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Dartmouth vs. Brown, 11/11/00 (Home)
Pre-Game
And now, the only
band in the stadium today that you’ll hear before you smell… the Dartmouth
College Marching Band!
[Band downfield to
DT1]
Welcome, ladies and
gentlemen to the final home game of the 2000 Dartmouth football season.
Students around campus are still abuzz about the big news of the last week. We
witnessed a dramatic event, the outcome of which will shape our lives for the
next four years. Who can say how this will affect our freedoms, our future… our
late-night studying habits. We are speaking, of course, about the opening of
the Novak Café, the social dining option of the new millennium. This exciting
new leader won our hearts with a radical platform of a lockbox on 24-hour
availability, compassionate caffeinism, and cleaning up the big-money of Thayer
dining hall.
Watch now as the band salutes the dawn of the Novak regime
by forming two hot shots of espresso and playing the New World Order Symphony.
[espresso
formation – play New World Symphony]
Now, please rise as the band feasts on Who-Jell-O
and rare Who-Mung Beast, and plays the Dartmouth alma mater under
the direction of Andy (sung) “You’re a mean one, Mr.” Pease.
[concert formation
– play alma mater]
And please remain standing as the band plays the national
anthem under the direction of Faculty Director Max Culpepper.
[stay in
formation, play Star Spangled Banner]
Halftime
And now, the only
band in the Ivy League that’s as cuddly as a cactus and as charming as an eel…
the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
[Band downfield to
DT1]
Every student in
Hanover liked Dartmouth a lot…
But the Brownies, who
lived in Rhode Island, did Not!
The Brownies hated
Dartmouth, throughout the whole year,
Now please don’t ask
why – but some think it’s the beer.
It could be,
perhaps that they don’t enjoy sin,
It could be
the fact that they didn’t get in.
But we think the most
likely reason for it:
Green’s the color of
money, Brown’s the color of… dirty money.
But whatever the
reason, the cold or the clean,
They stood there at
Dartmouth, hating the Green,
Staring down from the
stands, with their sour Brown frown,
At the revelrous
students, in Hanover Town.
For they saw every
bandie on the field down beneath,
There busy now
forming, two kegs of mung-beast.
[Band forms two
kegs and plays Miller Time]
And now the Brown
fans, with their feet in the snow,
Stood puzzling at
what the band was doing below!
“They play without
music! They play without beat!
They don’t walk in
straight lines! What is wrong with their feet?”
And they puzzled
three hours, till their puzzlers were sore,
Then the Brownies
thought of something they hadn’t before.
“Maybe Dartmouth,
they thought, doesn’t come from a store,
Maybe Dartmouth,
perhaps, means a little bit more!”
And what happened
then, at admissions they say,
Is that all the Brown
students tried to transfer that day.
And the minute they
arrived on the Hanover Green,
They whizzed with
their load, to the raging frat scene.
And they brought
EBA’s and Hop fries for the feast.
And they,
THEY
THEMSELVES!
The Brownies chugged
the mung-beast.
Please forgive our
writers whose rhymes often fail,
And watch now as the
band ends our holiday tale,
As we form Jim
Carrey; we’ll be done in a cinch.
And play a song to
salute the Legend of Grinch.
[Band forms Jim
Carrey and plays The Legend of Zelda]
The band now says
good-bye to our Class of ’01* *[say as “oh one”]
We hope that their
four years at Dartmouth were fun.
Our seniors have
worked hard to make us all proud,
So please give a
great cheer as we read their names aloud.
Brian (sung) “Yes,
I’m a gonna be a” Carr, saxophone
Kaitlyn “Walk the
Plank” Chantry (ARRR), drum major
Andrew “ARRR”
Jones, trumpet
Joe “Big” MAC-Intyre,
kazoo
Megan “Get out of”
Millane, saxophone
Andy “Mind your Q’s
and” Pease, student conductor
Karl “Crazy” Polifka,
saxophone
“And he grew... and
he grew... and he grew... to a man named” Brian Richardson, clarinet
Anna “Get Your Gun”
Rudberg, flute
Brian “I’ll see you
at” Russell-mania, tuba
Kathryn “The Colonel”
Saunders, trumpet
Dave “I’m a whore”
Smutek, announcer
Rob “Absentee” Valet,
trumpet
Suzanne “Wunderkind”
Wendelker, percussion
[Band forms ’01
and plays 2001 5-0]
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