and learn how they are done. Never been to services before? Great. Bring
friends, bring anyone inexperienced, and come learn how Friday night services
are just the coolest. Cooler than a toad on a flagpole in winter, and toads on
flagpoles can get pretty cold. Especially with wind chill. If you would like to
lead Adon O'lam or any other prayer with your favorite tune, maybe even with
your friends, blitz Hillel.
:::::Jewish Naval Commander
:Tuesday, February 1, after the weekly meeting, Commander Royce Clifford of the
United States Navy, who served in Iraq [Fallujah and Bagdad, for example] will
be coming to speak. Should be very interesting. The talk is not intended to be
political, only informational.
However, I will be political. We need an exit strategy, we need jobs, we need
education, we need food. And that's just students, before they graduate.
Yeah, wasn't funny. How about gofers playing waterpolo? Funny?
:::::Purim Ball
:Want to plan one of the hottest Jewish dance parties on the face of the earth?
Last year's rivaled the party Abraham threw after he circumcised himself, and
this year we're looking to top the kegger Moses threw once the king let his
people [us] go. Well, there won't be any kegs, but there will be an open bar, dj,
dancing, and hot girls [or guys, depending on what you like].
:We need people to plan it. Blitz Hillel if you'd like to help out in any aspect
of the ball's creation.
Platypuses eating walnuts, struggling to break open the shells. Funny, right?
:::::Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
:All-female comedy group coming to Dartmouth. They make fun of stereotypes,
perform comedy and other entertainment, and they are like buttah.
:::::Hotel Rwanda Inspiration Visits
:February 24th, Paul Rusesabagina will be coming to speak. He is the man who
saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocide in the country, and is the inspiration
for the movie Hotel Rwanda, which will be playing at the Hop the night before.
See the movie, meet the man. Awesome.
This Jewsletter is really long. Man, there is a lot of stuff to keep track of.
Go to our website, www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel and find the calendar in the
"events" section. It'll help you keep track of it all. Good luck staying warm.
Peace, and vaya con Dios.
Shalom Aleichem.
Evan Easy E Michals
Jew of the Week: Jeremy Warburg for running his first meeting. Well done, chap!
Goy of the Week: My mom. She raised me well. My Dad thus filled the role of
Jewish mother.
Joke of the Week:
A police officer pulls Isaac over for speeding.
Officer: May I see your driver's license please?
Isaac: I don't now have one. I had it confiscated for speeding.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Isaac: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Isaac: Yes - but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the
glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Isaac: Yes. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns
this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?
Isaac: Yes.
Hearing all of this, the officer immediately calls for back up. Soon, Isaac's
car is surrounded by police and to handle the tense situation, a police
inspector approaches Isaac.
Inspector: Sir, can I see your license?
Isaac: Sure. Here it is. [It was valid].
Inspector: Who's car is this?
Isaac: It's mine, inspector. Here's the registration papers to prove it. [Also
valid].
Inspector: Could you open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Isaac: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. [Sure enough, there wasn't].
Inspector: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body
in it.
Isaac: No problem. [Trunk is opened - no body].
Inspector: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him
you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that
there was a dead body in the trunk.
Isaac: Really? I'll bet the lying scoundrel told you I was speeding as well.
The Jewsletter
Weekly Update for Dartmouth Hillel and Associates
January 11, 2005
Evan Michals
MEMORANDUM:
The following document ("Jewsletter") shall hereby forthwith refer
to future endeavors pursued by the respective parties involved
("Jews"), as organized by the owner of said publication ("Hillel
Associates of Dartmouth College"). Under no circumstances should
Hillel, Dartmouth, or Brazilian street children be held responsible
for any adverse effects from reading this Jewsletter. If you become
nauseous, light-headed, or develop a rash in places covered by
clothing, contact Dick's House immediately. Discontinue use.
EVENTS:
JEWS/JAVA
Every Wednesday, come to the Dartmouth Bookstore, which is really an
undercover Barnes & Noble, from 1 - 4 pm, and enjoy a
Hillel-sponsored cup of Starbucks. Yiiiiippppie!
WEEKLY BAGELS:
Every Sunday at the Roth Center at 1 pm, come enjoy bagels, schmear,
and fellow Jewry. It was so successful last weekend that it's now
weekly. Hot Dog!
MOVIE NIGHTS:
This week we will enjoy the sarcastic humor, the intelligent
mockery, the manly macho-ism that is... the HEBREW HAMMER. Such a
funny flick, you do not want to miss it. He's a Jewish version of
Shaft, from the Chood, and he needs to save Chanukah from Santa's
evil son. Come to the Roth Center at 7 Wednesday and watch it.
Snacks provided. You are GUARANTEED TO LAUGH, or your money back.
But if you do want the refund, we don't want the snacks you ate
back.
Do you have suggestions for future movies? Blitz Jeremy Warburg.
FRIDAY NIGHT COOK:
If you would like to cook on a Friday night for the post-services
dinner, blitz our new cooking co-coordinator, Victoria Fener. The
menu is totally up to the cooks, they have free reign of the
kitchen, Hillel takes care of the expenses for ingredients, they
don't have to clean up, and many more benefits [sorry, no dental].
It's fun, it's kosher, and it's cooking. If you are a Culinary
Ninja, we need you. Culinary Samurais need not apply, only ninjas.
BELARUS 2005:
The Cross Cultural Service Project to BELARUS is back, this year
from June 13th- June 25th, 2005. It's open to all students. Come to
the info session Wednesday, January 12th @ 7:30 PM, Carson L02. You
can also check out a previous year's project at www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel/belarus2003/
Questions, concerns, queries, blitz Ethan Levine.
WINE/CHEESE FRIDAY:
This Friday, we'll be enjoying/sampling/eating/drinking wine and
cheese before services! Come be a connoisseur of cheese and wine,
the Jewish way! Friday before services, around 5:30 to 6 pm.
TOY IS BACK:
This coming Monday, come to the celebration of Israel, food, and
hookahs that has touched so many lives of Dartmouth Jews and
company, known as Taste of Yisrael ("TOY"). Location TBA, 9:00 pm.
Also, if you want to help coordinate future TOY meetings, blitz
Yardena.
HOTEL RWANDA:
The man who inspired the film will be coming to speak, thanks to
Hillel! Paul Rusesabagina will be here on February 24th, the day
after the film's showing at the Hop.
TU B'SHEVAT:
We're going to celebrate a seder celebration to celebrate one of the
good ol' Jewish celebrations of a mid-winter holiday celebration.
Come to the Roth Center on Monday night, Jan 24th. We'll celebrate.
Want to help out? Blitz Brian Meyers. Want to celebrate? Show up.
RABBI's SISTER:
She served in Iraq, and will be here to speak after our weekly
meeting on February 1st. Really cool.
WEEKLY HAVDALLAH:
Come join Yardena at the Roth Center and celebrate, Saturday nights
roughly between 5:30 and 6 pm, depending on when the sun decides to
leave. It's fun, it's Jewish, and it's good for you.
BJs AND CHEESE!
We're planning a trip to the Ben & Jerry's factory in Vermont on
Sunday January 30th. After that, we'll head over to the Cabot Cheese
store, full of samples galore. From roughly 12 to 6 pm, mark your
calendars, va a ser un suceso muy grande, for you Mexican Jews.
