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Dartmouth vs. Princeton, 11/20/93 (Away)
PREGAME
And Now … one of two bands in the Ivy
League here today that hopes that Quakers just can't score, the Dartmouth
College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
As part of the kinder, gentler Dartmouth College Marching Band, we are going
to be nice to Princeton in this pregame show. After all, Princeton's in New
Jersey, so they have enough to worry about. We even shared the Ivy Title with
them last year. They're very good at sharing. Princetonians aren't that bad;
despite their poor taste in clothes, they used U. Penn as a safety school just
like we did. The Educational Testing Service is in Princeton; they're the nice
people who make the SAT's, something U. Penn students don't know very much
about. Princeton's mascot, Tony the Tiger tastes much better and stays more
crispy in milk than Quaker oatmeal. In fact, we dislike U. Penn so much that
we're going to play Princeton's song now.
REVERSE CONCERT FORMATION PRINCETON SONG
Please rise as student conductor Ross Nova leads the band in the playing of
the Dartmouth College Alma Mater and remain standing as DCMB faculty director
Max Culpepper conducts the national anthem.
CONCERT FORMATION ALMA MATER
CONCERT FORMATION STAR SPANGLED BANNER
HALFTIME
And now … the only marching band
in the Ivy League that refused to yield when the players tried to take the
field, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
At Princeton they don't have fraternities, they have eating clubs. We were
wondering what exactly an eating club is. Maybe it's something like The Club™,
but instead of protecting your car it's an anti-theft device for food? Does that
mean that the Hair Club for men is a big red metal toupée? Does Friday Night
Dance Club guard against moshing? What about the Player's Club? Does that keep
you from being annoyed by Telly Savalas? Would a baby seal Club protect the baby
seals? We don't even want to think about what the Jockey Club protects against.
Watch now as the band forms The Club™ and plays Gimme Some Clubbin'.
THE CLUB™ GIMME SOME LOVIN'
Well, not to get sentimental or anything, but this is the last football game
of the year. We would like to take this time now to present the DCMB seniors,
the wonderful class of 1994.
Bryan Comite enjoys lots of sax. He comes to a lot of games, but doesn't
always remember them. He harbors a ridiculous dream of actually getting a job.
DCMB president, Melissa "Beave-it-to" Leaver is a lame duck who likes blowing
horns and firmly believes in the old saying about a bird in the hand.
DCMB criminal, er … conductor Ross Nova
is into being arrested. He's 4'11", 6' with stepladder and really enjoys beating
his arms up and down.
That long haired freaky person in white, DCMB Drum Major Dan Polta is just
another joe seeking a fellow member of the Addams family. He's still looking for
a formal date if anyone is interested. And no, he's not drunk, he just acts that
way.
Former Green Key Rep Julie Snook also enjoys her Sax.
Finally, Big Sam Stoddard is a social woman, or DCMB Social Chair to be more
precise. She enjoys breakfast in Band and really knows how to handle her
clarinet.
We'd also like to thank our faculty director Max Culpepper, for making it
through ten years of the DCMB without killing any of us, Dartmouth College
Athletic Commissioner Dick Jaeger for kindly editing our shows for us, and
finally all of the fans who actually laughed at our jokes this year.
Watch now as the band forms a 94 in honor of our seniors and plays pomp and
circumstance, DCMB style.
'94 POMP 5-0
Speaking of editing our shows, we now present the Top 10 censored top 10
lists that the DCMB has come up with over the years. It's not too hard to see
why some of these were rejected.
10) The top 10 methods of contraception at Holy Cross.
9) Top 10 things we've smelled in a frat basement.
8) Top 10 re-attachable body parts.
7) Top 10 Amish women we think are hot.
6) Top 10 blatant ethnic slurs.
5) Top 10 outtakes from the Barney TV show.
4) We regret to inform you that number four has been [BEEP].
3) The Top 10, er, top 5, er, top 3 things the SA has done for us lately.
2) Top 10 animals besides sheep that other Ivy League bands talk about
when they come to Hanover.
And the number one DCMB top 10 list that got rejected,
1) The top 10 reasons to go to Princeton.
Watch now as the band forms bunny ears and plays the theme to the Muppet
Show.
BUNNY EARS MUPPET SHOW
Thank you all for a great 1993 season. See you next year!
