It’s been fun...
PREGAME
And now, the only band in the Ivy League with an artistic license to kill,
the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
We’ve heard that Princeton recently received a 20 million dollar gift from an
alum to build a Genetic Engineering Institute. You can expect them to bring
exclusivity to a whole new level within the next ten years as they begin to
genetically manufacture all of their future students. Unless, that is, they put
all the funds into finding a genetic explanation for why anyone would ever want
to live in New Jersey. After seeing the Princeton band, we’re very curious to
know what sort of weird time warp all that toxic waste put them through. Watch
now as the band greets the Glowing Princeton Pussycats with a favorite song of
theirs that we all know as “Hello, Kitty.”
[Reverse concert - “Princeton Foof”]
It’s November sweeps, that time of year when a lot of crazy things happen on
your favorite TV shows. The band has decided to try some of the standard
gimmicks to boost our ratings. We were thinking about bringing in an
ultra-glamorous special guest star, but unfortunately Gary Glitter was
unexpectedly detained and had to cancel at the last minute. We’ll have to make
up for his loss by doing halftime in the nude. This is a season finale you won’t
want to miss! Meanwhile, please rise as Lauren “I wish I could hear 5-O every
day on the Baker” Bellucci conducts the band in the Dartmouth College Alma
Mater, then remain standing as Faculty Director Max Culpepper conducts the
National Anthem.
HALF-TIME
To the tune of the Itchy and Scratchy theme: And now, the only band in
the Ivy League that bites, and fights; they bite and fight and bite; bite, bite,
bite; fight, fight fight; The Dartmouth College Marching Band!!!
A new planet has recently been discovered outside of our solar system by a
professor at UCBerkeley. The Princeton professors are claiming the safety
lighting on an enormous statue outside their building is blinding their
telescopes. That’s nice, if it makes them feel better about losing the
Extrasolar Planet Discovery Race. We think it’s great news; we’ve heard that
Princeton is eager to relocate out of New Jersey, and this new planet is the
perfect distance from Hanover. We’d like to take this opportunity to recommend
naming it Planet Schlobohm. He has agreed to christen the planet by kicking a
ball to its surface 859,000 billion miles away. You can picture 859,000 billion
miles by stretching each of Bill Gates’ dollar bills a mile long and then laying
them end to end. Watch new as the band forms a telescope and plays “Joy to the
World.”
[Telescope - “Joy to the World”]
In our last game of the season, we’d like to reminisce about a few of our
favorite memories from this fall, in a montage as cheesy as an Olympics profile
on CBS. We’ve enjoyed having the fuzzy moose, our first mascot with pride and
personality, and we’ve enjoyed every kick from our number 17. We’ve admired the
prisitine grass on Memorial Field and we’ve admired the football players in
their spandex pants. We’ve appreciated the cheerleaders flips and the way they
move that ball... that way! and we’ve appreciated all the loving donations to
our Hawaii Spring Break fund. Keep them comin’! Huge thanks go to Max Culpepper,
our alums, and all of our fans for your continuing support. We’re your number
one fans. In fact, here’s a song, just for being you. Watch now as the band
forms the letter “U” and plays “Hey You!”
[U - “The Hey Song”]
The time has come for us to say goodbye to Memorial Field and the 1999
football season. Some old fogeys in the band look a little bleary eyed - this is
their last halftime show ever!! We’d like to take this time to recognize
our seniors and thank them for four years of dedication to the band.
Jennifer “only 17, and doubly” Bessed, clarinet
Ralph Lauren Bellucci, conductor
Curtis “Flighty Aphrodite” Dozier, drum major
Eric Green“eggs and ham”berger, clarinet
Daniel G... E T...... N..A..K..E..MPF!, sax
James, the Lawrie with the fringe on top, drum captain
Jo-delightfully, general manager
Alison “the wind beneath our wings” MacDonald, publicity chair and boom
o’ doom martyr
Benja-mint condition Malkin, trombone
Ben “Lady Madonna” Mishkin, jello captain
Fred “rice paper makes wonderful cranes,” trombone
Eddie “I’d rather be lying naked on the French” Rivera, drum captain
Joe “Beam me up, Scotty, so I can kill you!” president, D infiltrator,
and artillery commando
Tamerican Beauty Trella, clarinet
Amelia “Goofball” Thrall, social chair and show chair
Watch now as the band salutes the class of 2000 by playing their favorite
song from high school.
[‘00, the best class ever; POMP 5-0]