HOT NEW POSITIONS:
We had elections, and the enthusiasm was so incredible, the
following people are extremely lucky to be able to serve such a fine
institution as this Hillel, the Hillel of Dartmouth College.
Meredith Druss and Victoria Fener - Cooking Coordinators
Dan Belkin - Vice President
Elana Bannerman - JPBC
Amie Sugarman - Hop Rep
David Rothenberg - Israeli Affairs
Alisha Levine - Multifaith Council
The newsletter herewith ("Jewsletter") shall be in no way copied,
redistributed, sold, misquoted, or printed, without the express
permission of Donald Trump ("bad voluminous hair"). Should he
disapprove of the use of this Jewsletter, the violators of the above
agreement ("sarcasm") shall be fired. By him. Personally. In his
board room. On national television ("bad show").
Wait, that's a dumb idea ("mistake"). Just go to the events, have
some fun, and enjoy yourself with the fine Jewish company ("cool
people").
Shalom Aleichem
Evan Michals
Jews of the Week: Victoria Fener, Dan Belkin, and David Rothenberg,
for stepping up to the plate and rising to the challenge of their
new positions with Hillel.
Goy of the Week: Jack Bauer, for once again going against protocol,
defying his superiors, and doing the craziest stunts to save the
world from terrorists. Ah, good ol' 24 is back on tv. Life can
resume.
Quote of the Week: "Jewish stuff is cool" - Ethan Levine. Couldn't
have said it better myself.
Joke of the Week:
A young Jewish mother walks her son to the school bus on his first
day of kindergarten.
"Please behave, my bubaleh," she says.
"Take good care of yourself and think about your mother who is
waiting for you, tataleh!"
"And come right back home on the bus, my shepseleh."
"Remember, your Mommy loves you so much, my ketzeleh!"
At the end of the school day, the bus returns. She runs to her son
and hugs him.
"So what did the love of my life learn on his first day of school?"
she asks.
"I learned that my name is David," the boy responded.
******Jewsletter
**January 4, 2005
Welcome back y'all to the circus of life and learning we affectionately call
Dartmouth. It's been a long break, and nothing quite reminds us about returning
to the Dartmouth winter like mud season. Woo dog, it's warm and slippery out
there. The Green is brown, the air is fresh, and there are no snowmen. On with
the upcoming Hillel events!
>>Elections next week!
At next week's meeting, we'll be electing the following positions:
* Executive Vice President / VP of Programming:
. To be aware of and to direct the planning of all Hillel activities.
. To operate in the capacity of President in his/her absence. In the case of
prolonged absence, the Executive Vice President may choose to retain his/her
position and hold new presidential elections.
. To be familiar with the details of the Hillel budget and the Hillel calendar
of events.
. To keep a detailed record of programming that will be used to aid future
Programming Chairs.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
. Executive Vice President is a two term position.
* Cooking Coordinator:
. To schedule student cooks for all official Hillel dinners.
. To fill in as cook if no students are available.
. To coordinate the purchase of food, both by students on a weekly basis and by
the Hillel administrative assistant.
. To work with the Vice President of Religious Affairs and the House Manager to
ensure that the policies of the Roth Center are in accordance with religious
observance.
. The Executive Board may allow two people to be Co-Cooking Coordinators and
share the aforementioned responsibilities.
. Cooking Coordinator is a one term position.
as well as...
* Representative to the JPBC
* SA Representative (to Student Assembly)
* Representative to the Tucker Foundation
* DIPAC Representative (of Israeli Affairs)
* Multi-faith Council Rep
* Representative to Hopkins Center
You wanna run for something or know someone who would be good for the job? Blitz
Hillel with nominations.
>>Bagel Brunch this Sunday
Watch the football game, eat some bagels, have some schmear, and chill with
Jews. 1 pm at the Roth Center, this Sunday. It's late enough to wake up from the
night before, and early enough to call it brunch.
>>Jews and Java, Wednesdays (weekly)
1 - 4 pm at the Starbucks in the Dartmouth Bookstore. Enjoy a Hillel-sponsored
cup of coffee, chat with Ben Rosenbleet (he's a funny guy... ask him for a story
or two), and maybe read as well.
>>Taste of Yisrael is Back!
Back the week after next, on the 17th, at 9:00 pm. Location TBA. Plenty of
Israeli food, music, news, and hookahs. Yes, hookahs.
>>Lots of BJs!
On Sunday, January 30th, we'll be taking a trip to the Ben and Jerry's factory
in Vermont, followed by a trip to the Cabot Cheese factory as well. Food, fun
stuff to buy, and a grand ol' time will be had. Bring friends. It will last
roughly from noon to 6 pm. Plenty of BJs and cheese for everyone.
>>Movie Nights are back
Wednesdays [not tomorrow, but next week], at 7 pm at the Roth Center, come chill
with fellow Jews and watch popular films Jews made. The first movie night will
feature the hilarious Hebrew Hammer, a comedy about a Jewish version of Shaft.
It's hilarious, it's Jewish, and it's a week from Wednesday. Munchy food
provided.
>>God Squad Hockey
Wanna play intramural hockey with other religious people? We need both guys and
girls. Blitz Justin Zalkin if interested.
>>Super Bowl Party
On February 6th, come to the Roth Center at 6 pm and watch the game with fellow
Jews. Food, fun, and freshmen will be provided. Plus, teenagers from the Upper
Valley Jewish Community will be there. To watch the game.
>>Hotel Rwanda inspiration visits
The man upon whom the movie Hotel Rwanda is based will be coming to the
Dartmouth to speak after the film is shown at the Hop on February 23rd. Come and
listen to Paul Rusesabagina's amazing tale.
>>Tu Bishvat on the 24th
Blitz Brian Meyers if you want to help plan this celebration.
>>Good Jewish Girls Gone Bad
No, it's not the next installment of Girls Gone Wild, Brandeis Edition, it's a
traveling female comedy troupe who have been featured on Def Comedy Jam and
other high-class comedy scenes. They're coming to Dartmouth on the 23rd to the
Hop. Watch them, they will entertain you, in ways you never thought Jewish girls
could...
Wow. Lot's and lots of stuff to keep in mind. Remember, check out
www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel and click on the "Events" section. There's a nifty
calendar to keep track of all our awesomely Jewish events. And don't worry about
the mud too much. It's supposed to snow Thursday.
Shalom Aleichem
Evan Michals
blitz Evan07 with comments, questions, concerns, clarifications, or comedy.
Jew of the Week: Meredith Druss, for having the quote of the week at tonight's
meeting. She said I could put it in the Jewsletter.
Quote of the Week: "I'm better at bending" said Meredith to Ethan Levine. Ethan
happened to be at the time leaning over to fix a doorstop, and Meredith offered
to help. What a nice Jewish girl.
Goy of the Week: Billy Baldwin. Why? There was an episode of celebrity Fear
Factor in which he was competing with one of the Backstreet Boys. Before the
show was filmed, good ol' Billy blasted 'I want it that way' from his trailer,
and constantly intimidated the B Boy. Alas, Billy Baldwin won. Hilarious. Saw it
on VH1 today.
Joke of the Week: The Taylor and the Lord
There was a tailor named Mendel and he was worried about his
business. Mendel was down to his last $50 and was torn between buying a sign and
getting food for his family. Mendel decided to pray.
