*Columbia 11/9/96 - Tim Redl

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that went through all 15 major and minor keys until it found the one that opened the liquor cabinet... the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!!

As many of you know, Dartmouth can clinch a share of the Ivy League title this afternoon. A victory over the Columbia Smurfs and a Brown loss to Harvard will ensure that the Ivy Crown returns to where it rightfully belongs... back in Hanover!

Watch now as the Band tries to cheer up the SUNY-Harlem faithful by playing their school song, "Roar Smurf, Roar!"

Please rise as Student Conductor Karen "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer" Wenner leads the Band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater, and remain standing as DCMB Faculty Director Max Culpepper conducts our National Anthem...

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that would like to see the Columbia Band on a billboard advocating the use of birth control, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!!

The Columbia Band... what an embarrassment to the Ivy League, and to human life in general. The CUMB likes to affectionately call itself "The Cleverest Band in the World." Why? It seems that back in the 1960's, Columbia was invited to some marching band tournament. Unable to win any awards for merit, they were instead given the name "The Cleverest Band in the World" as a consolation prize, and have held onto it ever since. So, in other words... you guys have no talent...right?

The DCMB, in an effort to show you how radically different the two bands you are hearing today really are, has come up with the Top Ten Differences Between the Dartmouth College Marching Band -- the DCMB -- and the Columbia University Marching Band -- the CUMB...

#10 - The DCMB thinks Hawaii is the greatest island... the CUMB should be stranded on a desert island!

#9 - The DCMB used to like to watch the cartoon "The Smurfs"... the CUMB still dresses like them!

#8 - The DCMB has an 18-member directorate... the CUMB is lucky if it even has 18 members!

#7 - The DCMB receives money from people telling them to keep playing... the CUMB receives money from people telling them to stop playing!

#6 - The DCMB prides itself on marching in step... the CUMB is still trying to master walking on two feet!

#5 - The DCMB likes to get a good night's sleep before the game... the CUMB likes to sleep during the game!

#4 - The DCMB has roughly 80 players... the CUMB is lucky if it has roughly 80 teeth!

#3 - The DCMB plays in intramural sports... the CUMB plays in an intramural band!

#2 - The DCMB plays a keg and likes what's inside of one... the CUMB plays a trash can and belongs inside of one!

and the number one difference between the DCMB and the CUMB...

The DCMB is a quality marching band... the CUMB should be banned!

Watch now as the Band forms a bunch of "ZZZ's" and plays "The Columbia Lion Sleeps Tonight"

Seeing that this is our final home game of the season, we would like to take this opportunity to thank those people who have made this year so special, and one of the best ever. Special thanks to our faculty director, Max "Hurray, I didn't have to bail anyone out this year" Culpepper, for all the support and advice he's given us. We'd also like to thank our censor over at the Athletic Department, "Dapper" Dick Jaeger, for not cutting too much of our material this year. If you don't think we have the best athletic department around, well then... you don't know Dick! A financial thanks also goes out to the Dartmouth Co-Op, our biggest supporters on Main Street. But the biggest thanks of all goes to the DCMB seniors, the members of the Class of '97, for all their leadership and devotion to the Band over the years. We really appreciate all that you guys have done for us, so we would now like to salute the following:

Chris Aslin

Tuni Bergey

Andy Bernasconi

Jeff Bogue

Keith Broughton

Lori Buono

Karin Chesebro

Dave Coleman

Iason Demos

Tony Field, Secretary

Brian Hickey

Tara Holm, Drum Major

Mark Landis

Padraic Malinowski, '97 Class Rep

Dave Markham

Tim McCann

Josh Mills

Janeil Palmer

Kim Papa

Rob Puckett

Tim Redl, Show Chair

Jeremy Segal

Ben Sweetser, General Manager

Karen Wenner, Conductor

Rusty Young, President

and last but not least...

Karen Zahalka, Alumni Relations Chair

Watch now as the Band forms a "97" in honor of our Grand Old Seniors and sends them safe at last into the wide, wide world, DCMB style!

The DCMB would like to thank you all for attending today's game, and all our home games this season. Come check us out down at Brown and Princeton in the next two weeks to close out the year. We'll be back here at Memorial Field next fall, as we begin another autumn rampage through the IvyLeague! See you then!

*Columbia 11/9/96 - Tim Redl

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that went searching through all 15 major and minor keys until it found the one that opened the liquor cabinet... the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!!

As many of you know, Dartmouth can clinch a share of the Ivy League title this afternoon. A victory over the Columbia Smurfs and a Brown loss to Harvard will ensure that the Ivy Crown returns to where it rightfully belongs... back in Hanover!

Watch now as the Band tries to cheer up the Columbia faithful by playing their school song, "Roar Smurf, Roar!"

