Dartmouth vs. Holy Cross, 09/25/93 (Home)

PREGAME

And Now… the only band in the Ivy League that thinks Worcester is the Steak Sauce that makes hamburgers taste like steak burgers… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

In a new tradition, the DCMB would like to serenade the opposing stands with our rendition of a popular Holy Cross fight song. We welcome all Holy Cross students and Alumni to Memorial Field.

Ah, another fall begins… the leaves turn, football is in the air, and a new batch of 'shmen arrive at Dartmouth. A few days ago, the '97s were enjoying the thrills of DOC trips and orientation week… then classes started.

Freshman week consists mainly of meetings and gatherings. After a while, many of you 'shmen probably realized that you didn't have to go to all of them, and went off in search of other pursuits, like getting lost in the vast expanse of downtown Hanover. Several '97s were found wandering around in front of Mass row looking for the brand new mall. Others sat in their rooms and memorized the number to EBA's or tried to figure out how many new words starting with apostrophe S H they could think of, including 'shmob, 'shpeople, and 'sholy cross! Finally, they tied up phone lines all over the upper valley calling the Kiewit consultants about computer problems like "will cheez whiz mess up my keyboard?" Watch now as the DCMB forms a question mark in honor of the freshman class's attempts to learn the bare necessities.

Please rise as student conductor Holy Ross Nova leads the band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater and remain standing as DCMB faculty director Max Culpepper conducts the national anthem.

HALFTIME

And now… the only band in this stadium with the courage to take the field, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

The DCMB would like to welcome the boys in mauve, the Holy Cross Children's Crusaders, to the Hanover plain. Two years ago two DCMB members were arrested for attempting to temporarily remove the Holy Cross bench flag. Just to show that there are no hard feelings, the DCMB would like to challenge the Holy Cross band to steal our mascot! Go ahead! Try! We dare you!

Speaking of mascots, what kind of mascot is a Crusader anyway? The color of holy cross is purple, so we at the DCMB have come up with the top 10 new purple mascots for Holy Cross:

10) Grimace

9) A Grape Slushy

8) Prince

7) Prunes

6) Bruises on the Holy Cross football team!

5) The purple cow... oh Williams already took that one.

And the number one new purple mascot for Holy Cross,

Watch now as the band forms Barney's head and plays that all time Barney classic: I love you, you love me. Please feel free to sing along with Barney!

We've noticed a trend on campus lately to use the words "first year" instead of freshman. If this trend were continued in the outside world, we'd be buying first-year fruit, listen to rap by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the First-year Prince, always try to have minty-first-year breath, and of course watch commercials about mothers and daughters who have that not-so-first-year-feeling. Watch now as the band forms a 'shmob and plays Welcome to Miller Time.

Speaking of 'shmen, the DCMB would like to welcome the best dressed freshman class at Dartmouth today, the class of 1997! Why are they the best dressed? Well, they're all wearing their '97 shirts! Those 'shmen who thought they were cool in high school are sporting the black leather '97 shirt, while the more laid back ones have tie-dies. Sci-fi fans have the class of 2097 shirt, and those who are a little slower than others have '98 shirts. Preppie's are showing off the new Gap-denim '97 shirt and you crunchy granolas have plaid from L.L. Bean. For those nudists among you, we hear the Co-Op is now offering green and white body paint. Watch now as the band forms a big '97.

The DCMB would also like to recognize this year's seniors, the only senior class in the Ivy League that has witnessed three Ivy League football championships, the class of 1994! Watch now as the band forms a '94 and plays a song which describes the chances of the '94s finding jobs this year, Mission Impossible.

Thank you for coming to today's game. We hope to see you in two weeks as the Big Green takes on UNH!