"Dear God," he said, "I don't know what to do. If I buy a
sign it may bring in business, but I need to buy groceries for my family...and
if the sign doesn't bring in sales, we will starve."
God replied, "Mendel, buy the sign. Don't worry, your family
won't starve."
So, Mendel bought the sign and business took off. The tailor
fed his family and all was well. However, as time passed it became evident that
Mendel couldn't keep up with orders all by himself. He contemplated hiring on a
helper, but wondered if he could afford it. So, he asked God if getting help
would be a prudent move. "Go ahead," God tells Mendel, "hire some help, you'll
do okay."
And so Mendel did. And business took off beyond his wildest
dreams. After a time, the tailor decided to move to a larger site that would
accommodate the growing demands of his business. As he surveyed certain
locations, he found a perfect storefront, but the rental price was really steep.
"God," Mendel again prayed, "I found the perfect place to
relocate my business. But the cost of the lease worries me. I don't want to get
in over my head."
"Go ahead and a get a lease on the store, Mendel," said God.
"Trust me, you'll be okay--I haven't steered you wrong yet, have I?"
So Mendel signed a lease on the 5th Avenue store and profits
from his business went through the roof. Out of heartfelt gratitude, Mendel
proposed to the Almighty that he dedicate the store to Him. "How do you like the
name "Yaweh and Mendel," the tailor asked. "Nah," God said. "Let's go with 'Lord
and Taylor.'
Below is the Jewsletter. I cannot compare to Evan's wit, so I shall not try.
This is probably the last Jewsletter I'll send out this term (although, I'm sure
you'll get hundreds of more blitzes from me about random events until I
officially leave). Anyway, I am now an official lame duck President. It was an
honor and a pleasure serving as this organization's President for this term. I'm
sure Michelle (the new Pres) and the rest of the exec board will keep Hillel
strong with your help. See you all at the Chanukah Ball.
Best,
Alex
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
::Jewsletter
::Tuesday::November::16::2004
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The last meeting of the term has come and gone, and soon we'll be departing (or
staying) for Thanksgiving break, then finals, and then Christmas break. I mean,
Chanukah/Kwanza break. I mean, winter. Just winter. The season least enjoyable
to remain in Hanover. The season during which we all miss So Cal. Some of us
will even miss No Cal, or as they like to call it, Nor Cal, since No Cal
describes So Cal better than Nor Cal. I think No Cal sounds better, because it
sounds like a South Beach Diet, which brings us back to So Cal, which has fewer
Cal than Nor Cal, neither of which having No Cal. Whatever. In the mean time, we
have to wait out these last few weeks in No New Hamp, or Wes New Hamp, or
WeNeHam, whichever you choose.
>>>>Dinner next week, no meeting
Next week at six, come to the Roth Center for some Hillel-sponsored dinner, but
there won't be a meeting; just free food. If you want to go, blitz Hillel so we
can get a head count. And we promise, no C&A's, even though I happened to like
it. Thought their mozzarella sticks were lacking, though...
>>>>Challah Back, Y'all
Come learn how to make Challah! Taught by world-famous* Elana Bannerman & Chani
Gray, come to Chabad on Thursday, November 18, at 2 pm. Chabad is located at 24
School St. Apt#8.
RSVP by Wed November 17th to "Elana." You'll not only get to bake the challah,
but you'll get to eat it too.
Critically acclaimed!
"Chani bakes the best challah I've ever had! And I've had a lot of types of
challah..." ~Elana Bannerman
"Elana's challah baking seminar last year was great! I learned a lot and had fun
too..." ~Alex Gelman
"I LIKE CHALLAH!" ~ Evan Michals
*And by world I mean Dartmouth, and by famous I mean slightly popular.
>>>>Jews and Java
Meet with Ben Rosenbleet and fellow Jews, discuss the meaning of life, and enjoy
a Hillel-sponsored cup or two of Starbucks Coffee. At the Dartmouth
Bookstore/Starbucks, Wednesday, from 1 to 4 pm. Caffeine, Jewish discussions
[arguments], and magazines. Oh, yeah.
>>>>Movie Night
Wednesday at 7 pm, come to the Roth Center and watch "Trembling Before God," a
critically acclaimed movie about how Orthodox Judaism reacts to homosexuality.
Chips, salsa too.
>>>>New Positions Elected tonight
We elected a new President, Michelle Schwartz, and a new VP of Membership,
Meredith Druss. Maybe our new administration will keep the hopes and dreams of
the old administration alive. Hopefully this administration will have an exit
strategy, care for the environment, not ruin social security, actually do
something about our debt like past administrations did, and not make the world
mad at us as a whole. Wait, I was talking about a different administration.
Never mind.
Go Hillel board.
>>>>Taste of Yisrael Returns
TOY returns on November 29th. Woo. Location will be picked soon, monitor your
blitz for the latest on this great hookah adventure we call TOY.
>>>>Toy drive
Bring toys to the Roth Center for kids affected by terrorism in Israel. Stuffed
animals, non-English games and books, and small clothing is great.
>>>>Successful trip to MIT's BBall Tourney!
We ended up having a strong basketball team, and the tournament actually ended
up being difficult (Jews CAN play basketball...). Thanks for everyone who showed
up. We won our first two games and lost the last two, but everyone had fun, and
we proved we were the bigger men (and women) when a certain other Hillel wanted
to fight us. Kudos to Adam Patinkin for taking a fist in the face from the other
team and continuing to fight the good fight [basketball, that is], and a big
kudos to those of you who came with us that usually don't go to Hillel events.
Go Big Green... Hillel!
\>>>>Chanukah Ball
November 30th, from 8 to 11 pm at the Hanover Inn. A lot of fun, a great dance,
and a good way to finish off the term before finals. Watch your Hinman Boxes for
the invites, coming soon!
What a glorious term this has been. What have we learned in this Jewsletter?
Challah baking is fun. Evan likes Challah. Jews can play basketball. There's a
big dance at the end of the month that everyone should go to. Kids in Israel
need toys. TOY returns in two weeks. We have a new Hillel administration. Movie
and Coffee tomorrow [separately]. And we all love So Cal [No Cal's okay, I
guess].
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Adam Patinkin, for not letting a bleeding face stop his mad
basketball skillz.
Goy of the Week: Mr. Incredible, for saving the world and entertaining movie
audiences around the country in one awesome movie.
Survey of the Week: IS C&A's pizza good? Better than Ramunto's or EBA's? Blitz
"Easy E" with your response.
Joke of the Week:
At a conference on religion a priest, a minister and a rabbi were all asked the
same question, "What would you like people to say about you after you die?"
The priest said, "I hope that people will say that I was able to rise above the
scandals that are plaguing the Catholic Church at this time. I hope that people
would say that I was able to shepherd my flock through this crisis and help them
to understand the absolute love that God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit
have for all of them as Catholics."
The minister then said, "When I die I hope that people will say that I saved
many souls by bringing them to Christ. I hope that I will be remembered as a
caring, thoughtful man who always spread the Word, the love of Christ and a
faith everlasting in God. I hope that my preaching and converting will be
carried on in my memory and to the glory of Christ."
Finally, the rabbi was asked, "Rabbi, what do you hope people will say about you
after you have died?"
