the only band in the Ivy
League that thinks the Penn band is like a box of chocolates 'cause stupid is as
stupid does, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
Greetings baseball fans. The DCMB would like to welcome all of you back to
Memorial field for the start of another exciting Big Green football season. A
certain team from Philadelphia managed to steal the Ivy League title away from
us last year, which didn't make us too happy. Then another team from
Philadelphia stole our former quarterback, Jay Fiedler '94. Congratulations on
making the Eagles, Jay! Now it's 1994, and the Big Green is bigger, greener, and
that's only the 'shmen, oops, sorry! We're not allowed to call them 'shmen
anymore, it's first-year students according to the Freshman Office. Welcome also
to the Quaker State motor oil team as the DCMB salutes Ben Franklin's High
School by Quaking the stadium with the Penn fight song.
REVERSE CONCERT FORMATION PENN SONG
Please rise as student conductor Dave "I'm not on strike" Mattingly leads the
band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater and remain standing as
DCMB faculty director Max Culpepper conducts the national anthem.
CONCERT FORMATION ALMA MATER
CONCERT FORMATION STAR SPANGLED BANNER
HALFTIME
And now... the only band in the Ivy League that is not above getting cheap
applause by mentioning the Dartmouth class of 1998, the Dartmouth College
Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
Yes, that's right, it's fall and the freshmen, I mean first-year, students
are here! At the Class of 1998's first meeting, Dartmouth fielded one of its
finest professors who, in a dazzling display of intellect, welcomed the freshmen
as the Class of 19EIGHTY EIGHT! In a related story, Career Services was
overwhelmed shortly thereafter by a crowd of 'shmen who suddenly realized that
they had graduated ten years ago and had inadvertenly spent their first ten
years in the job market in Full Fare.
Speaking of the first class meetings, here are some statistics that they
neglected to tell you about your class:
46% of you are named Dave.
11 of you are twins from North Dakota.
34% of you like to crawl in small dark places.
11% of you think the D is as fine a journalistic institution as USA Today.
98.6% voted Hawaii as your favorite state in the Union.
18% of you are closet Barney worshipers.
100% of you used U. Penn as a Safety School.
Watch now as the band forms a '98 in honor of this year's freshmen, uhh,
first-year class and plays the best song around, statistically speaking, Hawaii
Five-O.
'98 HAWAII FIVE-O
Batter up folks, there's a baseball strike on. What will the networks show
now that there's no baseball? Here are the top 10 alternative sports:
10) coed-naked cow-tipping
9) full contact chess
8) minor league thumb wrestling, featuring the American Gladiators!
7) Australian rules bowling
6) Professional Quaker fighting
5) Western conference snail racing
4) We regret to inform you that #4 has been picked up by the FOX network
3) uninflated basketball slam dunk competitions
2) Ice fishing, live from Barbados
And the number one sport that the networks are carrying instead of baseball,
1) Dartmouth College Big Green Football!
Watch now as the band forms a baseball bat and plays the theme from "Coach".
BASEBALL BAT "COACH"
Many students couldn't be here today because they were forced to take the
term off due to a housing crunch. In response to the housing shortage, ORL has
announced that they cannot build a new dorm since it would only be used for this
term. Following that logic, the DCAC has announced that this football stadium
will now be closed since it too is only used in the fall. However, ORL has
managed to find places for almost everyone to live. Returning students found
themselves being assigned to live in the Observatory, the Steam Tunnel, the
Collis kiosk, and the Appalachian trail shelter up at velvet rocks
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