Dartmouth vs. Yale, 10/14/95 (Away)
PREGAME
And Now... the only band in the Ivy League that would hate to see the OLD
Haven, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
The DCMB would like to welcome all the Yale parents to scenic New Haven. We
hope you'll take the opportunity to engage in a few of the many parent-student
activities that are planned for this weekend, including finger-painting
–
I mean "printing;" photography – well,
"mug shots;" and physical exercise –
running away! While in town we advise you to wear a hard hat, a bullet-proof
vest, and a vacant expression. That way you'll fit in with most Yale students.
Don't talk to any rabid squirrels, avoid the 6-legged crunchy croutons at Morse
dining hall, and try to get out to see some great scenery –
there's a plane leaving in a few minutes. In appreciation for your courage, we'd
like to serenade the Yale parents with a version of Yale's favorite song, "Moolah
Moolah!"
REVERSE CONCERT FORMATION YALE SONG
Please rise as student conductor Dave "Shula Shula" Mattingly conducts the
Dartmouth College Alma Mater.
CONCERT FORMATION ALMA MATER
HALFTIME
And Now... the only band in the Ivy League that thinks Poverty, Chastity, and
Obedience are the elements of an education at Yale, the Dartmouth College
Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
The DCMB has long been a fan of New Haven, which is why we were particularly
excited to discover that a famous magazine recently devoted an issue to
"Architecture of the Ivy League." Representing Yale were many of its famous
Gothic buildings, where "gothic" may be read as "ugly and falling apart." Aided
by many Yale students, the issue did a fabulous job of exposing the bare brick
of the campus structures, although the DCMB frankly thinks that New Haven could
do with a great deal of urban renewal. The DCMB has even learned that among the
pictured domes there was a cleverly concealed spire! At least the origins of the
Yale bulldog are no longer a mystery to us. Watch now as the band forms [first
formation] and plays [first song].
FIRST FORMATION FIRST SONG
Well, it's parents weekend here at Yale. A time when parents get a chance to
hear about how the students' social lives are going (badly), how they are doing
in their classes (badly), and where the heck all the money is going. The DCMB
would like to share with you a few things we overheard in exchanges between
parents and students:
"So son, I hear they published your entire 35,000 word essay in the New York
times
…"
"When do you start learning about some actual locks?"
"Dad, you misunderstood
– I didn't say
I was going to be a lawyer, I said I was going to need a
lawyer..."
"No Mom, this is Yale. Remember? I didn't get in to Dartmouth."
Watch now as the band forms [second formation] and plays [second song].
SECOND FORMATION SECOND SONG
Apparently, the reports of Yale's financial difficulties are exaggerated.
Recently, Yale rejected not one, but two donations of 20 million dollars because
they had strings attatched. What wouldn't Yale do for 20 million dollars? The
DCMB offers the following Top Ten possibilities:
10) Change the school's name to "University of Dartmouth Rejects"
9) Give the bulldog a face lift.
8) Make New Haven a UN Safe Zone.
7) Buy real instruments for the marching band.
6) Change lyrics from "Boola boola" to "Pizza pizza"
5) Lie on its transfer application.
4) Chug Jell-o
3) Change the secret society from "Skull and Bones" to the tamer "Head and
Shoulders"
2) Switch to AT&T
And the number one thing Yale would not do for 20 million dollars is
…
1) Take off their clothes!
Watch now as the band forms [third formation] and plays [third song].
