And now... the only band in the Ivy League that needs no introduction... but what the heck, we've already started one, so we might as well finish it anyway, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!

Good afternoon fans, and welcome to Dartmouth's Memorial Field for the opening game of the 1996 football season vs. the Fighting (ahem..) Quakers of Pennsylvania. Wait, we're playing Penn this week?? I didn't know it was a "non-conference" game! After all, we all know Penn isn't a real Ivy-League school! Oh well...

On the other hand, things sure look bright for the Dartmouth football team this fall, and even brighter for the DCMB, which looks to break the North American College Band record with its 69th consecutive "undefeated" season this year. And what do you know? Following the style of school spirit typically displayed by Penn students, the Penn band showed their true colors and didn't even bother to show up today! Penn Band? Penn Band? Bueller? Anyone? I guess you can chalk up another victory for the DCMB... we're well on our way to 69!

To the Pennsylvania fans over there who actually did bother to make an appearance this afternoon, here is one of your favorite songs, just for you...

Please rise as Student Conductor Karen "You May Be Our Next Ten Million Dollar" Wenner leads the Band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater, and remain standing as DCMB Faculty Director Max Culpepper conducts our National Anthem...

And now, the only band in the Ivy League under the new direction and leadership of Drum Major Tara "My Old Kentucky" Holm, (at this point, Tara goes crazy, jumps up and down, does cartwheels, etc) the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!

Not above getting cheap applause from anybody, we in the DCMB would like to welcome and recognize the newest members of the Dartmouth College community, the Class of 2000!!!

For some time now, the Dartmouth campus has been abuzz and waiting eagerly in anticipation for this newest crop of 'shmen -- oops, we're sorry -- first-year students to descend on the hallowed Hanover plain. But the question still remains of what exactly to call these students! How about this: "The members of the 227th graduating class at Dartmouth College"? Ok, so it's a bit long... well maybe we can call them "2000's", or "oughty-oughts", or even "naughty-naughts"! Or how about "nothings", or "Double zeros"? Or just "zeros" for that matter? Can't you just see it now? Proud parents everywhere bragging of their sons and daughters... "My child is a "zero" at Dartmouth College!"

Watch now as the band forms a pair of zeros in honor of this year's 'shmob and plays our favorite song, Hawaii 5-ZERO!

'00 HAWAII 5-0 (short)

Always looking to be of help to others, and now that the first-year students have finally arrived and are settling into their new homes, the DCMB would like to take the opportunity to offer this public-service announcement, appropriately titled "The DCMB's Guide to Housing at Dartmouth: Know Where You Live, Remember Where You Live, Love Where You Live!!" A few highlights...

The River Cluster: French, McLane, and Hinman -- not bad, that is, if you don't mind living in Vermont!

The Gold Coast: Gile, Streeter, and Lord -- now you can live in a room offering a beautiful view of a cemetery! Yippee!

The Choates: Bissell, Brown, Cohen, and Little -- oh my, it's the "Human Hampster Maze" Cluster! Squeak, squeak!

The East Wheelock Cluster: Andres, Morton, and Zimmerman -- it's now affectionately nicknamed the "Supercluster," but my goodness, any more restructuring and they'll have to start calling it the Eastern Bloc!

Mass Row -- just when you thought the folks from the Office of Residential Life were out of your hair... oh no, theyyyy'rrre baaaaaccccckkk! And they're camping out in your basement!

Watch now as the Band forms Mass Row and plays every Dartmouth student's plea, "Gimme Some Housin'"!

Face it, no matter how hard you try, it is really hard to figure out why anyone in their right mind would want to go to the University of Pennsylvania. Those people down there at Admissions must be telling lies or something. In fact, the DCMB has come up with The Top Ten Lies Told To Students at the University of Pennsylvania...

#10- Join the Band. You'll get to travel.

#9- It's the best thing since... Ben Franklin!

#8- No, most students don't choose Penn as a safety school.

#7- Oops, there really isn't a #7. We lied.

#6- Lucky you, you're living in the high rise dorms. You'll love living on the 23rd floor!

#5- Pay no attention to the extra money we're paying our athletes to come to Penn -- it's not illegal or anything.

#4- Just give my Quaker a fighting chance (Oh, we're sorry, that's one of the "Top Ten *Pick-Up Lines* Told To Students At The University of Pennsylvania")

#3- West Philly is such a beautiful place to go to school -- and it's so safe here too!

#2- You're getting a real Ivy-League education here

and the number one lie told to students at the University of Pennsylvania...

It's just like the license plate says... You've Got a Friend - at Pennsylvania!

Watch now as the band forms a license plate and plays "Hey Baby!"

LICENSE PLATE HEY BABY (short)

The DCMB would like to thank you all for attending today's game! Enjoy the second half, and we'll see you again in two weeks when Dartmouth hosts the RRRRRRRRRRams of Fordham University!