Please rise as Student Conductor Karen "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer" Wenner leads the Band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater, and remain standing as DCMB Faculty Director Max Culpepper conducts our National Anthem...

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that thinks the Columbia Band should be sued for visual cruelty, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!!

The Columbia Band... what an embarrassment to the Ivy League, and to human life in general. The CUMB likes to affectionately call itself "The Cleverest Band in the World." Why? It seems that back in the 1960's, Columbia was invited to some marching band tournament. Unable to win any awards for merit, they were instead given the name "The Cleverest Band in the World" as a consolation prize, and have held onto it ever since. So, in other words... you guys have no talent...right?

The DCMB, in an effort to show you how radically different the two bands you are hearing today really are, has come up with the Top Ten Differences Between the Dartmouth College Marching Band -- the DCMB -- and the Columbia University Marching Band -- the CUMB...

#10 - The DCMB thinks Hawaii is the greatest island... the CUMB should be stranded on a desert island!

#9 - The DCMB used to like to watch the cartoon "The Smurfs"... the CUMB still dresses like them!

#8 - The DCMB has an 18-member directorate... the CUMB is lucky if it even has 18 members!

#7 - The DCMB receives money from people telling them to keep playing... the CUMB receives money from people telling them to stop playing!

#6 - The DCMB prides itself on marching in step... the CUMB is still trying to master walking on two feet!

#5 - The DCMB likes to get a good night's sleep before the game... the CUMB likes to sleep during the game!

#4 - The DCMB has roughly 80 players... the CUMB is lucky if it has roughly 80 teeth!

#3 - The DCMB plays in intramural sports... the CUMB plays in an intramural band!

#2 - The DCMB plays a keg and likes what's inside of one... the CUMB plays a trash can and belongs inside of one!

and the number one difference between the DCMB and the CUMB...

The DCMB is a quality marching band... the CUMB should be banned!

Watch now as the Band forms a bunch of "ZZZ's" and plays "The Columbia Lion Sleeps Tonight"

Seeing that this is our final home game of the season, we would like to take this opportunity to thank those people who have made this year so special, and one of the best ever. Special thanks to our faculty director, Max "Hurray, I didn't have to bail anyone out this year... yet" Culpepper, for all the support and advice he's given us. We'd also like to thank our censor over at the Athletic Department, "Dapper" Dick Jaeger, for not cutting too much of our material this year. If you don't think we have the best athletic department around, well then... you don't know Dick! A big thank you as well to all of our alumni and fans, for their undying loyalty and support at every game. But the biggest thanks of all goes to the DCMB seniors, the members of the Class of '97, for all their leadership and devotion to the Band over the years. We really appreciate all that you guys have done for us, so we would now like to salute the following:

Chris "Let's Kick Some" Aslin - Trumpet

Tuni "Ice" Bergey - Flute

Andy "Burn, Baby" Bernasconi - Trumpet

Jeff "Strike a Pose, There's Nothing To It" Bogue - Trumpet

Keith "Let the Tuba Go" Broughton - Sousaphone

Lori "Bad To The" Buono - Trumpet

Karin "Swiss" Chesebro - Flute

Dave "Old King" Coleman - Tenor Saxophone

Iason "Have a Nice" Demos - Clarinet

Tony Field "of Dreams" - Trumpet and Secretary

Brian "Lamar" Hickey - Alto Saxophone

Tara "Home, Sweet" Holm - Trombone and Drum Major

Mark "This Land is Your" Landis - Trumpet

Padraic "I'm an Italian Trapped in a Polack's Body" Malinowski - Horn and '97 Class Rep

Dave "If You Can't Beat 'Em," Markham - Percussion

Tim "Thom" McCann - Alto Saxophone

Josh "General" Mills - Trumpet

Kim "Momma and" Papa - Glockenspiel

Rob "Gummi Bear" Puckett - Trumpet

Tim "I Wrote this Show!" Redl - Alto Saxophone and Show Chair

Jeremy "Jonathan Livingston" Segal - Toy Saxophone

Ben "Nutra-" Sweetser - Percussion and General Manager

Karen "Who, What" Wenner - Clarinet and Conductor

Rusty "Forever" Young - Trumpet and President

and last, but certainly not least...

Karen "Lollapaloo" Zahalka, Percussion and Alumni Relations Chair

Watch now as the Band forms a "97" in honor of all our Grand Old Seniors and sends them safe at last into the wide, wide world, DCMB style!

The DCMB would like to thank you all for attending today's game, and all our home games this season. Come check us out down at Brown and Princeton in the next two weeks to close out the year. We'll be back here at Memorial Field next fall, as we begin another autumn rampage through the Ivy League! See you then!