PREGAME
And now… The only band in the Ivy League who doesn’t thing that Quaker Jokes
are too tasteless, especially Instant Quaker Jokes in the morning with a little
cinnamon… the Dartmouth College Marching Band.
The DCMB would like to welcome Dartmouth students and fans back to Hanover
and to the start of the 1992 football season. And we’d also like to welcome our
rivals on the Penn State team. We were disappointed, however, to return to
campus and see the latest developments on the green. Digging it up was bad
enough, but at least they could have replanted real grass instead of laying down
spray-paint, I mean, they didn’t even get the colors to match. The big green has
become the big green and brown and glow-in-the-dark turquiose, indicating maybe
it’s once again time to search for a new school mascot. People have talked about
the Lorax as a symbol, and perhaps the big green steam-tunnel is more
appropriate, but we’ve decided on a symbol that’s more consistently visible on
campus - the big crane. Watch now as the band forms the new mascot and plays
{SOMETHING}
Now, please rise as student conductor Ross "No go" Nova leads the band in the
Alma Mater.
Please remain standing as Faculty Director Max Culpepper conducts the
National Anthem.
HALFTIME
And now the only band in the Ivy League that never understood the
significance of Woody Allen’s first name until now, the Dartmouth College
Marching Band.
The DCMB wants to extend a special welcome to the class of ‘96, the best
freshman class in the stands today. As a tribute to these wonderful ‘shmen we
would like to form their class numerals and play Sit on My Face.
There have been some upsetting events in the news lately. We were shocked and
horrified to learn of the recent hurricane in Hawaii. The DCMB has been a
longtime fan and frequent visitor to the Aloha State and we couldn’t help but
ask ourselves, why? Why did the path of the hurricane have to cross right there,
when there are so many other places that richly deserve to fall in the path of
destruction? We now present the top ten places and things we’d rather see struck
by natural disaster:
10. Office of Residential Life
9. The Shower Tower
8. The green- oops, too late.
7. The Penn broken button statue
6. The economy- oops, too late.
5. Del Taco
4. Dan Quayle
3. DTV- oops, too late.
2. The alcohol policy
And the number one item we’d like to see struck by natural disaster, the
University of Pennsylvania football team – stick around after the show to
witness this one.
Now, watch as the band forms a house with its roof being blown off and plays
HAWAII 5-0 in a tribute to Hawaii, with hope for a speedy recovery.
We don’t know if you’ve noticed the Dartmouth Film Society theme for this
term, Singing the body electric, a celebration of the return of family values in
America. The Films include such works as: "Tabu," "Ecstacy," and "Maitresse,"
which, quote "offers a rare glimpse into the cornucopia of physical and sexual
experiences." We asked a number of celebrities to preview the series; here are
some responses:
Ted Kennedy – "Entertaining, but nothing I haven’t seen before"
Pee Wee Herman – "I was riveted for the first 10 min, but then suddenly lost
interest."
Madonna – "Done it, done it, gotta try it, done it, tried it..."
Robert Maplethorpe – "Nice, but I wouldn’t call it art."
Clarence Thomas – "I’ve talked it over with my co-workers- we all loved it."
Woody Allen – "It’s wonderful! I wish they could’ve included my new film,
"Husbands and wives and her children."
Dan Quayle- "Those French, they should be ashamed of themselves. I know I’m
ashamed of myself. What a shame."
Watch now as the band forms the rating of the series, and plays Gimme Some
Lovin'
The DCMB would like to thank you for coming to today's game and we look
forward to seeing you in two weeks when the Football team faces Bucknell.