Without pausing, the rabbi answered, "Look. He's breathing."
Second Joke of the Week:
Benny's dog has died and he goes to see his rabbi. "Rabbi, I wonder whether you
could find the time to say a special blessing at my dog's grave?"
The rabbi replies, "I'm afraid it isn't possible, Benny. In fact the rules don't
really make any allowance for animals."
Benny says, "But I'm really upset, rabbi."
"So maybe you should go to see the Reform rabbi over the road," says the rabbi.
As Benny walks away dejectedly, he turns to the rabbi and says, "What a shame. I
was willing to donate $1,000 for such a service."
At which point the rabbi shouts, "Come back, come back."
Benny turns round and says, "I thought you couldn't help me."
"Ah," says the rabbi, "but you didn't tell me your dog was Orthodox."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
<<<<<<<<** **>>>>>>>>
Don't worry, young lads. Bush promises not to have a draft. So that
means our soldiers will have even less reinforcements when we invade
the next node in the axis-of-countries-we-don't-like. No, this intro
is not partisan. It is merely an observation. I actually like what
Bush has done, like preserving the environment, or maintaining good
relations with the rest of the world.
On to stuff that actually matters...
>>>Ben and Jerry's night
This Thursday at 8:30 pm, meet at Ben and Jerry's and enjoy a free,
Hillel-sponsored Vermonster. Guaranteed to be fun, tasty, and
Jewish.
>>>Jews and Java
Starbucks, in the Dartmouth Bookstore, 12 to 3, Wednesday. Discuss,
laugh, drink a Hillel-sponsored cup of coffee.
>>>Kiddush Kup
Just a friendly reminder, those of you going to the inter-Hillel
basketball tourney this Sunday, we'll be LEAVING the Roth Center at
8 AM. Bus transportation will be provided, and we'll return around 8
pm. Bagels will be served for breakfast, as an incentive to wake up
early. You'll also get your free team t-shirt. If you are going and
haven't been receiving Michelle's blitzes, blitz Michelle Schwartz
ASAP.
>>>Want Dartmouth Hebrew t-shirts?
Green tees with the word "Dartmouth" written on the front, but in
phonetic Hebrew. They're the basketball team's jerseys, and if you
want your own, we'll be ordering more. Blitz Hillel. They hot.
>>>Chanukah Ball!
Tat has pulled through big time. November 30th, from 8 to 11 pm, in
the Hanover Inn, enjoy dancing, food, open bar, and great Chanukah
times at Hillel's annual Chanukah Ball. Look for invites in your
Hinman Boxes soon. Libby Sherman can help find you a date.
>>>Movie Night
Due to unforeseen circumstances, movie night this week [Wednesday]
will not be showing "The Hebrew Hammer" [we'll show that special
film some other night. It's worth the wait.] We'll instead be
showing "Yossi and Jager," about Israeli military men who are also
gay. No it's not the next NBC sitcom, but people say it's a good
flick. Chips, salsa, etc served. At the Roth Center.
>>>Toy Drive
Bring kid's toys to the Roth Center. We'll be donating them to
Israeli kids who have fallen victim to terrorism. Coloring books,
teddy bears, and non-English-oriented toys welcome.
>>>Jews Dancing
This Friday from 7 - 9 pm in the Bentley Auditorium in the Hop will
be some fellow Jews strutting their stuff and dancing traditional
Israeli dance as part of "International Week." Come support the
dancing Jews and their unique Israeli dancing.
>>>Belarus Trip 2005
Project Preservation. Interested in participating in the Cross
Cultural Service Project to BELARUS? It's June 13th- June 25th,
2005, and OPEN TO ALL STUDENTS. Students from all backgrounds are
encouraged to apply. Come to the Info Session Wednesday to learn
more about the project and how to apply. Wednesday, November 10th @
7:30 PM, Carson L01. Be there, and find out about this
extraordinarily unique experience.
>>>Dartmouth Israel Public Awareness Committee
TOY not enough to satisfy your curiosity about the Middle East
conflict? We are planning a series of lectures and discussions to
better inform students about both the history of the conflict as
well as current events and their implications. Events in the works
are Daniel Pipes co-sponsored with Jewish Studies, and a possible
event with the Dartmouth Greens. Come and give your input! Meetings
are every Thursday in Collis Room 221 at 8pm.
>>>Scholarship to Israel
"We just wanted to remind you as Winter break is coming up, we have
a wonderful scholarship program to Israel for students who either
have or have not been to Israel before! It is $400-800 towards air
fare in order for a student to come and learn for at least three
consecutive weeks at one of our affiliated Jewish learning programs.
After they complete the required time, they have the option of
extending their ticket and continuing on with whatever they choose.
You can find out more information at www.scholarshipstoIsrael.com"
Check it out. Looks fun.
>>>Elections Next Week
We'll be electing VP of Membership and President for winter term at
next week's meeting.
Some cool stuff coming up. Wish us luck at the basketball tourney.
Hopefully we'll be better at basketball than how good Kobe is... at
maintaining a healthy marriage.
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Blitz Easy E.
Jew of the Week: David Freeman, for ACTUALLY SHOWING UP at tonight's
meeting, Mr. Former-President.
Goy of the Week: Stephen Gorevan, whose company in Lower Manhattan
controls a device on the Mars rovers. He said, "It is almost
surreal. You walk down the street and there are shoe stores,
bakeries and here we're controlling some robotic mechanism on Mars."
-from the NY Times.
Trivia of the Week: Be one of the first 3 to blitz BEN ROSENBLEET
with the correct answer, and you'll win a free lunch on Friday.
Remember, replying to this blitz and/or blitzing the Hillel account
will disqualify you. Here's the question:
"Who is the only character in the Old Testament to celebrate a
birthday?"
Joke of the Week:
A newcomer to America took his pregnant wife to the hospital, but
during the delivery of the twin babies, he fainted. His brother was
brought in to name the children.
Later, when the father awoke, he was startled with the news that his
brother had named his children. "My brother named the kids?" he
asked. "My brother is an idiot, a numskull. What did he call the
girl?"
"He named her Denise."
"Denise? Well, that's not such a bad name. I kind of like it. And
what did he call the little boy?"
"De nephew."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, November 2, 2004
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Evan Michal's wrote something witty about the election in this space.... but
since I didn't send this out last night and waited till this morning, nothing he
wrote is still pertinent. I should probably have replaced it with something just
as witty, but I'm bitter, angry, and ready to leave the country. On that note,
here's your non-partisan Jewsletter......-Alex
P.S. Another Jew of the week besides the one announced by Evan at the bottom
goes to Hiram for being a Phi Bete early inductee. We all knew he was
opinionated, but smart? Congrats Hiram.
NEXT WEEK'S MEETING
Back at 6 pm. Maybe we'll actually have Chinese food...
JEWS AND JAVA
Wanna have a good Jewish discussion *cough* argument? How about with Starbucks
coffee in your system? Meet Ben Rosenbleet Wednesdays at the Starbucks in the
Dartmouth Bookstore from 12 to 3 pm.
LE CINÉMA
Movie Night, Wednesday at 7 pm. This week we [and by we I mean Alex] are
watching Capturing the Friedmans, an intense documentary investigating how a
charge of molestation tore a family apart. Guaranteed to hold your interest more
than a Dateline special, 20/20, and Crossfire COMBINED.
