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Dartmouth vs. Harvard, 10/28/00 (Homecoming)
Pregame:
[vampire voice]
And Now, the only
band in the Ivy League that’s going to suck… [pause] … a gallon of beer from a
funnel… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
[Band downfield to
DT1]
Ladies and gentlemen, you’ve seen our Faculty Director
each week with the band, but the DCMB asks how many of you know the real
Max Culpepper – the man Behind the Music?
Young Max arrived at Dartmouth by horse-drawn buggy, full
of energy and ideas. On a fateful Homecoming weekend, a stray ping pong ball
ricocheted into Max’s cup, inspiring him to invent our favorite past-time. Soon
Max went on tour as the fifth Beatle, and composed such successful tunes as
Who Let the Band Out?
His rapid rise to fame, however, quickly gave way to
scandal. Max struggled with a severe addiction to Mentos. His successful
marriage and four children tarnished his hard core image.
But Max never gave up hope. He produced a comeback album
titled The Notorious M-A-X, due in stores next week. So watch now as the
band wishes Max a very Happy Birthday by forming a rocking chair, and assuring
him: (almost sung) “Yes, we’ll still need you; yes, we’ll still feed you… when
you’re 64.”
[rocking chair
formation – play When I’m 64]
Now watch as the band
plays Max Culpepper’s most famous composition, the Dartmouth alma mater,
under the direction of student conductor Andy “No dessert until you eat your”
Pease.
[concert formation
– play alma mater]
Please stand as the band
plays the national anthem.
[stay in formation, play Star Spangled Banner]
Halftime:
And Now, only band in the Ivy League that’s
still pulling for the Mets to win it in nine … the Dartmouth College Marching
Band!
[Band Fancy
March-out – DTs 3-4]
The DCMB would like
welcome all of the alumni joining us for today’s homecoming game. Thank you for
your continuing support of the Big Green. Now please welcome our own band
alumni as they join us in the center of the field.
[Alums - Little D;
Trumpet Fanfare]
The DCMB
has traditionally formed a bonfire every year during our halftime presentation.
This year, the administration has asked that we discontinue this unsafe and
potentially dangerous practice. But have they gone far enough to protect
the Dartmouth community from harm?
Many
students continue to participate in highly dangerous candlelight vigils. How
can this be allowed when one misstep or lapse of attention could lead to a
student falling into his own candle and being roasted alive! Even more
frightening are the new Berry library movable stacks, between which a dozen
students could easily be crushed.
Watch now as the band embraces thanks our administration
for protecting us from ourselves, and looks forward to next year’s 105 laps
around the traditional, three-story, Dartmouth Homecoming Flashlight, by playing
The Power of Double D-size Batteries.
[Band forms
“flashlight” and plays The Power of Love]
The DCMB
worries that some ‘04s might still be confused about certain aspects of
Homecoming weekend. To help, we’d like to offer the following tips:
After
finding the way back to your room this morning, and piecing together all of last
night’s revelries, be sure to send those obligatory “morning after” blitzes.
This would also be a good time to schedule a check-up at Dick’s House.
Feeling
dehydrated during the day? Ask a fellow student for a sip out of his 7-Up
bottle. Your Iced Tea tastes funny? No worries – it’s from Long Island.
Missing your clothes? Not a problem.
By now,
you’ve found the pants you left on the Green and the shoes you left in Berry.
If you’re still missing your shirt, you might check the first floor of Parkhurst.
And don’t fret about that missing North Face jacket – it’s sure to surface at a
party tonight. You can take it home then.
Watch now
as the band plays our favorite Dartmouth recreation, and asks our favorite
Homecoming question: “Hey baby, who are you?”
[Band forms Pong
Table and play “Hey Baby”]
Thank you for joining
us at our Homecoming competition against UMass-Cambridge. Please join us again
in two weeks when the Big Green takes on Brown right here in Memorial Stadium.
