PREGAME

And Now... the only band in the Ivy League that thinks that the bonfire should have been made out of Duraflame logs to get big green flames, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

Speaking of fires, the college conducted fire drills this week. ORL facilities director Woody Eckels said that he just wanted everyone to "have the experience of leaving." Unfortunately, due to ORL's housing crunch, many students never even had the experience of arriving!

It seems that we have troops in Kuwait again. We have troops in Haiti and Yugoslavia, too. It seems there's nowhere that the long arm of the American military can't reach. President Clinton even called out the National Guard to come guard the Dartmouth homecoming bonfire this week. The National guard was delivered on Thursday, but Dean Pelton only let them guard it between the hours of six and seven a.m. on Friday. They couldn't find the green though, because it was hidden behind dozens of tour busses full of leafpeepers. Speaking of buses, we'd like to tell the Yale team to warm theirs up. We'll even get them hot by playing there favorite song, Boola Boola!

Please rise as student conductor Dave Mattingly leads the band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater.

The DCMB would now like to honor two alumni who passed away recently. Don Smith, Class of 1953 was a member of the Friends of the Dartmouth Band and a longtime supporter of the Dartmouth College Marching Band. We would also like to honor Ellie Noyes, Class of 1932, coach of the cross country and track teams. He served the Big Green as a coach and administrator for 44 years. And now a moment of silence for Don Smith and Ellie Noyes.

[Pause for approx. 10 secs]

Please remain standing as DCMB faculty director Max Culpepper conducts the national anthem.

HALFTIME

The Yale Precision Marching Band will now form a Y, as in why would anyone want to go to Yale? Hey! And play that rousing fight song that makes so much sense, The Yale Boola.

The band will now form a zero, as in we have zero talent. Hey! And play that rousing fight song with the tricky words, the Yale Boola!

The band will now form the Yale Bulldog and play the Yale Boola.

The DCMB would like to welcome all the Dartmouth alumni back to the Hanover plain, and thank them for all the support they have given us. Now please welcome all the Band almuni as they join us on the field.

10) They didn't have a get out of Yale free card.

9) The bulldog has worms.

8) They forgot the words to Boola Boola.

7) ORL housed them in Enfield, they're on the way.

6) They failed to take that left turn at Albuquerque

5) Their bus was hijacked by a rabid gang of leafpeepers.

2) If they let their bus fall below 55 MPH, they blow up!

1) They ran out of sheep jokes.

Watch now as the band forms an exploding bus and plays the theme to Peter Gunn.

We here at the DCMB were wondering what kind of classes Yalies have to take before they graduate. Using sophisticated remote sensing equipment developed in the Dartmouth College Department of Geography so they could prove that the Chem department was stealing their beer, we were able to find out some of the classes on the Yale core curriculum:

Chem 201: Advanced chemical reactions - lather, rinse, repeat!

Personal security 107: Muggers, murderers, and Dartmouth freshmen.

Political Science 304: How to pick a Vice President, with special guest lecturer, Yale Alum George Bush.

We even got a special look at the reading for Freshman English at Yale:

See Dick. See Dick go to Yale. See Dick graduate. Hear Dick ask, "Do you want fries with that?"

See the Yale Bulldog. See the Yale Bulldog run in the street. See the bus-full of leafpeepers run over the Yale Bulldog. See Spot.

Watch now as the band forms SPOT and plays New World Symphony.

The DCMB thanks you for coming to today's game, we sincerely hope to see our Jello-chugging opponents, the Yale Precision Marching Band next year when we go down to New Haven.