TOY DRIVE
Hillel is organizing a Chanukah toy drive for Israeli children who have been
personally affected by terrorism. Toys are being collected at the Roth Center
until Thanksgiving. Toys especially wanted are things such as stuffed animals,
baby clothes [you know you have some], and toys that don't require fluency in
English (i.e. no books or board games, etc), due to the fact that most Israeli
children cannot read English, contrary to popular belief. The toys will be
distributed at One Family Fund's winter camp in Israel. Any questions, blitz
Yardena.
FOOD BANK?
Wanna go volunteer at a food bank? You might even get to eat there. Blitz
Yardena if you want to help out.
LANGUAGE OF THE HEBREWS.... HEBREW
Tired of trying to keep up with transliterations? November is National Hebrew
Literacy Month, and Hillel is bringing the Read Hebrew America programming to
campus. The programs consist of a few short, painless workshops that are
guaranteed to have you reading Hebrew by the end of the month, or you get a free
mule*. Interested in learning? Blitz Yardena. We are looking for volunteer
educators, too.
*There's not really a mule guarantee.
HOTTER THAN SALSA, MORE HANDSOME THAN ENRIQUE IGLESIAS
Yardena is putting together a demonstration of Israeli folk dance for the
International Culture night next Friday, Nov. 12 at Collis. Are any of you
interested in performing traditional Israeli folk dances? Shakira might even
like you for it... The dances are all really, really simple-- if J. Lo can do
them, anyone can. Basically, it'll be a lot of fun, and a great way to show off
our Jewish new hotness to the entire Dartmouth community. Blitz Yardena.
HILLEL BJ NIGHT
Next Thursday, November 11th, we'll meet at Ben and Jerry's at 8:30 pm, enjoy a
Hillel-sponsored Vermonster or two, and chat with fellow Jews. On Hillel's BJ
night, if you want to come, blitz Michelle Schwartz.
KIDDUSH CUP
You can still sign up to play in the inter-Hillel basketball tourney,
affectionately named the Kiddush Kup. We have a team, but we can always take
more. Blitz Michelle Schwartz. It's Sunday, November 14th from 8 am to 8 pm at
MIT.
NO TASTE OF YISRAEL THIS WEEK
It'll resume in the weeks to come with more hookahs, Israeli info, and food than
you can take.
CLAUDALLAH
Havdallah at Claudia's house. This Saturday. We'll meet at the Roth Center at
6:15 pm and carpool over there. Dinner and office furniture burning for everyone
who RSVPs. So... RSVP by THURSDAY AT NOON if you want to go, blitz Claudia
Palmer.
WEEKLY HAVDALLAH - Saturdays, 6:25pm - Roth Center
Every Saturday at 6:25 pm, meet at the Roth Center for free food, Jewish
fellowship, and a whole lot of fun. Plus, it's early, due to the early sunset,
so you can still in enjoy your Saturday night... activities. What's better than
going to parties Saturday night AND letting God know you love Him beforehand?
Well, yeah. Done.
Shalom Aleichem
Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Ben Rosenbleet, for having the guts to get a bunch of Jews in
the same room, and give them coffee before the discussion.
Goy of the Week: Wolf Blitzer, for managing to make tonight's election coverage
sound exciting even though CNN was basically saying for hours at a time "It's
too close to call [this state, that state]." Plus, with a name like Wolf
Blitzer, anything he says is exciting. He'd make an exciting cooking show, I
bet. Wolf Blitzer, the chef. Sounds exciting.
Joke of the Week:
Lionel is out of work and, would you believe, goes to a nearby building site to
see what jobs are going.
He goes up to the foreman and says, "Do you have any vacancies?"
The foreman replies, "What do you do?"
"I'm a handyman," says Lionel.
"Can you do bricklaying?"
"No."
"Can you do plumbing?"
"No."
"Can you do carpentry?"
"No."
"So why are you calling yourself a handyman, then?" says the foreman.
"Because," replies Lionel, "I live round the corner."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So... here we are, another week, and HOMECOMING! Nuff said.
JEWS AND JAVA
It's bad enough that Jews can't agree while discussing things. So let's make it
even more fun and give them coffee. Meet Ben Rosenbleet at the Dartmouth
bookstore's very own Starbucks, and discuss life, religion, girls, guys, or
whatever you want. A nice coffee study break. 3 pm Wednesday.
CLAUDALLAH
Havdallah at Hillel's mom's house. Eat s'mores! Hang out with fellow Jews!
Havdallize! Burn office furniture! If you want to go, blitz Claudia Palmer.
It'll be held on November 6th, Saturday afternoon/early evening.
LAST CALL FOR BASKETBALL TEAM
We need to submit our roster by the end of this week, so if you want to go to
MIT and play in the regional inter-Hillel basketball tournament, blitz Michelle
Schwartz ASAP. It will take up virtually the whole Sunday of November 14th,
roughly from 8 am to 8 pm (driving there and back takes a little while, and the
tourney is 6 hours of fun, fun, fun). And if you don't want to play, you can
come to cheer us on! Woo!
ANGELS IN THE OUTF-I MEAN, AMERICA
Movie night this week: Angels in America. Kind of maybe a loosely Jewish film,
but Alex will be there with chips, diet coke, and a mule. Don't believe me? Go
to movie night at 6:45 pm Wednesday night at the Roth Center and find out.
TOYing WITH LOCATIONS
Taste of Yisrael night will be this week at Theta Sorority. Food, fun, hookahs,
and Israel: what more could a college Jew want? Oh yeah, it's also at a
sorority. Now what more could a college Jew want? Need directions? Blitz Hillel.
Have a hookah? Blitz Alex Gelman. 9 pm next Monday, baby.
BUSH? KERRY? KETCHUP? HALIBURTON?
Due to the election that critics are calling "the biggest deal election I can
remember"*, next Tuesday's meeting will be at 7 pm, followed by live coverage of
the election results watched at the Roth Center. We want to make sure everyone
votes. Yeah, next week. Meeting at 7. Same place, same mystery of what the
food's gonna be. Panda House? Jewel of India? Pizza? Who knows.
*And by critic I mean me.
CO-HILLEL/CHABAD TORAH STUDY
They say great minds think alike... So why do Jews argue all the time? Well, to
help arrive at the answers we're all striving for, Rabbi Boraz and Rabbi Gray
are running a joint Hillel-Chabad Torah study at the Roth Center on Thursday at
4:00 p.m.
FEEL LIKE ENTERING THE RELIGION FIELD?
Religion, Spirituality and Your Career--A panel presentation on Graduate and
Professional Studies in Theological Education will be on November 3, 2004. Come
learn about the exciting field of religious study. It'll be held at the Church
of Christ at Dartmouth at noon. Free pizza lunch! Woo!
JEWISH TALKS, NOT ARGUMENTS
You are invited to attend two upcoming Jewish Studies lectures:
Monday, November 8, 2004 - Christina von Braun, Professor of Literature at
Humboldt University Berlin, will speak on "SEXUAL IMAGES IN RACIST ANTISEMITISM"
at 4:00 pm, 2 Rockefeller.