UNCENSORED
Pregame:
And Now, the only band in the Ivy League that knows
The Legend of Drunken Master (NO) is what we did last night… the
Dartmouth College Marching Band!
[Band downfield to
DT1]
Ladies and gentlemen, the DCMB would like to salute our
Faculty Director, Max Culpepper. You’ve seen Max with the band over the years,
but how many know the real Max Culpepper – the man Behind the
Music?
Young Max arrived at Dartmouth by horse-drawn buggy,
enthusiastic and idealistic – ready to change the world. On a fateful
Homecoming weekend, a stray ping pong ball ricocheted into Max’s cup, inspiring
him to invent our favorite past-time. Soon Max’s face graced the cover of TIME,
he went on tour as the fifth Beatle, and he composed such successful tunes as
the 1812 Overture, Beethoven’s 5th, and Who Let the Band Out?
Max’s rapid
rise to fame, however, quickly gave way to scandal. Max struggled with a severe
addiction to Mentos. News outlets reported on his 40-year marriage and four
children, tarnishing his hard core image. And recently, a leg injury hampered
the movements of this one-time strapping young lad.
But Max never gave up hope. He produced a comeback album
titled The Notorious M-A-X, due in stores next week. And this season he
is very proud of his son, Minnesota Vikings star Daunte Culpepper. So watch now
as the band wishes Max a very Happy Birthday by forming a rocking chair, and
assuring him: (almost sung) “Yes, we’ll still need you; yes, we’ll still feed
you… when you’re 64.”
[rocking chair
formation – play When I’m 64]
Now watch as the band
plays Max Culpepper’s most famous composition, the Dartmouth alma mater,
under the direction of student conductor Andy “No dessert until you eat your”
Pease.
[concert formation
– play alma mater]
Please stand as the band
plays the national anthem.
[stay in formation, play Star Spangled Banner]
Halftime:
And Now, only band in the Ivy League that thinks
the Indians in the Hovey Grill Murals (NO) are just enjoying
Homecoming… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
[Band downfield to
DT1]
The DCMB
has traditionally formed a bonfire every year during our halftime presentation.
This year, the administration has asked that we discontinue this unsafe and
potentially dangerous practice. But have they gone far enough to protect
the Dartmouth community from harm?
Many
students continue to participate in highly dangerous candlelight vigils. How
can this be allowed when one misstep or lapse of attention could lead to a
student falling into his own candle and being roasted alive! Even more
frightening are the new Berry library movable stacks, between which a dozen
students could easily be crushed.
Thanks, Mommy (NO) Praeger and Daddy
(NO) Wright, for unflinchingly protecting us all from anything that
could be interpreted as fun.
Watch now
as the band embraces change, and looks forward to next year’s 105 laps around
the traditional, three-story, Dartmouth Homecoming Flashlight, by playing The
Power of Double D-size Batteries.
[Band forms
“flashlight” and plays The Power of Love]
The DCMB
worries that some ‘04s might still be confused about certain aspects of
Homecoming weekend. To help, we’d like to offer the following tips:
After
finding the way back to your room this morning, and piecing together all of last
night’s revelries, be sure to send those obligatory “morning after” blitzes.
This would also be a good time to schedule a check-up at Dick’s House.
Feeling
dehydrated during the day? Ask a fellow student for a sip out of his 7-Up
bottle. Your Iced Tea tastes funny? No worries – it’s from Long Island.
Missing your clothes? Not a problem.
By now,
you’ve found the pants you left on the Green and the shoes you left in Berry.
If you’re still missing your shirt, you might check the first floor of Parkhurst.
And don’t fret about that missing North Face jacket – it’s sure to surface at a
party tonight. You can take it home then.
Watch now
as the band plays our favorite Dartmouth recreation, and asks our favorite
Homecoming question: “Hey baby, who are you?”
[Band forms Pong
Table and play “Hey Baby”]
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