And Now… the only band in the Ivy League that thinks the gap between David Letterman's teeth is bigger than the gap between Dan Quayle's ears… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

This fall, the Dartmouth Film Society is offering a selection of films called Forbidden Cinema which, much like our halftime shows, have been banned or censored in some way. We would now like to present, from the home office on 42nd street in New York City, the Top Ten Films That Didn't Make The Film Society Schedule:

10) Godzilla Meets Bambi

9) Iraqnophobia

8) Beta Home Movies

7) The Hanover Chainsaw Massacre

6) any of Rob Lowe's movies

5) the Alpha Chi video

4) Dan Quayle

3) Presumed Impotent

2) Gone With The Budget

And the one that almost made it, The Little Mermaid's Adventures on 42nd Street! Of course, the DCMB would rather watch Sean Connery as British secret agent James Bond any day! Watch now as we form Bond's license to kill and play his theme song.

Please rise as student conductor David Kaiser leads the band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater

Please remain standing as faculty director Max Culpepper leads the band in the playing of our national anthem.

*halftime*

and now...the only band in the Ivy League that thinks Roseanne Barr is the new star of Twin Peaks, playing the part of the mountain....the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

The DCMB would like to welcome Lehigh to Hanover, and thank God they didn't bring their band. The truth is, no one really knows anything about Lehigh. Of course, it has great historical significance… for example:

John F. Kennedy graduated from Lehigh… oops, no, that was Harvard.

The 1980 Winter Olympics were held there… no, that was Lake Placid.

Lehigh has the best football team in the country… no, no, that's Notre Dame.

It's where Lincoln wrote a famous speech… well, no, that's Gettysburg.

Hmm, I know! Lehigh is where they make all that steel, right? Oops, not anymore. Well, maybe Lehigh isn't so great after all. But wait! They do have one famous graduate - Lee Iacocca, Chrysler chairman and inventor of the safety air bag! Watch now as the DCMB forms two inflating air bags with valves, and plays the Lehigh Fight Song.

Whoops, that was the fight song of Hawaii, not Lehigh. I guess they're just as mysterious as Judge David Souter. Speaking of Judge Souter, the DCMB would like to provide as a public service the following personal profile:

hobbies - none

wife - none

kids - none

opinions - none

abortion - no comment

favorite reading material - the constitution

favorite TV stations - the Weather Channel and the Home Shopping Network

favorite clothing - red, white and blue lace underwear

Watch now as the DCMB pays tribute to this wild and crazy guy by forming the amount of fun he has every day, and playing Wild Thing.

As you probably know, this is book week, and the DCMB thinks it is only fitting to provide a list of the favorite books of some famous people.

President Freedman - the Unabridged Works of Catullus

Dean Shanahan - Crime and Punishment

Phi Tau - Where the Wild Things Are

Dan Quayle - Books on Tape

Marion Barry - Snow White

Judge Souter - How To Be Your Own Best Friend

Roseanne Barr - IT

Donald Trump - Paradise Lost

The DCMB hopes Mr. Trump enjoys eating his Swanson's TV dinners as he decides which of his casinos to sell next. Watch now as the DCMB forms a symbolic dollar sign and plays the theme song of the demise of Donald Trump, Big Spender.

For a written transcript of today's show, please send at least $10 to the DCMB Travel Fund, care of Aloha Airlines, box 5 - 0, Honolulu, Hawaii. We thank you for coming and hope you enjoy the second half.