Thursday, November 11, 2005 - David Weiss Halivni, Professor of Rabbinics at
Columbia University will speak on, "THE BREAKING OF THE TABLETS; THE BEGETTING
OF THE ORAL LAW" at 4:30 p.m., 2 Rockefeller.
CHANUKAH BALL
Tatyana needs help. Decorate? DJ? Coordinate with Hanover Inn? Not hard. Blitz
Hillel or Tat if you want to help.
READ HEBREW, AMERICA
Want to learn Hebrew as part of "Read Hebrew America," the program designed to
teach American adult Jews Hebrew? Blitz Yardena.
WANT YOU SHOULD LEAD SERVICE OR GIVE YOUR TWO CENTS?
Want to lead, or to give a D'Var Torah (mini-sermon on the Torah portion) for
Friday night services? Blitz Brian Meyers.
JEWS, THEATER, INTERIM
Want to take a trip to NY during winter break and get a great deal on tickets
for Golda's Balcony, a critically acclaimed show? We need to gauge interest, so
blitz Hillel if interested.
Well, that about wraps it up. Keep your eyes open for hot new Hillel basketball
team shirts. Have a design? Blitz Michelle Schwartz. Later, y'all.
Shalom Aleichem
Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Abraham, for having the guts to say no to idolatry and follow
the one true God. Thank you, Abraham. Thank you.
Goy of the Week: Pedro Martinez, for on ESPN.com, being "dreamy in game 3" for
Red Sox fans. Will 86 years of curse end? We'll find out soon enough.
Survey of the Week: Is orange a legitimate color to be worn by guys? Blitz Evan
Michals with your response. Really. It's an ongoing argument I have with
someone. Help me out.
Joke of the Week:
Old Avrahom was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to an upmarket French
restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Avrahom would go out the back of his shop
and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming
from the restaurant's kitchen. But one day, Avrahom was surprised to receive an
invoice from the restaurant for 'enjoyment of food'. So he went to the
restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them.
The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."
Avrahom refused to pay and the restaurant sued him.
At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the
case. The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen
and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added
value to his poor food and we deserve to be recompensed for it."
The judge turns to Avrahom and said, "What do you have to say to that?"
Avrahom didn't say anything but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few
coins he had inside.
The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?"
Avrahom replied, "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my
money."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
---------------------------------
After a fine night of Indian cuisine, we've got lots to talk about, and
hopefully once I'm done writing this, the burning in my mouth will subside.
TASTE OF YISRAEL IS BACK... HOPEFULLY
On Monday, October 25th, Taste of Yisrael will be back, if we can find another
hookah (one of ours broke last week). So, if you or anyone you know has
information on the whereabouts of another hookah, blitz Hillel.
If we find another hookah, then TOY night will be at Panarchy on Monday. Where
is Panarchy? It's slightly off campus, but barely more than a hookah's throw
from Collis. Blitz Hillel for directions, and perhaps we'll all meet beforehand
to walk over there. It'll be fun. If you've been to a Taste of Yisrael night
before, then I know you know you think you'll have a good time. I know you will.
BASKETBALL TOURNEY IN BOSTON AT MIT
Still putting our All-star Team together. If you want to go to an inter-Hillel
basketball tourney on November 14th, blitz Michelle Schwartz. And if you don't
want to play, then come with us and cheer us on. It'll be fun, it'll be co-ed,
and it'll be very hard for us to beat the reigning champs... you know, that
school that rejected most Dartmouth students... Hahvahd.
JEWISH EXORCIST
Tomorrow, Wednesday, movie night is back from Hell. Wait, we don't believe in
Hell... We'll anyway, movie night tomorrow is at 7 pm in the Roth Center, and
we're watching The Dybbuk, a Jewish ghost story of love, possessed people, and
chips and salsa. Come eat food, drink diet Coke, and watch a neat movie. Alex
wants to not be lonely. He'll need someone to hold him through this one.
GOOD JEWISH GIRLS GONE BAD
Want some female performers here at Dartmouth? They dance, sing, act, and
comedize. I mean, do comedy. Want their traveling show to come here? Blitz Ben
Rosenbleet.
CLAUDALLAH
Havdallah at Claudia's house. The Hillel mom is at it again, and this time she
doesn't know what to do with her desk. So like any free-thinking adult, she
decided to burn it. Come on Saturday, November 6th at 6:00 pm to Claudia's
house. We'll be carpooling from the Roth Center. If you want to go hang out in
Claudia's woods, eat s'mores, havdallize, and burn office furniture, blitz
Hillel. They'll even be enough fun for the likes of Dan Villone.
WANT YOU SHOULD LEAD SERVICE?
We're looking for people to help lead our reform and conservative services. If
you want to help out, blitz Brian Meyers. Don't worry if you've never done it
before, he'll help you out.
HILLEL CHANNUKAH BALL
This year, for the third year in a row, Hillel is running Hillel's Annual
Chanukah Ball, sponsored by Hillel, near the end of the term. Want to help out?
Blitz Libby Sherman. We need people to decorate, hire a DJ, talk to the Hanover
Inn, etc. Advertising's covered.
It has been a big success in the past, and between our Chanukah Ball and our
Purim Ball, many Dartmouth Jews have had the most fun with Hillel's balls.
Help make candles. For havdallah. Blitz Tova Weintraub. 'Nuff said.
Knit for Needy. Make scarves, gloves, ponchos, boots, underwear, out of yarn,
then donate it to local people who need it. Blitz Elana Bannerman, she'll
provide the yarn, needles, and entertainment. Tuesdays, 7 pm, Roth Center. This
is some good knit.
Another week done, another Jewsletter written, another time we ask ourselves...
where is Panarchy? Why is Taste of Yisrael night so much fun? How do you make
candles without making a mess? Why is Manischweitz so potent, delicious, and
Jewish? Should we have eaten so much Indian food? Well, our answers lie in the
future, namely in 18 hours...
Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Jew of the Week: Tatyana Liskovich, for writing the article about the 08
experience at Hillel, and for defining style for all of us here at Dartmouth.
Goy of the Week: The guy who delivered us the Jewel of India food. He was
stressed out about delivering a lot of orders tonight, and he still showed up
with a smile. Thanks, dude, wherever you are.
Joke of the Week:
Whenever 4-year old Miriam was asked her name, she replied, "I'm Mr Levy's
daughter."
So her mother tells her this is wrong and that she must answer, "I'm Miriam
Levy."
Next shabbos, after the service, the Rabbi asks her, "Aren't you Mr Levy's
daughter, little girl?"
Miriam replies, "I thought I was, but my mother says I'm not."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Well, despite such high expectations of fine Indian cuisine at the meeting this
week, we ended up having good ol' EBAs pasta. Nothing finer. Wait, yes, there
are plenty of finer things. Nevermind.
FRIDAY TIME CHANGE, AGAIN
Friday night Shabbat services are now 6:30 pm, followed by the world famous*
home-cooked free dinner at 7:30.
*And by world famous, I mean tasty.
WANNA SING?
A new Jewish choir is forming! You too can show off your fine vocal skills,
rivaling that of Ricky Martin, Shakira, and Enrique Iglesias. Blitz Yardena
"Brunette Shakira" Beeber. Meeting is 5:30 pm this Saturday night.
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE HAVDALLAH CANDLES?