*REVISED*

And now... the only band in the Ivy League that needs no introduction... but what the heck, we've already started one, so we might as well finish it anyway, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!

Good afternoon fans, and welcome to Dartmouth's Memorial Field for the opening game of the 1996 football season vs. the Fighting (ahem..) Quakers of Pennsylvania. Wait, we're playing Penn this week?? I didn't know it was a "non-conference" game! After all, we all know Penn isn't a real Ivy-League school! Oh well...

On the other hand, things sure look bright for the Dartmouth football team this fall, and even brighter for the DCMB, which looks to break the North American College Band record with its 69th consecutive "undefeated" season this year. And what do you know? We’re up against the Penn Band this week. Problem? I don’t see any problem! Time to chalk up another victory for the DCMB... we're well on our way to 69!

To the Penn fans over there who actually did bother to make an appearance this afternoon to support their truly pathetic team , well... here is one of your favorite songs, just for you...

Please rise as Student Conductor Karen "You May Be Our Next Ten Million Dollar" Wenner leads the Band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater, and remain standing as DCMB Faculty Director Max Culpepper conducts our National Anthem...

And now, the only band in the Ivy League under the new direction and leadership of Drum Major Tara "My Old Kentucky" Holm, (at this point, Tara goes crazy, jumps up and down, does cartwheels, etc) the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!

Not above getting cheap applause from anybody, we in the DCMB would like to welcome and recognize the newest members of the Dartmouth College community, the Class of 2000!!!

For some time now, the Dartmouth campus has been abuzz and waiting eagerly in anticipation for this newest crop of 'shmen -- oops, we're sorry -- first-year students to descend on the hallowed Hanover plain. But the question still remains of what exactly to call these students! How about this: "The members of the 227th graduating class at Dartmouth College"? Ok, so it's a bit long... well maybe we can call them "2000's", or "oughty-oughts", or even "naughty-naughts"! Or how about "nothings", or "Double zeros"? Or just "zeros" for that matter? Can't you just see it now? Proud parents everywhere bragging of their sons and daughters... "My child is a "zero" at Dartmouth College!"

Watch now as the band forms a pair of zeros in honor of this year's 'shmob and plays our favorite song, Hawaii 5-ZERO!

'00 HAWAII 5-0 (short)

Always looking to be of help to others, and now that the first-year students have finally arrived and are settling into their new homes, the DCMB would like to take the opportunity to offer this public-service announcement, appropriately titled "The DCMB's Guide to Housing at Dartmouth: Know Where You Live, Remember Where You Live, Love Where You Live!!" A few highlights...

The River Cluster: French, McLane, and Hinman -- not bad, that is, if you don't mind living in Vermont!

The Gold Coast: Gile, Streeter, and Lord -- now you can live in a room offering a beautiful view of a cemetery! Yippee!

The Choates: Bissell, Brown, Cohen, and Little -- oh my, it's the "Human Hampster Maze" Cluster! Squeak, squeak!

The East Wheelock Cluster: Andres, Morton, and Zimmerman -- it's now affectionately nicknamed the "Supercluster," but my goodness, any more restructuring and they'll have to start calling it the Eastern Bloc!

Mass Row -- just when you thought the folks from the Office of Residential Life were out of your hair... oh no, theyyyy'rrre baaaaaccccckkk! And they're camping out in your basement!

Watch now as the Band forms Mass Row and plays every Dartmouth student's plea, "Gimme Some Housin'"!

Face it, no matter how hard you try, it is really hard to figure out why anyone in their right mind would want to go to the University of Pennsylvania. Those people down there at Admissions must be telling lies or something. In fact, the DCMB has come up with The Top Ten Lies Told To Students at the University of Pennsylvania...

#10- Join the Band. We’re really good, you know. Yeah, that’s it...

#9- Penn. It’s the best thing since... Ben Franklin!

#8- No, most students don't choose Penn as a safety school.

#7- Oops, there really isn't a #7. We lied.

#6- Lucky you, you're living in the high rise dorms. You'll love living on the 23rd floor!

#5- Pay no attention to the extra money we're paying our athletes to come to Penn -- it's not illegal or anything.

#4- Just give my Quaker a fighting chance (Oh, we're sorry, that's one of the "Top Ten *Pick-Up Lines* Told To Students At The University of Pennsylvania")

#3- West Philly is such a beautiful place to go to school -- and it's so safe here too!

#2- You're getting a real Ivy-League education here

and the number one lie told to students at the University of Pennsylvania...

It's just like the license plate says... You've Got a Friend - at Pennsylvania!

Watch now as the band forms a license plate and plays "Hey Baby!"

LICENSE PLATE HEY BABY (short)

The DCMB would like to thank you all for attending today's game! Enjoy the second half, and we'll see you again in two weeks when Dartmouth hosts the RRRRRRRRRRams of Fordham University!