Dartmouth vs. Brown, ?/90 (Away)

And Now… the only band in the Ivy League that thinks the Brady Bunch should have gone to Rhode Island instead of Hawaii… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

The DCMB would like to welcome itself to Providence and welcome you to our Third Annual Tribute to Hawaii. Hawaii is bigger, cleaner, and warmer than Rhode Island, but our bus didn't float so we came here instead. Actually, we don't mind coming to Brown. It's refreshing to meet people who are majoring… whoops, I mean, "concentrating," in Cartoon Symbolism or Lego Engineering. The Brown Underwater Basket Weaving program is also popular, but it just doesn't compare to that of the University of Hawaii. If Rhode Island ever wants to become a real island, we suggest they find a real ocean with real waves and… well, you know where you can stick your surfboard. Watch now as the DCMB forms a surfboard, still dripping with beautiful blue Hawaiian water - 90% water, 9% salt, 1% shark boot - and plays a classic Hawaiian surfin' tune, Pipeline! (or 5-0 if Pipeline sounds as bad as Christopher Columbus Fox Trot did)

Please rise as student conductor Dave Kaiser leads the band in the playing of the Dartmouth College Alma Mater!

*halftime*

And Now… the only band in the Ivy League that thinks Dan-Oand Steve McGarrett should be the new directors of the Brown Police and Security Department… the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

Welcome to the halftime portion of today's DCMB Third Annual Tribute To Hawaii. We hate to keep harping on this point, but if Rhode Island is landlocked - and judging from all the sewage piled up on it's Eastern shore, it IS landlocked - then why do they insist on calling themselves an Island? It's an insult to all other islands, so here's a list of the Top Ten Islands We'd Rather Go To Than Rhode Island:

10) ANY OTHER island!

9) a self-serve island

8) Pleasure Island

7) the Galapagos islands, for their Really Really Really Old Mutant Ninja Sea Turtles

6) California, as soon as the next earthquake hits

5) Gilligan's Island… if Scooby Doo and the Globetrotters can go there, we can too!

4) Dan Quayle

3) Fantasy Island....da plane, boss, da plane!

2) 3 Mile Island...almost as radioactive as the Providence water supply.

But the island we want to go to most of all? Hawaii! Watch now as the DCMB forms the Hawaiian Islands and plays that beautiful Hawaiian luau song, Aloha Oe

The DCMB realizes that the typical Brown education is not enough to help students distinguish between Hawaii and Rhode Island, so here is a brief comparison:

– Hawaii is a tropical paradise in the Pacific Ocean. Rhode Island is a parking lot for greater New England.

– In Hawaii, everyone gets a free lei. In Rhode Island, you can't even buy a lei.

– In Hawaii, they grow fruits and nuts. In Rhode Island, they send them to Brown and pretend to educate them.

– In Hawaii, they wear grass skirts. In Rhode Island, they smoke them.

– In Hawaii, they use a high ratio of vowels to consonants. In Rhode Island, they think a consonant is where a nun lives. Of course, most nuns would rather live in Hawaii than in Rhode Island. Watch now as the DCMB forms a group of Hawaiian nuns who have fallen off their surfboards and are about to be crushed by a 50 foot wave, and plays (optional cackling laugh) Wipeout!!!