Because we don't. Meredith and Tova want to make them, but are unsure how. Blitz
Tova Weintraub with suggestions on the candle-making process, which brand of wax
works best for religious purposes, and ask why weekly candle-making isn't
already an activity. Don't blame them for not knowing how to make candles...
one's a freshman, the other's from California.
Moosilauke DINNER SUNDAY!
Wonderful cuisine, award-winning service*, fabulous Jewish company, and the
Moosilauke Ravine Lodge. Free meal. Departs Hanover at 5 p.m. Sunday (meet at
Roth Center), back by 9 p.m. if not sooner.
RSVP NOW--reservations for the lodge are filling up fast so blitz "hales" by
Wednesday 6 p.m. (if you blitz after, space is not guaranteed).
And, if you're a marathon runner like Ethan Levine, and you're interested in
hiking Moosilauke earlier that day, blitz Jeremy Warburg.
*Not sure of the awards, if any. Just sounded good.
GOODBYE SHABBAT, HELLO HAVDALLAH!
Like eating food with fellow Jews? Tired of food court's burger deal? Come bid
farewell to Shabbat and welcome in the new week here at the Roth Center, this
Saturday at 6:30 pm. We will have a delicious Shalosh Seudos (3rd Shabbat meal),
with lots of sweets for everyone, including enough for Steve Orbuch. Can't
forget the Havdallah ceremony, cake, Manischewitz, and maybe even l'chayims.
What are l'chayims? Kind of like shots, except Jose Cuervo isn't invited and Man
O. Schewitz is.
BASKETBALL DIARIES
Basketball tournament. Against other regional Hillels (like Harvard, Yale, MIT,
Brandeis, BU, UMASS, Tufts, Northeastern, and Brown, to name them all). November
14th, Sunday, from 12-6 pm at MIT. If you want to play, blitz Michelle Schwartz.
We need to figure out how big of a team we'll bring. The team will be co-ed.
Sorry, there's just not much funny about basketball, except maybe watching Evan
Michals play. That's funny.... Wait...
Kobe Bryant is funny too.
JEWISH GIRLS GONE WILD
Want female Jewish performers to come to Dartmouth? Blitz Ben Rosenbleet.
350th ANNIVERSARY FOR JEWS IN AMERICA
Want to plan a celebration for the 350th year Jews have been on this continent?
Want to take a trip to one of the first Jewish-owned houses in the country?
Blitz Ben Rosenbleet.
ARE YOU AN 08?
This Thursday at 6 pm, in the Choates, Hillel is sponsoring a free dinner for
08s. Questions? Blitz Ben Rosenbleet. Wondering why HE gets to run all the 08
events? Blitz Ben Rosenbleet. Are YOU a single 08 girl? Blitz Evan Michals- I'm
lonely.
HAVE THE DESIRE TO DESIGN?
We're currently trying out a new ad campaign here at Hillel, with hopes for a
new line of clothing. If you have designs for this year's hottest HillelWear,
blitz Michelle Schwartz. Together, we can put Tommy Hilfiger out of business.
TASTELESS OF ISRAEL
There will be no Taste of Yisrael this week. Next week, it will return Monday,
October 25th, and will be held at Panarchy. Yes, all the fun, food, and hookahs
will return too. It'll be a bigger comeback than Tina Turner.
SHABBAT 101: INTRO TO SERVICES
This Friday's service will be a Shabbat service designed for the inexperienced
in mind. Come, bring your friends, and learn about Friday night services. It's
the perfect time to start coming to services if you've never been before. If you
have questions, or you want to help teach the service, blitz Brian Meyers.
That about wraps it up. You probably got the blitz with all the events
suggestions, so if you want to help run something, by all means, blitz any one
of the board members----nah, just blitz Alex Gelman---and get it going. Enjoy
sun tomorrow and a 20%-30% chance of rain for Thursday through Saturday.
Shalom Aleichem
Easy E
Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Jeremy Warburg, for showing the utmost enthusiasm for any
activity, despite how ludicrous it may seem to everyone else.
Goy of the Week: Christian Bale, for climbing his way up from Newsies and
independent film stardom to being the next big-budget Batman. I'm not 100%
positive he's not Jewish, but with a name like Christian, I think it's a safe
bet.
Joke of the Week:
Old Chaim is dying. His entire mishpocha is sitting around his bed, subdued and
not knowing what else they can do.
They ask him, "Chaim, maybe we can fulfill your last wish?"
"Yes... I'd like ... a cup of tea ... with two teaspoons ... of sugar."
"Why?" they ask him.
"I've had a long life... and all of that time... when I drank tea in my own
house... I used one spoon of sugar... When I had tea... in someone else's
house... I put three spoons of sugar in my cup... But really... really... all my
life... I loved tea... with two spoonfuls of sugar."
Jewsletter
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
We've got a lot to cover, and nary a minute to do so. Onward, forthwith!
FRIDAY SERVICES AND DINNER TIME CHANGE
Due to the fickle habits of our very own sun, Friday night Shabbat services now
begin at 6pm, followed by the ever-free, ever-delicious, ever-cooked dinner at 7
pm. Enjoy.
Also, after dinner, now you can stay and chill with some fellow Jews, do some
benching (Jewish benching, not Kresge), sing you favorite tunes, and do
l'chayims. What are l'chayims? See the Simchat Torah description.
SPEAKING OF DINNER...
Does anyone want to help cook this Friday? Our chef extraordinaire will be busy
this week, and thus should anyone have an inkling that they want to feed the
masses, blitz Hillel and get ready to cook New Hampshire's finest meal.* We need
cooks, because we really have a lot of hungry mouths to feed. Minimal cooking
experience required.
* Only Andy Rand was polled
YENTL TOMORROW
Come to the Roth Center, eat some snacks, watch a fine Jewish-related film, and
keep Alex company while he does his class assignment. Learn about your faith for
free with fun.
THE END OF THE TORAH IS NEAR... PAARRTTAY!
Simchat Torah is the celebration of having finished reading the Torah. The Torah
now has to be completely unraveled and "rewound." Everyone helps rewind it,
holding the Torah in a big circle and dancing, singing, listening to klezmer,
and drinking inside the unwound Torah. The event will be this Thursday, October
7 at Rollins Chapel.
Oh, and there will be plenty of l'chayims. What are l'chayims? Kind of like
shots with friends, except with singing and dancing Jews, and with Manischewitz,
instead of Mr. Boston or Jose Cuervo. And you'd be doing the l'chayims in praise
of God. You'll never get a shot like this again.
(All events in Rollins Chappel)
7:00 to 7:15 p.m. - Maariv service
7:15 to 8:00 p.m. Hakafot (dancing to the Klezmer of Daniel Weiser and a
clarinetest)
8:00 to 8:30 p.m. Torah unwinding and journey
8:30 to 8:45 p.m. Conclusion
HEBREW AS A SECOND LANGUAGE
A huge campaign has been started to teach American adults how to read Hebrew,
called, creatively enough, Read Hebrew America. Check out www.NJOP.org for more
info. Blitz Hillel if you'd like to take one of the Hebrew classes. They're
short, not difficult, and designed for the student with not much free time. The
least commitment would be 1-1/2 hours a week for five weeks. Come on, it's fun.
You'll finally be able to tell what Hiram is saying.
YOU GOTTA BE KNITTIN' ME...
