Dartmouth vs. Holy Cross, 10/14/00 (Home)

Pregame:

And Now, the only band in the Ivy League that swears she said she was 18… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

[Band downfield to DT1]

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Memorial Stadium for today’s game between the football teams of Holy Cross and Dartmouth.  But – Holy Cross, Batman! – where’s the other marching band?  We were wondering the same thing.  The DCMB asks you to join us on a quest: the Search for the Holy Cross Band. 

We climbed every mountain.  We searched high and low. 

We followed every byway, and every path we know.

We bought a Guide to Safety Schools, and spent time on research.

We trekked to scenic Wor-cest-er… and asked around at church.

We flew out to the Vatican, we even asked the Pope.

And when we couldn’t find them, we almost gave up hope.

So imagine our surprise, on the Dartmouth campus tours,

When we saw them on Frat Row, with those crazy, frisky ‘04s.

Watch now as the band celebrates the completion of our search by playing for the Holy Cross fans.

[concert formation – play Monty Python Holy Grail song]

Now watch as the band checks itself out of Dick’s House and plays the Dartmouth alma mater, under the direction of student conductor Andy “It Hurts When He” Pease.

[concert formation – play alma mater]

Now, please stand as the band plays the national anthem under the direction of Faculty Director Max Culpepper.

[stay in formation, play Star Spangled Banner]

Halftime:

And Now, the only band in the Ivy League that’s using the Seven Deadly Sins as a checklist… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

[Band downfield to DT1]

            The DCMB was shocked and appalled to learn that the Holy Cross mascot is the “Crusader.”  We are deeply offended by this thoughtless, insensitive, backward-looking mascot choice.  This stereotypical icon belittles the noble image of the Crusaders, and mocks their cultural heritage of honorable holy conquest.  That such an outrage could occur in this age of tolerance and understanding is incomprehensible.  We hope our opponents can learn from Dartmouth’s shining example, with our own un-offensive ambiguous concept mascot: the “Big Green.”  Watch now as the band holds a candle light vigil on the Green in an effort to reform the last Crusaders.

[Band forms the letters “PC” and plays Raiders March]

            On a more positive note, the DCMB would like to honor Holy Cross’ most famous alumnus, the oft’ imitated, but never duplicated, Tupac Shakur.  Tupac successfully double-majored in Women’s Studies and Peace and Conflict Studies.  He was instrumental in reviving the Student Anti-Substance Abuse Center, and was a dedicated member of the Holy Cross Chapel Choir.  Truly, he embodied the Jesuit teachings of this upstanding institution.  Watch now as the band says: “We luv you 2Pac,” by forming a “40” and playing Tupac the Knife.

[Band forms numbers “40” and plays Mac the Knife]

The DCMB intended to devote this week’s final segment to a senseless and decidedly unfunny tirade about politics – then we remembered that the Yale Band already did this last week.  Instead, we’d like to take this time to communicate a very special “thanks” to our very own freshmen bandies.  Yes, they’re young, and sometimes rash, but they’re extremely active, and they’ve infected us all with their incurable zest for fun.  Let’s see another freshmen class so frequently transmit enthusiasm.  So thanks, ‘04s, this one’s for you.  Watch now as the band salutes the Spirit, Tenacity, and Determination of the freshmen class by forming their favorite fraternity – Sigma Tau Delta – and playing ‘04s Just Wanna Have Fun.

[Band forms Sigma Tau Delta (ΣΤΔ) and plays Mac the Knife]

[Band off field]

Thanks for watching our halftime show today.  We hope to see you back at Memorial Stadium in two weeks for Dartmouth’s Homecoming game against the illustrious Crimson of UMass-Cambridge.