Dartmouth vs. Yale, 10/7/01 (Away)

Pre-game (3 minutes)

Movie phone voice-over

Hello and welcome to the pre-game show.

And now if you know the name of the band you’d like to see, press one now.

[beep]

You have selected the Yale Precision Marching Band. You have chosen poorly. Please press one to redeem yourself.

[beep]

And now the Dartmouth College Marching Band...

Band Downfield to DT1

The DCMB has been given a rare privilege today, the opportunity to perform at the culmination of the anniversary ceremonies of one of New England’s finest and most prestigious academic institutions. We’d like to salute not only your college’s agedness but also your ability to honor your religious founding traditions by playing the first ever  football game on a Sunday. Please stand as we say happy birthday by performing your school’s fight song, it might be the only time you get to hear it.

Play Boola boola and switch to 10,000 men of Hahvahd. Form Y and switch to H. Run to other side of field while trying to dodge thrown batteries, yalies, etc.

Watch now as the band wishes our Big Green success on their way to victory by playing the Dartmouth Alma Mater under the direction of Chris “and make up” Collier.

Concert formation

Face Dartmouth stands in concert formation, play the Alma Mater

Halftime (6.5 minutes)

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that’s less impeachable the second time around, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

Band Downfield to DT1 as Yalies don’t get the joke.

When a school has a 300th anniversary there’s a lot of history to look back upon. For example some of you may know that the past three presidents attended Yale. For you Yalies who are majoring in History, that was Bush Sr. Clinton, and Bush jr.. But there are some facts that you may not know.

For example, Yale was also the alma mater of the past three presidents of the hair club for men. The past three janitors of my high school called Yale home. And, most interestingly, the last three transfer students rejected from Dartmouth are still trying to leave New Haven. Please watch as the band forms a 3, that’s the one that comes after 2, and salutes the number of potential Yalies whose parents didn’t force them to come here by playing the familiar tune “three Dartmouth rejects.”

Form a three and play three blind mice.

As part of the Tercentennial [sic] celebration Yale gave many of it’s alumni the opportunity to "Return to Yale".  This gives those who can remember the chance they once had to spend most of their parent’s money while dreaming of that special Dartmouth person. Several interesting lectures are offered for you to sleep through and at the end you can fill out your law school application by writing “Yale” in crayon. But some things never change and today you can relive the highlight of your Yale years. No, it’s not leaving Yale, it’s listening to the DCMB. Watch now as the band forms a spry Yale alum plays the “Back at Yale blues,”

Form man w/ cane and play Basin Street Blues.

We’d like to complete our halftime show by presenting you with the three gifts every Yalie wants.

1. A Dartmouth acceptance letter. You can decide who gets this honor by, as with everything else at Yale, how much your parents contribute.

2. Our freshman, we’ve got too many of them anyhow and hey, you can always cheat off of them during exams.

And finally. Number 3. A bit of advice. Remember, you still have a little bit of College left before entering a soulless career as a  "ruthless business executive", bloodsucking-lawyer, or worse, politician, just like your fathers before you. And maybe it isn’t too late to transfer after all.

Watch now as the band forms a cake while playing "The Stripper" and gives you our own birthday surprise.

Form a birthday cake and play The Stripper

Thanks for watching the DCMB today and if you’re still here, don’t be, because here comes the Yale band.

Band Off-field to DT1