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Dartmouth vs. Brown, 11/12/94 (Away)
PREGAME
And Now … the only band in the Ivy
League that thinks pass/fail is the main play in the Brown quarterback's
playbook, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
Brown University seems to be overrun with rumors lately. Last spring at the
Ivy League marching band conference, the Brown Band, in its infinite paranoia
announced that they had heard of a plan that the Ivy Athletic Directors were
going to turn off the loudspeakers during halftime shows. This earned them the
title of the Oliver Stone of Ivy bands. Well Brown, we've got a second announcer
behind the grassy knoll, so it looks like your fears, like your lives, are
completely unfounded. Another rumor was that MTV was going to do the next
edition of "The Real World" in Providence. Unfortunately, they couldn't find any
Brown students who knew anything about the real world. The only rumor we could
confirm was that Brown University almost didn't have a band this year due to an
underwhelming show of student support. The only way the Brown Band could recruit
this year was by heading over to the local Burger King. We'd now like to play
something the Brown students have never heard, the Brown fight song.
REVERSE CONCERT FORMATION BROWN
Please rise as student conductor Dave Mattingly leads the band in the playing
of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater.
CONCERT FORMATION ALMA MATER
HALFTIME
And now … the only band in the Ivy
League that thinks Rhode Island is famous for…
uh, Rhode Island is famous for… uh,
famous for… uh , oh well…
the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
A lot of strange things have been happening lately: for example, 46 year old
heavyweight boxer George Foreman actually won his title fight! The Brown
Football team actually won a game against Cornell! Oliver North ran for congress
and almost won. Although this leads us to wonder how he planned to lie to
himself, we can't help but wonder if these three things are signs of the
apocalypse. Further signs of the apocalypse would be if hell froze over, pigs
flew, Brown had school spirit, or Brown students were actually required to
learn, have majors, and get real grades. The ultimate sign of the end of the
world though, would be if the Brown band actually stopped reusing their stupid
sheep jokes year after year and actually wrote a new show that was funny. Watch
now as the band forms a mushroom cloud and plays The Sign.
MUSHROOM CLOUD THE SIGN
Brown students pride themselves on being individuals, that's why they all
have long, green hair. They are so individual that they get to invent their own
majors. Some real winners in the last graduating class were Statistical Italian,
Biogeographical English, Environmental Nursing, Studio Chemistry, and of course
the ever popular Celestial Oceanography. What are Brown students doing in the
wide world with the classes they took? Well, those who concentrated in physics
get to flip the burgers, while those who studied fluid dynamics are proudly
working the shake machine. Studio Art concentrators are intently studying the
little pictures on the cash register, and communications students get to man the
drive thru. "I'll have two chzzzbzzz and a smrrr snorkkk." Finally, it seems to
be that the most useful Brown degree is one in Marine Biology –
after all, someone has to find those square fish! Watch now as the band forms
the Golden Arches, and plays what every Brown student wanted to be, a
lumberjack!
McDONALDS M LUMBERJACK SONG
Because Brown students seem to have a little trouble counting, we'd now like
to help them out by presenting the Top Ten numbers between one and ten:
10) The number of commandments that Ollie North has broken.
9) Number of Brown students with school spirit.
8) The number of people who were surprised by the announcement this week that
Ronald Reagan has Alzheimer's.
7) The number of other Ivy League schools that the average Brown student was
rejected from.
6) The number of seconds it takes to drive through Rhode Island.
5) The number of Brown alumni who are actually proud of their alma mater.
4) We regret to inform you that #4 is greater than ten, at least in
your average Brown University math class.
3) The number of interstate highways in the state of Hawaii.
2) The number of brain cells your average Brown students has left after
four years of illicit substances.
And the number one number between one and ten,
1) Pi.
Watch now as the band forms Pi, and plays the theme from the Magnificent
Seven.
PI MAGNIFICENT 7
The DCMB thanks all of you Dartmouth fans for making the trek to Providence
for today's game, we'll see you next week at Princeton!
BAND OFF-FIELD TO DT-1
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