And Now… the only band in the Ivy League that thinks the four basic food groups are Meatloaf, Cream, the Soup Dragons and the Red Hot Chili Peppers… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

In honor of our humble hosts, the DCMB would like to welcome itself to Princeton. Things haven't changed much since the last time we were here - we're still the only green thing in the state. We just got here this morning, and boy, are our lungs tired! Not to say that everything in New Jersey is contaminated, but the state tree is dead, and even our jackets pale when we cross the state line. I guess there's a reason why New Jersey is known as the Garbage State. Speaking of garbage, what's the difference between a Princeton co-ed and garbage? The co-ed gets taken out once in a while. Watch now as the DCMB forms the last living tree in the appropriately named Pine Barrens Wasteland, and plays the Pine Barren Blues.

Please rise as student conductor Dave Kaiser leads the band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater.

*halftime*

and now...the only band in the Ivy League that thinks drinking beer at Dartmouth is a lot more fun than eating clubs at Princeton....the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

Last year, when Princeton traveled to Penn for the last football game of the year, Penn fans attacked the band, stealing their hats and tackling and mutilating the esteemed Princeton Tiger mascot. The DCMB thinks that really stinks… but wait! Who's that running onto the field?! It's Governor Florio… it's a corporate weenie… no! It's the Penn Quaker! Looks like he picked the wrong band to mess with this time. Just watch the DCMB tear him apart! Help, he's fallen and he can't get up! Now that the Quaker has shuffled off his mortal coil, looks like Penn needs a new mascot. Hmmm… how about the Penn Pansies? Watch now as the DCMB forms a beautiful flower on the field and plays the theme song of another possible Penn mascot, the Pink Panther.

The Boston Tea Party of 1775 was an American protest of unfair taxation by England on tea and other goods, during which English tea was thrown into Boston Harbor. The water there hasn't been clean since. In New Jersey, Governor Jim Florio has been enacting unfair taxes of his own, on things like toilet paper. State residents have protested this, by throwing toilet paper off bridges, but that doesn't bother Governor Florio. We of the DCMB would like to do our part to help save New Jersey from further national embarrassment, so the band has been acting out the Princeton T. P. Party on the field. Go ahead, Mr. Florio, squeeze our Charmin! But please don't tax it, because we're just poor college students, and in order to survive during the Florio administration, you have to be a really Big Spender!

Speaking of Governor Florio, here are the Top Ten Jobs he could do after he is impeached or shot, whichever comes first:

10) Who guitarist Pete Townsend's right hand man

9) color commentator on the Home Shopping Network

8) Bill Bradley campaign manager

7) a pooper scooper for camels in the Middle East

6) Night watchman at the Trenton Home for the Financially Impaired

5) blood donor… he's bleeding the taxpayers dry, so why not get him back?

4) Vice President of the United States

3) sanitation engineer… oops, he's already shown he's no good at that

2) a Christmas elf at Bloomingdale's, frolicking among the happy holiday shoppers

But he's most qualified to be the guy who paints the little black dots on dice! Watch now as the DCMB forms a pair of dice made by Governor Florio and says for all you do, this Governor's for you - take him, please!

(Budweiser Theme)

When we were at Brown last week, the Brown University Marching Band gave us two large chess pieces they had stolen from Princeton earlier in the season. It is now our pleasure to return these worthless chunks of wood to you. Please remove them from the fifty yard line before the second half so the players don't get hurt. Thank you for coming to today's game, and remember, Princeton is responsible for two of the biggest bombs in history. One was patented in 1939, and the other is about to take the field.