Ithaca today and we'd like to give
them a warm welcome by playing their favorite song.
REVERSE CONCERT FORMATION CORNELL SONG
Well, enough about da Bears, let's talk about da Bulls. Basketball great
Michael Jordan has recently announced his retirement. Jordan said that with his
new free time he plans to drink more Gatorade, sign more shoes, join the hair
club for men, and play on a pro-golf tour. Actually, he's just retiring because
his playing keeps getting in the way of his gambling. Watch now as the band
forms an official Nike Air Jordan golf shoe and plays Big Spender.
SHOE BIG SPENDER
Please rise as student conductor Ross Nova leads the band in the playing of
the Dartmouth College Alma Mater and remain standing as DCMB faculty director
Max Culpepper conducts the national anthem.
CONCERT FORMATION ALMA MATER
CONCERT FORMATION STAR SPANGLED BANNER
HALFTIME
And Now
… the only band in the Ivy
League that thinks the Big Red plus the Big Green makes the Big Brown, the
Dartmouth College Marching Band!
BAND DOWNFIELD TO DT-1
Last week, the Cornell Marching Band was busy surrounding the Russian
Parliament. Casualty reports from the crisis in Russia are just in: the Big Red
band has lost its sense of rhythm, sense of pitch, and sense of humor. Further
reports indicate that if you unscrew the top half of the Cornell drum major, you
will find an identical, smaller drum major inside. Watch now as the DCMB forms a
sickle and plays the theme to James Bond.
Insert revision here:
Well, it seems the Cornell Marching band got lost somewhere on their way
here, so once again the DCMB is the only band in this stadium with the courage
to take the field. Maybe there are just too many scenic rest stops between
Ithaca and Hanover. Perhaps the hotel school students got into an argument with
the owner of the Motel 9. Or maybe they got lost at the beginning and end of
nowhere, because if Hanover is in the middle of nowhere, then where the heck is
Ithaca? For those of you who have never seen the Cornell band, just picture a
large battalion from the Russian army. Watch now as the DCMB forms a sickle and
plays the theme to James Bond.
SICKLE JAMES BOND
In order to make the Cornell band feel at home, we bring you the news from
Long Island: Joey Buttafuoco finally pleaded guilty to having sexual relations
with Amy Fisher. In other surprising news, scientists predicted yesterday that
the sun would rise this morning and discovered that the Earth really is round.
Finally, the surgeon general has determined that smoking may be hazardous to
your health. Strangely enough Nostradamus predicted all of these things hundreds
of years ago. Watch now as the band forms Nostradamus's extending telescope and
plays Pretty Woman in honor of Amy Fisher.
NOSTRADAMUS' TELESCOPE PRETTY WOMAN
The Nobel peace prize was announced recently, going to Mandela and DeKlerk.
The word from the middle east is that Yasir Arafat is really bitter. What would
Yasir have done with the prize if he had won? Here are the top ten
things:
10) Buy a new razor blade
9) Waste away all the money calling 1-900 numbers
8) Buy weapons from the Cornell band or Sponsor and enter a Ringo
Starr look alike contest.
7) Buy a country for the PLO
6) Renew his subscription to soldier of fortune
5) Join the shriners
4) We regret to inform you that number four has been hijacked to West
Lebanon.
3) Put all the lights in his tent on the clapper
2) Market a brand new line of PLO action figures, complete with real
explosives.
And the number one: Yasir Arafat, you've just won the Nobel Peace Prize, what
are you going to do next?
1) I'm going to Disneyland!
Watch now as the band forms a peace symbol in honor of Yasir and plays the
New World Order Symphony.
PEACE SYMBOL NEW WORLD
Thank you all for coming to today's game. We hope to see you all next week
for Homecoming and Hahvahd. Tootle-ooh!
BAND OFF-FIELD TO DT-1
