And Now… the only band in the Ivy League that thinks a major scale is
climbing Mount Moussilake… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!
The DCMB recently conducted a highly accurate scientific nationwide telephone
poll, asking people how they spent the extra hour they gained last Sunday
morning when we moved our clocks back. Many Dartmouth students, like Mike Brock,
were not home when we called. Of those who were home, an astounding 46% of those
polled were asleep at 2 o'clock last Saturday night. So much for Dartmouth's
party image. David O'Brien saved his extra hour until Sunday night, when he used
it to eat an EBA's chicken sandwich, and David Zug was thinking about the band.
At the Rochester Institute of Technology, the entire student body flushed all
the toilets at 2:07, backing the system up for hours. They then stole a forklift
and watched Weird Science for the second time this term. Two Dartmouth
students didn't even know what they were doing at that time, which prompts the
DCMB to form an amorphous clueless blob and ask, Did Anybody Really Know What
Time It Was?
Please rise as Student Conductor Dave Kaiser leads the band in the playing of
the Dartmouth College Alma Mater.
Please remain standing as Faculty Director Max Culpepper conducts the
Star-Spangled Banner.
*halftime*
And Now… the only band in the Ivy League that would like to thank the Hanover
Boy Scouts for helping the Columbia football players cross the street this
morning… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!
The DCMB hopes you enjoyed the Columbia band's halftime salute to Minimalism.
You know, another Halloween went by on Wednesday, and we saw some pretty wild
costumes. The DCMB would now like to present, from the home office in
Transylvania, the Top Ten Scary Halloween Costumes:
10) A molecule from orgo lab
9) unidentified Collis soup
8) Margaret Thatcher as Frankenhooker
7) Jesse Helms as Robert Mapplethorpe
6) Dean Shanahan as Freddy Kreuger… "Death Pong, anyone?"
5) some of the Columbia students have come disguised as a football team! they
aren't very scary though...
4) the Columbia marching band is still wearing their Smurf outfits
3) Brian Ellner's head on Tara McBennet's body
2) President Freedman
and the scariest costume of all, President Quayle...now THAT'S scary! Watch
now as the DCMB forms Dan Quayle's ears, complete with the empty space in
between, and plays his own personal version of Hail To The Chief
(form ears, play Mickey Mouse)
The DCMB almost forgot to welcome the Columbia University Marching Band to
Hanover. Unfortunately, only half their band could come, as some of their
friendly neighbors in Harlem stripped down their other bus and sold the parts
for illegal drugs. Their entire football team WAS able to make the trip. We'd
now like to list the Top Ten Columbia football victories of all time - oops,
there aren't enough of them to make a top ten list. Maybe by the end of the
century… the 21st century. This year, the Anonymous Friends of Columbia football
received extra funding, and thus were able to buy more paper bags to put over
their heads. But don't believe what you hear about Columbia lowering its
academic standards to improve its football team. Columbia is actually very
strict with its varsity athletes - they won't give a player a letter unless he
can identify which letter it is. Watch now as the DCMB forms a null set and pays
tribute to Columbia's chances of finishing anywhere other than last in the Ivy
League, Mission Impossible
(form ø, play M.I.)
Remember - nobody has ever died from air pollution in Hanover. As we end our
last home show of 1990, we of the DCMB would like to thank all the grand old
seniors who've played with us for the past four years:
(list of names)
we'd also like to thank the following people:
Max Culpepper, our director, for surviving his seventh successful season…
Dick Jaeger, our censor, for never deleting a single…
Mom, Dad, and Mother Nature, for obvious reasons…
The Class of '94 for being the best freshman class this year…
… and finally our championship football team, even though we know our devoted
fans would be here without them. The band has formed the class numerals of the
freshmen on the field, but even though they're the best freshmen class this
year, no class has nearly as much class as the soon-to-be-graduating class of
1991! Watch now as the DCMB salutes the seniors by forming their class numerals
and playing Pomp and Circumstance.
Thank you for coming to today's game. The DCMB invites you to join us next
weekend at Brown and the following weekend at Princeton, and we look forward to
seeing you at basketball and hockey games throughout the winter term.
