the only band in the Ivy
League that's from the clean end of the Connecticut River, where the fish only
have two eyes, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
On our long bus ride to New Haven today, we at the DCMB were wondering what
exactly New Haven is a haven for? What about cockroaches, rats, lawyers, or
other common household pests? Maybe it's US Presidents who don't get re-elected,
or criminals who couldn't quite make it in New York City. Wait a minute, we
know! New Haven is a haven for people who got rejected from Dartmouth! Watch now
as the DCMB forms a lawyer and plays the theme to the magnificent 7!
LAWYER MAGNIFICENT 7
Please rise as student conductor Ross Nova leads the band in the playing of
the Dartmouth College Alma Mater.
CONCERT FORMATION ALMA MATER
HALFTIME
And now
… the only band in the Ivy
League that refused an honorary degree from Yale, the Dartmouth College Marching
Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
Earlier this week, Yale University inaugurated it's 22nd President, economics
professor Richard C. Levin. Why did they pick Dr. Levin? Perhaps they thought he
was Irving R. Levine, or maybe they just wanted a president from Yale who
actually knew something about the economy. Following a recent trend in
Connecticut, Levin is going to attempt to get Yale out of debt by turning the
University into a gambling casino, becoming the first Neo-Gothic casino on the
Eastern Seaboard. That's right, Toad's Place would become Toady's Palace. The
Yale Bowl would feature three shows a night by Wayne Newton. The Skull and Bones
would be transformed into a Craps parlor with three-to-two odds, and of course,
the admissions office would be filled with slot machines. Watch now as the band
forms two lemons from a slot machine and plays Gimme Some Levin!
SECOND FORMATION GIMME SOME LOVIN'
Once all the money from the casino starts rolling in, the DCMB has learned
that Levin plans to restore all the old and decrepit buildings at Yale. We've
noticed though, that the buildings aren't the only old and decrepit things here
at Yale. For one thing, this PA system makes me sound like Charlie Brown's grade
school teacher. Other old and decrepit things associated with Yale include:
George Bush, food in the Yale cafeterias, Yale's curriculum, and of course the
Yale Football Team. Watch now as the band forms an uprooted Bush and plays When
I'm 64.
UPROOTED BUSH WHEN I'M 64
Recently, Yale bestowed an honorary law degree on President Clinton. Why did
they do this? Perhaps he was looking for a way to be deferred from military
service for a few more years, or maybe they wanted a real president to go to
Yale, at least for a day. Now the DCMB presents the top ten ways to get an
honorary degree from Yale:
10) Get elected President.
9) Send in three proofs of purchase from the back of a Jell-O box.
8) Spend a night in New Haven and live.
7) Spell "YALE" with your soda can tabs.
6) Guess Yale's current debt to the nearest billion.
5) Get a letter from Ed McMahon saying you may already have won!
4) Number four has been declared vital to national security by the CIA,
and thus cannot be revealed.
3) Yes, that's right! You in section 3, row 8 seat 5 have just received
an honorary degree from Yale!
2) Answer three questions without getting any whammies.
And the number one way to get an honorary degree from Yale,
1) Be caller number 1701 when you call 1-800-ELI-YALE.
Watch now as the band forms an honorary degree from Yale and plays Hey Yalie,
Won't You Give Me a Degree?
COLOSTOMY BAG HEY BABY
The DCMB thanks all Dartmouth students and alumni for coming to today's game.
Now we suggest you put a couple of honorary degrees in your ears, because here
come the Yale Whiffenpoofs!
BAND OFF-FIELD TO DT-1
