Dartmouth vs. Cornell, 11/03/01 (Home)

Pregame

And now the only band in the Ivy League on the field today, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

Band Downfield to DT1

Good afternoon and welcome to the annual Christmas Bowl, where the incomparably inoffensive Big Green faces off against the amorphous Big Red. But this game is more than that in many ways.  Traditionally, it’s a time for the jubilantly free DCMB to take a stand against the structured marching options of Cornell’s Big Red Band. However, they must still be working on that whole left foot - right foot thing, because they’re no where to be seen today.  I guess we’ll have to carry our own luggage around today. Nevertheless, we welcome those Cornellians who decided to make the journey from rustic Ithaca to scenic Hanover with a chilling remembrance of home.

Play Cornell Song

And now, for our own Big Green supporters. We urge you to wear those Dartmouth sweatshirts proudly, they look good on you, stand and sing along as the band plays our alma mater under the directions of Chris “Baby, why won’t you,” Collier.

Play Alma Mater

Please join us in song as the band plays our national anthem.

Play Star Spangled Banner

Band Off-field to DT1

HALFTIME

And now the only band in the Ivy League who’s thinking of the children... the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

As you look around the stands today, you may notice the increase in the number of small, restless people among us today.  No, it’s not just the Cornell fans  - it’s "Bring a Kid to the Game Day" here at Memorial Stadium.  In light of this special event, the DCMB has created a show especially for the child in all of us.  We even went so far as to hire a consulting group to research what it is that kids want to watch.... unfortunately, neither the Backstreet Boys nor Powerpuff Girls could join us today, but here’s someone just as hot and underdressed... Smokey Bear!!

<in bear voice> Hi kids! As some of you may remember, during their homecoming show, the DCMB produced an astounding display of pyrotechnic wonder. Unfortunately, things got a little out of hand resulting in the slight singing of a small portion of the field.  I’m here today to share my top 5 Fire Safety tips:

5. Lighter fluid burns, even on a tuba, even on grass.

4. If there’s a fire, and there isn’t water or a fire extinguisher around, a tuba can be used as a giant candlesnuffer to put out the flames.

3. A microwave is an incredibly dangerous appliance capable of turning a dorm room into a blazing inferno in seconds. Never, EVER, use a microwave in your dorm room... ever.

2. You thought microwaves were dangerous? Don’t even get us started on toasters.

1. Never ever operate an Inflatable Moose near an open flame.

Remember kids, only you can prevent football field fires.  Please watch as the band forms a fire extinguisher and plays Tuba Inferno.

Band forms a tuba and plays “Disco Inferno.”

We at the DCMB have a secret to share with you.  We’ve tried for years and years to hide it, but we just can’t do it anymore... so here goes. Dartmouth wasn’t our first choice for college.  That’s right - from the time we were little anklebiters just like you, we wanted to join the circus.  Tragically, we were all rejected from Clown College, and when we tried to run away and join the circus, they told us they already had too many runaways from Cornell. We’ve finally discovered a way to fulfill our dream... why run away and join the circus when you can start your very own? Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, the Dartmouth College Marching Band is proud to present our very own version of the Greatest Show on Earth… the DCMB Three Ring Circus! 

To your left, feats of strength and coordination so daring that not even a member of a real marching band would think of trying... the Amazing Keg Walkers!! keg players walk on top of their kegs

In the center, straight from their world-renowned tour with Barnum and Baileys, sure to delight and astound you, the Fabulous Twirling Bandies! Rachel and Mary Chris twirl various things

And on your right, something more frightening than the Headless Man, more hideous than the Bearded Lady… a Cornell Bandie! during above speech, a large box has been carried out onto the field… on cue, the box is opened, and a DCMBandie wearing red and black and looking very frightened and boring emerges

Ahhhh! Take it away! Take it away! Box is put back over “bandie” We’re sorry about that, folks. Kids, don’t ever ever try that at home. Only trained professionals with years of wild animal experience should interact with Cornell students.

Watch now as the band forms… a three ring circus, and plays “Walkin’ on Kegs and Tightropes.”

Band stays in circus formation and plays “Walkin’ on Sunshine.”

Thank you for joining us here at Memorial Stadium this afternoon - we hope to see you again in two weeks when Dartmouth takes on those pesky Princeton Tigers.

Band off field to DT1.