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A Prop's Testimony
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Another piece of rugby lore, origin unknown.


"Son, in this world there are scrums. And in those scrums you need props. As a prop, I have more responsibility than you can ever fathom. You use words like 'drunk' and 'out of shape'; those words are the very backbone of a life I spent drinking and partying in, and you use them as a punchline. You weep for you wings and centers, and curse the prop forward. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of knowing that the front row, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins these games you play. Truth? You cant't handle the truth, because deep down in places you don't want to talk about in your emails, you want me in that scrum; you need me in that scrum. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a back who scores on the very blanket of ball retention that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just went and bought me a case of beer and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you crawl into that scrum, bloody your face and get dirty. Either way, I don't give a damn who you think is responsible."
"Props are not supposed to score tries. Those that did have either cheated or fallen over in the wrong place. My brother, a prop, once played wing and scored a hat trick in a game. Since then, no other prop on our team has talked to him. If by some fluke of luck, a prop scores, he will spend the rest of his life describing in great detail the feat."

Forces equivalent to 1.5 tons are exerted on a prop's cervical spine in a scrum.- The American Journal of Sports Medicine.

"Beer was invented to keep props from ruling the world."