Knitting for the Needy, every Tuesday night after our weekly meetings. Learn how
to knit! Participate in community service! Make scarves, hats, and mittens for
those in the Upper Valley who can't afford them! If you want to attend the
weekly knit-fest, blitz Elana Bannerman. She'll provide the supplies, you
provide the hands for knitting. I'm telling you, this is some good knit!
LOVE AND BASKETBALL... AND JEWS
We have been invited to the 2nd annual Kiddush Cup, a basketball tournament at
MIT where Hillels from all around compete for the glory of being the best
b-ball-playing Jews. It's gonna be happening November 14th at MIT's gym (15
minutes from Harvard), so we need to get our team together pronto. Blitz
Michelle Schwartz if you want to play.
LEADING SERVICE, ONE PRAYER AT A TIME
If you want to help lead either the conservative or reform Friday night Shabbat
service any week of this term, blitz Brian Meyers. It's fun, the power trip of
running things. Just ask Alex.
Also, if you would like to give a D'var Torah (commentary on the Torah section),
blitz Brian as well. This is the easiest way to speak your mind about the Torah,
and people will listen to you!
WATCH OUT, 08s!
Starting October 14th, Thursday nights will be free 08 dinners, moving from dorm
cluster to dorm cluster in search of hungry Jewish 08s. Blitz Ben Rosenbleet or
monitor your blitz for more information. And yes, you have to be an 08 to
attend, so don't get any ideas about meeting freshmen this way... you know who
I'm talking about... 06s...
HOOKAH IN THE SUKKAH 2: TOY - TASTE OF YISRAEL
Sequel to last week's hottest event, Hookah in the Sukkah is back and better
than ever! Monday nights, experience the taste of Yisrael.... At 9 pm, come for
a celebration of Israel full of food, facts, fun, and maybe more hookahs. Due to
the cold fronts moving in, only next week's event will actually be in the sukkah.
After that, the location will jump around from frats to houses to other
interiors. And, just like Spiderman, this sequel is loaded with more of what you
loved about the first one. Except the only love story in our sequel is that of
us and Israel. Go get 'em, tiger.
JEWISH SERVICES 101: SHABBAT FOR DUMMIES
Ever want to go to a Friday night Shabbat service, but not know what's going on,
or intimidated by all the regulars? At 6pm, Friday, October 15th, our Shabbat
service will be for teaching people about the service. If you have questions, or
you want to help teach the service, blitz Brian Meyers.
Well, that about rapp'd it up for this week. So much stuff, so little time, so
long a Jewsletter. Do your best to keep all these events in mind, and if you
need help, just visit www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel and check out the newly designed
events page. The calendar should help you out.
Peace, vaya con Dios, and Shalom Aleichem
Easy E - Evan Michals
Jew of the Week: Haley Peckett, for in the face of adversity in the form of an
uber-busy schedule, continuing to show her undying support for Hillel. Kudos to
you.
Goy of the Week: VP Dick Cheney, for doing his best tonight not to look like the
robot that he is. Maybe he got some more oil for his joints...
Joke of the Week:
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a
rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father took him into
his study and said: "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study
your Talmud a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it."
After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could
discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father's study where the
father said: "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up,
you've studied the Talmud diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut."
The young man waited a moment and then replied: "You know Dad, I've been
thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Rambam
had long hair and even Noah had long hair."
The rabbi said: "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went."
JEWSLETTER
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Dartmouth is back in full swing, and you know what that means... a new batch of
freshmen to give the wandering droves of shmobs fresh faces and a renewed
spirit. Hillel is also back in full swing, and that means we needed to give our
wandering droves of executive positions some fresh faces. Yes, we held
elections, and after a recount and some absentee ballots, the results are
finally tallied.
HOT NEW POSITIONS:
Executive Positions:
House Manager - Haley Peckett '05
Treasurer- Jeremy Warburg '08
Communications - Evan Michals '07
Community Service- Jordana Beeber '08
Non-Executive Positions
Cooking: Meredith Druss '08 and Lydia Gensheimer '06
JPBC- Elana Bannerman '05
And because of the huge turnout tonight, the long list of positions to elect,
and the fact that in any discussion, 20 Jews have 40 questions, the following
positions will be elected next week:
Student Assembly Rep
Israeli Affairs
Hopkins Center
Multi-faith Council
JEWS, JAZZ, and chips
Tomorrow night (Wednesday), at 7 PM in the Roth Center lounge, there will be a
showing of the critically acclaimed movie, The Jazz Singer. Starring Al Jolson
and May McAvoy, the son of a Jewish Cantor must defy his father in order to
pursue his dream of becoming a jazz singer. Watch the thrills, eat some free
food, hang out with some Jews, and help Hillel President Alex Gelman do his
homework. Really, keep Alex company. He'd like that.
HOOKAH IN THE SUKKAH
What better way to celebrate sukkot than with one of grandpa's best remedies for
stress: a hookah. On Monday, October 4th at 9 PM, come chill in the sukkah with
a hookah and your JUGA. It's one of the few events with substance that S&S does
not monitor...
YOU WANT YOU SHOULD BE A MASHGIAH?
We need mashgiahs to oversee that the Pavilion stays kosher. All that means is
that someone Jewish and who has had (brief) training needs to be at the Pavilion
whilst they prepare food, in order to make sure it stays kosher. Pay is good,
work is not difficult, and hours are flexible. Blitz Robert Lester should you or
anyone you know be interested.
SUKKOT
Sukkot services, Thursday and Friday morning at 8 AM, at the Roth Center.
Celebrate sukkot. It's fun. Really.
AS ALWAYS, FRIDAY NIGHTS AT HILLEL
Bored on Friday nights? Not enough DBA? Not enough God in your life? Come to
services and/or dinner at the Roth Center, every Friday night. The Shabbat
service starts at 7 PM, followed by an absolutely free and home-cooked dinner at
8 PM. You can go to both services and dinner, or just one, if you like. You can
even bring friends to the dinner, and they don't even have to be Jewish! Plus,
Hillel dinners are a great way to meet 08s. That's why Aaron Sallen will be
there.
The term is underway, there's a new freshmen class, the 04s are gone, Ethan
Levine is still hanging around, and everyone acts like they're a little bit
older. Hillel is up and going, and we're going to ride this beast 'til the end.
Shalom Aleichem
Evan "Easy E" Michals
Jew of the Week: Yan Shurin, for braving the cold and being one of the many 08's
to come to Hillel for the first meeting.
Goys of the Week: The FBI. According to the NY Times, "More than 120,000 hours
of terrorism-related recordings have not been translated by the F.B.I., and
computer problems may have erased some Al Qaeda recordings." Brilliant, just
brilliant. Yeah, we're doing all we can to stay safe...
Joke of the Week:
The Rabbi and his wife were cleaning up the house. The Rabbi came across a
box he didn't recognize. His wife told him to leave it alone, it was
personal.
One day, she was out and his curiosity got the better of him. He opened
the box and inside he found 3 eggs and $2000. When his wife came home, he
admitted that he had opened the box and asked her to explain the contents
to him.
She told him, every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in the
box. He thought to himself, "In twenty years, only three bad sermons,
that's not bad." His wife continued, "And every time I got a dozen eggs,
I would sell them for $1."