Dartmouth vs. UPenn, ?/90 (Home)

And Now....the only band in the Ivy League that would rather go to Penn than go to convocation… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

(out to DT whichever)

The DCMB would like to welcome the Penn State band to Hanover. We'd like to, but we won't, because frankly, we don't care. We ARE happy to see ESPN televising the game, because this way we can watch it replayed three more times during the course of the day. If we're lucky, maybe they'll show professional billiards or the World Tractor Pull Championships live from Kuwait. Yes, we feel very strongly about ESPN. Watch now as we form the call letters of our favorite TV station and play the ESPN theme song.

("FOX," play Mickey Mouse)

On behalf of the DCAC, the DCMB would like to apologize for the fact that Roseanne Barr is unable to spit on the field or mangle the national anthem today, but please rise anyway as faculty director Max Culpepper leads the band in the playing of the Star Spangled Banner

*halftime*

And Now… the only band in the Ivy League willing to perform solely for the freshmen… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

(out to DT whatever)

Because we love the 'shmen so much, the DCMB would now like to present a list of the Top Ten Activities During 'Shmen Week:

10) asking what time it is while you're standing on the Green

9) learning where the Pagoda is and why it's never open

8) don't forget to check your Hinman box in the basement of Hinman hall!

7) while you're at it, why not go up to the fifth floor and take a dip in the heated swimming pool?!

6) going to meals with your UGA group

5) meeting your faculty advisor, who you'll probably never see again

4) learning all about booting and its social ramifications

3) inadvertently walking into Beta... "oops, this isn't Butterfield!"

2) seeing who can be the first to spot President Freedman - it's tougher than you think, and convocation doesn't count!

But the most important thing to do during ‘Shmen Week is to Experience Farfergnugen! It's driving pleasure, and it's Dartmouth pleasure! Watch now as the DCMB experiences Farfergnugen as it plays (?)

The baseball season is winding down, and like most of the Upper Valley, the DCMB is pulling for the Boston Red Sox. But when we went back over the past 25 years or so of baseball history, we realized things don't look so good. There was the '67 series, when Bob Gibson won three games and the St. Louis Cardinals took it all. There was '75, when the Sox got run over by Cincinnati's Big Red Machine. Who could forget '77, when New York Yankee shortstop Bucky Dent sent Boston home early? They should've won in '86, but when Bill Buckner missed the ground ball, the Sox missed their chance. Last year, of course, the Oakland A's swept them 4 straight for the pennant - can Boston beat them this year? We hope so… but we think not. Watch now as the DCMB shows which team we're putting OUR money on, and plays the Boston Red Sox theme song for the 1990 American League Championship Series, Mission Impossible.

(form an A)

Singer Sinead O'Connor recently did Roseanne Barr one better by refusing to perform a scheduled concert in New Jersey when they played the Star Spangled Banner beforehand without her approval. Frank Sinatra said he wants to kick "Shinehead" in the tush; her daddy says he can't reach that high. The DCMB thinks they both stink. Watch now as they form the outline of her bald head and play what is no doubt her second favorite song, O Canada!

The DCMB would like to thank you for coming to today's game and we look forward to seeing you next saturday when the Big Green takes on Lehigh.

(off to DT whichever*3)

As the new year looms ever closer, the DCMB likes to speculate on what might happen, and also what might have happened in the past had things been a little different. For example,

What if… U. Penn weren't a safety school?

What if… President Freedman is offered the Harvard job?

What if… Wild Bill Cole hadn't retired?

What if… Milton had never written Paradise Lost?

What if… the Red Sox had a snowballs chance in hell of beating the A's?

What if… Saddam Hussein had been born in Iowa?

What if… The class of 1994 had all gone to Penn instead? Well, the DCMB can answer that last one - they'd all be pretty darn happy to be able to get out of the garbage-filled, crime-ridden city and come up to Hanover to party this weekend! Watch now as we pay tribute to our favorite freshman class this year by forming a giant 94 and playing (?)