And now... the only band in the Ivy League that really loves the Pope, and would never even think of saying anything bad about him, especially at a game against Holy Cross... the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!!

Good afternoon football fans, and welcome back to Memorial Field for today's game, as the Big Green of Dartmouth take on the Crusaders of Holy Cross. Wait a minute... Crusaders? Just what kind of "crusaders" are we talking about here? Are these folks from Worcester, Massachusetts really the "Caped Crusaders" in disguise?!? Holy Cross, Batman!!!

As we hinted at in our introduction, we in the DCMB made a solemn promise to our friends (and censors) over at the Dartmouth College Athletic Department that we would refrain from any negative or mocking comments directed towards our Vatican friend, Pope John Paul II, in our show this afternoon, for fear that we might happen to offend someone, particularly our purple visitors from Worcester. After all, the folks from Holy Cross might get a little more than "partially cross" with us. But as you all know, the DCMB always keeps its promises, so we went searching for something else to make fun of. Not too difficult to come up with something, when you consider that we're up against Holy Cross this week! While Dartmouth's football team stands undefeated at 3-0, Holy Cross comes to Hanover this week a dismal 0-5, after getting hammered 42-16 by Columbia last Saturday. I guess the folks from Holy Cross should start praying... for a victory, that is! But not this week! Can you say "0 and 6"? Hey, here's an idea... have you guys played Fordham yet?

Watch now as the band welcomes the "Winless Worcester Faithful" to Hanover by playing the Holy Cross fight song.

Ah yes, ladies and gentlemen, autumn has indeed arrived here on the Hanover Plain. The leaves on the trees are changing their colors, and you all know what that means... the "Leaf-Peepers" are coming! In fact, they're already here! In the past week and a half, dozens of tour buses, loaded with leaf-peepers from all over the country, have made the annual linear trek up here to New England to check out our beautiful fall foliage. It's kind of hard to believe that people will ride a bus for hours just to see leaves, but hey... whatever floats your boat, I guess! You may have noticed these botanist wanna-be's around campus this morning before the game - they're the ones wandering about aimlessly searching for that perfect leaf. Be careful not to confuse them with the fans from Holy Cross -- they're the ones just wandering about aimlessly!

Watch now as the Band forms a maple leaf in honor of our "leaf-peeping" friends and plays "O Canada"...

Worcester, Massachusetts... home of the College of the Holy Cross. Interestingly enough, Worcester is also the base and headquarters of the Hell's Angels motorcycle gang. Hmm... there's a wacky combination... you'd think the town wouldn't be big enough to tolerate both! But actually, Worcester prides itself on being the second largest city in all of New England. It's also home to the Higgins Armory Museum, which features a vast collection of medieval and Renaissance armor and weaponry. Could this possibly be the inspiration for Holy Cross administration discipline tactics? In Worcester you can also find the world-class Worcester Centrum Sports Arena, home of at least one World Wrestling Federation event a month! You can't say Holy Cross students don't get a cultural education! So, you see, Worcester is really a bustling New England city! And you thought it was just famous for its steak sauce!

Watch now as the band forms a bottle of Worcester steak sauce and plays "Twist and Pour"...

It was only a mere few weeks ago that we welcomed a new addition to the Dartmouth College community, the Class of 2000! Now that October has arrived, it seems that the 'shmen... excuse me... "first year students" are settling in rather nicely, and now even have a few weeks of college life under their proverbial belts. Now we in the DCMB are never ones to play favorites, and so this week we'd like to take the other extreme, and pay some attention to those wily Dartmouth veterans, the Class of 1997! Remember when ever-so-politically correct Dean Goldsmith and the Freshman Office decided that 'shmen were now to be called "First-Year Students" because the term "freshmen" was not P.C.? Well, we in the DCMB have gone one step further, and have decided that in defense of the Class of 1997, the term "seniors" is not politically correct, and frankly, kind of boring, and so we have come up with the Top Ten Self-Imposed Politically Correct Terms Or Affirmations Describing The Dartmouth College Senior Class of 1997... well, sort of...

#10 - "I'm not a senior... I'm a last-year student!"

#9 - "Back in September 1993, I was a 'shmen. Come June 1997, I'll be a 'shmaduate!"

#8 - "I'm 21 -- at last! Woo hoo!"

#7 - "I'm getting out of here while the tuition is still less than $30,000 a year!"

#6 - "I'm too young to worry about social security... right now I'm more worried about job security!"

#5 - "Hey, I'm not old... I'm just a more experienced college student... yeah, that's it!

#4 - "But wait, come to think of it... some of my best friends here were '94s... damn, I am old!

#3 - "Want to die an early death?!? Come bother me while I'm working on my thesis! Aaaaahhh!

#2 - "I've been here for 4 cotton-pickin' years, and darnit, I'm not ready to leave yet!"

and the number one self-imposed politically correct term or affirmation describing the Dartmouth College senior class of 1997...

Aw, I just want to be a 'shmen again!!!

Watch now as the Band forms a 'shmob and plays the favorite song of '97s, '98s, '99s, and '00s... Hawaii 5-0!

The DCMB would like to thank you all for attending today's game! Enjoy the second half, and we'll see you all again next week for our Homecoming Game when Dartmouth hosts those Jello-chugging Bulldogs from Yale University.

*REVISED*

And now... the only band in the Ivy League that really loves the Pope, and would never even think of saying anything bad about him, especially at a game against Holy Cross... the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!!

Good afternoon football fans, and welcome back to Memorial Field for today's game, as the Big Green of Dartmouth take on the Crusaders of Holy Cross. Wait a minute... Crusaders? Just what kind of "crusaders" are we talking about here? Are these folks from Worcester, Massachusetts really the "Caped Crusaders" in disguise?!? Holy Cross, Batman!!!

As we hinted at in our introduction, we in the DCMB made a solemn promise to our friends (and censors) over at the Dartmouth College Athletic Department that we would refrain from any negative or mocking comments directed towards our Vatican friend, Pope John Paul II, in our show this afternoon, for fear that we might happen to offend someone, particularly our purple visitors from Worcester. After all, the folks from Holy Cross might get a little more than "partially cross" with us. But as you all know, the DCMB always keeps its promises, so we went searching for something else to make fun of. Not too difficult to come up with something, when you consider that we're up against Holy Cross this week! While Dartmouth's football team stands undefeated at 3-0, Holy Cross comes to Hanover this week a dismal 1-3, after getting hammered 42-16 by Columbia last Saturday. I guess the folks from Holy Cross should start praying... for a victory, that is! But not this week! Can you say "1 and 4"? Hey, here's an idea... have you guys played Fordham yet?

Watch now as the band welcomes the "Winless Worcester Faithful" to Hanover by playing the Holy Cross fight song.