*JOSH MACGUIRE *
PREGAME
And Now... one of TWO bands in the Ivy League that really hope the Quaker
offense holds a SILENT meeting today, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
The DCMB would like to welcome Princeton to Hanover for today's game. But
since both teams have their attention on Penn today, we thought we'd follow
suit. Sorry, Tigers, but we're going to ignore you for the next few minutes. You
can go back to watching Frosted Flakes commercials to improve your self-esteem.
Meanwhile, we'll take a look at the Penn "Yes, We Really Are Part of the Ivy
League" Quakers. While Frosted Flakes are bad enough, we are really forced to
wonder about a school that is directly associated with oatmeal-spokesman Wilfred
Brimley. Are Penn students supposed to believe that they go to a safety school
because "It's the right thing to do?" Does Penn offer chemistry courses like
"instant breakfast 101" with exams in stove-top, microwave, and bunsen-burner
preparation? We're not sure, but the concept of chugging oatmeal intrigues us …
However, since we couldn't find an arrangement of the Rolling Stone's "Brown
Sugar," we decided to seranade Princeton with one of their songs in the hopes
that they will stop pouting.
REVERSE CONCERT FORMATION PRINCETON SONG
Please rise as student conductor Ross Nova leads the band in the playing of
the Dartmouth College Alma Mater and remain standing as DCMB faculty director
Max Culpepper conducts the national anthem.
CONCERT FORMATION ALMA MATER
CONCERT FORMATION STAR SPANGLED BANNER
HALFTIME
And now... the only band in the Ivy League that wonders if Barney the
Dinosaur and Barney Rubble knew each other, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
Since this is the last game of the season, the DCMB would like to take this
opportunity to bid a fond farewell to our seniors. These people will soon be out
in the real world looking for places to live, jobs, and most importantly, DATES!
To aid them in their post-graduate studies, we offer the following personal ads,
free of charge, for our graduating members:
Ross Nova: Single, white, male, 4' 11" (with the shoes), seeks attractive
female interested in men who wave their arms a lot. Must be compassionate,
romantic, and willing to lug around a step-ladder.
Dan Polta: This guy has more than just a "Joe" Average. Seeks other members
of the Addams Family for milk-drinking, baton twirling, and naval contemplation.
Must be available for tonight's formal.
Melissa "Beave it to" Leaver: Lame duck, seeing drake who shares interest in
domination, horn-blowing, and the old saying "A bird in the hand..."
Watch now as the DCMB forms a [something] and plays [something] in honor of
the seniors.
SECOND FORMATION SECOND SONG
The DCMB would like to congratulate the Princeton band on playing it safe
this hunting season and wearing "safety orange" to today's game. And speaking of
safety, the DCMB was wondering whether an eating club is in fact an anti-theft
device for food? If so, we would like to suggest several other additions to the
"club" line of anti-theft devices. The Hair Club for Men would obviously be for
the protection of wigs, toupés, and rabbits. The Joy Luck Club could protect
your artsy films and literature from the enlightened thief. The Zamphir fan club
would ensure that these people never have any offspring. The Friday Night Dance
Club could protect against raving moshers, who are probably just furious at
their barbers, and the baby seal club could protect these lovable creatures (the
seals, not the moshers) from a life of boredom and blubber. Watch now as the
band forms [something] and plays [something].
THIRD FORMATION THIRD SONG
Since it is the last game of the season, the DCMB would like to give you, our
loving fans, a behind-the-scenes look at what goes into producing a half-time
show. Though few people realize it, our shows go through a rigorous editing
process in which various people remove potentially offensive material from the
show, as well as all booger jokes. In order to let you appreciate what you have
been saved from, we bring you … The Top 10
Rejected Top Ten Lists:
10) Top 10 items removed from the human body.
9) Top 10 methods of raising gophers for fun and profit.
8) Top 10 episodes of the Brady Bunch.
7) Top 10 dead baby jokes.
6) Top 10 Commandments.
5) Top 10 Reasons to go to Princeton …
well, actually Top 5… no, make that top 3…
actually, just forget it.
4) We regret to inform you that number four has been rejected.
3) Top 10 Amish women we think are hot.
2) Top 10 methods of contraception at Holy Cross.
And the number one rejected Top 10 list,
1) Top 10 reasons the DCMB should replace the Board of Trustees.
Watch now as the band forms [something] and plays [something].
FOURTH FORMATION FOURTH SONG
BAND OFF-FIELD TO DT-1
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